The Hogwarts Inquisitors had a busy term. Luckily, there were four of them to split up the tasks, but there was a mountain of work to be done, and they were already behind schedule. It was very likely they'd be at Hogwarts the whole year at this point. They had gone to inspect each of the classes for any serious safety and educational concerns, as well as a full inquiry into the financial and business aspects of running the school, and completed a safety inspection of the castle and grounds. This left them with a mountain of data to discuss changes that needed to be made.
"Your tea, dear." Dolores simpered to Jasmine Yaxley, who was hard at work organizing all their notes for the meeting. "Care for a biscuit? Just the one, I hope. You'll not find a husband with that sort of figure." She giggled a horrendous sound that grated everyone's ears.
The group was not headed by Dolores Umbridge - the other three would like it to be known - but that did not stop her from acting like their boss. (Jasmine Yaxley had ignored her blood supremacy-toting cousins, but at that moment, she truly regretted not learning an undetectable poison or two.)
They were in fact, an equally important quartet of people picked by the Minister himself as those best suited to handle the largest overhaul in Hogwarts' history. Jasmine was the head of the very small and usually underappreciated Department of Magical Health and Safety. Jasper Pickerington was from the Department of Magical Education. Hermapheus Spoonmen was a retired member of the Board of Governors and an excellent financial advisor, and Dolores… well she was a politician.
Surely her merit would be proved at the meeting, although based on the number of times she'd written half-breed and other such slurs on official reports, Jasmine was not feeling particularly hopeful.
"Shall we begin?" Spoonmen asked politely. The two exchanged eye contact which displayed their mutual dislike for the annoying woman. Jasmine took a handful of biscuits and began to chew angrily. They let Spoonmen get the most boring items out of the way first. The minutiae of the business and finances - the staff's compensation, the budgeting, the house elves, and the school structure - the student-to-staff ratio, rules, etc.
"The most major concerns I have at this time are the inconsistency in which house points may be rewarded or deducted and the teacher-to-student ratio - which is dangerously low. We have over 600 students and only 17 teachers."
They poured over the data for a few minutes. The truth was that Hogwarts was heavily supported by unpaid labor - between the house elves performing all the maintenance, cooking, and cleaning - and the ghosts and prefects taking the majority of patrolling and supervision outside of class. There was a single staff member who was available as a regular substitute (Madame Hooch) and poor Professor McGonagall was doing the work of three witches as Transfiguration professor, Head of Gryffindor, and Deputy Headmistress. If there was any sort of emergency or even if more than one professor fell ill at a time, then the Hogwarts staff would feel the strain in numbers.
"We should, at least, get four teaching assistants for the Heads of House," Pickerington decided. "Although I would recommend at least ten more additional staff. I'll interview the professors about who else would benefit from further support."
There were murmurs of agreement.
"Thank you, Hermapheus," Jasmine said. "That sounds like a good segue into our evaluations of the professors and curriculum. I believe we have an obvious point of interest. Binns, the ghost."
"He's been there since I was in school," Spoonmen said, and he was at least a hundred. "Who has allowed that man to continue teaching?"
"I interviewed all of the six, yes, six NEWT level History students, all of them are self-studying, there is not even a scheduled class time for them," Pickerington complained.
"All in agreement of expulsion?" Umbridge said in her important tone. They all agreed. "I believe another easy matter will be Divination. Why, she couldn't predict a single thing for me!"
"That may be true, Dolores. But Divination is an odd class to study. It's incredibly rare to receive, let alone understand, a true divination. I think if we look at the class from a theoretical perspective, which is how most of the students are treating it anyhow, then Trelawny is doing an excellent job."
"I agree. The OWL does not require proof of prophetic vision, it is purely theoretical. I'm not sure why we bother to teach it, but at this point, it would be a discussion with the OWL Committees, not Ms. Trelawny."
"Fine!" Umbridge snapped. "The half-breed, then."
"Merlin's balls. You cannot keep throwing around slurs like that!"
"She said it in front of the man himself," Spoonmen groaned.
"That trollop Adams then, or Lupin - he's too poor and sickly to teach!"
" - That's not any nicer than a slur -"
"She is entirely inappropriate, teaching children to commit acts of violence! And she is covered in gang symbols!"
"They are clearly runes, not gang symbols! And you can't fire a man for being poor either, you daft -" Jasmine yelled.
"I've got an idea!" Pickerington shouted over the rising argument. "Hogwarts has not updated its Rules and Regulations Guidebook in centuries. Why don't you take a look through that, Dolores, and create a list of things that need updating? You can have free reign over the dress code while we focus on the professors."
"Yes, a very important project should be handled just by you alone. In fact, why don't you go get started now? You don't have to sit through the rest of this meeting, you have much more important stuff to do!" Spoonmen agreed.
Umbridge puffed out her chest like a bird showing off its plumage.
"Oh, of course," she said haughtily. "It's only right that I spearhead this, being the most respectable person here!"
"Bloody hell, that woman!" Pickerington cried after she'd left. "Is there a lot left to cover?"
"Unfortunately, yes. This school is a nightmare. I'm concerned about the moving staircases, and the Forbidden Forest is an obvious safety hazard as well."
"Let's just put a fence around it."
"I don't think that will keep out the centaurs."
.....
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