It's already been three years; I was stayed in this environment. Day by day living here seemed becoming tough. The memory and every day's new dreams and visions kept unlocking like I am in a quest.
My behavior and personality changed up so instant that peoples kept asking and started to gossip about me.
I started to wear black, ignoring peoples like dust, straightforward to them whom I can't bear for a second and being rude to everyone. And the sudden manly act in this girl's appearance made them more curious.
The little sister started to doubt about my less interests in food and all being that weird. She also started to keep saying that,
You don't seem like you belong here and you're completely different from my sister. You are not my sister.
She started to pout and suddenly burst into cry while saying,
You are not my sister. Give me my sister back.
I was so stunned to reply, and it was like I caught off guard. And a guilt feeling started to spin my head,
Sure, I got no right to be act as my own, even though it's hard to hold. Still, I can at least be good to them who even care a penny about me.
The thought of taking this life by myself popped up countless time but somehow my soul didn't let me do that upon my dignity. Because whenever I tried something stupid, I imagined him and got the hope of finding him. I kept wishing and comforting myself by saying that sure I will find a pure pleasure in this life. Maybe that's why God sent me here and even if it's a punishment for me still, I can't punish this innocent body and the human while I am not the owner.
I also thought of leaving this home too. Once I left too and stayed at one of my friend homes but for being a girl her family called my family to pick me up the next day. Though I still wanted to leave everything behind and wanted to start a new life for living until death. Where the mom is already in too much pain for that dad here, and this family is pretty toxic also messed up. But at a time also loving that it also kept stopping my thoughts of disappearing and cut ties with the parents.
I then left the room in silence. Because honestly, I got no word for comforting her. It's my fault that I completely changed in all by myself.
After that day I started to talk with the mom and kept making jokes about that father, to make her mood to change enough. And also started to being free with those kids too. Though that sister is kind of selfish and the brother is way too much brat. All barking like dog enough, but it's better to living with an act of being happy and satisfied. Even I started to being surprised myself, by controlling my emotions and acting all chill and okay with them. Though that sister was pretty cunning to understand the acting's sometime, but I kept ignoring her for not laying low.
Another year passed like that and a clear observation of mine started to show up. And that was a feeling of someone keep staying with me, like whenever I go to that dark room something always stays with me, comforting me and making the atmosphere freezing like I barely want to come back to my room. Everyone at home started to say they feel chilly weather here while it's pretty comfortable here which claimed by me.
Suddenly I also kept noticed that someone's staring at me and more offensively those visions also stopped coming forward. Until one day I dreamt about me in that room standing in the dark, and someone like similar appearance of him. Kept calling me in that room and kept saying "Here I am."
With a shocking shiver I woke up and waited for night. Like restless. Then when the night came, I stayed that room for freaking whole time, but unexpectedly that day felt different than other nights, so empty and hot. Then when it's already midnight and I was about to leave, I felt someone was holding me for a while, and I am hearing the closest pound of heart. I was unable to react or move also my tears started to well up unexpectedly that even I was so surprised.
I cried after a lot of months that day and straight for hours until its dawn. My eyes become all swollen but that day it was also hard for me to look up and eyelifts felt so heavy.
It's seemed like he was there. Right in front of me, staring at me. My beloved partner my soulmate. But I know those all were mere unleashed memories and nothing else.
But I know it's sure a Mirage.
Because, that poem and all it left to remind me,
The more I have to endure, the more Ihave to find the cure.
While my cure is not with me, how may I supposed to live as me.
I am waiting for you like I am fishing, but it became already dawn while I forgot about my wishing.
No matter how much I tie you up with laces, you always captured through your lashes.
Countless time I watched that dream as much, still forgetting you're face with a pity of such.
The more I wanted to clearly remember the dream, The upset heart squeezing tears to make it scream.
The more I am sensing all hate, The more I am accepting my fate...
The more I am cutting ties, The more I see roaming lies.
The more I am stopping to take care, The more this world getting unfair.
Once I soaked in my loving rain, now it only reassembles all of my pain.
I am getting more driven by our past, while waiting for meeting you to die as fast.
The more my memory bell the rings, The more it reminds me how much those human stinks.
I also have the power to destroy, while laughing out when seeing it with joy.
How dare they treat me as they known me, while my ability and my power limit never ever shown me.
Why fate let others to snatch, like which they should never dare to catch.
While I was spending my life as redden page, but you caught me with yours soften gaze.
I hesitate to find someone in the darkest dare, while I found my soulmate who kept me with the sweetest care.
You think you just died for me, while I made myself tied for you.
I never even loved myself, until I realize I don't live for me myself.
You died for me we know it both, while other making things up like we show it truth.
Fly through the history I were rebel and bad, Because I was a general don't know to be sad.
Countless battle made me bare all pains, because I am the one who dare to drain.
My shoulders died like dried petals, but I had to continue those fired battles.
How a cold hearted who never lose, can accept deities' unfair drools.
The realization of all my life fighting for good, While other treated me and you as all their mood.
They think they won? By making my anger more than a ton!
Here I made the history of that flood, by making the feud with their blood.
They think I will scream for changing the history, While I see it out as my victory.
The more I am killing those evil, the more I am awakening my inside devil.
I am not a psycho who will kill them for hype, it's them who killed the jade of my life.
Here I am finding you at night in dark, Because I kill at day countless shark.
You know I will find you, even it cost my life for you.
No matter when I will be back, Neither the fight with fate will ruin in a slack.
It would be a shame, if everything remains same.
thousand dates of melting snow passing in a chance, because I didn't see you're charming glance.
few people made me slightest joy, while the vision of you made them destroy.
I recall that unknown surprise you bring, it still chained up in my neck like a string.
No matter how much courage I gather to earn, it seems like there was never my turn.
It may look like I don't do any care, but the fire inside me brew others to scare.
After that day of your bloody rains, the rain keeps visible my deepest stains.
I showed innocence, when there was no violence.
We lived for each other we hidden it inside, it would be a shame again if we let it slide.
I will be back for you countless time, even if I have to make Thousand Rhyme.