"Eh?! Who the hell are you, huh? What're you doing over here, punk? You got some business here, kid? What the hell does a rookie-"
"Please shut the hell up," I deadpanned, taking a step back as a Team Rocket grunt shouted directly into my face. The man was on the shorter and thinner side, so I definitely wasn't intimidated by him - instead, my step back came more so from the fact that he was spitting all over me!
His rapid questions, as well as the constant changing of nouns from 'punk' to 'kid' to 'rookie,' were more than a bit annoying, but unfortunately, I had to deal with this man. And, I also had to deal with the similarly built Team Rocket grunt standing next to him, as both of them were blocking off the entrance to the Silph Co. building.
"W-Wait a second, dude! Isn't that… isn't she… isn't that woman… isn't that person… isn't that individual… isn't that humanoid-" The first guard started, his finger jutting in the air a bit fearfully towards the woman standing next to me.
"Just spit it out, man!" The grunt next to the first one slapped him on the back, and the first grunt finally got his words out.
"Sabrina! That woman's the gym leader!" He finally shouted, immediately taking a step back as he reached down and snatched a pokeball off the belt surrounding his waist, "S-She's like the super creepy… super mysterious… super ominous… super unknown… super chilling… super alarming… super-"
"What the fuck is wrong with this guy?" I interrupted again, staring blandly at the guy, and then glancing back at the four women behind me, "Is this, like, some joke I'm missing out on? Why the hell is he talking like that?"
"No clue," Joy responded to my question, glancing over at the grunt just as blandly as I was, but Jessie perked up.
"O-Oh! He's trying to get a promotion! I know him!" Jessie butted in, stepping forward as she peered forward at the grunt, squinting her eyes even as she was only a foot or so away from him, "James! How have you been?"
I blinked at her words, narrowing my eyes as I stared at the man. By James, she didn't mean the same James from the show, right? She was the same Jessie, but… this guy didn't look anything like him! And I didn't remember James speaking so stupidly!
"Jessie?" The first grunt, James, responded as he reached up, pulling the floppy hat off his head. And, as he did, I blinked in surprise - because he had purple-blue hair, and now that I saw the whole image, he was definitely the same James from the show. He was a bit on the younger side than I remembered, looking to be around twenty, rather than his mid-to-late twenties.
"Wow, I haven't seen you since the training days, James! How have you been?" Jessie stepped forward excitedly, causing the second grunt to stare at her strangely as she did, but James answered just as excitedly.
"Yeah, it's been a whole month! I've been great! I got kicked out of my new squad on the first day, but they gave me another chance here!" James exclaimed excitedly, as his enthusiasm definitely didn't match the words he was saying. I glanced at him blandly, both at his 'whole month' statement, and the one about being kicked out of his squad on the first day.
"Really?! Lucky! I got fired!" Jessie huffed, shaking her head lightly, "The training instructor wasn't lying about the real job being so tough! I thought the training was hard, but being in the field was totally different!"
"Right?! I thought they were making it harder to prepare us!" James nodded rapidly in agreement, "When we kept failing the training tests, I thought we'd be fine in the real field, but no way!"
I watched the exchange dryly, glancing back and forth between the two. It was seriously impressive that they both managed to fail as Team Rocket grunts, because the bar really couldn't have been that high. Pretty much every grunt I had met so far had been pretty stupid, or at least absolutely terrible at battling, so they both must've been really bad to not only fail the grunt training, but also both immediately fail their actual jobs as well. Granted, I was the one who was largely responsible for Jessie's failure in Mt. Moon.
"O-Oh, but I can't keep chatting! I have to remember what our training instructor taught us!" James' face shifted, becoming steeled as he resolved himself, and then spoke again to Jessie, "Jessie, even if you're a former friend… a former comrade… a former partner… a former companion… a former acquaintance… a former-"
"Your instructor told you to talk like that?" I butted in again dryly, looking at the man incredulously. How the hell was speaking like that part of the Team Rocket grunt training?!
"No, he told us to 'always be consistent,'" Jessie shot down my question, nodding sagely as she did.
"Then… why the hell are you talking like that?!" I finally snapped, glaring accusingly at James, who folded under my glare.
