"Hey, Smaug! Wake up. I've come here to make you my pet."
Luke's voice rang through the treasure hall.
The sound carried across the cavern, echoing off stone and gold alike.
For a moment nothing happened.
Then the enormous head resting in the treasure shifted.
One eye opened.
A long, vertical pupil narrowed slowly as the dragon focused on the source of the voice.
Bilbo saw it move and immediately ducked behind Luke, his hand already reaching for the Ring in his pocket. If things went wrong—and they definitely would—he was ready to vanish.
The gold shifted again as he stirred.
Smaug lifted his massive head from the treasure, scales scraping against the coins. His movement sent small avalanches of gold sliding down the piles around him.
The great dragon slowly rose, stretching his neck upward. His wings rustled somewhere deeper in the hoard as his enormous body shifted beneath the treasure.
His eyes fixed on Luke.
A low rumble escaped Smaug's throat as he leaned forward, lowering his head closer to the strange human standing calmly before him.
Hot air flowed from the dragon's nostrils, stirring the coins on the ground.
For a long moment Smaug simply stared at him.
Then his deep voice rolled through the chamber.
"Well…"
The dragon's lips curled slightly, revealing rows of long teeth.
"What have we here?"
His massive head lowered further until his eyes were level with Luke.
"A man," Smaug said slowly, studying him. "Standing alone in my hall… and shouting like a fool."
"You have courage," Smaug murmured.
"Or perhaps you are simply very stupid."
Luke tilted his head slightly, as if considering the question seriously.
"Well… both," he said. "I've faced things far out of my league and nearly died more times than I can count, so courage came naturally after a while."
He shrugged lightly.
"The stupidity came later. That part is probably because of my family. When you care too much about people, you end up doing stupid things for them."
"And what," Smaug rumbled, his voice deep enough to make the coins tremble, "does your family have to do with waking me from my sleep?"
Luke looked up at the enormous dragon head hanging over him.
"Well," he said casually, "you know how families are. Sometimes they want pets."
Smaug's eyes narrowed slightly.
Luke gestured towards him.
"And that's where you come in," he continued. "I decided you'll be my pet."
For a moment the cavern was completely silent.
Then Smaug let out a slow, rumbling sound that echoed through the mountain.
It was laughter.
Smaug's chest shook slightly as the deep sound rolled across the treasure hall.
"A pet," Smaug repeated, amusement thick in his voice.
"You enter my mountain," Smaug said slowly, smoke drifting from his nostrils, "wake me from my slumber… and declare that I am to be your pet."
His lips curled back, revealing rows of long, gleaming teeth.
"Tell me, little man," Smaug continued, his voice dropping into a dangerous rumble, "have all humans become this entertaining… or are you a rare breed of fool?"
"Definitely a rare breed. Even my women say there isn't another man like me," Luke said with a proud smile.
If his women were here they would probably call him a scumbag for saying that—but they would also agree there wasn't another scumbag quite like him.
Smaug watched him without blinking, the great golden eye studying every movement.
"I could burn you where you stand," the dragon said slowly, smoke drifting from his nostrils. "Yet I will hold back my fire for the moment."
"You have entertained me," Smaug continued. "And I find you… amusing."
"I can also see you did not come here for gold."
The dragon's gaze briefly moved across the endless mountains of treasure surrounding them before returning to Luke.
"There is no greed in your eyes," Smaug rumbled. "No hunger for this hoard that men and dwarves would kill for."
"Break," Luke suddenly said, raising both hands like a referee stopping a soccer match.
Smaug's massive eyes narrowed slightly at the strange gesture.
Luke sighed and rolled his shoulder.
"Can we skip the dialogue part?" he said casually. "We both know how this ends."
"So let's go straight to the fight. I beat you, earn the title of dragon slayer, and maybe take a dragon home as a pet."
For a moment the cavern fell silent.
Then Smaug slowly lifted his head, the movement sending waves through the treasure. Coins and goblets slid down the piles as the dragon's body shifted beneath the gold.
Fire began glowing deep inside his throat.
"Very well," Smaug growled. "Die, human."
The dragon opened his jaws, flames building as he prepared to unleash his fire.
"Yes," Luke said with a grin. "Now this is the exciting part."
Before the flames could burst out, Luke moved.
He leaped upward, his fist suddenly wrapped in bright blue energy. The strike came down like a hammer.
His punch slammed into Smaug's lower jaw.
The impact snapped the Smaug's mouth shut before the fire could escape, and the force hurled the enormous head backward into the treasure hoard. Gold exploded outward as the dragon crashed into the piles.
Luke landed lightly among the coins.
"Bilbo," he said over his shoulder, completely calm, "you can go back to work. I'll handle this."
Bilbo stared at him in shock.
He had just watched someone punch a dragon in the face.
"What kind of human is this…" Bilbo whispered, staring at Luke's hands as if they suddenly belonged to something else.
*****
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