Chapter 95 — The Curled Volley Commercial Came to Life
At the Emirates Stadium, the match continued.
Xia Qi's goal had awakened Bayern's ferocity!
This season Bayern were the last of the iron-blooded southern kings. After Pep Guardiola took over, that iron will was gradually being tempered by possession play.
How to blend technique and iron discipline is not only Guardiola's problem, but a global challenge.
On the pitch, Bayern launched waves of attacks: Arjen Robben and Franck Ribéry alternated down the flanks, with shadow assassins — the full-backs — surging forward and interchanging.
If it were just one-sided wing play, Arsenal would suffer but hold on. But Robben and Ribéry linked through the middle with Mario Mandžukić, Toni Kroos and Bastian Schweinsteiger to build bridges; combined with the opposite wing they created a 2+3+2 > 7 dynamic.
Arsenal's defense was attacked from all angles, beginning to show signs of strain, wobbling on its foundations.
"Bayern are attacking!"
"The whole team is like a precision machine, executing total attack and total defense to the fullest. Except for the two center-backs who stayed slightly deeper, everyone else has committed forward."
"Arsenal's backline is about to crumble. Apart from Mario Balotelli, everyone else has tracked back."
"Xia Qi! Xia Qi is forcing Ribéry into a big shift again; tonight the scar-faced one met his nemesis."
"Boateng on the far post! Good header! Shot! Emiliano Martínez! Martínez with another phenomenal save!"
"Bayern's two center-backs haven't joined the attack, but when Ribéry was blocked by Xia Qi, center-back Jérôme Boateng made a diagonal run to the far post; Kroos slipped the ball through and pierced Arsenal's lines.
Boateng's low shot at the far post was parried by Martínez onto the line. Martínez is Arsenal's discovery this season second only to Xia Qi. His influence on the team is not inferior to Xia Qi's — maybe even greater.
A great goalkeeper is worth half a team. His presence has raised Arsenal's defensive strength by at least fifty percent."
"Arsenal can't just sit back and defend; they must find ways to counterattack."
...
On the pitch, the counter Arsenal fans wanted from Zhang (the pundit) didn't come — Bayern kept pressing.
Kroos received Ribéry's pass in the middle, shook off Kevin De Bruyne, and played a diagonal ball to the near post for Robben.
Robben's run carried the ball forward; Santi Cazorla stepped up to block, but Robben nudged the ball with his heel, passing to the late-arriving Philipp Lahm.
Bayern's wings used a two-fullback attacking mode; Arsenal's defence could only protect inside, not outside.
Lahm took it down the line, but this time instead of crossing he clipped the ball, dragged it across, changed direction and cut into the box.
Samuel Umtiti lunged at Lahm; Lahm laid it back, and the ball returned to Kroos.
Kroos, prepared, from his first touch chipped it behind Per Mertesacker.
This was a premeditated move.
Through the middle Mario Mandžukić gave Arsenal's defenders no time to react: as the ball met man, he drove a one-touch shot straight toward the near post.
Arsenal fans' hearts leapt into their throats.
In a flash,
Martínez — lightning fast!
He slid in and, as the ball was about to cross the goal line, he put his left foot in front of it.
The ball bounced high.
Mandžukić and Mertesacker sprinted toward it almost simultaneously, but Mandžukić was quicker: he flicked it over the prone Martínez's head.
Martínez, half-lying on the ground, slapped the turf with one hand and reached for the ball with the other — but came up short.
The ball flew toward the far corner.
The Emirates erupted in gasps — fans panicked.
But just as Mandžukić prepared to raise his hand in celebration, a red flash streaked to the far post and headed the ball away.
"Laurent Koscielny!" (Note: original text says Virmalen—here he's translated as Vermaelen / Thomas Vermaelen)
"Vermaelen clears off the line!"
"An old head in the house is like a treasure."
But the danger wasn't fully cleared.
The ball that flew out was recovered by Ribéry.
Vermaelen slapped his own face in frustration — he'd tried to head it out for a throw-in, but hurriedly it didn't go high enough and Ribéry used his chest on the touchline to head it back in.
