"Why on earth is this happening to me?!"
I screamed at the top of my lungs, sprinting desperately through the thick undergrowth as a monstrous, multi-eyed beast charged relentlessly right behind me. Thick, acidic saliva dripped from its gaping maw, sizzling violently the absolute second it splattered onto the forest floor.
Leaping forward, I dove headfirst into a dense cluster of thorny bushes. I pressed my back flat against the damp earth, squeezing my eyes shut and trying with all my might to steady my ragged, trembling breathing. My heart pounded so violently against my ribs I was certain the monster would hear it.
"Why do I always, always end up in these kinds of situations?!" I whispered fiercely to myself.
A Few Hours Earlier
Our newly expanded party had been traveling through the dense forest toward the nearest hidden demon village, exactly as planned. Verixa, as usual, was leading the march from the very front—boasting endlessly about her inevitable imperial greatness while Valkira walked a step behind, nodding along dutifully and showering her with absolute praise. Every now and then, I tossed in a sarcastic, teasing comment from the back just to see the kid pout.
That was when I noticed Alira trailing silently behind the rest of the group, her arms crossed and her expression distant. Slowing my pace, I let the demons pull ahead and walked alongside the elf archer.
"Miss Alira—"
"Alira is fine," she interrupted curtly, not even looking at me.
"Alright then, Alira. Don't you get completely bored walking all the way back here by yourself? Why not join the rest of us up front?"
Her emerald eyes narrowed slightly as she glanced at me. "I do not particularly enjoy making casual conversation with those who, for whatever selfish reason, decided to start a catastrophic war."
I scratched the back of my neck, feeling the sudden weight of the tension. "I mean… yeah, fair enough. But the war is technically over now, right? You can afford to relax a little bit. I can personally assure you that underneath all the scary armor and titles, they're actually good people—"
"Whether they are good or bad does not matter," Alira cut me off, her voice dropping to a cold whisper. "The undeniable fact remains—they fought. They destroyed lives. And I simply cannot understand why a human from another world would ever willingly choose to join them."
I lowered my gaze, staring down at my dirt-caked sneakers as I mumbled under my breath. "Well… I had a reason. A pretty big reason…"
It was a reason I couldn't exactly say out loud to an isolationist elf—like the terrifying fact that the human army had already branded me a traitorous criminal, and if I ever tried to go back to my own kind, they'd put my head on a spike.
Alira's sharp, analytical eyes immediately caught my hesitation. "And what exact reason is that, Zacken?"
Before I could even attempt to fabricate a lie, Verixa suddenly chimed in from the front, turning around with her signature, insufferable smugness. "Because he's my legally bound minion, obviously!"
Alira blinked, her stoic composure cracking into pure disbelief. "A minion?! You actively sided with demons instead of your own human flesh and blood?"
Valkira folded her arms over her chest, stepping in and sneering defensively at the elf. "Of course he did. Zacken chose us over those filthy, hypocritical human soldiers who attacked an entire village and slaughtered innocent civilians without mercy."
I let out a miserable groan, burying my face in my hands. "Well… all of that still doesn't change the fact that if I had to be violently iseakied into another world, I would have vastly preferred to be summoned by a beautiful human princess, not this brat."
I pointed a finger accusingly at Verixa—only to immediately regret it as her deceptively small mouth clamped down hard on my index finger.
"Ow! Ow! That hurts! Let go!" I yelped, hopping on one foot as I desperately tried to pull my hand free. For a ten-year-old, her jaws possessed the literal crushing power of iron clamps.
Alira watched the display, entirely unimpressed as she crossed her arms. "If this is the kind of company you keep, Earthling, then the elves' offer to stay in our village is infinitely better than traveling with this circus."
The words had barely left her mouth before a silver flash cut through the air. Valkira's greatsword was instantly resting a mere millimeter from Alira's throat, her crimson eyes flashing with an intensely lethal, demonic aura.
"So that is your hidden agenda?" Valkira said darkly, her voice dripping with venom. "You think you can just slyly steal Zacken away from us?"
Alira didn't even flinch. Stepping back smoothly, she instantly notched an arrow from her quiver, drawing the bowstring back in one fluid, terrifying motion. "I am not afraid of a demon warrior who blindly takes orders from a screaming toddler."
Verixa stomped her foot against the dirt, her cheeks puffing up in pure rage. "Hey! I am not a child—I am the literal Demon Queen!"
Sensing an immediate bloodbath, I frantically shoved my hands between the two weapon-wielding women. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Can we please not point deadly weapons at each other on day one of the road trip?!"
Both Alira and Valkira slowly turned their terrifying, murderous glares entirely toward me.
"Stay out of this, Earthling!" they snapped in perfect unison.
I let out a nervous, high-pitched laugh, slowly raising my hands and taking three large steps backward. Yeah… definitely safer not to meddle in this.
Then, Verixa's voice suddenly cracked, her tough facade completely crumbling. "Valkira, stop it! You too, Elf!"
But neither warrior lowered their stance, their eyes locked in a silent game of chicken.
