"Charles, get up already. If you're late for school, you'll turn out like Zane." Dokja's mother said in her normal authoritative tone.
Dokja never understood why his mom was like that. He remembered growing up hating Zane. He was told constantly never to be anything the family didn't want him to be. If he did he'd be a failure like his cousin Zane. Growing up he knew very little about Zane. The family would tell him about how awful he was, but Dokja felt like he was never getting the full picture.
"Blegh, I hate the name Charles. I feel dirty thinking about it."
Dokja was watching his memories like they were a film. Not a good film, easily would get a zero on rotten tomatoes. He found it strange that he couldn't remember his room. The scene played out in a foggy room. No walls, floors, doors, or even furniture. After he left the family Dokja did his best to forget the family. Based on this memory he did a bang up job.
"Damn this place is dreary as hell lil bro. It's all so smokey and… underdeveloped." Zane's voice came from the fog, but Dokja couldn't see him.
"Where are you Zane?" Dokja called out, but only silence called back.
Dokja frantically looked around. He feared he'd forgotten the only person he cared about. The smokey room became thicker and less clear. Dokja could feel his heart racing, his breathing becoming haggard, and his head spinning. Dokja was no stranger to panic attacks. He would have one a day before he met Zane. Zane's words the first time they met face to face changed Dokja forever.
"If you want to stay here then don't waste my time. For me time is the only thing that matters. If I'm going to devote it to something, it better not end up being a waste. Are you a waste of my time?"
It was the first time someone had not put their expectations on him, but made him put his own on him. Dokja was grateful for Zane, and despite his harsh speech. Zane never made him feel unwelcomed.
"So, I'm just a figment of your broken psyche, but damn dude you fucked up royaly. I mean shit dude, you got everyone killed. Impressive." Zane's voice seemed to be everywhere, but his body was nowhere.
Dokja falling to his knees in a panic pleaded "Zane I need you. I screwed up man, and now I don't know how to fix it."
Zane felt a sharp finger poke the top of his head. Looking up he saw his cousin. He remembered his tired eyes, messy manbun, and deceptively athletic frame. Zane had a smile on his face, but his eyes were piercing.
"Fix it? Dokja they're dead, you can't fix death. Not even with your incredible magic." the voice sounded almost mocking
"Then what should I do, Zane!" Dokja screamed
Zane who was squatting fell to his butt, putting a finger on his chin thinking he responded "You could die, but that wouldn't work. You're too much of a coward to do that." Zane chuckled with amusement at his suggestion.
Dokja gave Zane a look in between I'm considering it, and please be serious about this.
Sighing Zane said "Well you're no fun, but alright listen up and listen good. I don't know what marvelous revelation you think I'll offer you, but the truth is there is nothing to do. You can only learn from your mistakes and try to not make them again. So cry, scream, be sad for a couple days, and then get back to work. QUIT WASTING TIME!"
Dokja suddenly shot up in bed and cold beads of sweat rained off his heavy breathing face. He took a few moments to catch his breath before looking at his surroundings.
He didn't recognize the room. It wasn't like any of the inns he'd been too. The peeling paint that looked like an off brand green was familiar. The broken window next to the bed showed a part of Tigerra he hadn't visited yet. The room had basically no furniture. There was a splintering wooden chair at the end of the bed. A rack for coats, but Dokja guessed that was in lue of a dresser. It was in the furthest corner from the bed, and a full length mirror by the door. The door was chipping and cracking, it was also wide open. Dokja normally would have made a stink, but right now he just didn't care. He didn't even care how he got here. He didn't care about anything.
"It's about time you woke up. You humans sure are weak." A powerful female voice came from just out of view behind the wall.
Entering the room was a tall woman about five foot nine, and blessed with more than her fair share of assets. She had blazing red eyes, and black hair with red ends. Her frame was thin and toned, but held a fragile feel in her posture. The way she stood there reminded Dokja of an animal documentary he'd seen. It was about how when certain animals feel threatened they make themselves look bigger in an attempt to intimidate their attacker. She had on a Black with green swirls qipao and black flats. Dokja was impressed when he remembered what a qipao is. Zane had dated a Chinese girl not long after Dokja moved in with him. She would wear them all the time. They broke up because of Dokja, but Zane never admitted it. He always would say "You have too high of an opinion of yourself." Dokja heard the conversation though. She wanted him to kick Dokja out. She said it was because he belonged with his family, and that enabling his childish tantrum wasn't helping him. Zane told her he was sorry, but he didn't have time to waste on pointless people, and to see herself out.
