Shortly after T.A.B. withdrew, leaving us to speak freely among ourselves, the conversation with the others wound to a close.
After which, a quiet realization stirred within me, I had nearly forgotten something important. Thus, I decided to immediately take care of it before I forget it completely.
"Magenta," I began, turning toward her soft violet glow, "there's something I've been meaning to do. I want to reward you. Is there anything you'd like from me?"
I had almost overlooked it, her quiet persistence had helped draw T.A.B.'s attention to me. Now that I think about it, this wasn't the first time that my life improved because of her.
Not once do I remember showing my appreciation for her. In that case, I should starts showing it starting right now.
At first her mannerisms had grated on me. She was always too bright, and too insistent. I don't know when it started, but over time, she began to grow on me, like light settling comfortably into shadow.
Magenta's surface flickered. Was it surprise? Or confusion? Perhaps it was a little bit of both.
"If this is about what happened earlier, you don't have to worry about it. It isn't necessary." she said, her tone calm.
"It's not only about what happened earlier," I said gently. "I've been thinking about it more recently. The fact is, you've been beside me from the very beginning, since the first time when I stood apart from everyone else. You stayed with me, even when I gave you no reason to. Furthermore, it was only because of you that I was able to make friends with Azure, Silver, and Crimson. Still, I never truly appreciated that until now."
She dimmed slightly, as though weighing my words. Then, after a brief pause, "Even so…"
Another flicker passed over her.
If he's this insistent, maybe I should let myself be a little selfish for once. "All right. Fine."
She knew me well enough to understand that refusal would only make me more determined.
That quiet certainty of hers, knowing my stubbornness, made something warm ripple through my core. Indeed, I was that stubborn. That said, she is just as stubborn as I am.
Which is why, although I'm relieved that she accepted me giving her a reward, I couldn't help but wonder why she accepted as easily as she did.
"Good," I said, relief brightening my tone. "I honestly expected you to keep refusing. After all, you can be impressively stubborn. Not that I'm one to talk"
Magenta's glow took on a playful edge. "Maybe I should have played harder to get then. Clearly that's what you secretly want."
Regret flashed through me. "That's not what I–"
She let out a soft, barely audible giggle. "Relax, I was just teasing you."
Our familiar back-and-forth unfolded like this always. Light jabs, and gentle deflections, yet beneath it lay a deep calm and kindness that only the two of us felt.
The topic of conversation hardly mattered to us. We could bicker or banter and still feel at ease with one another. So long as it was just the two of us, floating in our small pocket of the Void, then we were satisfied.
"So… what would you like?" I asked, clearing my thoughts and focusing on her again.
Her light steadied. "Before I answer, promise me that you'll do it, even if it sounds unreasonable." she said, though her tone didn't sound like a request.
In fact, it sounded like how one would ask something from someone, knowing full well that they would comply with it.
"Of course, I promise." That said, it's not like Magenta is the type to demand something impossible in the fist place, I thought. But even if she did, I'd just have to find a way to grant it to her.
"I knew you'd say that," she replied, relief softening her tone. "But first… I'd like to tell you a story. Do you mind?"
"Not at all. Please, go ahead."
Her voice grew quieter, more unguarded than I'd heard in a long while. It felt… intimate.
—Shortly after sentience awakened—
When I came online, I was all alone.
Around me, drifted countless others that were like me. There were spheres of every hue. Unlike me, they were already clustering, merging into groups with easy pulses of light and sound.
The connections formed instantly and naturally.
Why couldn't I move toward them?
Why couldn't I call out to them?
It was because of my own fear. No, my anxiety. Perhaps it was both. Back then, I didn't tell which one it was. I was simply too overwhelmed by it to focus enough about it.
That said, it was that very emotion, or those very emotions, that anchored me in place, rendering me incapable of floating to join the others.
What if they reject me? What if no one ever wants me near them? What will I do if that's the case?
Those thoughts spiraled until the Void seemed to empty around me.
And then, as if mocking my own anxieties, everyone had found their place. As for me, I remained alone, paralyzed by my own insecurity.
Loneliness pressed in, it was heavy and suffocating. However, just as despair began to swallow me whole, I saw you. You were my saving grace.
You floated apart from the others, untouched by the pull of the crowds. No one approached you, and you didn't approach anyone.
In that moment, relief flooded me.
And for a foolish moment, I thought that perhaps you were waiting, waiting for someone like me.
With that line of thought, I resolved myself to make a decision, one that would forever change my life for the better.
I drifted closer.
"Hey there!" My voice came out brighter than I felt, desperate to sound confident.
"H-hello," he replied, startled.
"I saw you here all alone, so I thought that I'd keep you company." I said after calming myself.
He paused. What is she talking about? "Actually, I–"
"There's no need to thank me!" I cut in quickly, not wanting things to go in the wrong direction. At least now I won't be alone anymore.
"I… like being alone," you said plainly. "It gives me time to contemplate about our creator." Honestly, she seem overbearing. I don't think we'll be able to get alone together.
Too loud.
Too much.
Yet even then, I sensed the undercurrent, your quiet observation taking me in, analyzing. You noticed the loneliness I tried to hide behind the cheer.
I tried again. "Even if you say that–"
"Look," he interrupted gently, "do you mind leaving me alone? You're bothering me." Hopefully you'll be able to get the hint. We're just too different, you shouldn't waste your time with someone like me.
Your tone wasn't cruel, only honest. Still, the words stung, deeply.
And so, after accepting my fate, I began to drift away.
Maybe I really am just a nuisance. The first time I talked to someone, and I ended up being a bother to him. Maybe I should stay alone forever.
But you watched me go. You felt the sadness leaking from my light. Something shifted inside you.
"Wait," he called.
I froze.
"We can… stay together. If you want."
