Chapter 181: Did I Trip You Into Shit?
"3:2! Arsenal have rewritten destiny — they've forcefully pulled the aggregate back to 6-6. If this scoreline holds until the final whistle, Arsenal will go through!"
"The Emirates has gone mad; the whole stadium is frantically chanting Xia Qi's name."
"Ah, Xia Qi wasn't exactly rational — took his shirt off to celebrate, that's a yellow card! Man, totally unnecessary."
Unlike Zhang Lu's complaints and criticism, ardent fan Zhan Jun explained:
"That yellow was a bit needless, but on second thought it makes sense. Arsenal have been under such pressure tonight, Xia Qi himself must've been boiling inside. Fortunately he held on in the end — when the pressure finally burst, who can think straight?"
"Young and reckless, wasted youth. Wild, uninhibited youth — having a yellow gem-card to mark it is better than a boring life…"
At the moment Xia Qi scored, his blood was up — this was the first time he'd personally broken through so many opponents! Crucially, it was a 'one-strike, match-deciding' goal. It was fucking exhilarating!
Referee Nicola Rizzoli waited until Xia Qi's celebration ended and then showed him a yellow card. Xia Qi didn't argue; he just gave a silly little smile.
Play resumed.
Bayern Munich, though hit hard, instead had their brutal instincts awakened — after all, as Bundesliga overlords, arrogance runs in their bones.
After conceding, Bayern launched a fierce assault on Arsenal's goal.
The aggregate was 6-6 — everything hung on a single goal. It was the 82nd minute; nothing was decided yet…
Bayern's front three were livelier than ever.
But Arsenal's players had their confidence lifted, found their rhythm, and were no longer afraid of Bayern's onslaught.
Arjen Robben dribbled forward; facing two defenders, he feinted a pass to Mario Mandžukić, and while the defenders hesitated, he slipped the ball between them and ran around…
"Beautiful dribble and fake…"
But the Dutch winger's run ended there.
Santiago "Santi" Cazorla threw a vicious sliding tackle and took Robben and the ball down together.
Thunderous cheers erupted at the Emirates; the crowd loudly chanted "Santiago 'Santi' Cazorla! Santiago 'Santi' Cazorla! Santiago 'Santi' Cazorla!" — the highest praise for Cazorla.
Nicola Rizzoli, ever the spoilsport, ran over and booked Cazorla, awarding Bayern a free kick in the attacking third.
Instantly, boos rang out across the Emirates as if they'd been in a barn.
Arsène Wenger quickly had Aaron Ramsey warm up, ready to replace the booked Santi Cazorla.
A team's midfield backbone matters for its attack and defense; a booked Cazorla would start holding back on many challenges. Subbing him was the right call.
On the Tencent live stream, Zhang Lu praised Wenger's substitution highly.
But on the pitch, Xia Qi nearly cried.
At that time Arsenal's midfielders on the field were Xia Qi, Kevin De Bruyne, Theo Walcott, Serge Gnabry, and the soon-to-enter Aaron Ramsey.
Xia Qi didn't need to guess — Ramsey's first words when he came on would absolutely be: "Captain, don't shoot, the boss told me to pass along a message" (cough, wrong channel).
"Captain, the boss told me to tell you to play the holding midfield…"
But Xia Qi isn't that Xia Qi — that number six role isn't one anyone can play.
On the pitch, Xia Qi composed himself and first dealt with Bayern's free kick.
Bayern's attacking free kick was taken by Arjen Robben after consultation.
He took two steps back, set himself, expression serious, eyes fixed on Arsenal's goal.
He looked like he wanted to "draw his blade and finish it in one!"
Sure enough,
the referee's whistle blew; Robben ran up and struck — the ball flew over the wall and over the crossbar.
Arsenal fans were stunned for half a second, then burst into laughter, chanting: "The plane — the plane has vanished from the skies over the Emirates."
Robben ran back expressionless…
After the free kick, Aaron Ramsey came on and, as expected, had Xia Qi play the holding midfield role.
Xia Qi waved to goalkeeper Martínez for the ball with a confident face and told teammates to spread out — while internally he was a nervous wreck.
…
…
Seeing Xia Qi not proactively take the ball but passively waiting for it to roll to him, Bastian Schweinsteiger's eyes lit up. Has he zoned out?
He leapt in joy and charged toward Xia Qi, trying to intercept before Xia Qi could.
Xia Qi's head had been a mess, but when he saw Schweinsteiger charging at him, something clicked — his vision snapped clear.
