Sanshier nearly jumped out of his boots.
"Hundreds? Thousands? Since when did bandits come with group-purchase discounts?!"
Mr. Bai sighed like a man who had watched too much bad opera.
"More than half a month ago, Baishui Wang'er rebelled and stormed the county seat. Has that news not reached your ears?"
Sanshier waved his hands.
"Of course I know! Why else would I be hiding in the Gao Village Family, cultivating my inner peace?"
Mr. Bai continued, "After Wang Er rebelled, he immediately dragged a few hundred rebels into the mountains."
Sanshier fell silent.
"..."
Mr. Bai went on, his voice heavy with the exhaustion of a man who had witnessed far too much Ming-dynasty nonsense.
"He became a terrible example. Peasants everywhere, those who could not pay taxes, all decided, 'Oh, rebellion is trending now,' and followed his lead. Inspector Cheng Xu has maybe a hundred troops. One hundred. He is not Zhuge Liang, he cannot clone himself. How is he supposed to stamp out rebellions popping up like mushrooms after the rain?"
"He suppresses them in the east, they rise in the west. He runs to the west, they bloom again in the east. Rumor says he has been sighing so much he has begun seeing his great-grandmother waving at him."
Li Dao Xuan almost burst out laughing.
Cheng Xu?
The same military officer he once scared away with nothing but a female-ghost giggle?
So that guy had been playing real-life whack-a-mole for days.
Serves him right.
Sanshier, puzzled, asked, "I have been hiding in a tiny village these days with no news at all. If rebellions are everywhere and Cheng Xu's troops are so few, should he not request reinforcements from the court?"
Mr. Bai threw up his hands.
"We have submitted reports. Many officials, local gentry, and I all signed together. However, the Shaanxi Governor Hu Tingyan is old, muddle-headed, and more afraid of being blamed than anything else. He is terrified that if this matter reaches higher authorities, he will be punished, so he has done everything in his power to suppress the news."
Sanshier froze, unable to speak.
Gao Chuwu scratched his head.
"That line you said earlier... 'wait until next spring'... what does that mean?"
Mr. Bai did not bother explaining to such a simple-looking farmer.
But Sanshier leaned closer and whispered, "It means: let the rebels loot however they want. When spring comes next year, they will naturally stop. Why? Because it will be time to go home and farm."
Gao Chuwu: "!!"
Nearby villagers: "!!"
Everyone went silent.
A long, heavy silence.
Then Gao Chuwu exploded.
"So I can just grab a knife right now, rob anyone I see, and nobody will bother me?! Then when spring comes, I go home and plant crops like nothing happened, and I am a respectable citizen again?!"
No one answered him, but the grim expressions on Sanshier and Mr. Bai's faces said enough.
Gao Chuwu cursed.
"This dynasty is upside down!"
Gao Yiye smacked the back of his head.
"Brother Chuwu, calm down. Do not get corrupted!"
He shut up instantly. Being slapped by the Saintess did wonders for emotional management.
With Dao Xuan Tianzun watching over the Gao Village Family, they had no need to go out robbing.
Besides, Dao Xuan Tianzun absolutely despised bandits. His method of punishment was simple: one divine slap, instant meat patty.
Anyone who tried becoming a bandit in the Gao Village Family would probably be served as tomorrow's "divine minced meat."
Outside, the shouting of bandits suddenly rose.
A moment later, a man strutted forward and yelled toward the village, his neck stretched like a rooster:
"Which rich man built that wall? Get out here and talk!"
The villagers all turned to look at Gao Yiye.
She stepped forward, but Sanshier quickly blocked her.
"Miss Gao, you are the Saintess. Speaking to these people lowers your dignity. And insulting you is insulting Dao Xuan Tianzun. I would rather die. Just relay Dao Xuan Tianzun's decree, and I will handle the talking."
Gao Yiye nodded quietly.
Sanshier stepped forward and barked, "Who are you scoundrels to trespass on my Gao Village Family?! Get lost!"
He had served as a master for many years. His aura alone could intimidate ordinary people.
The bandits, seeing him at the front, assumed he was the wealthy lord of the village.
They shouted back:
"So you are in charge! Good! Hand over ten shi of grain in half an hour, and we will leave you alive. Refuse, and all our heroes will charge in, and your little wall will fall just like the Bai Family Fort!"
They clearly did not want to fight. They knew this two-zhang-high wall would cost them dearly to breach. It was better to intimidate a "rich landlord" into handing over food.
A thief who usually reasoned with fists was now trying to reason with words.
The wall had forced them into civility.
Miracles happened.
Sanshier glanced at Mr. Bai.
"Are there really that many of them?"
Mr. Bai swallowed.
"Many. Hundreds... maybe thousands. When they swarm, it is like a black tide. My Bai Family Fort collapsed instantly."
Sanshier asked quietly, "Mr. Bai, should we hand over grain or defend the walls?"
Mr. Bai hesitated. He looked at the towering wall, then at the villagers manning it. They clearly had no combat experience. Even his own dozen servants were better fighters.
After a moment, he whispered:
"If you have surplus grain, give them ten shi and avoid disaster. Later, when the chaos dies down, I will send you twenty shi from the Bai household as repayment. Among the Six Arts of a Gentleman, I take ritual propriety very seriously."
Sanshier did not reply.
He turned to look at Gao Yiye, clearly seeking guidance.
Mr. Bai blinked.
Wait.
Sanshier was not the one in charge?
This girl was?
Who exactly was she...?
Gao Yiye listened carefully, then lifted her chin and declared loudly:
"Dao Xuan Tianzun says: 'Afraid of their hammer? My ass!'"
Everyone: "..."
Madam Third wiped the sweat from her brow.
"Saintess... when you speak on behalf of Dao Xuan Tianzun, perhaps... polish the wording a little?"
Gao Yiye replied calmly, "Dao Xuan Tianzun's original words were exactly that: 'Afraid of their hammer.'"
Madam Third: "..."
A bizarre stillness filled the air.
Then Gao Chuwu suddenly burst out laughing.
"HAHAHAHA! Dao Xuan Tianzun has spoken! Afraid of their hammer!"
Zheng Daniu joined in.
"Exactly! Afraid of their hammer!"
The two blacksmiths raised their giant hammers.
"Afraid! Of! Their! Hammer!"
One by one, the villagers dropped to their knees, kowtowed toward the heavens, and shouted in unison:
"AFRAID OF THEIR HAMMER!"
Hundreds of voices erupted together, loud enough to startle birds from the trees and freeze the bandits in place.
Outside, the bandits stared in complete bewilderment.
What kind of village was this?
They offered a threat... and got a spiritual slogan shouted back at them?
Give them an inch, they want the whole river.
Offer them wine, they want vinegar.
Mr. Bai was even more dumbfounded.
"What... what is going on in this village? This atmosphere feels very wrong..."