"Forgive me, My Queen," Valkira said through gritted teeth, "but I cannot allow her to disrespect our empire or attempt to take Zacken from our ranks."
"My apologies, kid," Alira replied coldly, her fingers steady on the bowstring. "But I cannot agree to your terms."
Verixa's lower lip began to tremble violently as big, heavy tears welled up in her golden-crimson eyes. Her voice came out small, broken, and thoroughly shaky. "I… I am the queen… you know… You are supposed to listen to me…!"
Seeing the genuine tears on the young queen's face, both warriors froze. The intense bloodlust vanished in an instant. Looking thoroughly guilty, Valkira lowered her sword, and Alira slowly tensioned down her bow.
"Well, that's great," I said quickly, clapping my hands together to violently shatter the awkward silence. "As an official start to a beautiful new friendship, maybe you two could awkwardly shake hands—"
The dual, razor-sharp glares they shot me silenced me instantly. I coughed awkwardly into my fist and decided to drop it.
Without a word, Valkira turned on her heel and began marching ahead silently, and Alira quickly followed behind her, keeping her distance. The atmosphere within our small group grew uncomfortably, painfully quiet as we continued down the path.
After what felt like an eternity, Verixa slowed her pace until she was walking right beside me. She reached out, gently tugging on the sleeve of my tracksuit jacket, and whispered, "Zacken… do you have any idea what we should do? It feels really weird if our whole journey stays quiet like this."
"Well, I have a few ideas," I whispered back with a helpless, half-hearted laugh. "But with the explosive temper on those two, it's probably a lot safer for my health if I don't meddle in their business."
"Hmm…" Verixa tapped her chin in deep, mischievous thought, her eyes darting between the back of Valkira's armor and Alira's golden hair. Suddenly, her face brightened with a terrible idea.
"Hey, Valkira! And Elf—no, I mean, Big Sis Alira!" Verixa shouted at the top of her lungs. "Zacken just told me he desperately wants to learn how to fight!"
"Huh?!" My eyes went wide, and I froze in absolute shock.
"Hey! Are you completely insane?!" I whispered harshly to Verixa, panicking. "If you tell them something like that, they're going to—"
Before I could even finish my threat, Valkira stopped in her tracks and nodded decisively. "I accept. It is absolutely for the best that he learns how to protect himself. It will also be a great tactical help to our queen if our companion isn't completely defenseless."
Alira stopped as well, raising an elegant eyebrow as she turned around. "What do you mean? Is an Earthling not supposed to be a natural-born fighter with innate cheat abilities?"
"Well…" I let out a thoroughly awkward, self-deprecating laugh. "Maybe I'm just uniquely defective. A hero? I'd love to call myself that—but considering I'm currently helping the demon race, I think 'villain' probably fits my track record a lot better. Truth is, guys… I'm pretty much entirely useless in a fight."
"No! You are not useless at all, Zacken," Alira said firmly, her sudden seriousness catching me completely off guard. "Because of your knowledge, we elves finally possess the means to purify our sacred Heartwood."
Valkira nodded in rare agreement with the elf. "If you hadn't used your strange tactics during the ambush, many of our surviving kind would have perished in that forest—and our queen would have been publicly executed. You are far from useless."
"Really?" I asked, a tiny, genuine flicker of hope lighting up in my chest. "I'm… actually not useless?"
"Well, not completely," Verixa chimed in, brutally shattering the heartwarming moment with her usual bluntness. "But it would be really nice if you had a broken cheat ability like the other Earthlings in the storybooks. Then we would have already won the entire war by now—so yeah, you're still useless, but only a little bit!"
"Wow. Thanks for the overwhelming encouragement, kid," I muttered, my shoulders slumping dejectedly.
Valkira cleared her throat, drawing her training dagger. "If you truly wish to learn the arts of combat, then it is best if you start with the foundation of—"
"A sword," Valkira declared.
"A bow," Alira countered at the exact same second.
An uncomfortably awkward silence descended upon the forest once more as the two warriors locked eyes, their competitive streaks instantly flaring up.
"As an honorary hero among our kin, it is only fitting that he wields a blade! The sword is the universal symbol of true heroism!" Valkira argued, crossing her arms.
"But since he doesn't even know the bare basics of footwork or martial combat, it is infinitely smarter for him to learn archery first," Alira countered smoothly, her voice laced with logic. "He can keep his distance and defend himself safely without getting trampled."
Their voices began to rise, their arguments flaring up into a rapid-fire debate, and before the weapons could inevitably come out for a second round, I quickly stepped between them, raising my hands in total surrender.
"Alright, alright! Stop! I'll just learn both! I'll learn the sword and the bow!" I yelled, desperate to keep the peace.
Which brings us right back to the present.
As I lay completely frozen inside the thorny bushes, holding my breath as the massive, multi-eyed beast sniffed the air just three feet away, a horrifying realization dawned on me.
When they said they were going to teach me the basics of hunting and survival… I didn't think their version of a lesson was using me as live bait!