"W-Well, he also told us to stand out!" He huffed defensively, "If I want to become more than just a grunt, then I need a gimmick! Every good Team Rocket member has a gimmick!"
"I… don't think they do," I countered dryly, but he shook his head firmly.
"They do! Like, our instructor's gimmick was being a con artist who called himself John Smith!" I blinked at his words, as their failures were starting to make a bit more sense, "And, the boss' gimmick is being a mafia boss! I need one too!"
If these two were direct students of John Smith, whose real name still definitely wasn't John Smith, and who tried to convince me that an Abra was a Ho-Oh, then I could definitely see why they were both so terrible at being grunts. Seriously, that guy was a whole different level of stupid with his 'bet,' where he lost and pretty much just gave me an Abra for free.
"Anyway, if you guys know each other, then… you can let us through, right?" I tried, giving James the most friendly grin I could, even as it was obviously fake and strained, "You wouldn't want to be fighting with your old partner, right?"
"Yeah, that's true! We're supposed to guard this door, but I guess since it's Jessie, we could let you guys go in-guh!" James started to agree, before the guard next to him jammed his elbow into his side and then glared at him.
"This is why you're in danger of being fired, idiot! The orders were to let no one come through!" The man said seriously, standing up straight as he puffed out his chest and glared at us, "No one is getting into this building! I don't care if she's your friend - no one is coming through! If you got a problem with that, then I'll kick your ass in a battle and send you packin'!"
My eyes widened slightly as the grunt was… competent? He was just… actually doing his job? He was really guarding the door? Seriously, not letting anyone through? There had to be something wrong here! Every trainer here, Team Rocket grunt or not, had been an idiot! There's no way this random guard was an exception!
But a bit of hope welled up within me. A trainer that wasn't wholly incompetent? I was hopeful, but it was time to give him one simple test - a test of his intelligence, to see if he really was the chosen trainer! If this random grunt was actually intelligent, then I was sure as hell going to bust into the building, kick Giovanni's ass, and then bring him with me! I'd finally had a competent training partner! I could envision it now - us battling together at the peak of Mt. Moon, my chosen rival as I became the Champion!
"Your orders were to let 'no one come through?'" I asked, my lips curving up into a grin, "Well, my name just so happens to be 'No One.'"
Honestly, for an intelligence test, this one was really easy. I definitely should've tried something more complicated, but I was really hoping this guard was truly a competent one. And, in my hope, I had given him a ridiculously easy task - just call me out on my bullshit! Tell me that there wasn't anyone named 'No One,' and stop my trick in its tracks! As long as this grunt had the smallest inkling of intelligence, he would easily be able to-
"Oh! You're the guy we're supposed to let through, then!" The grunt abruptly did a 180, nodding sagely as he reached up and gave me a mock salute, "What are you doing, James?! Move over! This is No One!"
I stared at the man blankly, and all my future plans crumbled away. I would never find anyone competent in this world, and I would never find a good battle-sparring partner. But, as James started to speak again, I felt the slightest bit of hope.
"H-Huh? But I didn't know we were waiting for someone to let in," James countered, but his face twisted with focus as he thought, and then he shrugged, "But the orders were to let 'no one come through,' and if this is No One… then we should let him through!"
As he stepped aside, giving me a clear line to the door, any hope I had was dashed away. I just sighed, stepped forward, and passed the two grunts as I grabbed the handle of the door, "Yeah… good work, guys."
It was not good work. It was terrible work, to the point that, even while it was helping me out, I was embarrassed for the Team Rocket personnel.
"W-Wait, Jessie, you know No One? I thought you were fired!" James leaned forward, whisper-shouting to Jessie, even as I could hear him easily, "If the boss said to specifically let him through, then he's gotta be a big shot! Can you put in a word for me?!"
I mentally prepared for Jessie to break the charade, as while she was a bit better than most trainers, I still doubted her ability to maintain the lie. She'd either expose that I wasn't really named 'No One,' or she would try to keep up the lie, but do it so poorly that even these two idiotic grunts would notice. Either way, we were about to be busted-
"I-I didn't know he was so important until now! I thought his name was Red!" Jessie and James couldn't see it, but I stumbled and nearly fell over as Jessie spoke, "But he is really good at battling… I should've known! I never suspected he'd be in tight with the boss! He must be a huge deal in Team Rocket!"
