"Throne of the Fallen."
Yohan whispered as he found himself sitting on his familiar cot, in the same position he had been in when he leaned to peer into the tomb.
Huh? I'm...back?
He looked around sceptically and briefly palpated his joints, a strange, unstable smile surfacing on his face.
I am home. I really...
He pressed his palm to his head.
What is this empty, soothing feeling? My head feels immensely vast and clear — like the foggy cloudiness I always felt clogging through it has lifted. Have I awakened?
He lowered his palm and turned it over, closing it into a loose fist as subtle vascular lines appeared along his arm, thinning near the knuckles.
"Throne..."
I definitely saw something in that tomb, but I can't recall what. Despite feeling my mind calm and clear, it feels like there's a thin opaque wall somewhere at the back of my head.
Yohan looked around his room with a homesick nostalgia and climbed down from the cot.
Hm... something feels different about my room but I can't tell what. Was I supposed to wake up in bed?
Okay — so I leaned to peek into that tomb, saw something briefly, felt compelled to say "Throne of..." wait — what was the rest of it...uh... As I said the phrase I was already back on my cot.
Yohan rolled his shoulders and felt something inscrutably uncanny about his body, then pirouetted and threw a double kick into the air.
THK!
"Ow…crap!"
His ankle caught the desk as he spun around — of course his room was hardly spacious enough for acrobatics.
Did I always feel this light and unrestricted? I can't tell if something has genuinely changed. I can barely remember how I moved before spending that absurd stretch of time in that serene hell.
At the thought of that place, a cold shudder passed through him followed by an involuntary snicker.
I assumed awakening would be a little more dramatic. Apparently it's even more mundane than I was led to believe. Have I truly awakened?
He stilled his thoughts, stood quietly, and closed his eyes, attempting to concentrate.
Maybe I should try drawing out my—
"Yohan, what are you doing just standing there?"
Yohan winced as he opened his eyes and stuttered to answer—but halted as a faint smile surfaced unconsciously on his face, though it looked utterly unsettling paired with his eerily still eyes.
However...
"Ha...are you still playing in your imagination like you used to as a child?" ...She murmured with a quiet laugh, her voice warm and unbothered by it.
He spoke after a brief pause.
"Uhm...no, uh...not exactly. I was just ah..."
"What do you want to eat today? I'll cook anything you say. We're having a feast tonight."
...Where did that come from?
"Anything you wish, what happened?"
"Mom! Mom!" Siyun's voice reverberated through the house from downstairs.
"Siyun, I'm coming." She turned toward the door, then looked back at Yohan, holding up a white envelope.
"C-congratulations. You've received your admission letter from IATS."
Yohan stared at her, processing what she had just said, and opened his mouth after a pause — though his expression remained perfectly still.
"Eh...wha—?"
"Mom, I can't find it. Come down first, quickly!" Siyun's voice cut through again.
"Don't shout, Siyun, I'm coming." His mother replied, suppressing her own volume, then turned back to Yohan. "Come downstairs too — I have a lot to talk about. I'm so happy today." She handed him the envelope and went downstairs.
Yohan was freakishly baffled, not quite processing what she meant by an admission letter. No noticeable change showed on his face — spending that prolonged, uncertain stretch of time in that strange realm had apparently dulled his capacity to express emotion vividly, leaving it to stabilise gradually on its own.
"What...the...f**king... hell?!" As Yohan opened the envelope and read it, his mind stalled beyond comprehension. He patted his pockets— though they were empty in his unfamiliar gray pyjamas, then checked the cot, then finally found what he was looking for under the desk.
His phone. As Intimate as ever.
'9 months?!' He was close to hyperventilating. 'Did I really spend 9 months in that damn world?'
The screen read: 1 July, 1317. The date on the admission letter matched.
And how in the hell did I qualify for the Iystoria Academy of Technology and Science... was I sleepwalking through these past nine months? A wavering frown subtly surfaced. The f*ck...what's happening?
He pressed a hand to his chest and steadied his breathing, then dragged his fingers across his brow.
'I can't remember anything like that happening...'
With countless questions scrambling through his head, he went downstairs assessing the letter with a complicated look. For a moment, he doubted if he was dreaming perhaps, however he dismissed this thought before it could even form clearly. Something within him insisted this was real and he had no desire to convince himself he was stuck in another loop. Yet he sure felt like he was missing something significant, but what was it? He couldn't quite articulate.
"Okay, I'm going. I'll call when needed, so don't fuss."
Yohan glanced at his sister as she headed out the main door — she looked noticeably different, more elated than her usual grouchy demeanour, and dressed unusually well in formal clothes.
His mother was arranging shoes back in the rack near the door, probably ones Siyun had scattered.
"By the way, where is she going?" Yohan asked, trying to sound casual and indifferent.
His mother gave an unreadable smile. "Where? She's going out with her fiancé."