Fortunately, the man marking Ribéry was Xia Qi.
Tonight Xia Qi had Ribéry tightly monitored.
Ribéry was distinctly uncomfortable under Xia Qi's marking; Xia Qi always compressed his space one step early, staying a step ahead.
Ribéry wanted to ask the coaches: is this the world's third striker you told me about? This is clearly the world's third defensive midfielder — maybe the world's number one DM.
Ribéry didn't know he wasn't mistaken — Xia Qi truly was a world-class defensive midfielder. Black Swan-era Frank Rijkaard might be an ancient god, but in today's terms he'd still be number one.
Ribéry, blocked by Xia Qi, often had to recycle the ball.
This time he decided he wouldn't be beaten — he'd blow past Xia Qi and score to shut Xia Qi up.
Ribéry and David Alaba quickly swapped positions. On the left outer lane, Ribéry dribbled quickly toward the byline.
Vermaelen immediately switched with Xia Qi to help mark Alaba; only Xia Qi could keep up with Ribéry's pace, so it wasn't suited for Vermaelen to stick to him.
Xia Qi chased Ribéry a few strides later.
Ribéry knew he couldn't give Xia Qi the chance to come tight; once the sticky plaster was on, he couldn't shake it. Previous duels had proven that.
Ribéry decided to cut inside opposite to Xia Qi's run — to cut in behind him — aiming to force Xia Qi's center of gravity forward.
The AI was indeed being out-thought by a human.
Human vs. AI isn't always the AI's loss; when humans think laterally, the AI can lose the initiative.
The AI was a half-beat slow to react, but it quickly made the optimal choice: retreat in a straight line to guard against Ribéry's inside cut.
This "stop-loss" defensive tactic is not uniquely inhuman. Some human masters also calmly choose to minimize immediate danger rather than heroically chase.
Most will try to recover if you get past them; only a few gods see the whole board and lower the risk — akin to stop-loss in the stock market.
On the touchline, Jupp Heynckes leapt from his seat and cried, "Franz!"
"Sir, do you want me to report to the president?" an assistant asked.
Franz meant Franz Beckenbauer, who sat in the VIP box beside Arsenal owner Stan Kroenke.
The Bayern assistant thought the old coach was calling for the president about something important.
"No — I mean the boy's defending reminds me of Franz!"
On reflection, Beckenbauer was terrifying: a player from the sixties whose defending resembled today's AI was half a century ahead of his peers. Truly earned the title of "Football Emperor."
Bayern's assistant watched the field.
On the pitch,
Ribéry cut back ←,
Xia Qi sprinted →,
after meeting,
Ribéry feinted with a touch and cut inside ↓,
Xia Qi did not turn to chase behind Ribéry but instead cut inside at the front ↓,
Both basically cut inside simultaneously ↓!
Described another way, the two made "parallel lines" cutting inward; Xia Qi, defending, wouldn't let two parallel lines never intersect. As he cut inside he closed onto Ribéry, seeking confrontation and disruption.
Although Ribéry had planned to outsmart Xia Qi, he didn't get the advantage.
His physicality that bullies others was powerless against Xia Qi's strength — even Schweinsteiger felt a tad undone in duels with Xia Qi, let alone Ribéry.
As they ran, Xia Qi squeezed closer and Ribéry, unable to resist, staggered and lost control of the ball.
Ribéry simply fell forward and raised his hands: "Foul! Foul!"
The referee ignored him; AI-style defending is usually clean. When Xia Qi challenges he keeps his hands behind his back — purely body-on-body dominance.
"Excellent defending!"
"The Hexagonal Warrior — Xia Qi!"
"Ribéry should have passed earlier!"
Hindsight comments flew — Ribéry hadn't expected to be outplayed by his own trick.
A normal defender might track him to prevent a pass; Xia Qi's stop-loss defense means, if you pass, I'll drop into the box and protect the minimum safety. The attacking side's ultimate goal is a shot; retreating to the box ensures a lower bound. This defense is also called stop-loss.
