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The next day was Sunday. Anthony went to visit Hagrid, who was just heading to Diagon Alley for pumpkin seeds, a giant tube of toothpaste for Fang, and a goopy mixture of dragon dung, Sphinx urine, and crow feathers—Anthony wasn't sure he wanted to know how that last item would affect the flavor of pumpkin juice. So they went together, stopping by The Leaky Cauldron to chat with Tom over drinks and a couple of sandwiches of varying sizes. Hagrid lost several sherries and meads in a card game with three or four people Anthony didn't know.
They tried the chips from the fast-food place Sirius recommended and browsed Flourish and Blotts twice. Hagrid enthusiastically suggested the bookstore stock more 'interesting' titles like The Monster Book of Monsters instead of those 'same old boring bricks', which displeased Daniel.
Come Monday, Anthony had completely forgotten about the Muggle Studies Society dinner. And about Rita Skeeter.
"Morning," he said, taking the seat beside Professor Flitwick and sliding a plate of bacon closer to the Charms professor. Flitwick looked up and beamed at him.
On Flitwick's other side, Professor Sprout was buttering a slice of toast while craning her neck to read The Daily Prophet spread beside her plate.
"France is hosting an Exploding Snap tournament," she said. "I hope they don't set the lawns on fire again. Oh! Have you seen this, Filius? The Defensive Magic League is proposing to classify spells like the Densaugeo Jinx as 'Semi-Unforgivables'… The criteria is that the spell is only used to harm others with no other practical application…"
Professor Flitwick leaned over curiously. "What other spells made the list?"
"I saw the Jelly-Legs Jinx mentioned," Professor Sprout said. "Here, you read it." She had finished meticulously buttering every corner of her toast. She put down the knife, handed the paper to Flitwick, and focused on eating.
Flitwick took the paper. Anthony tilted his head to read along.
"'A witch from Devon has protested the proposal. "It's utter nonsense," she declared indignantly. "Densaugeo is the most practical spell I've ever learned. Every Halloween, I use it on myself to attend Muggle Halloween parties. Everyone loves my teeth. I even saved a Muggle relative a fortune on false teeth thanks to this spell. Not to mention it helped my rabbit defeat five rats that broke into my house."'
"'Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Amelia Bones, stated the proposal is "still merely at the proposal stage." A wizard working for the Law Enforcement Patrol confided to this reporter that the Patrol and the Auror Office generally consider the proposal rather absurd. "If we really start calling little jinxes taught to fourth and fifth years 'Semi-Unforgivables', the added workload would be unimaginable."
"'Nevertheless, the emergence of such a voice is still a positive sign. We are pleased to realize this precisely proves how safe our environment has become. Under the Ministry's efficient and enlightened management, reports of harm from Unforgivable Curses have become rare over the past decade. Therefore, people have begun to notice other magical harms inflicted upon themselves and others…'"
Professor Flitwick turned to the next page: '29 Muggles Claim to Have Seen a Group of Tomatoes Climbing Over a Fence at Dusk.'
"Any other spells mentioned?" Professor Sprout asked.
"I wasn't paying attention," Flitwick said. "I was wondering if Densaugeo would actually work on a rabbit… Good gracious!"
He suddenly gasped and leaned closer to a page. Anthony glanced over and saw Lockhart striding towards the camera, part of the words '… Locks Your Heart Cl…' visible behind him. In the corner of the photo, a few students were frowning at the camera, and two or three others were whispering in the background.
"What is it?" Professor Sprout asked.
"Gilderoy," Professor Flitwick said tersely, skimming the article. "Rita again. Shocking… questionable… dare not think… her usual style. Huh, when did she get to Miss Granger?"
"Miss Granger?"
Flitwick didn't answer, reading further down, looking angrier by the second.
Just then, Anthony heard a burst of loud laughter from the Slytherin table. He looked over. A group of second-years were making exaggerated faces and guffawing at Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who had just entered the Great Hall. The trio looked both confused and annoyed.
…
"What now?" Harry muttered, slumping onto the bench at the Gryffindor table. "I hope it's not because I'm finally getting expelled. That's the only thing that would explain why Malfoy looks so happy."
"They're mental," Ron said flatly.
Hermione added, "Ignore them."
"Oi, Granger!" a Slytherin shouted, grinning. "If I were you, I'd have a good read of today's paper."
Ron said, "Sounds like you've stolen Harry's thunder, Hermione. Maybe you're getting expelled."
Hermione narrowed her eyes, looking like she wanted to snap, but then she snorted a laugh.
"Excuse me, could I see your paper?" she asked a student next to them who was reading The Daily Prophet. The student jumped and choked on a mouthful of porridge, waving her away between teary-eyed coughs, clearly desperate for her to take the paper.
"Don't you have a subscription?" Harry asked as he and Ron leaned in to look.
Hermione flipped through the pages with a rustle. "I cancelled it. Ever since they printed that load of libelous, malicious nonsense… Oh!"
Harry didn't need to ask what she'd seen. Lockhart's photo was printed on the right side of the page, looking like he was about to step right out of the newspaper. A wave of annoyance hit Harry, and he immediately shifted his gaze to the text.
"'Following the publication of our previous article introducing Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, countless readers have written in, eagerly requesting this writer continue to unveil the story of this famous adventurer's teaching at Hogwarts. Therefore, this writer recently stepped once more into the castle's majestic halls, attempting to investigate whether this professor, with his polished exterior, truly hides shocking secrets as some claim.