The woman stood there arms crossed staring daggers at him. Dokja was so lost in thought he'd forgotten to answer her.
"Sorry, and thank you for saving me. I'm assuming you were the one to save me right?"
The woman took a deep breath and releasing it said "You and some girl who was still alive. She's in another room resting. If you feel up to it she's the last door on the left."
Dokja nodded and looking at the scratchy beige blanket said "That's nice" He got up and noticed he was still wearing the clothes he'd had on during the fight. The bloodstains looked like abstract art.
"I've spent enough money on you and that brat. You want clothes that aren't covered in your friends blood, buy them yourself." The woman said coldly.
Dokja looked at the woman then back at the ground. "Friends huh…? That's certainly a word, not sure it applies here though. Thanks for helping out. I'll get you your money now. Just let me head to the inn I was staying in and grab it. Feel free to follow if you don't think I'll return."
"My name is Silocke. What's yours?" Silocke asked
"Dokja… Dokja Newgate. Pleasure to meet you and again thanks."
Silocke rolled her eyes "We know each other now. Go get your money, and make it fast would you. I hate being around humans for too long."
Dokja nodded and headed out. He looked like he just survived an animal attack. Truthfully that isn't far from the truth. He did just survive an attack, but this was no animal. It was a Dragon, a big deadly Fire Dragon. A Dragon that killed all but one of the Red Bulls. No that's not accurate, he killed them by leading them into that Dungeon. If he'd listened to Brite they'd be alive and laughing. Instead they're dead, and Sara's badly injured and basically comatose. All because of his ego.
As Dokja walked through town all he saw was grey. His world was now devoid of color, light, and joy. He always wondered how Zane carried all the pain he did. He always looked tired no matter the time of day, or the amount of sleep he'd gotten the night prior. His eyes always seemed so sad and distant. It was like he wasn't there. His body would be in the room, but he wasn't there.
Walking down the uneven and crumbling roads. Dokja began to really understand something Zane told him after his mom died.
"Losing a parent is easy, but losing yourself is irrevocable."
Dokja at the time thought Zane was just invalidating his feelings, but Dokja saw that Zane was telling him the truth. Dokja no longer knew who he was, or how he's supposed to move forward. He was just walking alone on a crowded street. Noises seemed muddled like he was underwater. The air felt heavy with each breath.
Under his breath he kept saying "I am ok, I am ok, I am ok" He felt like if he told himself this enough times it would eventually become fact. He wasn't even sure what being ok felt like. All he knew for sure was that he was alive, and his teammates were dead. Is that ok? Of course it's not ok, but is he allowed to be ok?
He walked the whole way to the inn like this, and walking through the door the receptionist got a horrifying shock when she saw Dokja.
"Um sir, are you ok?" the lady asked, trying to sound as calm and polite as possible.
Dokja looked at her and mumbled "Yeah… I am ok." Walking to his room like a zombie.
Pinned to the door of his room was a note. It read "Dear Dokja, one service the guild offers is rent loans. We understand that some quests require you to be on a job for long periods of time. Since you can't pay your bills while gone the guild covers them and takes the cost out of your reward. Safe travels and see you soon!"
Dokja stared at the note for several seconds before crumpling it up and throwing it on the ground. Dokja couldn't bear to think about adventuring, the guild, or the party members he got killed.
He sat on the edge of his bed. He stared blankly at the wall, and falling back he began to laugh. "HAHAHAHA! I'm alive, and everyone else is dead. I get to live, and all it costs me is everything. I'm one sick fuck. I'm actually relieved that it was them and not me. What the hell is wrong with me?"
Dokja laughed and laughed, but joy wasn't the emotion. It was the painful realization that no one needed to die. He could have saved them all, but because he froze they died. Back in his old life doctors would have called what he was experiencing a mental breakdown. But this world doesn't have doctors like that. They have healers, and all their good for is visible injuries. There is nothing visible about his wounds.
