The next day, Misaki completely ignored me for real. She still showed up to our Math 1 class, but I could tell she was in an even worse mood than usual. Most people say Misaki never has a good-mood day anyway, but I could still pick up on the subtle differences in the vibes she was giving off.
I guess it's because we've been around each other since high school, so I kinda know her already and I'm used to how she is. People even call me brave sometimes, saying I'm the only one with enough guts, the real fighting spirit, to try becoming friends with Misaki and deal with her super cold personality. But if they just gave her a real chance to get to know her, I'm sure they'd end up liking her too.
During my free period, I went looking for her. Like always, I asked around our classmates, the ones still sticking with this university and who I still see in some minor subjects. They said they hadn't seen her. She's not in my next class anyway. Right after the prof dismissed Math 1 earlier, she jumped up from her seat super quick and basically sprinted out the door. It was super obvious she was dodging me.
I just started walking around, hoping I'd run into her somewhere. And luck was on my side because I spotted her sitting alone on one of those concrete benches, eating fries. Before I approached her, I swung by the university food court and grabbed some fries for myself plus two yogurt milks.
I casually sat down next to her with a smile already on my face. As usual, even though she knew I was there, she didn't acknowledge me. I set one of the yogurt milks between us and slid it closer to her. I got happy when she actually took it, but it was still kinda disappointing because she didn't even say thanks.
"You really like fries, huh?" I asked, not expecting an answer.
"Perfect timing, we're the same!" I lied. Yeah, I eat fries, but I'm not exactly obsessed with them.
"They taste way better when you're eating them with someone spe..."
"Arigatou gozaimasu." She cut me off out of nowhere. Thankfully, I watch anime sometimes too, so I knew she meant 'thank you so much.' I bit my lip to stop myself from grinning like an idiot. It was embarrassing already. I'm a grown guy, but I can't hide how much I get flustered whenever she makes my heart race like that.
I noticed her expression shift again. She looked mad, just like when she saw me and Sarah together before. I stared at her and still thought she looked beautiful even when she was pissed. But then I furrowed my brow when I saw her staring off into the distance at something. I followed her gaze right away.
From the building across the way, I spotted Sarah talking to her friends. The quadrangle was pretty wide, so I had to squint and shield my eyes from the sun with my hand just to make sure it was really her.
"Give me some paper." Misaki suddenly spoke up in a calm voice that didn't match her angry face at all.
"Paper?" I repeated, confused. What would she even need paper for?
"What kind do you want?" She turned to look at me, expression still the same, which honestly kinda scared me.
She still looked so delicate, but if I went by her eyes alone, it felt like she was burning holes through me. Turns out angry Misaki is actually pretty intimidating.
"Paper? Yeah, I got plenty. Hold on." Panicking a little, I rummaged in my bag and handed her a sheet of yellow pad. I was still wondering what the heck she was gonna do with it.
"Want a pen too?" I added. Obviously, what's she gonna do with paper without something to write with? Or maybe it's for... you know, after using the bathroom? But she shot me another dirty look, so I shut up.
I was shocked by what she did next. She started tearing the yellow pad I gave her into shreds, like it was her mortal enemy. Oh, so she was just gonna rip it up. What a waste. That's premium legal pad paper, not cheap stuff.
"I'm just angry," she said quietly, still staring at Sarah. Yeah, no kidding. But if she's mad, poor yellow pad had to take the hit.
"That's how I am when I'm mad." She opened both hands, and when the breeze picked up, she let the shredded pieces fly away. That's when it clicked. I never thought about letting out anger by ripping paper. I should've given her scratch paper instead. I actually thought she might write me a love letter or something.
"Why are you mad?" I asked.
She suddenly stood up and stepped right in front of me, arms crossed.
"Why were you two together that time?" She was obviously talking about when she caught me and Sarah in the hallway, and I knew she'd seen even worse stuff.
"So what if we were together?" I stood up too, turned my back to her, and took a small step away. I did it on purpose so she wouldn't see me smiling.
"You told everyone I was your girlfriend, and then you're flirting with someone else!" Honestly, this was the first time I'd ever heard Misaki's voice go high-pitched, but it wasn't annoying at all. If anything, it sounded kinda nice.
I didn't answer right away. I'd been holding back this whole time. Any second now I might just turn around and kiss her.
"Fine, go be with her then! I don't care about you two!" Even though she was sulking at me, I was still getting all giddy inside. Is that normal?
"It's cool. You don't actually care about me anyway," I said, trying to make my voice sound pouty and hurt.
"Alright, I'm out. I'll just go hang with Sarah since I know she actually likes me." I took my first step away from her.
"Aren't you gonna stop me?" I added when I noticed she wasn't following. No answer.
"Fine. I get it, it's impossible anyway. I'll just avoid you from now on and stop messing up your life." I moved my left foot for the second step, still playing up the fake goodbye. Truth is, I was just messing with her. Plus, I wasn't ready to actually do it.
"I'll just stay forever alone, hugging myself every cold night with no one else around." If anyone else heard me right now, they'd be laughing their asses off. I was about to take the third step when suddenly these small arms wrapped around me from behind.
"W-watashi...."
(I-I...)
Misaki started, but I frowned, totally confused. My heart started pounding so hard I thought I might actually have a heart attack. Her hug felt so warm and amazing. This was the first time she'd ever hugged me. Don't judge me, I'm a guy, but that doesn't mean I can't feel this kind of thing. Girls are lucky, they get to scream and hit people when they're flustered.
"Anata ga suki desu."
(I like you.)
She said it with her face buried in my back, her voice cracking a little with sobs. That made me worry. Even though I was confused by what she was saying, I could tell she was hurting.
I gently pulled her arms off me, turned around, and held both her hands. I wasn't wrong, she was crying.
"My love, I was just kidding," I said in a babying voice, pouting my lips.
"Sorry." But that just made her cry harder, so I panicked even more. This was my fault, I shouldn't have teased her.
"Hontō ni suki da yo!"
(I really like you!!)
She yelled it like a little kid throwing a tantrum. But her crying sounded just like the girls in anime.
I tried to calm her down. I wiped her wet cheeks with my hands, but she kept pushing them away. Some students walking by were staring daggers at me, probably thinking I was some cheater.
"Sorry, Misaki, but I don't really understand," I said, even though I had a pretty good idea. I just wanted to be sure.
"I like you!" she shouted with all her strength. That froze me in place, I could barely move. She calmed down too, and we just stared at each other. It felt like my heart had grown huge and was jumping around like crazy, ready to burst out of my chest.
_________________
Don't bash me if I don't update right away. I ran out of ink. You reading this, you got a pen? Lend me one.
I looked up at the ceiling and let out a big sigh. Even now, whenever I remember those days when Misaki told me how she felt, I just smile to myself. It's like everything comes rushing back, the feeling, the wish that those moments would never end. I wish I could stay stuck in that time forever, or at least go back and relive it.
-Anthony.