Like an exam candidate who, upon picking up the test paper, suddenly felt calm…
Instinct took over; Xia Qi didn't move forward to contest the ball. Instead he turned his body, put his back to Schweinsteiger, used a sidestep to block him. The ball rolled past Xia Qi and Kevin De Bruyne collected it not far away.
Xia Qi's debut at the holding midfield position stunned the stadium.
The Tencent live stream was full of praise.
"That slip both stopped Schweinsteiger and sounded the charge for Arsenal's attack — that was a god's-eye perspective slip."
On the pitch De Bruyne passed to Mario Balotelli, who, under pressure from defenders, shot and hit the side netting — Xia Qi's defensive slip did not turn into a goal.
Manuel Neuer released a goal kick; Xia Qi faced his "midterm test."
David Alaba is an attacking full-back; Franck Ribéry needs no introduction — one of the world's best left wingers.
Their combinations on the left were Bayern's main source of chances.
Theo Walcott was marking Ribéry. Suddenly Alaba made a late run to the back post.
Ribéry pretended to pass to Alaba, tricking Walcott, but actually slipped the ball to Mario Götze in the middle.
That was Pep Guardiola's tactic — more complex and dangerous than the old manager's.
After releasing the ball, Ribéry made a blind-side run.
Götze lofted a ball over, but Alaba didn't go to meet it; like Xia Qi before, he blocked Walcott and let the ball go to the late-arriving Ribéry.
That slip was also beautiful.
When Ribéry brought the ball down, the only defender left in front of him was Xia Qi; others had been held up by Götze and Alaba.
Xia Qi's "midterm" had arrived.
Ribéry, mindful of last season's lessons, didn't dare let the ball sit at his feet. The ball had barely landed before he scooped it with the outside of his left foot toward the byline.
Is he going to cross from the byline or cut inside???
Xia Qi didn't relax — he hurriedly turned to chase.
Because Xia Qi was turning, Ribéry was quicker.
After reaching the ball, Ribéry faked a cross.
Xia Qi had only just reached, saw Ribéry ready to cross, and — despite his right leg still trailing — he stretched his left foot forward to try to block the ball.
But Ribéry's cross was only a feint. Seeing Xia Qi's weight committed, he pulled the ball back and changed direction.
At that moment, Xia Qi had already shifted his weight; despite his condition, he tried to change direction to intercept. His coordination failed, and with a pop, he sat down hard on his ass…
"Ribéry has nutmegged (beaten) Xia Qi! This will become a classic moment."
"Xia Qi's defending dropped a level. Wenger should get Xia Qi a new defensive coach — the current one is misleading him."
A small contingent of Bayern fans in the stands erupted with joy — that cheer was even more gleeful than a goal.
Between scoring and Xia Qi embarrassing himself, Bayern fans preferred to see Xia Qi humiliated.
Influenced by that, Ribéry who'd beaten a man now desperately wanted to score — if he could, Xia Qi would become his backdrop on news channels everywhere.
But often desire is not fulfilled: Ribéry's cut-back shot hit the side netting.
When Xia Qi fell,
the sneering jeers from Bayern fans stoked his competitiveness.
He knew the next phase Ribéry and Alaba would attack that flank again.
Because face-to-face humiliation is very tempting!!!
Riding the face of a Ballon d'Or contender is even more alluring. (Ballon d'Or top three)
But he wasn't going to give up that face.
Without a Ballon d'Or, he was not to be trifled with either.
His fierce competitiveness made Xia Qi temporarily ignore the gap between him and an Al-level player.
Sitting on the turf, hearing the mocking laughter from the stands, he didn't get angry; he even smiled, appearing calm, but inside burned a fierce fire.
When Ribéry had tricked Xia Qi, the internet exploded.
"Is something wrong with Xia Qi physically? He's not in top shape — that shouldn't happen!"
"Ribéry's double-speed is very quick; Xia Qi couldn't stop him, that's normal."
"Nonsense! Xia Qi's top speed isn't bad either — maybe he underestimated him; when he should have powered through, his right leg didn't."
"Keep talking! No matter how you polish bad defending, it's still trash. I bet Xia Qi will be nutmegged again in the next move; if I lose I'll eat shit on my livestream."
Summer-lovers and summer-haters (fans and haters of Xia Qi) fought fiercely online.
On the pitch, Ribéry attacked again, choosing a wall-pass combination with Alaba this time.
After passing, Ribéry charged forward, then received the ball back behind Kevin De Bruyne.
The Bayern fans' cheers again dominated the stadium — and they weren't cheering because Ribéry got past De Bruyne, but because the ball was now with Ribéry and he was bearing down on Xia Qi.
Arsenal fans, grave-faced, rose from their seats, anxiously watching the pitch.
"Go around him!"
"Go around him!"