After collecting his stuff, and returning his room key. Dokja wasn't ready to return Silocke just yet. He decided to explore Tigerra some more. He knew that Silocke would be pissed, but he didn't much care how she felt. He was the one really suffering. He was the one who lost people important to him. She was just some girl with a bad attitude.
As Dokja walked he noticed that if one wasn't careful they could get lost in this place. Every building looked the same. The only thing that changed was the type of people he saw. It went from honest people just trying to make it to tomorrow, to degenerates and cut throats. Dokja never realized how many brothels were in the town. Then again he never really took the time to explore either.
As he passed gambling halls, brothels, loan sharks, and dark guilds also known as mercenary halls. Dokja's attention was drawn to a faint red light coming from the end of an alley. In between a gambling hall and a drug den. Down a small flight of stairs the glowing red light became brighter. When Dokja reached the base he saw a door leading to what in his old life be called a dive. He never had an interest in drinking or smoking. Zane was a chainsmoker, but somehow always made it look cool. Dokja once asked Zane about smoking, and Zane told him that smoking was for those cool enough to do it. Dokja still has no idea what that means. It probably means nothing, and Zane just didn't want him adopting a bad habit.
Dokja entered the dive, and was met with a sight that forced him to slam the door to process. It was people in cages. This was a slave shop, and by the looks of it not a human only one. He caught a glimpse of a giant fish tank. Dokja took a second to prepare himself before reentering.
When he opened the door a plump short man with black shades, red tailed coat, and black pants and dress shoes greeted him.
"Well hello good sir, my name is Benny Donalds, mmhmhm, what brings you into my fine establishment this day? Hmm, possibly a female human you can ravish? Mmhmhm."
Dokja looked uncomfortable and answered "Um… not exactly. I'm…" Benny cut him off.
"Oh I see I see, you're looking more exotic. Mmhmhm, how about a mermaid? You can spice it up by adding a bit of suffocation. Mmhmhm"
Dokja looked around and saw nothing but misery. Normally this kind of thing would make him sick, but now it just made him more numb. Turning back to Benny he wondered what he should say.
"Any chance you'd just take me around let me see your wares?"
Benny's face brightened with a wicked smile. "Certainly my good sir. Mmhmhm, follow me if you would."
Benny took Dokja around the shop, and showed him his selection of human, elven, dwarf, and merfolk slaves. Dokja noticed they all had on dirty brown clothes. He assumed you'd want them to look somewhat presentable. Then again it's not like he'd ever bought or even seen a slave. It made him wonder about his old life. When Americans bought and sold slaves, was the presentability a factor in the selection?
Benny seeing that Dokja wasn't feeling anything he'd shown him offered. "Hmm, what about a nice beast folk? They're filthy creatures and aren't worth a lick, but they make good pack mules."
Dokja nodded for him to show him, and begrudgingly Benny led him to the back rooms. Dokja was hit by an unholy stench, and saw animal people sitting in filth and squalor. Dokja realized that what he'd seen in the front was the good presentation ones. Dokja was in no mood to empathize with anyone, but even he couldn't help but be a bit upset by the scene. The cages were rusted and covered in blood and feces. The beast folk for the most part had no clothes, not even the children. Dokja was at a loss as to how anyone could be this heartless.
Benny took Dokja around and as they came to the final cage Benny quickly spun around and ushered Dokja away from the cage.
"No reason to bother with this one. Let's see if we can't find you a nice demon or something."
From the cage Dokja heard a sickening cough. Pushing past Benny Dokja looked inside the cage. What he saw disgusted him. A little black cat beast-girl about eight or nine, wrapped in a thin brown blanket. The blanket was covered in blood, feces, and vomit. Her pitch black ears were folded down. Her body trembled from both fear and sickness. She was pressing herself against the back of the cage the metal bars creaked. Her breathing was raspy and shallow. Every other breath was followed by extreme coughing fits. Her eyes glazed and lifeless. Dokja felt like he was looking in a mirror.