Xia Qi intercepted the ball but didn't pass immediately — Mario Balotelli, standing at the edge of play, was caught offside.
Pat Rice stamped his foot at the touchline in anger!
Xia Qi drove forward himself, was challenged by Kroos, and then played a short pass to Kevin De Bruyne.
Kevin looked confident. Meeting the short pass he quickly distributed to the young tiger Theo Walcott with a diagonal long pass.
In the center Xia Qi outpaced Cazorla then De Bruyne — Arsenal's Ice-Cream Prince rode the wind and flames forward…
On the flank Walcott rushed to the right edge of the box.
In the box Balotelli glanced back at Xia Qi, then silently drifted into the far corner, learning from past mistakes this time to avoid being offside.
A focused Balotelli still pleased Arsène Wenger.
Wenger sighed softly, "Ah, Mario really only drops out sometimes; otherwise he's fine. He's a strange genius."
"Geniuses always have quirks."
Alaba sprinted back to Walcott; Walcott shifted the ball across then flicked a toe with his weaker foot.
The ball flew toward the far corner.
At the same time, hidden Balotelli suddenly burst from the pack and, behind Lahm, rose to meet him.
Lahm is 171 cm, Balotelli 189 cm, and Balotelli has superior leap.
Although Balotelli was behind Lahm, in that moment he was effectively ahead.
[Holy crap! Don't bully the little southern potato!]
[This is getting ambiguous — it looks like Balotelli is embracing his girlfriend mid-jump?]
[Too risqué, I screenshot it — that elf-faced guy is lying intoxicated in Balotelli's arms.]
[Please spare Lahm's psychological damage…]
On the pitch Lahm suddenly felt the world darken and heard Arsenal fans' roar in his ears.
He tried to react, but in the air he had no leverage and could only watch Balotelli plant a header toward goal!
Manuel Neuer was true and honorable — a brother to trust.
He scrambled across the line and with one quick-handed dive slapped the ball away like a volleyball, clearing it from the box.
Neuer denied Lahm a TV Top 5 goal moment.
Lahm had no time to thank him because Arsenal's attack wasn't over.
Xia Qi, riding the wind, landed perfectly.
Neuer's clearance went straight to the opponent Bayern fear most — Xia Qi.
When Balotelli outmuscled Lahm the Emirates cheered — then Neuer's hand smothered their cheers.
The stadium sighed, then roared again.
Bayern feared Arsenal's most trusted asset — Xia Qi.
Boateng and Dante closed down to block Xia Qi's shooting angle while Lahm pushed toward Boateng; though Lahm was two steps behind Boateng, he smartly pressed his right shoulder against Boateng's left to cover the other side of the angle.
From Xia Qi's viewpoint, Lahm, Boateng and Dante lined up left to right as a wall.
Neuer rose quickly behind the wall...
Our host — Xia Qi — from his perspective saw no shooting angle. Bayern's defensive line seemed trustworthy, sealing all shooting lanes tightly.
Maybe a fly could enter the box, but not the net.
Captain Lahm was confident — and so thought Xia Qi.
But then AI controlled his body to raise his right foot.
Xia Qi was puzzled — there was no teammate in that angle!
Balotelli was clearly offside.
Oh — a fake shot, a true pass!
Just as Xia Qi thought he had read it,
his right foot's instep struck the ball solidly and viciously.
"Boom!"
The ball rocketed like a cannon toward goal.
The wall in front of Xia Qi loosened; the three turned toward the goal. Lahm burst toward Balotelli to prevent a rebound.
Neuer, just getting up, didn't have time to adjust and lunged at the ball but missed.
He felt empty inside — he'd missed.
Then — "Thud!!"
A thunderous sound!
For the Bayern players it was a heavenly chorus. Everyone in the box scrambled to judge the ball's second drop.
Xia Qi was stunned. It wasn't strange the AI shot could be saved — but saved and returned in such a way? That was unscientific!
The shot was from a machine — was this science?
