The questions echoed in Natalia's mind like accusations, each one cutting deeper than the last.
What is Zack's dream?
What is Zack's favorite food?
When was the last time you came to our home to meet Zack WILLINGLY?
Nat…..why do you love Zack?
Why are you so agitated about choosing a man?
Don't you think you're just using him?
You realize it now, don't you? What kind of person you really are?
Rugged Girl! If I ask you to give up your strength and become a frail, weak woman, but you'll get Zack…..will you do it?
Then what about Subordinate Girl? If I ask for her beauty, will she give it up for Zack?
Then, Natalia what about you??? Will you give up your princess dream? Or your beauty? Or your mind? Or your NEW LOVE, the so-called LITTLE MAN? Can you give up any of those for Zack?
"Na… Nat… Nataliaaa!!"
"Huh?" Natalia blinked, suddenly pulled back to reality from the spiral of her thoughts.
"What are you thinking about? We're near the 4th rock," Little Man spoke while looking at her worriedly, he gently holds her hand and squeezed it with soft hands to make her feel better because he did hear a part of Nat and Sasha talk and knows what she is thinking right now.
"I… I… we're here already," Natalia stammered, nodding in a daze. Her head was pounding, aching with the weight of questions that kept circling back, demanding answers she didn't have. Somehow, she realized she didn't know much about Zack at all. She couldn't make up her mind about anything.
Do I truly just use Zack? The thought made her bite her lip hard in anger and frustration on herself, she can't understand how can she do such a thing, she still feels that everything is a lie and maybe Sasha is playing tricks with her words.
"Natalia, calm down. Don't take her words to heart," Little Man said softly, pulling her closer by grabbing her waist. His fingers traced the curves of her body, moving down to touch the sensitive area where her waist met her ass.
Natalia looked at him, and a new question formed in her confused mind, completely ignoring his inappropriate touch.
Can I give him up for Zack? But he's solved every problem of mine. If he's with me, everything becomes easier. AGH! Nat, you ARE using him!!!! FOR ONE SECOND STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF!!!
Her brain wouldn't stop attacking her. She slowly spoke to Little Man, her hands on his grasp were trembling, as if the hands themselves were in doubt whether to hold tighter or push away his hand.
"Little Man, it seems I am using you," she said quietly, her voice shaking. "I don't really love you or even like you. I'm just hoping to get your help to fulfil my goals and my dreams. I'm sorry.... I am really sorry…. I didn't realize it before, but I think it's better if we just part ways."
Her eyes were full of guilt as she spoke the words. Little Man heard this and tightened his grip, pulling her even closer. Natalia's breasts pressed against his broad chest as his other hand cupped her face, tilting it upward to meet his eyes.
"I already know that," he said calmly, looking down at her. "I'm fine with it. Do you think there's exist a true pure relationship in this world? Everyone wants something from their partners. Zack Big sister….. that woman is just playing with your mind."
His thumb stroked her cheek as he continued. "Do you think Zack doesn't get anything from you????.... And what about his other women? Do you think they just love him blindly? That rugged woman herself said she loves Zack because he accepted her the way she is. That itself is using Zack kindness."
"You've done nothing wrong. It's okay to feel good with his company. There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with using me either. You don't love me? It's fine. We can slowly work on that together. You don't have to feel guilty about anything as long as you have a spot for me in your heart!"
His words made some sense to her logically, but she still felt hollow inside, like something essential was missing. Her trembling hands loosened their grip slightly, seeing this Little man smiled softly making his hand slid deeper, now partially touching her ass from behind, his fingers slowly going down on her smooth ass curves.
Natalia glanced around the empty carriage in a worry or in a hope to find her friends but there was no one present, Little man smiled and spoke "They went away after the riot. Don't worry, we're both enough," Little Man said, bringing her face back toward his then his hand moved down slowly, grazing her breasts with his fingers feeling the softness of it as he put some pressure on his fingers. Natalia slightly frowned but she didn't push him away only her fingers subconsciously clenched tighter away from his vision. Little man slowly brought his hand down at placed it on her belly.
Natalia's face was tight with doubt, her lips opened up and closed down as if she want to say something and her other hand was still clenched into a fist.
"Don't think too much, Natalia," he whispered, his breath warm against her skin. "You may have used him, but he also gained many things from you. For example, the resources and knowledge he gained by staying close to you. Do you think a common man could get those things? He's very lucky to talk with top officials and read the books you read. You've given him so much more than what you've taken. Just some warmth for knowledge and lots of things...I'd say that's a fair deal."
His right hand moved deeper, touching her lower back and reaching her ass from behind, his fingers now were slowly touching starting point of her partition ass line. His left hand reached down toward her crotch area, moving deeper and deeper until he was just moments away from reaching her private area.