"Don't mind her, she's just another filthy beast folk, and since she's sick I can't even sell her. What a waste, and worst of all the damn thing doesn't have the decency to die." Benny grumbled
Dokja looked at the girl, and cocking his head to the said asked "Do you want to die here?"
The girl didn't move, didn't speak, didn't react. Just sat there trembling. Dokja was about to give up when he heard a whisper.
"I… hate…" a coughing fit stopped her from finishing, but Dokja understood the message.
"Ok, I hear you loud and clear. Benny was it? How much for the girl?"
Benny looked confused and disgusted. He took a few steps back as if Dokja grew a second head.
"You want that thing? It's practically dead already. If you want a beast folk I have a wide…" Dokja's glare ended the protest. "I'll give her to you for ten gold. You're doing me a favor by taking that garbage away. So, I'll cut you a nice deal."
Dokja wanted to kill this man, but he couldn't afford to be arrested. He got up, paid the man his dues, and Benny sealed their slave pact. Dokja couldn't wait to leave that horrid place. He began to walk away, but had to stop since the girl was too weak to walk on her own. Picking her up he looked at Benny.
"You're lucky I'm not feeling very charitable today. Just know you disgust me."
Dokja with the girl on his back left the shop. Dokja decided he was done exploring. He'd rather deal with his annoying savior than see what other shit shows this town has. Plus with the girl in such a frail condition. He needed to get her medical care sooner rather than later.
"Hey girl, you got a name?" Dokja asked
The girl was silent, only making a noise when she coughed or wheezed. Dokja thought to himself that she better not die before he can get her to a doctor.
They'd been walking for a bit when the girl finally said something. "Name… Name… Name"
Dokja had no idea what that meant. "Are you trying to tell me your name, you don't have a name, you forgot your name? Gonna need a little more than Name."
Her hand squeezed Dokja's shirt as if she wasn't sure he was real. He could tell she was using all the strength she could muster.
"You know what? Fuck what your name was. I'm giving you a new one, a better one. From here on out your name is Yi."
She mumbled "Yi… Yi… I am Yi."
Dokja wasn't sure if he should do that, but Yi seemed happy so he just went with it. The walk went slow due to Yi's illness. Her body was so weak and sensitive, every step Dokja took was like a punch to her. While Dokja did his best not to show it. He was getting pretty annoyed by having to stop and go stop and go. What Dokja didn't know was that beast folk are hyper sensitive to energies. So, while he wasn't vocalizing his displeasure. Yi could feel it as if he was saying it.
"Yi is sorry for being bad."
Dokja paused his movement, "What are you talking about? You're sick, it's reasonable for you to be in pain. Now shut up and hold on. We're almost to the doctor."
Yi tightened her hug, not out of fear, but out of pure happiness. She's been a slave since she could remember. On the Blacklund continent beast folk are looked down upon. They're seen as lesser to humans. Yet Dokja holds no prejudice. She couldn't put her finger on it, but his scent didn't match any other humans she's met. It's like it doesn't exist in this world. She's never been to any of the other continents, but she guessed he must be from one of them.
After hours of walking Dokja approached the inn Silocke was waiting for him. It was a forest green building with a brown wooden roof. It was two stories high, and for how basic the interior was. It had a clean and well maintained appearance. Next to it was a small clinic. It was the same color as the inn, but the paint was chipping and peeling. The door was splintering, and the roof was missing a fair share of shingles.
Dokja carried Yi into the clinic and immediately felt unwelcomed. Two people sat in little wooden chairs waiting to be treated. A burly hag sat behind a wooden glaring at Dokja. Dokja, undeterred, walked up to the woman.
"Excuse me… ma'am? My… this girl needs medical attention."
The hag looked at Yi and with disgust in her voice said "We don't serve those types here. Just put it down and buy a new one."
Dokja's jaw tightened with rage. He couldn't stop his face from showing his displeasure. The hag though was unfazed and uncaring of Dokja's anger.
"Look, unless you're looking for trouble I recommend you get the doctor." Dokja's voice held a calm that belied his true feelings.
The hag didn't flinch though and with a you don't scare me look responded. "What part of we don't help animals didn't you understand? Now go somewhere else and take your empty threats with you. Buh bye."