I had to pause my steps as I processed her words, taking in the sheer stupidity I had heard. Jessie, after spending numerous days with me, didn't pick up on the fact that I was tricking the grunts, and… just thought I was really a Team Rocket executive?! That I was really secretly named 'No One?!'
"Can you believe this shit?" I asked bluntly, glancing over my shoulder at Joy, who was also looking at Jessie dryly.
"May… maybe she's just a really good actress?" Joy tried to give Jessie the benefit of the doubt, but we both knew that wasn't true. But, at least it was only Jessie who really believed my lies, because Misty was looking at James and Jessie dryly as well, and Sabrina was… looking at me suspiciously?
"You… you're really a member of Team Rocket?! Is this some kind of trick?!" She hissed, glaring at me as she reached down, placing her hand on one of the pokeballs in her pocket, "You're trying to kidnap me, huh, No One?!"
Well, Jessie was almost the only other person stupid enough to believe my lies. I just looked at Sabrina with a deadpan, and then sighed as I turned around again.
"Trust me, I don't want to kidnap you. Somehow, you're the most annoying out of all of them," I told her dryly, stepping into the building, as Sabrina, somehow, despite having the reputation for being cold, serious, and mysterious, was nearly as clueless as Jessie was, "We're heading in, Jessie! Misty, can you go grab Officer Jenny? We won't take long."
Misty nodded at my words, then turned around and started walking away from the building, as we had discussed this plan beforehand. In order to ensure that none of the Team Rocket members got away once Giovanni was defeated, we needed to have Officer Jenny close by and ready to arrest them at a moment's notice. I figured if I dragged her here beforehand, she'd just get in the way, so instead, Misty was going to go get her while we climbed up through the Silph Co. building. Then, she'd catch up with us at the top, and we'd catch Giovanni at the perfect moment.
"R-Right! I have to go, James, but it was good seeing you again!" Jessie said quickly as she stepped past him to follow me, "I picked a good guy to follow, huh?! I'll ask him to give you a promotion!"
"Really?! Thanks! I-I mean… thanks… salutations… appreciate it… I am grateful… I am-"
I tuned James out as I glanced around the interior of the building, which looked pretty typical for a corporate office building. There was a front desk straight in front of me, which was completely empty as there were no objects on it, nor anyone behind it. To the side, there were various cabinets, chairs, and a table strewn throughout the rather large room.
"If I were stairs, where would I be-" I started to mutter, before I took a step to the side, and promptly saw a set of stairs wedged behind a set of cabinets, which was somewhat hidden. Well, there was no point in wasting time, so I stepped forward, walked around the cabinets, and started climbing the stairs as the group of women followed me.
"T-This is kind of risky, huh? I feel a bit excited…" Sabrina muttered behind me, glancing around with a nervous look on her face, "We're really breaking into a building…"
"It's hardly 'breaking in,'" I called behind me a bit dryly, "It was already broken into. We're just removing the guys who broke in. We won't get in trouble or anything - if anything, the police will thank us."
I hoped Officer Jenny would, at least, because I was doing her damn job for her! I should really be getting paid for this, but I at least expected some gratitude, damn it!
We continued to scale up the stairs until they came to an end, turning outward into a doorway, which led into another large room. It looked pretty similar to the bottom floor one, with a bunch of cabinets, chairs, and tables strewn throughout it. As I stepped into it, my footsteps immediately grabbed the attention of the man inside, who tensed as he glared at the doorway.
"Intruders! You guys aren't wearing the Team Rocket uniform!" The Team Rocket grunt shouted, jutting his finger at us threateningly, "Leave now, or I'll make you!"
"What if I told you I was… No One," I shot back dramatically, pausing as I pointed back. However, much to my disappointment, the man just… looked at me strangely.
"What… what does that mean? Wait, 'No One?' That's your name? Well, the boss did say that we had to let No One get through to the top floor-" He finally said, but shook his head quickly as he reached down at a pokeball hanging off the belt around his waist, "Wait, I learned about this from the training instructor! I won't fall for cheap psychological tricks! I bet that's not even you're real name!"
