After falling asleep in Eclipse's arms, in a daze, Kitahara Shinji had a dream.
In the dream, he returned to the day he first met Eclipse.
People in dreams often don't realize they are dreaming, and Kitahara Shinji was no exception.
He just looked at his suddenly smaller self in a puddle on the roadside, then looked up at the incredibly familiar small figure not far away. After a brief moment of confusion, a look of surprise appeared in his eyes.
Wait, could it be that he had been reborn?
At the thought of this possibility, looking at the familiar small figure in front of him, his expression slowly collapsed, and his eyes gradually filled with despair.
Logically speaking, rebirth should be a good thing for most people.
On the one hand, you could return to the past with a lifetime of knowledge, making up for all kinds of regrets.
On the other hand, you could use information from the next ten or even decades to freely change the future.
But the problem was, on the one hand, Kitahara Shinji was very satisfied with his future and had no intention of changing it.
And on the other hand, it was also because of this familiar figure in front of him.
When chatting with Tokai Teio before, he had mentioned that Eclipse used to be very troublesome.
What he didn't say was that Eclipse's level of trouble was probably higher than all those little ancestors combined.
This was not an exaggeration, but a fact.
After all, even if a little ancestor was self-pitying all day, at worst, it would just make him depressed too.
And because he had dealt with so many little ancestors, he had now summarized several sets of methods for dealing with them.
If he were to encounter those little ancestors again, although it would still be a bit troublesome, he felt it would be manageable.
But to have him go through it all again with Eclipse...
To be honest, he had no confidence.
And this lack of confidence didn't just refer to becoming like they were later on, but a lack of confidence in surviving under her.
It wasn't that she was particularly brutal or crazy. On the contrary, she usually showed no expression other than calmness, and her actions were generally very rational.
But the problem was, she was a bit too rational.
For example, in a past horse girl hunting incident, several young horse girls became extremely sensitive due to their experience of being kidnapped.
They would flee at the slightest disturbance, making their escort mission exceptionally difficult, and some horse girls were even injured as a result.
And it was at this time that Eclipse proposed her solution.
"Let's break their legs. I'll drag them with a rope."
At the time, Kitahara Shinji could actually understand that her proposal might have some rationality to it.
After all, they were in the mountains at the time, and some of the horse girl hunters had escaped and hadn't been dealt with yet.
If they kept running around like that, they could be bitten by poisonous insects or snakes, or run into the group of horse girl hunters, either of which could be fatal.
And a broken leg, while it might cause them some pain, would at least restrict their movement, preventing them from encountering any accidents in places they couldn't see, and it would also save them a lot of trouble.
But...
"I'll stay with them. I won't let them run around again."
Kitahara Shinji sighed, rejected her suggestion of breaking their legs, did not accept the rope she offered, and then completed the escort in his own way. Afterward, not a single young horse girl ran away.
It was just that when they got out, those young horse girls seemed to be glued to him, refusing to let go. Later, after their parents arrived, it took a lot of effort to separate them one by one.
And even the suggestion of breaking their legs was not the most outrageous among the suggestions Eclipse had made in the past; it could only be considered a moderately normal suggestion.
It wasn't that she had a bad personality, liked to torture people, or anything like that. It was just a simple indifference.
And this indifference was not a selfish one.
For example, in that rescue operation where she suggested breaking their legs, Eclipse was the first to discover them and immediately took action to save them. Even Kitahara Shinji just followed later.
This was very strange.
If you said she was indifferent, she went to save those young horse girls. But if you said she wasn't indifferent, she was ready to break their legs just because they ran a few times out of fear.
And it wasn't because of anger.
Even at that time, Kitahara Shinji could clearly see that she was not angry at the young horse girls for running away. At most, she was a little confused. She proposed this suggestion simply because she thought it was a good idea.
And this strange indifference and willfulness were already difficult to deal with, but what was even more deadly was that this was not her only problem.
Not long after getting to know her, Kitahara Shinji discovered a problem with her that was several times more deadly than indifference.
That was, she seemed to be very resistant to things that normal people would consider beautiful.
The joy of friends, the help of classmates, the reunion of family, the reliance of lovers...