Dokja, taking a deep breath, walked past the hag into the back room. The sounds of the waiting patients and the hag could be heard telling him to stop. Dokja ignored them though. He was going to get her help no matter what. Entering an examination room Dokja spotted a tall thin man in a white coat. Approaching the man, Dokja didn't wait for the doctor to acknowledge him. He just plopped Yi on the table and gave the doctor a nod to get started.
The doctor hesitantly said "I'm sorry sir, but we don't treat lesser beings. I'd recommend…" Dokja cut him
"I know I know, put her down and buy another one. But doc I've got someone better to put down."
The doctor's eyes filled with fear that he was that someone, but when the receptionist hag walked in, Dokja put his threat into action.
"Sir if you and that thing don't leave I'm calling the guard."
Extending his hand Dokja said "Escherian" , a bluish white field spread from his hand engulfing the four. "Now crush" as if on cue the hags head exploded. The doctor fell to the ground in fear. Blood coated the ceiling, walls, floor, and the three of them. The doctor held a piece of his receptionist's brain in his hand. He could taste the blood that splattered in his mouth.
"So doc, have you changed your mind on helping her?"
The doctor quickly got up and began treating Yi. It took all night, but the doctor got her stable. He told Dokja he'd have to make sure she took meds. He explained that beast folk tend not to trust human medicine. Dokja found this fact unsurprising, but the doctor acted like it was a mystery why. Dokja picked up the still sleeping Yi and after paying the doctor left. The room still had the corpse of the receptionist, and was still stained with her dry blood. Returning to the inn, Dokja was met by a very pissed off Silocke.
"Where the hell have you been? You said you needed to grab your stuff. That was a whole day ago. Explain yourself filthy human."
Dokja was done with this racism bullshit. "Fuck off with this filthy human, lesser beings, and whatever other racist crap this world has. I've nothing to you, and whatever beef you have with the humans. I'm sure it's justified, but it has nothing to do with me. I'm sick and tired of this meaningless hate. I'm mourning people I cared abouts deaths."
Silocke was taken aback by Dokja's outrage. Silocke stood her ground though "It may not be interesting to you, but it's reality for us."
Dokja didn't back down either. "No dip sherlock, it's called racism and you're not unique in it. It's found everywhere, and guess what this way of handling it only makes it worse."
Silocke, incensed now, asked "So what, should I just ignore it and laugh it off?"
Dokja acted surprised, responding "Wow! So you do have a brain, and here I thought you were all tits."
The two were practically nose to nose seething with anger. A small voice broke up their fight. It was barely above a whisper, but it was loud enough.
"Please don't yell at master. He saved my life. Master smells good."
Dokja and Silocke looked at the little beast girl in confusion. Dokja had never told her to call him master, and Silocke just realized he was carrying her. She was so focused on him being late that she missed him carrying a little beast girl.
"Where did you get? You weren't out buying slaves were you?" Silocke asked incredulously
Dokja got defensive saying "It wasn't my goal or anything. I went for a walk to clear my head, and ended up at a slave shop. This little one was in bad shape, and I couldn't stand the way that man talked about her. Although I guess I learned an upsetting truth of this world. Everyone sees Beast-folk this way."
Silocke couldn't help but smile when she said "Who are you Dokja Newgate? Because there's no way you're human."
Dokja for the first time since waking up laughed. Not a mental break laugh, but a joyous laugh. It felt so foreign to him. Like he'd never laughed before.
"Hey Silocke, can I tell you something personal? I know we just met, but I don't have anyone else."
Silocke sized Dokja up before answering. "Only if I can ask you something in return."
Dokja nodded and said "I am not ok. I'm pretty fucking far from ok, and I don't know if I'll ever be ok again."
Silocke looked at him and then at the little girl he was holding. "You may not believe me, but you're going to be fine. Even in the pits of darkness and despair. You saved that little girl."
Dokja gave a half hearted nod, but his eyes showed he wasn't fully convinced yet. It was going to take a lot more than saving a girl and being told it would get better. He needed tangible proof that he'd be ok.
"Now for my question. Do you want to form a party?"
Without even realizing it, Silocke with her question would give Dokja the proof he needed.