Whoa, 'John Smith' of all people was warning his grunts about people tricking them with fake names? I didn't know if that was ironic or impressive, but either way, it didn't matter. I glanced over at Sabrina and then raised my arm - pointing at the grunt again.
"Sabrina, take him out," I told her bluntly, and she blinked rapidly, then glanced over at me.
"Me?"
"Is there another Sabrina here?" I asked her dryly, then resisted face-palming as she glanced around, peering over at Jessie and Joy.
"Does he mean one of you two? I didn't know you guys were named Sabrina too!"
"No, you idiot! They're not! You're the only Sabrina here!" I groaned, grabbing her shoulder as I pulled her attention back to me, "And, you remember our plan, right?"
"Um… yes!" Sabrina nodded rapidly, abruptly turning forward as she narrowed her eyes at the grunt, and her face turned dark, "You… I have seen your future…"
As she did, I looked at her blandly, because this was definitely not the plan. She was supposed to whip out her overpowered-ass Psychic pokemon right now, and kick the asses of all the guards as we climbed up to the top of Silph Co.! I didn't want mine to get tired on the trip up, as I would be the one to face Giovanni at the top, so this was supposed to be her job.
"W-What?! My future?" But, as the grunt stuttered and leaned back, a bit of fear in his eyes, I couldn't help but look at her approvingly. If she could just scare the guards into letting us through, then this would definitely be a much quicker process overall.
"Yes… if you do not let us pass… and continue to go up those stairs…" Sabrina pointed past the man at another set of stairs, which a doorway in the wall behind him led into, "Something very bad… will await you…"
"V-Very bad?" The grunt stuttered, his eyes going wide as he stared at Sabrina, "W-Wait, you're that gym leader who can see the future, aren't you?! I-I don't want something bad to happen to me!"
"Then, you… must let us pass…" Sabrina finished menacingly, but then blinked as her dark expression faded away for a second and her face twisted in thought, but then returned a word later, "Oh! A-And, ahem, you… must not tell anyone about this… or… that bad thing will be… even badder! A-And, when Officer Jenny arrives in a few minutes, you… also must let her pass! Or, it'll be even… badder!"
I looked at her dryly as she finished, as I was certain she had just botched the whole thing. I knew that the grunts around here were pretty stupid, but that last part was the most obviously made-up thing I had ever heard! 'Even badder?' Seriously? What does that even mean?! And she said it twice!
"O-Ok! Go on through! I didn't see anything!" Apparently, the grunt didn't share my same concerns, because he hastily stepped to the side of the room, and literally bowed at Sabrina, "G-Go! J-Just don't make anything bad happen to me! A-And especially not badder!"
Make something bad happen to him? She's supposed to be able to see the future, not control it! These grunts were really a whole different level of clueless!
But, as we climbed the next set of stairs, that only made it easier for us. The next floor was riddled with more Team Rocket grunts, but a few intimidating sentences from Sabrina was all it took to make them step out of the way. Honestly, I was a bit disappointed with the money I was missing out on, but I couldn't be that disappointed - because that money would've been gained through constant annoying battles with all these grunts. They'd probably be pretty short, since I assumed they weren't the most talented of trainers, but the sheer number of them would've been annoying.
Because that sheer number was a lot! As in, every floor had, at minimum, two more guards waiting for us, and most of them had three, four, or even five. There was also the occasional scientist mixed in, who looked very uncomfortable being stuck in the same room as the much less couth grunts, but I didn't pay them much mind. I was just glad that we weren't having the hangup that was in the games - that being looking for keycards, and using random teleporting pads to explore each floor.
This world's technology was really quite a mystery, considering I couldn't get cellphone service out in the middle of a route - which were usually only a couple of miles away from any major city - and the pokedex was a crappy device that barely worked, but Silph Co. just casually had teleport pads! As in, you stand on it, and it teleports you to whichever one it's connected to! And they were just lying around randomly in all the rooms we went through! But, considering the building was both taken over by Team Rocket and in a rather underdeveloped region, I wasn't eager to risk trying any of the teleporters if I didn't need to.