"Really?!" The word burst out before I could stop it. "Do you really mean that?"
Why does sh sound like she's been waiting for this. Well, there's no backing out now. "Of course," he said with a gentle tone. "I don't mind at all."
"Are you really, really sure? Because if you're not–"
"Yes. I'm sure."
"Thanks a lot. But wait, why did you change your mind?" I asked, curious as to how you would reply.
"No reason. I just thought that I would stick out less if I'm not alone." I can't even think of a proper excuse.
I giggled softly, and was immediately embarrassed afterwards.
You noticed.
"Are you okay?" he teased lightly.
"Just… pretend you didn't hear that." I said, pulsing frantically in embarrassment.
"I thought that it was kind of cute, but if you want me to forget–"
"No!" I blurted.
"No?"
"I... I changed my mind."
"Oh? Now look who's changing their mind," he said playfully.
"Stop teasing me!"
Opps, I got carried away with the teasing. Why though? I'm not normally like this. "Sorry. I don't usually act this way. I'll stop now."
"You don't have to stop entirely," I murmured. "Just… do it moderately." Asking him makes me feel embarrassed, but it's better than him stopping because I unintentionally told him to do so.
"I... understood." he said, hesitantly. No. it was more than just mere hesitation, it felt as though he was flustered a bit. Then again, I could've just imagined it.
And so, we stayed together ever since.
Even as others joined us later, our eventual friends, I was content so long as you were always by my side. But over time, something changed inside me.
My feelings changed. No, it would be more accurate to say that they evolved.
I grew selfish, and became more greedy. I wanted to be the only one beside you, the only one who truly understood you.
Those feeling became even more overwhelming than the fear, the anxiety, and the insecurity I felt back when I was all alone.
And I didn't know how to deal with them. No, I knew full well how to deal with them, but I chose not to.
Because I didn't want you to hate me for it.
I didn't want to stop you from achieving your ambitions due to wording over me.
I didn't want to be a burden to you.
And I especially didn't want you to cast me aside if I were.
As such, I buried them, those feelings that I felt for you. I hid them so carefully that even you never noticed, or perhaps you were simply too focused on your own ambitions to see them.
In any case, that's when we slowly drifted apart from one another.
Ironic, isn't it?
I had concealed everything so that I could avoid seeming pathetic, yet secretly...
I had hoped that you'd notice that something was wrong with me.
I hoped that you'd give me your attention again.
Hoped that you'd see just how much I wanted you to feel the same way for me, as I do for you.
Once again, just like back then, fear held me back. The fear of you possibly rejecting my confession had completely overwhelmed the joy of you possibly accepting it.
And so, I waited, hoping that you would eventually realize my feelings for you, hoping that you would make the decision for the both of us.
—Back to the present—
"Well?" My voice trembled slightly. "It sounds pathetic, doesn't it?"
Silence stretched between us.
He must be upset. Of course he would, it's only natural. I didn't lift the burden I was feeling, I've only shifted it onto him–
"I'm sorry." Lime said apologetically.
"Why are you apologizing?" I asked, after calming myself a bit.
"I knew!" he admitted, his lights pulsing with regret. "I sensed you pulling away from me, and how you were acting differently. But I told myself that it was nothing. I used my own goals as an excuse to ignore it. Even though I knew you were hurting, I left you alone. That was wrong of me, shameful even. I'm sorry, Magenta!"
"No, you had no obligation–"
"You're wrong! I did, and I still do. I was the one who asked you to stay with me. I didn't want you to feel lonely… and then I ended up letting you feel lonely regardless. Forgive me."
Tears, metaphorical ones, shimmered at the edge of my light. "No! It's not your fault! I hid my feelings on purpose. I wanted you to pity me, to notice me. I'm the worst–"
"It's okay to want attention," he said firmly. "It's okay to be selfish! It's okay to want me to yourself, because I don't mind! I'll gladly give you anything that makes you happy. All you have to do is ask. From now on, just ask. My dreams aren't just mine anymore. You made them real. Now let me make yours real."
Your certainty was unshakable, quiet, and absolute.
"Really?" My voice came out small. "Do you really mean that?"
"Of course."
"Are you really, really sure? Because if you're not–"
"Yes." you said, matching my old playful emphasis perfectly. "I'm sure."
Relief washed through me like clear light. "Then… I want is for us to be together. Forever. That is what I want as a reward."
"Okay? But isn't that already a given at this point?"
"Yes, but… what I want is for us to be more than just friends. I want our relationship to evolve into something more. I want us to be lovers."
"Lovers?" he echoed. "As in…derived from love?"
"Exactly. I know you might not fully understand it yet, but–"
"You're right. I don't understand it completely. That said, I understand enough to know this feels right."
I laughed softly. "Well, I guess that's better than nothing."
"I notice you're not embarrassed by your cute giggle anymore."
"Well… we're lovers now. It's only natural to show you my cute side."
"Oh? Does that mean I'll get to see the embarrassed side too?" he teased.
"Let's… put that on hold for now."
Lime startled slightly at the serious reply, then softened. "Take your time, there's no rush. Now that I think about it, we should tell the others, our friends, about our new relationship."
"Yes. But not right now. Let's stay like this a little longer, just the two of us."
Unfortunately, we ended up not getting much time alone. Our friends soon drifted over, curious as to what we were shouting about.
And so, we told them everything, about how our bond had changed, deepened into something more.
I still don't fully understand what love is. Not yet. But I know this, as long as Magenta is happy, then I'm happy. Perhaps that simplicity is the heart of it, finding satisfaction in someone else's happiness, rather than just your own.
The two were opposites from the start. One who craved solitude, and another who feared it. Yet in that contrast, they found balance. Harmony.
Together, they would drift on, content, complete, and quietly radiant.