"'Gilderoy Lockhart's resume is as dazzling as his wardrobe. Mention the most famous adventurers and writers of the past decade, and no one can bypass his name. The Defensive Magic League awarding him an honorary membership two years ago undoubtedly added to his fame. His handsome looks, charming smile, and talent for self-promotion have made him a veritable celebrity in the wizarding world.
"'However, one can't help but wonder: Can an adventurer skilled in self-promotion, rather than a systematically trained expert in Defensive Arts, truly equip students with the correct knowledge and skills to repel the Dark Arts? Whether his teaching methods impart the wisdom of Defense Against the Dark Arts to his students is, perhaps, questionable.
"'A Slytherin student showed us a discouraging glimpse of Professor Lockhart's teaching. "He never answers my questions, just tells me to find the answers in his bestsellers or autobiographies," he told us. "Compared to Defense class, he seems to prefer the club he founded. I attended twice, but sometimes he tells us he caught a ghoul with a tea strainer, other times with a teapot. It's utterly confusing."'"
Harry looked up from the paper and shared a grin with Ron. He knew Ron was thinking the same thing.
Even though the Slytherins' earlier jeering still irritated him, Harry found he wouldn't mind awarding the Slytherin in the article a point or two—if he could—just not publicly, or Hermione would be very, very cross.
In fact, Hermione was very cross right now.
"That's because he caught the last ghoul in that room with the strainer, and the teapot was from his Cornish ghoul story two years later!" She jabbed the sentence with her fork handle. "He clearly wasn't paying attention in the books! The teapot precisely demonstrates that ghouls are magical beings susceptible to Transfiguration, while the strainer proves they cannot turn to liquid! Professor Lockhart explained it perfectly!"
Harry didn't want to agree insincerely, so he quickly read on.
"'The club this honest and earnest student mentioned is named the "Gilderoy Lockhart Locks Your Heart Club." Upon arriving at Hogwarts, this writer found Professor Lockhart holding a meeting for said club. The usually simple and austere Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom had been decorated as a stage full of streamers and flowers, with Professor Lockhart standing center stage amidst his club members. Why he would adorn a classroom meant for serious study with such dizzying décor, and why Hogwarts permits such behavior… these questions, and more, are ones this writer dares not ponder too deeply.
"'The club members are all Hogwarts students, and one might also say they are Professor Lockhart's admirers. Throughout this writer's conversation with the professor, they glared, attempting to interrupt.
"'Miss Hermione Granger, a second-year Gryffindor, was among them…'"
"She mentions you, Hermione!" Ron said.
"I'm not blind, thank you," Hermione said, her eyes already scanning far below that line. "I saw."
"'…It is understood Professor Lockhart frequently refers to Miss Granger as his "most outstanding student of the year," and Miss Granger is indeed one of the professor's most devoted admirers and followers. Furthermore, she is one of the closest companions of "the Boy Who Lived," Harry Potter. One might speculate this girl is merely an opportunist seeking fame and connections, but further facts suggest the student the professor values most is more than that.
"'"I think she's always been desperate for attention," a second-year student told me. "Since first year, she's been showing off in all her classes, trying to win the professors' favor. I admit she's clever enough, her grades are always good, but she's just too fond of putting herself on display. I've always thought she hangs around Harry Potter because she wants to use his fame to get noticed herself."
"'When asked if he thought Miss Granger became Professor Lockhart's favorite student for similar reasons, this delightful student gave an affirmative answer without hesitation.
"'"Yes, and I think she's impatient about it," he admitted. "Compared to Harry Potter's rather unrepeatable path to fame, she naturally favors Professor Lockhart's route of gaining reputation through adventure and writing. She's just chosen a more… radical method."
"'After several requests, he finally agreed to elaborate on Professor Lockhart's influence on Miss Granger.
"'We all know that before writing his first book, Professor Lockhart began promoting the idea that witches and wizards could coexist with various dark creatures without exterminating them. This caused some waves at the time and attracted his first readers. This story seems to have inspired Miss Granger.
"'"Granger came up with a shocking idea. She wants house-elves to have the same rights as wizards," the student recalled. "She thinks we should condemn anyone who owns an elf until they toss the elf an item of clothing. She believes these discarded elves would then gain 'freedom'… She's been campaigning for this idea at school, trying to get people to join some society she started for house-elves."
"'At this point, he couldn't help but laugh. But after the laughter, we must ponder: Should we be more concerned about a second-year girl making such absurd statements in pursuit of fame? Are the professors Hogwarts hires encouraging such ambition in their students?
"'As concerns grow among Hogwarts staff and parents, many have begun questioning exactly what education our students are receiving. The reputation of our beloved school hangs in the balance, necessitating a more rigorous, serious, honest, and reliable individual to scrutinize our children's learning, ensuring the training they receive is appropriate and proper. It is precisely in this context that the presence of the castle's High Inquisitor, Madam Dolores Umbridge, offers us a modicum of reassurance.
"'In conclusion, Professor Gilderoy Lockhart may be a charismatic and talented adventurer, but does he ultimately possess the capability to be a professor, shaping the next generation of witches and wizards? Watching events unfold, we can only hope the Ministry will act swiftly when necessary to ensure our educational standards remain unaffected.
"'Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet Correspondent.'"
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