Whenever she saw such scenes that most people would find beautiful and warm, the disgust and even loathing in Eclipse's eyes would uncontrollably show, even making him suspect at one point that this child might have been born with an antisocial personality.
And besides these two main problems, Eclipse had a number of other minor issues that, while minor for her, would be enough to create a little ancestor in anyone else.
She didn't like to talk, didn't like to communicate, and didn't like to express her feelings...
Although she was usually fine, once you angered her, she would also show a rather brutal and dangerous side...
Especially when she had these problems, she also possessed a power that was strangely strong and seemed a bit out of control.
And when these factors were combined, they created the being known as Eclipse at that time.
She was not a little ancestor, but a monster far more troublesome and dangerous than those little ancestors.
After all, a little ancestor would at worst just cry and make you depressed. You could rest for a period of time and then fight again.
But with this one, if you messed up, you could really be torn apart by hand.
But the deadliest thing was not any of this.
After all, although she was indifferent, although her behavior and logic were different from ordinary people, although she hated things that ordinary people would find beautiful, as long as you talked to her less, obeyed her more, and didn't create extra trouble, it was not impossible to get along with her.
And similarly, because of her indifference, she wouldn't care who came or went.
Even if you clearly expressed your disgust or contempt for her, as long as you didn't go too far, she wouldn't have any reaction.
So how did Kitahara Shinji get along with her in the past?
You just reverse all the safe behaviors above.
As has been said many times, Kitahara Shinji was the type of person who was extremely susceptible to soft tactics but not hard ones.
Eclipse's personality at that time was very strong, that's right, but Kitahara Shinji's personality at that time was not at all softer than hers.
He wasn't unreasonable, he wouldn't make small talk, and he wouldn't pry into things she didn't want to talk about.
But if there was a need for normal communication, even if Eclipse clearly showed some annoyance, he would still continue to talk on his own and constantly ask her questions. It didn't matter if he didn't get an answer.
And, once he believed Eclipse was wrong on certain issues, even if she was clearly on the verge of losing control, he would not back down an inch.
As for her aversion to beautiful things, to be honest, Kitahara Shinji didn't know what to do about that either, so he could only resort to a clumsy method.
He took the initiative to try to play the role of her friend, classmate, and even family, in an attempt to make her understand the feelings of others a little.
At first, Eclipse's reaction was very fierce. Kitahara Shinji not only got hurt, but even had several close calls with death.
But after a long time, on the one hand, Eclipse was also a bit tired of being pestered by him.
On the other hand, she also found that this person was indeed more capable than her in many aspects, and many of his counter-arguments were correct, so her reaction began to weaken little by little.
And after that, after her reaction had weakened to a certain extent, a question arose in her mind.
That was, why did Kitahara Shinji have to stick to her side, take such great risks to confront her, and always go out of his way to do some unnecessary things?
Although at that time, Kitahara Shinji's trainer talent had not yet manifested, with the character he had shown at that time, even without the talent of a trainer, he certainly wouldn't starve himself. There was absolutely no need to be with a strange and dangerous character like her, who was also a huge burden with her massive appetite.
It was just that when she brought this question to Kitahara Shinji, he was silent for a long time, and then sighed.
"How should I put it... I'm just, a little worried about you."
Worried about her?
This answer was incomprehensible to Eclipse.
Because at that time, Kitahara Shinji's trainer talent had not yet been revealed. The main way the two of them got food was by collecting various things in the mountains and exchanging them for grain, occasionally sneaking some game.
Because of the huge physical difference between the two at that time, it was naturally Eclipse who did most of the work, with Kitahara Shinji just being a tag-along.
And at that time, Eclipse actually had other choices. After the three stooges had dropped her off, they had also made some arrangements for her. If she was willing, she could have lived a life of abundance at any time.
The reason she was still living a survivalist life was mainly because she wanted to use this life to drive this troublesome guy away and continue her quiet life alone.
But now, he said he chose to stay because he was worried about her...
Eclipse could not understand his answer.
So what was Kitahara Shinji thinking at that time?
Actually, it wasn't complicated.