Natalia shuddered at his touch, her mind racing as she tried to think of what Zack had gained from their relationship. But all she could think of was him taking care of her, always being there for her. But what about me? Did I do anything for him in recent times? Her mind rolled back through recent memories, replaying moments with him like a painful movie.
"Geez, Zack, be careful! I don't want people to laugh at me!"
"Ah! Here! Clean these clothes of Zack! I don't have time to deal with this right now!"
"I will learn to cook in the future…"
"Hmmm, why should I wish you luck? You're going to play hero with those women! Go away!"
SLAP!!!! "What silly reason is this!"
"Why are you copying my gift? Just choose your own style, are you jealous because Zack didn't give you a specific thing to store the Globe?"
"I don't care! It's not my fault that I am beautiful and men flock towards me!"
"Geez, take a bath after we're done. I don't want those filthy women's smell on you!!"
"Make sure you look presentable if you ever decide to approach me in public. I don't want people laughing at me, saying my closest friend isn't up to the mark. You understand, right, Zack? I can't make our relationship known just yet, so please bear with it."
"Hehe, Emmy, aren't I absolutely great? I totally defeated that disgusting pervert and even cleaned up all the evidence afterward! Now, just tell everyone to keep their mouths completely shut about what happened. Otherwise, this princess will personally throw them down from the rock districts! Hohoho, I am the best!"
"If only Zack could come, I would be happy, but NO!!! he was busy enjoying himself with other women in a fucking cave or whatever! Tsk!"
"I DIDN'T CHEAT! I HAVEN'T ACCEPTED LITTLE MAN!!!..... JUST BECAUSE I SPEND SOME TIME WITH OTHER MEN, IT COUNTS AS CHEATING?!"
"DID ZACK STUDY LIKE I DID?! DID HE LEARN ALL THE SKILLS LIKE I DID?! CAN HE WALK HERE CONFIDENTLY AND PLEASE THESE GREEDY PEOPLE?! HOW CAN HE STAND BESIDE ME?!"
"I DID SAY THAT I WILL ONLY LOVE HIM, BUT SITUATIONS AND FEELINGS CHANGE! I'M SURE HE WILL UNDERSTAND! I'M NOT LIKE HIM….PLAYING AROUND WITH SOME FILTHY WOMEN! I WANT MY LIFE TO BE BALANCED!"
"IF HE'S ALLOWED TO CHOOSE THOSE FILTHY WOMEN, THEN WHY CAN'T I CHOOSE A DECENT MAN….. THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY LOVES ME?!"
"I LOVE ZACK, BUT I'M ALSO STARTING TO LIKE HIM! HE'S DOING SO MUCH FOR ME THAT I FEEL MY ROAD AHEAD IS ALL FILLED WITH FLOWERS! AND WHAT DOES ZACK DO? PLAYING AROUND WITH WOMEN WHILE JUST GETTING A SINGLE BOOK?! HE BROUGHT ME MORE TROUBLE THAN SOLUTIONS!"
"IF HE COMES BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS, I'LL GRANT IT. SINCE I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH…..AND HE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME ANYWAY!"
Natalia's mind filled with countless voices but all those were her own words, her own actions over these past few days. Her mind was going crazy as she realized how, all this time, she'd just been looking down on him, just using him for comfort, not truly doing anything back.
"Zack was always by my side. He didn't gain anything from me. I didn't do anything for him...just took all his care and love."
Natalia's eyes started going blurry with tears. She could feel Little Man's hand going deeper, near her crotch now, touching her upper crotch area. His other hand reached dangerously inside her ass line, stretching it. She suddenly felt disgusted as her mind went wild again.
"Zack never got closer to any woman in his life...only this time he did, and that was only because of me.... I knew that, but still I bad-mouthed him. If I am angry at him for the thing he had to do in order to get those names then What about me? How many men have touched me? How many men have proposed their love to me while I just smiled at them and never truly reject them so that I could just use them whenever I wanted???"
Her mind raced as she thought back to school. She started realizing that the friends she called hers included many men who'd tried to win her over, some getting really physical, touching her in the name of friendship, hugging her, playing with her, even sensually dancing with her. She thought of the recent dance she'd done with Little Man.
AGH! She realized how it must have looked to others. Her whole body had been touched by Little Man during that dance. And worse in similar situation, Zack had seen her this way at school.
Natalia started panicking the more she thought about her past. How carefree had she truly been in her life regarding her social life, her friends, her choices, her attitude, her actions, her words and how bold and casual she'd been with her clothing choices in front of other men.