In the games, they were necessary because you were searching for keycards to open the next floors, but here, the doors were just… already open. Which I was certainly happy about, and it made more sense to me overall - if Team Rocket had full control of the building, then why would they keep the keycard doors closed? It'd just be more annoying for them to traverse their own hideout, as they would have to scan the cards at every door. And, considering how incompetent Officer Jenny and Sabrina were, it wasn't like they were going to come busting in anytime soon. Even if they did, it wasn't like keycard-activated doors would stop an Arcanine that really wanted to bust through. I had seen Officer Jenny's, and let me tell you, that thing was a fire-breathing tank!
In the end, we climbed all the way to the seventh floor, of eleven total, before anything really interesting happened. The floor had four more grunts on it, but as Sabrina was scaring the shit out of them with her ominous words about their 'bad future,' a scientist speed-walked past them towards me.
"Y-You, you're Red, right?!" He asked quickly, and I just blinked, raising an eyebrow at the man. He looked rather plain, with just a thin face and a thin frame, and he was wearing a loose white lab coat covering his body.
"Do I know you?" I asked him bluntly, as while he didn't look familiar, I also didn't know about this body's past before I took over.
He said my name specifically, so I must've known him somehow, right? There was also a chance he was just someone who was a part of Professor Oak's staff, and I just didn't recognize him because I had barely paid them any mind as Professor Oak rushed me out of his lab. But, in that case, why would he be all the way in Saffron City?
"Ah, n-no, you don't know me, but I know you! I saw you on my TV the other day!" The man exclaimed to me excitedly, stuttering slightly as he seemed a bit nervous, "You're a new up-and-coming trainer in Kanto!"
I blinked, staring at him blankly. The TV? How the hell did this guy see me on TV?! I've never been on TV!
"How the hell did you-" I started to verbalize my thoughts, but he interrupted me as he reached down, pulled a pokeball out of his pocket, and then shoved it at me bluntly.
"Y-You're here to get rid of these criminals with the gym leader, right? If so, then take this!" He pushed the pokeball towards me, shoving it into my chest hurriedly, "It'll help you!"
In response, I just stared at him blankly. My eyes trailed down to the random pokeball, and then back up to him, as I spoke dryly, "You're going to need to explain a bit more than that. You can't just randomly say you saw me on TV and then shove a random pokeball at me-"
"T-There's no time! At any minute, they could catch me!" The scientist sputtered out, pointing over shakily at the crowd of grunts, who were all staring at Sabrina with various terrified looks on their face, "Just take it!"
"I think we actually have lots of time," I deadpanned as he grabbed my arm, shoving the ball into my hand forcefully, "Also, you know you're just giving me a pokeball, right? This isn't some kind of drug deal. Even if it was, I think they would join in rather than stop us."
Seriously, why was this guy so insistent and nervous about a single pokeball? Was there secretly some contraband pokemon in here? Did contraband pokemon even exist?
"J-Just take it, and use it to get rid of Team Rocket!" He spat out again, speaking so quickly I could barely understand him, "A-And, you need to get to the top floor quickly! I have no idea what those two have planned, but it can't be good!"
Those two? Then, it wasn't just Giovanni running the show?
"I plan to head up there in a moment," I nodded, but then raised an eyebrow at him again, "But, first, what's in this pokeball, and how did you see me on TV-"
"There's no time! You must go quickly!" The scientist interrupted me again, and my expression turned dry.
"There's enough time, so just tell me-" I started, but was quickly cut off.
"You must go quickly!"
"Why the hell would I need to be in such a rush-" I tried again, but he cut me off again.
"Now! You have to go now and stop them!"
"Stop giving me these NPC-ass lines and just-" I groaned, staring at the man like he was crazy, because he definitely was! What was with these repeated NPC-esque dialogues?!
"There's no time to waste speaking! Go, Red! Stop them!"
"Seriously, in the time it took you to say all that, you could've just told me how you saw me on-"
"You must go right now! Go quickly, Red! That pokemon will help you!"
"Alright, fuck you," I told him bluntly, turning away from the scientist. I was still a bit weary about accepting the random pokeball he gave me, but at this point, I think it would be more hassle than it was worth to give it back. More than that, his interruptions were seriously pissing me off! If I really were featured on some TV channel, then I was sure I'd run into someone else, who was hopefully less difficult to deal with, who could explain why to me. So, I gave up on trying to talk with the scientist.