On the one hand, he felt that this child, Eclipse's, personality was problematic. If she didn't receive proper guidance, she might grow up crooked, so he wanted to take care of her a little.
And on the other hand, it was because she looked so incredibly sad.
This might sound a bit strange.
After all, Eclipse was usually very calm and rational, and her willful appearance didn't seem to match the self-pitying little ancestors at all...
But that was precisely the problem.
The little ancestors, for various reasons, would easily magnify the negative emotions in their hearts and then express them in the form of low self-esteem or other ways.
But Eclipse, she couldn't feel her own sadness.
If Kitahara Shinji had grown up soaked in honey, and was therefore abnormally insensitive to sweetness, then Eclipse was his exact opposite.
She was born with a defect, destined to be without sweetness for her entire life.
This defect was even more extreme than the effect of Agnes Tachyon's potion. It made her taste bitterness from birth, so her perception of it was also abnormally dull, which was also the reason for her abnormal personality.
Although she was always helping others, because of her strange personality and indifferent way of doing things, what she often received in return was not praise and rewards, but mostly fear, suspicion, and even misunderstanding.
She always seemed indifferent to this, and never felt sad about it.
But even at that time, Kitahara Shinji, who had not yet been soaked in the honey pot for too long, could clearly smell the thick bitter taste coming from her, only she herself was not yet aware of it.
Loneliness, confusion, and even pain...
As a being who had been deprived of the right to taste sweetness from birth, these were the only flavors Eclipse could experience. So from the very beginning, she didn't feel there was anything wrong with it, and had long been accustomed to it.
But Kitahara Shinji was not accustomed to it, and could not get accustomed to it.
He knew he was looking for trouble, he knew that his behavior was quite suicidal, and he knew that even if he tried, the final result might not be what he wanted.
But he just couldn't help worrying about her, feeling that she shouldn't go on like this.
At that time, a child of her age should have been acting spoiled in her parents' arms, enjoying the most carefree period of her life.
But she was all alone, without family or friends, with a bitter taste so thick it was almost overflowing, and was even running around silently helping others.
It was as if when it was raining, she stood in the rain, forcefully shoving umbrellas into other people's hands one by one, but never opening one for herself.
And, because of her strange temper and poor communication skills, her kindness was often not recognized.
Even if she handed out an umbrella, it was difficult to receive thanks from the person who took it. On the contrary, her occasionally strange behavior might scare the other person, causing them to flee in panic.
So no matter how indifferent she appeared on the outside, how willful her behavior, how powerful her strength, in his eyes, she was just a stupid kid who only knew how to give others umbrellas, who was so used to being drenched in the rain that she didn't even realize it.
She had never asked him for any help, nor had she requested anything.
It was just that he felt that such a child should not be reduced to this state, and should not have to endure this pain.
Perhaps he couldn't do much, but at least, he also wanted to give her an umbrella, to help her block the wind and rain when a storm came, to slightly lessen the bitter taste on her.
So, he walked over, handing his umbrella to her time and time again, and was rejected time and time again.
That process was agonizing and painful, and sometimes even life-threatening.
But even so, he still handed his umbrella to her time and time again, constantly expressing his kindness to her in various ways, without any hesitation or retreat.
Once, and again.
Failure, and failure again.
Countless umbrellas were broken, and he himself was drenched in the rain for it.
But after a long confrontation of nearly three years, that small hand finally chose to compromise for the first time, not rejecting the umbrella he handed over.
Even the strongest dam will quickly collapse once a crack appears.
With this compromise, everything else began to change rapidly.
He handed out the umbrella, then held her hand, and finally pulled her into his arms.
Although even now, he still didn't know her origin, nor what she was always thinking in her head.
But he just thought, even if it was a stone, if you held it in your arms all the time, you could always warm it up.
And after that, the story slowly began to develop into what people would later see.
Because he didn't know Eclipse's thoughts, Kitahara Shinji couldn't say for sure when she became like she was later on.
He just remembered that when he first hugged her, probably because she used to hate contact with others, her body was very stiff.
Later, after being hugged more, her body slowly began to relax, and she would even occasionally try to hug him back awkwardly, burying her head in his chest.