"Go through that kid!"
Hearing the Bayern fans chant that, Arsenal fans weren't happy and fired back: "Cut him off!" "Cut him off!" Some extreme individuals even shouted at the top of their lungs: "Break his legs!"
The two sides fought with their voices. On the pitch, Xia Qi faced his own battle.
Ribéry dribbled forward, his eyes always on Xia Qi.
He hoped Xia Qi would go in on a flying tackle so he could exploit his speed to the fullest.
Speed — he feared no one!
Ribéry calculated the distance between them by glancing sideways.
If Xia Qi dropped his center of gravity, he'd poke the ball forward and then leap over Xia Qi.
He had the whole thing planned — in midair he'd fart in Xia Qi's face, haha… too gross, maybe just taunt him with words. The point was to enrage Xia Qi so he'd get carded and sent off.
From the corner of his eye, Xia Qi did make a flying tackle motion.
So what's the hesitation?
Following the script,
Ribéry poked the ball forward; Xia Qi's tackle missed.
Instantly,
Bayern fans erupted in victorious cheers.
At the same time, Ribéry leapt up intending to vault over Xia Qi's body.
He was playing along with the script, but Xia Qi didn't follow the script.
Xia Qi, not in AI-mode, executed the flying tackle imperfectly — like a beginner's scissors tackle, which is a yellow-card offense.
One of his feet slid on the turf while the other stuck out high across the air.
Ribéry hadn't expected that the yellow-jerseyed Xia Qi would produce a card-taking move and was caught off guard — he caught his leg.
By coincidence, the sound Ribéry had intended as a fart from his mouth changed, upon his fall, into the sound of somebody shitting.
Then he pitched forward and went down.
Xia Qi was stunned — he never meant to injure anyone; it was just poor technique.
He never expected he'd trip Ribéry into producing "shit."
What a bizarre sight.
Never had he heard of anyone actually producing shit on the pitch before.
But that sound just now… it was definitely that sound — no mistake.
Xia Qi hurried to help Ribéry up.
"Did it come out?" Xia Qi asked as he turned to glance at Ribéry's backside.
Now it was near full-time; no player's shorts stayed clean, and there was indeed a big smudge of turf right at that spot.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. You'd better go off and change shorts."
At first Ribéry was baffled by Xia Qi's question; then, seeing Xia Qi's look of disgust, he understood immediately what Xia Qi meant.
"I didn't!"
"Beep!"
Referee Nicola Rizzoli ran over.
"Referee, I tripped Franck and he's shat himself — he needs to come off to change his kit."
"I didn't! Don't say that!"
Ribéry panicked. True, that would get the two-yellows-equals-red Xia Qi sent off, but Ribéry would become a laughingstock of the world.
He had to clear up this misunderstanding.
"But I heard the sound."
"Don't make things up. That is… that is…"
Players from both sides surrounded the scene as the whistle blew.
Hearing Xia Qi say he'd tripped Ribéry into shitting himself, everyone looked at Ribéry's backside in unison, then all wore the same look of disgust.
Mario Balotelli couldn't contain himself and snorted an indecorous laugh.
Ribéry got desperate. He had to explain the truth now or never — he blurted it all out.
"Referee, I saw Xia Qi go in for a tackle. When I tried to leap over him I would make a fart sound to rile him up — that fart wasn't from my butt, it was from my mouth, and then…"
He was so flustered that he wiped the grass off his backside with his hand and showed everyone.
"See? This isn't shit…"
The gathered players dispersed in a rush — whether it was or wasn't, they acted like it was.
Nicola Rizzoli stifled a smile and asked, "Are you sure you don't need to come off?"
Ribéry hurriedly nodded. If he went down to change, he couldn't explain it away — the label of "shit" would spread far and wide immediately.
After receiving a clear answer, Rizzoli turned to Xia Qi: "Do you realize that was a dangerous tackle just now?"
Xia Qi nodded and immediately put on a pitiful face, promising not to do it again.
Ribéry, stoking the fire at the side, cried out: "Yellow card — two yellows equal a red."
If Ribéry hadn't egged it on, Rizzoli might have pulled a card; after all, he was known in refereeing circles for precision and strictness.
But after Ribéry's provocation and Xia Qi's earnest demeanor, the two looked like polar opposites.
In the end, Rizzoli didn't produce a card; he only gave Xia Qi a verbal warning. This would later become a point of much controversy.
On the touchline, Pep Guardiola angrily protested to the fourth official… (END CHAPTER)
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(END CHAPTER)
Thank you for the support, friends. If you want to read more chapters in advance, go to my Patreon.
Read 20 Chapters In Advance: patreon.com/Bankai10