"AGH!.... The tight skirt I wore during that stage play. I don't even know how many men touched me; and how many tried to look beneath my skirt….. The late-night study sessions I had with friends, wearing such filthy pajamas in front of them, for sure they looked at me weirdly, right???? And how many checked me out in my life because of my stupid actions? How many love confessions I got? How many of those filthy rumours about me spread around the school. How many parties I attended just for fun, interacting with other men, singing for them, dancing with them, laughing with them…all these things did I ever explained to Zack??????....."
"And the Cok guy...how many times did he sexually violated me by treating me as a fiancé? And those countless Crown men touching me weirdly in the name of Princess treatment, or many people who like to hide behind a mask of friendship and try to come closer to me while hugging me and touching me weirdly in the name of FREINDSHIP!"
"Do I have any right to curse Zack? When I myself was living a stupid life getting dirty while telling him that I love him? He saw everything, But even after all that he was always with me!!!!! AGHH…WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW?? I WAS SO BUSY WITH MY MYSELF THAT I FAILED TO SEE HIS PAIN…STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID !!!..."
Natalia's mind cracked under the weight of these realizations.
"Zack, what have I done? How can I say things to you when I… I never took you seriously, Zack. I am sorry. I… I…"
Natalia's body shuddered as she felt Little Man's fingers through her clothes just a centimetre away from her vagina, her plump outer layer within reach of his touch. His other hand fingers was also now fully embracing her ass cheeks.
"What would Zack think of this? she thought. But her mind was already broken. She knew she had committed a sin."
"Huh? Does Zack know that one time in school I nearly kissed a senior? It was a silly game of balancing, but I nearly… Tsk! Of course he must know. There was a huge crowd present at that time, everyone saw what happened there. He must have heard it or maybe even seen it!!!!!!! And does Sasha truly not tell him about seeing me with Little Man? How can I explain to Zack that he kissed… AGH!!NO NO NO ZACK .. I … ZACK … PLEASE…TSK!!!!"
"I guess it's true that I am a whore and a stupid woman who doesn't respect the person I say I love."
"That subordinate woman was ready to hurt me but didn't want to give away the clothes with Zack's memory on it. Where are the clothes that Zack gave me as gifts over the years? Hmm, well, I guess I don't even remember. I probably threw them away. Ha ha ha, what a woman you are, Nat."
"And that rugged woman jumped to save me despite knowing how much I hate her. When was the last time I've done something for Zack that risked my life? I always bring guards and servants with me if I ever go with him, putting them to do all the work as she just like Princess stick close to him."
"Huh? When was the last time I went with him outside? Ha ha ha, stupid bitch."
"You keep saying Zack couldn't stand beside you, but he's more than capable. In school, he was the leader of his grade. I didn't realize it because he was in the common section, but it seems he was always well respected. Hmm, did I ever go to his class just to meet him??? Sighhh, I don't think so. I only went to him when there was something I wanted to ask or tell him to do something."
"Zack was the one always coming to me just to meet me, and all he must have seen was me among a group of beautiful men and ladies fawning over me. If I was in Zack's shoes, then… AGHH!!!!"
"Zack, I don't think I deserve you. It's not you who can't stand beside me...it's me who can't stand beside you. I am sorry, Zack. I think you'll be happier without me."
Natalia smiled sadly and closed her tear-filled eyes. She could feel Little Man's fingers just about to touch the plump opening of her vagina, and his other finger reaching deep inside her ass and trying to life her body so that he could feel those soft ass cheeks fully."
"It's okay, Nat. You've been like this from the start, so it's okay. Just accept your fate. Zack probably hates me now."
"It's no wonder I don't know his dreams, his favorite things, what Zack likes to do in his free time, his preferences, his dislikes. I would have known all of this if I'd been seriously looking out for him, not just using him as an emotional baggage dump to throw my worries at."
"Sorry, Zack, for the sin I committed. I hope those girls can truly become your women. I will just give…"
I MISS YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU NAT!!!!!
Suddenly, Zack's words came crashing into her mind. In just one second, everything was replaced by his voice, his face, his presence. She opened her eyes swiftly and pushed Little Man's hands away, pushing her body back as well. She stood up abruptly in the carriage.
She clutched her collar protectively and covered her crotch with her other hand. "Sorry, Little Man. I can't. I don't think I could be with you. I am sorry for continuously running from you even though I said I accepted you, but I can't, I am sorry" Natalia spoke while breathing hard, her eyes full of tears.
Huh? What are you saying, Nat? Don't be impulsive," Little Man said, confusion and frustration crossing his face. "You accepted me before. I said it's okay to use me. Don't forget your dream is on the line. I could help you. Calm down and think about it."