'oh...huh?! Just when—' Yohan was stunned beyond words but showed none of it and before he could ask anything his mother added:
"Did you open your admission letter?"
"Uh, yeah I did read it but... I'm kinda confused or more like doubtful."
His mother frowned faintly through her smile. "About what?" She moved past him toward the kitchen.
Yohan followed and said hesitantly.""Uhm, nothing specific, I just... I'm not sure how I managed to rank high enough for admission into one of the top-tier government institutions for my bachelor's degree. So..."
"So what are you doubtful about? That you can't accept that you qualified?" She said softly, rinsing her hands at the sink. "I always believed you could do it— and you did." She turned back and gently patted his hair. "Don't doubt yourself. Chase your dream."
'My dream?' Something subtly shifted in his head, then settled. 'What an irony, I dunno if irony is even a correct word for this. At some point I was genuinely interested in science and all the rest of it, even wanted to be a researcher or something pertaining to it. But more than mine, it was my parents' dream to see me become an engineer — which eventually just became perceived as my own, despite the interest that quietly drained away over time.'
"But mom, you do realise, although it's government-operated, it still costs an astronomical sum. Can you really afford it? I mean..."
She opened the kitchen cupboard as she spoke tenderly. "You don't have to worry about anything except your studies from now on. Your sister has become a special educator at the Central School of Specialised Excellence — the salary there is quite good."
She set a chopping board on the counter and placed a knife on it, which made Yohan zone out for a moment. Then she settled into one of the chairs, taking a bowl from the fridge, and continued speaking while Yohan drifted in and out of his own thoughts, catching only fragments.
"And since your father is planning to move abroad — his trade has expanded considerably — we can manage your education with little trouble at most."
"I see..."
Yohan looked down at the letter in his hand, a faint jubilant smile surfacing with a hint of wistfulness in his eyes.
During the time when I was deliberating whether I truly wanted to live or not and finally concluded to live. I could have chosen the comparatively mundane route of engineering.
But I didn't.
Rather I decided to become a Seeker and get selected in an Awakened Academy.
Not because engineering felt too modest or being a Seeker sounded more appealing. It was money — and something slightly more than just money that I can't quite articulate.
I knew how absurdly expensive higher education was, whether offered through government institutions or private ones.
But that wasn't the same with Martial Seeker Universities.
For historical, bureaucratic, military, and other systematic reasons, that I barely understand—their education remained comparatively affordable, sometimes almost negligible for some.
Of course, I also knew what being a Seeker meant.
More danger.
More uncertainty.
Greater chances of dying young.
Yet strangely, that frightened me less.
Because what terrified me more was becoming a weight.
I didn't want my family carrying loans simply because I existed and happened to have ambitions.
People speak about death as if it is the greatest suffering imaginable, but I doubted that. If I chose engineering under those circumstances, perhaps I would have died hundreds of times instead—small deaths repeated daily through guilt, obligation, gratitude turning slowly into pressure, and pressure turning into something ugly.
I probably would have regretted each day under the strain of countless 'what ifs' ...
A single immediate death sounded easier to comprehend than living beside those questions every day.
Loans are frightening. Far more frightening than people admit. I don't possess many rigid principles. But if possible—
I want to live without owing someone my existence.
Yohan looked at his mother through narrowed eyes as she continued talking, her voice carrying unusual enthusiasm while she arranged lunch boxes carefully inside a paper bag.
I dunno, how and when...but things feel different now. It seems now I probably won't be spending years to repay the educational loans. So maybe...there's no real reason to so reluctant anymore about pursuing what they want from me.
"Why are you so quiet?" She furrowed her brows without losing her warm smile.
" Oh, nothing..." Yohan moved toward the stove and reached to turn it on. "I was just thinking how about I make you some tea, since you're so elated. You like the tea I make, so—"
"No, no, wait—"
However, he was immediately hampered by her, almost rushing toward the stove before he could turn it on.
"I'll make it myself along with the meal."
Without giving him much room to argue, she pushed the paper bag into his hands.
"Take this to your father's outlet."
Yohan looked down at the bag, then back at her with mild perplexity.
"...Okay."
Without saying anything else, he turned and walked toward the main door.
"Food will be ready by the time you're back." His mother called from behind.
" 'kay." Yohan sighed softly as he slipped on his grey-black slides. Ah, it's okay if you don't want to have tea made by me but, at least ask what I wanna eat. She forgot to ask again... Whatever.
He gave one last glance at the letter—
This damn so called fate, I detest and deny...surely knows how to twist strings and when to pull them.
—and slipped it under his pocket.
The door creaked open.
For a moment he simply stood there, looking at the dim morning outside, carrying the paper bag in one hand.
A faint melancholic smile surfaced on his face.
"Life really is unpredictable."
Then he stepped outside and closed the door behind him.