And after that, she started to actively burrow into his arms, and would also actively hug him from time to time, and even ask him if he wanted to play 'horsey' when she saw he wasn't asleep at night...
Although her temper was still strange, and he still couldn't understand what she was thinking in her head.
But at least, he could feel that with his companionship and embrace, the bitter feeling on her had gradually faded.
Especially after entering Tracen, with the increase in friends, although he was indeed overwhelmed on his end, perhaps others wouldn't have noticed, but in his eyes, Eclipse was indeed much more cheerful than before, and the already little remaining bitter taste on her had further weakened.
But now, looking at the small hand in front of him, looking at the familiar scene, and the familiar small back in the distance, Kitahara Shinji was on the verge of tears.
So why was he reborn?
Perhaps for others, rebirth meant a second chance, a chance to make up for regrets, and even to reach the pinnacle with foreknowledge of the future.
But Kitahara Shinji didn't need a second chance, had no regrets to make up for, and had no ambition to reach the pinnacle. On the contrary, it meant he had to go through another hawk-and-prey dance with Eclipse.
And after it was over, he had to walk the same path again.
To contact those little ancestors, to risk his life to meddle in all sorts of messy things, and maybe this time he would mess up...
'Then why don't you turn around?'
A slightly familiar female voice, which seemed to have appeared in his dreams before, spoke slowly.
'You have a second chance now. Just turn around and leave, and with your current abilities, you can easily live the life you want, and also... hey, I'm not finished yet!'
The familiar voice had just begun when Kitahara Shinji started walking, heading straight for that familiar figure.
But he had only taken a few steps before a large white fog suddenly enveloped him.
When the fog cleared, he was back where he started, and the voice sounded again.
'No, just listen to me first...'
And this time, because he reacted faster, he walked even faster than last time, not giving the voice any time to talk nonsense.
So the white fog descended again, and the voice now had a hint of pleading in it.
'Big brother, you're my big brother. Just consider it carefully first. Try the peaceful life you desire, and then consider whether you want to go through that torture again, okay?'
After speaking, the white fog cleared, and he appeared in an ordinary office. He also automatically knew his current identity, which was a lazy civil servant who worked from nine to five, slacking off at his desk every day.
Then, before the voice could sound again, he got up decisively, quit his job, and then left without even packing, getting a taxi and asking the driver to take him to the previous place.
But before the driver could reply, the white fog enveloped everything again.
Then once, and again.
The white fog enveloped and dissipated again and again, and he appeared in different places again and again, playing various different roles.
The only thing that was the same was that no matter where he appeared, no matter what role he played, he would leave without any hesitation and go to the place where they met.
Maybe she wouldn't be there, but it didn't matter. He could take the initiative to find her.
As for the voice, it also went from serious at the beginning, to pleading, to begging, to anger, and finally to helplessness.
'Fine, you win.'
After an unknown number of white fogs dissipated, he finally returned to the initial position.
It was just that the figure reflected in the puddle was no longer that of a child, but of a Kitahara Shinji approaching adulthood.
But he didn't care about these details. He just started walking again, heading straight behind that small back.
'Sorry, little Eclipse, I really can't stop this...'
The voice whispered in Eclipse's ear and then disappeared.
Then, hearing the footsteps behind her, the small back turned around and looked up at him.
He stopped, calmly meeting her gaze.
For a long time.
Eclipse lowered her head.
"I just want to know, if you hadn't met me, would your life have been better?"
"There are no 'what ifs'."
Kitahara Shinji said calmly.
"No matter how many times I have to do it over, no matter how long I have to endure with you, as long as I can still move, even if I have to crawl, I will crawl over. So there are no 'what ifs'."
Silence.
Eclipse wouldn't ask him questions like 'why' or 'don't you think it's not worth it'.
Because she didn't need to ask; she could already predict his answer.
Because she was here, because she was worth it.
But the problem was, just as Kitahara Shinji could never understand what she was thinking, she often couldn't understand Kitahara Shinji's thoughts either.
Especially this persistence for her, which had been lingering in her heart for a long time and had yet to be answered.