Little Man stood up, his head almost touching the ceiling. Natalia moved back, her leg hitting the seat. She collapsed onto it, her body trembling.
Little Man covered her exit and cupped her face gently. His bulge was clearly visible now in his pants, pressing against the fabric of his pants. Natalia felt very confused and very tired from all the happenings around her. Her head was pounding with pain, her breath coming in suffocating gasps.
"I understand you're feeling overwhelmed," he said softly, his thumb grazing her cheeks. "I will wait for you. Think about your life, then give me your answer."
He backed up and sat down, giving her space. Natalia sat in one corner, lifelessly, not saying anything. Only Zack's words and her past actions fought inside her brain, tearing her apart from within.
Slowly, they reached the 4th rock district.
Creakkk.
The carriage door opened, and Little Man, as usual, stepped outside first and raised his hand to help her down.
But Natalia hesitated. She stared at his outstretched hand, and a question formed in her mind.
"Would Miss Subordinate or Miss Rugged take that hand if the say they Love Zack???"
NO!
The answer came immediately, with a clear loud thought and with full certainty in her mind.
She bit her lip hard.
"Even within me, you girls love Zack more than I do."
Feeling more dejected than ever, Natalia came close to the exit but didn't take his hand. Instead, she looked at Emmy, her eyes pleading silently for help.
Miss Emmy saw this and felt shocked from the sudden change in her attitude….. She swiftly came forward and gently took Natalia's hand, helping her slowly descend from the carriage. Then she supported her and walked away, completely ignoring the stunned Little Man standing there with his hand still outstretched.
.
.
"Princess, what happened? You don't look so good," one of the 4th rock leader's husbands said, coming forward with concern written all over his face. "And I'm sorry...our wife is at the Queen's palace for work, and she told us to welcome you properly."
"Ah, uncles, it's okay," Natalia replied tiredly, forcing a small smile. Her eyes stung from the afternoon sunshine, making her headache even worse. She asked softly, her voice sounding like a little girl's instead of a princess's, "Uncle, can I sleep at your home for some time?..... And can you delay the meeting?"
Her whole demeanour was completely different from before, it was vulnerable, broken and very weak, her body seems to be gotten smaller from all the pain.
"Huh! Sure, sure you can," one of the husbands said immediately, his heart going out to her. "And don't worry….. You're here way too early anyway, and people will take time to gather. I'll delay it even more. You can sleep for several hours. Let's settle the meeting for evening when the sun is calmer and was about to go down."
He swiftly brought her to his house. As she was going inside, she spoke clearly despite her exhaustion.
"I don't want to be disturbed. Except for Big Guy, Emmy, Expert Guard, and you uncles, don't let anyone inside."
Okay!!
Emmy and the others brought her inside, with Big Guy following silently behind them as always. The Expert Queen's guard took her positions at the door for now, the door behind her closed firmly, leaving Little Man stunned outside the house courtyard as more guards surrounded the area, blocking any entry.
Natalia entered the guest room. She paused at the doorway and simply said, "SORRY EMMY" before closing the door.
Emmy felt shocked hearing this. She spoke softly through the closed door, "I am also sorry for my words. Please rest, Nat."
Nat inside nodded even though Emmy couldn't see her. She walked forward hazily, her mind feeling hot, her body heating up like she was running a fever. She felt sick. She could hardly breathe properly.
In a daze, she reached behind herself and opened the zipper of her dress.
ZZIPPP…. RUFFLLEEEE RUFFLLEEEE
Her sweaty back felt the cool air inside the room, bringing instant relief. Her bra-covered breasts hung free as she pulled her dress down to her hips. Her naked belly, covered in sweat, felt the air giving her a cooling sensation that sent shivers down her spine.
She opened her braided hair, letting it loose. It fell to just below her upper back, the strands sticking slightly to her damp skin.
Without bothering to remove anything else, she just collapsed onto the bed. Her breathing slowly became steady as exhaustion took over. Her whole tired body sank into the mattress, surrendering to sleep.
After a while, she felt cold….. Half-asleep, she reached for the blanket and pulled it over her shivering body. She didn't know if she was shivering from the cold or from her dreams.
She sobbed in her dreams, tears slipping from her closed eyes.
Zack, I am sorry. Really sorry. No Zack! Stupid! Please Zack...
SOBB… SOBB…
ZZZZZZZZ…
She slept for a long time, her body finally giving in to complete exhaustion. In her dreams, she kept apologizing, kept reaching for someone who might not be there anymore when she woke up.
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END OF CHAPTER
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Author Blabbering
I want to shave my head due to this heat!!!!!
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