"Come on, Sabrina, Jessie, Joy," I just called to the three women, shoving the new pokeball in my pocket as I stepped past the terrified guards and continued up the flight of stairs, "Annoying bastard… isn't he supposed to be a scientist? Why was he stupid?"
Granted, the man was less so stupid and more so really insistent on me climbing the floors and taking out Giovanni as quickly as possible. Maybe he was just a speedrunner in another life?
Luckily for him, the next few floors blew by in a flash, as there were just more grunts, scientists, and one Nurse Joy who had been held captive - and who even offered to heal up my pokemon! Of course, I had yet to battle anyone, so I didn't need that. Aside from my Joy glaring a hole into her when she spoke to me, there wasn't any trouble up until the final floor, as every, literally every, Team Rocket grunt fell for Sabrina's ominous words and let us through without any trouble. The level of intelligence amongst the trainer population, even the criminal ones, never stopped amazing me.
Finally, we reached the top floor, and there was a singular door in our way. I paused for a second in front of it, glancing over my shoulder as I gave my companions a warning.
"This is the top floor, so be prepared. I'll try to handle everything, but…" I turned back to the door, steeling my face, "Be ready to help out if I need you to."
So far, I hadn't faced a real challenge yet in this world, but I felt like that was about to change. Giovanni was not only the gym leader for the 8th gym in the games, but also the leader of Team Rocket - he had intelligence, ruthlessness, and a team that far out-leveled mine right now. Even if I was still a bit doubtful about him being a real, intelligent trainer, he didn't fully need to be. As long as he was the slightest bit more competent than the other trainers I had faced, the close-quarter battle and his more powerful pokemon would be enough to make the battle hellish for me to win.
Luckily, Sabrina was with me, and she had an overpowered, higher-leveled team herself. If it came down to it, she could help me jump the hell out of Giovanni - because he was taking an entire building hostage, so I didn't think anyone would complain if I broke the 'one-versus-one' trainer rules. I was confident that together we could defeat him, but if things really got bad, I still had Mewtwo sitting in my backpack. If shit hit the fan, I'd just chuck him out, let him go crazy, and then recall him before anyone got seriously hurt.
I reached forward, placing my hand on the door handle as I heard three inhales behind me, and the three women steeled themselves for the challenge ahead. However, as I was about to pull open the door, I paused as a voice carried through.
"I have more than enough manpower, Giovanni. I don't see why I would need a partnership with you."
The words themselves weren't what made me pause, but instead, it was because the voice sounded… high-pitched? As in, it was a woman speaking, and I assumed that Giovanni hadn't suddenly become a woman. Though this world seemed pretty crazy already, so what did I know?
"Your manpower and my manpower are different. Your goody-two-shoes scientists can't do what we can," A deeper voice, which I assumed was actually Giovanni's, responded, sounding a bit muffled through the door, "If what you wanted to do came out, then you'd be in a lot of hot water, wouldn't ya? We can handle the dirty work no problem…"
"From all the way over here? I think I could find good enough help closer by…" The female voice responded a bit doubtfully, and I finally decided that I couldn't listen any longer!
Not because of any moral obligation or rage, but instead because I… had no idea what they were talking about, and didn't really care either. I was just here to kick Giovanni's ass and get a gym badge, so I had no reason to eavesdrop!
I pulled the door outward, stepping forward casually as I glanced inside, and quickly took note of the two individuals inside it. One of them was the man I expected to see, but the other one was-
"Momm- Sorry, I mean, Momm- sorry, I mean- ahem," I shook my head rapidly as my eyes went wide, shaking away the intrusive thoughts as I focused on the woman who I definitely didn't expect to be here. In case it wasn't clear already, it was a woman who shouldn't even be in this region, who was named-
"Lusamine?"
What the hell was this woman doing here?! We were in Kanto, damn it!
Suddenly, I felt like I was taking the easy road so far for granted, and I was about to receive the challenge I wanted tenfold.
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AN: Thank you for reading! The next chapter will be posted in around 10 days!
This story is also updated twice as often on my Patreon, which has 10 more chapters posted already! Patreon.com/Koyon ! (Chapters are only available to the MAX and Earliest Bird tiers)