She had only accidentally made too much food and was worried it would spoil.
He just happened to be passing by with an empty stomach, so she shared some with him, and then...
It became like this.
But was just a single meal's worth of friendship worth his persistence to that extent?
"Of course it's not just about one meal."
Perhaps because it was in a dream, or for some other reason, Kitahara Shinji easily saw through her confusion.
He walked over, held her in his arms, then found a place to sit down. While skillfully kneading the small black rice ball in his arms, he slowly spoke.
"You might think that I've been accommodating and taking care of you, but in my opinion, it's actually me who has been taken care of more."
"Think about it carefully. How many times have I been reckless over the years? How many things have I gotten involved in? If you hadn't helped me out, how many times would I have died?"
"And you know, I've never been very attentive to my own affairs. If you hadn't taken care of me over the years, I might have been moldy and overgrown with weeds somewhere by now."
"And, during the time we were torturing each other, although you always looked unhappy, you never stopped taking care of me. There were even times when you would rather go hungry and share your food with me. I remember all of this."
"The reward for one meal is naturally not worth me doing all that. But after that one meal, how much help did I receive from you? It's countless."
"And, I'm also very clear that you weren't throwing tantrums at me and trying to drive me away because you hated me, but rather because you didn't want me to get involved in your affairs, to keep me away from the troubles and dangers I could have avoided."
"But the more you're like this, the more I can't help but worry about you, and the more I can't leave."
"Because you just don't know how to take care of yourself. You're like a fool. You don't even know to use an umbrella when it's raining. You think it's normal to be drenched. Without me, I'm afraid you'll catch a cold one day."
"I also admit that the initial period of getting along with you was torture. If possible, I would absolutely not want to experience it a second time."
"But if this is the only way I can meet you again, then no matter how many times I have to do it over, I will come here and make the same choice."
"Because, to this day, I still believe that walking towards you that day was the most correct choice of my life."
"And, there is no 'other'."
His words were very sincere. Even an ordinary person could hear the sentiment in them.
If it were another, normal horse girl, probably even the most strong-willed one, after being treated like this, would not only fall for him on the spot, but at least have a huge increase in affection.
But Eclipse had no reaction. Not only did her expression not change, but there were not even a few ripples in her heart.
It wasn't that she was unaware of Kitahara Shinji's kindness towards her, but that those surging emotions, after gathering at her heart, all dissipated through the huge illusory void in her chest.
From the moment of her birth, with the shattering of that illusory heart, she had lost the ability to love and be loved.
That was why her thinking was different from ordinary people, why she appeared somewhat indifferent because she couldn't understand others, why she showed disgust when she saw emotions that should have made her feel good.
That was why she hoped someone could love him in her place, to make up for what she owed him in this regard.
But these were things she couldn't tell Kitahara Shinji. And it wasn't just that she didn't want him to worry; there were also some deeper reasons.
But letting him know those things now would be of no benefit, only adding to his troubles. So she didn't plan on revealing everything to him yet.
And, on the one hand, it was a spur-of-the-moment decision, and on the other hand, it was for his safety. The structure of this dream was not stable. When he woke up, his memory of this place would quickly dissipate.
But she would remember.
Eclipse felt this was a bit unfair, so she prepared to take some action as compensation.
But she didn't take any action in the dream, just sitting obediently in Kitahara Shinji's arms, letting him knead her.
And after that, as time went by, when night gradually covered the sky, and even the crescent moon had risen a short distance.
The real-life Kitahara Shinji finally opened his eyes. After seeing the scene in front of him clearly, a trace of confusion appeared in his eyes.
What the? He remembered it was still afternoon just now. How did he doze off for a little while and it was already night?
And he felt like he had just had a dream, but what was the dream about...
He subconsciously began to recall.
But he had only been recalling for a few seconds before he was interrupted by the warm touch on his lips.
For a long time.
After they separated, he finally reacted. Looking at the familiar face in front of him, he subconsciously spoke.
"Eclipse, you..."
But he had only just started when the warm touch came again, blocking his words in his mouth.
And this block lasted for an unknown amount of time.
Until the night deepened, and the crescent moon hung high.
....
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