The answer became clear quickly:
The ball traveled out and then returned in the exact same way.
Like rewinding.
This trick had been played by Ronaldinho when shooting curlers for ad shoots; he would hit the frame four times in a sequence. For an AI it was simpler: if it can be calculated, it can be executed.
Everyone at the Emirates saw the ball rewind in flight and immediately thought: our Ice-Cream Prince is not human...
Wenger went pale with anger — call his parents! Absolutely!
No one believed Xia Qi was innocent — they thought he was showing off fancy footwork.
In truth it was the AI's dynamic algorithm: before the out-and-back, the shot angle had already been computed.
It had nothing to do with showboating, but fans and Wenger wouldn't accept that!
Fans thought Xia Qi was pandering to them — saving a special goal for the knockout to fulfill fan wishes.
Wenger wanted to call the parents.
The ball flew back to Xia Qi. Bayern defenders were mortified and tried to rebuild the wall, but it was too late.
The ball screamed through the gap between Lahm and Boateng and slotted into the net.
Goal — Neuer was on the ground!
"Wow!"
"Xia Qi! Xia Qi! Xia Qi!"
On the live stream:
"Balotelli shot!"
"Neuer!"
"Neuer miraculous save!"
"There's still a chance!"
"Xia Qi shoots!"
"Oh my!"
"Wow…! Shoo…t…goal!" (breaking voice)
"It's in!"
"Oh my god! What did I just see? The curled-volley ad just became real!"
"Surely no one doubts Ronaldinho's ad was faked anymore??"
"I think from now on when we watch Xia Qi we need special-effect heart pills — one shot should be enough but he makes it two! But because of that we get such a brilliant goal."
Online:
"The curled volley made bank — they owe a million apologies!"
"Come on, Americans with a conscience and the world would be peaceful."
"Xia Qi really panders to fans — I complained he was ordinary and he replies with an ad-worthy strike?"
"Excited? Is this your first time watching Xia Qi? This is routine! When has our Ice-Cream Prince ever gone normal?"
"When did Xia Qi ever act normal? Does he need to?"
The Emirates had been conquered!
Fallen into Xia Qi's "love flood," nobody knew the truth — they believed what they wanted.
That was: Xia Qi truly panders to fans!
Knowing fans loved non-human goals, he delivered an ad-moment!
"Xia Qi! Xia Qi! Xia Qi!"
"Xia — I want to bear your child…"
"Xia… our whole dorm welcomes you…"
"I don't mind if you have a girlfriend…"
Only Wenger and the Bayern players were sulking.
Neuer was still in a daze; he had heard the thud yet the ball was in the net. He looked up at the big screen, and when he understood the cause his mouth filled with bitterness.
How do you respond to a shot like that?
While Bayern fought to score normally, the opposition had started chasing the spectacle of goals.
Ordinary strikes no longer satisfied him — he wanted Puskás Award-level goals.
Xia Qi sneezed repeatedly…
The angriest were a small band of Bayern fans.
Score your goals — fine.
But mocking? What the hell was that?
Xia Qi sneezed again.
Although small in number, the Bayern fans' jeers were sharp and cut through the chorus of cheers, hurting Xia Qi's ears.
Xia Qi dashed toward the away section, crouched on the turf and pointed at the Bayern fans to show he'd heard their insults.
A protective middle-aged woman in the stand made a "umbrella" gesture at Xia Qi — a very vulgar European gesture.
The woman's action drew anger; Arsenal fans booed deafeningly in response...
...
After a short interlude, play resumed.
At half time the score remained 2–0!
For Bayern:
Bad news: in the second half they must chase a 2-goal deficit to reach parity.
Good news: a 2–4 loss would still send the tie to extra time.
Bayern of course weren't satisfied and quickly headed down the tunnel.
As Xia Qi and the others walked into the players' tunnel, the female fans above screamed his name frantically, writing phone numbers on glossy photos and throwing them down to Xia Qi…
Amid his teammates' envious glances and a rain of date invitations, Xia Qi slipped into the dressing room…
(END CHAPTER)
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