Truth..
What is truth?
The problem with the truth is that it is ruthless. It won't leave you alone. It keeps creeping up on you, showing you what is real.
It doesn't alter according to your ability to swallow it emotionally. It is not visible but it cannot be set aside once out.
It can set you free or imprison you for life. An unyielding reality you can't escape from. A merciless reminder of what you need or want to obliterate.
____________________
The truth was relentless for Jungkook. It kept him awake at night, twisting and turning in bed,haunted by nightmares that crawled under his skin the moment his eyes dared to shut.
He was a ghost of himself.
Jungkook had stopped drinking so heavily during the day. He'd much rather spend his mornings curled up on his chair,loitering outside the window in a dim room, drained of will or any other form of life.
His nights were a cruel,grim battle between realisation and oblivion. Between tons of cigarettes and bottles of whiskey. The truth was staring back at him each time he peeped at himself in the mirror, disgusted by his own face.
Time passed with the speed of lightning and the pace of a snail. Too fast. Too slow. The dramatic loss of weight and the unbearable darkness in his eyes, worried Jimin and Yoongi but every effort to help him back on his feet was in vain.
Jungkook neither wanted or needed to get better. He had utterly surrendered in the darkness of his soul and Taehyung's image was a shadow clinging to him in every quiet moment.
A ceaseless reminder of the happiness he had lost and the abyss he was dipped in.
Jungkook stirred in his bed, kicking the sheets with his feet and sluggishly slithering towards the edge,his feet touching the cold marble floor.
The water on the nightstand had long been drunk and he needed to get some more. His mouth was dry but the moment he rose from the edge,the room started spinning and grabbed a hold of the tall drawer beside the bed.
He had to take a painkiller for that splitting headache that kept tormenting his head for hours.
While he staggered his way to the door and his fingers curled around the knob the faint whispers from the kitchen involuntarily drew his attention.
He crept out of his room, tiptoeing his way out the hallway and stood next to the kitchen door,back leaning against the cold wall. He didn't mean to eavesdrop but Taehyung's name was sufficient to halt him.
" How long are we going to keep lying to him, Yoongi? I hate secrets. They brought us to this. He needs to know about Kim and everything else." Jimin whispered, totally out of breath and oblivious to Jungkook's presence. He gripped the edge of the counter and let out a gasped sigh.
" We've talked about this. It's for his own good!"
" How is not knowing for his own good?" Jimin asked in a raspy tone, trying not to raise his voice and risk Jungkook hearing." Kim is up to his old tricks and Kook is hurting. Is that fair?"
" Never said it was. But telling him at this precise moment will most likely kill him. We can't afford that."
Jimin rubbed his temples in agitation and pain."Taehyung is leaving the club with different guys every night. I have to watch him, dancing and drinking and parading with those tramps during my shift. Night after night. I've had it." Jimin's stomach clenched at the thought. It was a torture.
And if he was feeling that way, imagine how Jungkook would feel if he found out. But he had to. Kook should face the truth and either fight for the man he loved and a second chance,if he thought Tae deserved it or forget and move on.
To be frank,the second option, knowing Jungkook's love for Kim, sounded highly unlikely to happen.
" We both know what he's doing and why." Yoongi responded with a hidden hint in his low voice. " So give it up and stop mentioning it. Especially here."
Jimin rolled his heavy eyes, poking his tongue."I don't know shit! Tonight I heard JinHo gossiping with the others that Kim had two guests in his VIP room,ordered champagne and said not to be disturbed. " He tousled his hair before continuing, leaning closer to his boyfriend and his eyes scanning the place to ensure absolute secrecy. " JinHo said he heard moaning from inside the room. I don't suppose they were reciting poems and were fascinated by the metaphor of the words."
" Hey! Keep your voice down. Kook might hear you. " Yoongi hushed him, opened the fridge and grabbed two bottles of beer, offering one to Jimin who uncorked the lid and gulped down half of the refreshing liquid.
Jimin's voice bore through the alcoholic haze in Jungkook's brain like sharp splinters of glass. His breath clogged in his throat,his hand slithered over his chest as if he could physically hold his heart in place.
His old tricks... Taehyung was back to his old life...
Taehyung's image, handsome, dominant, dancing provocatively at the club, touching other men,having them in his VIP room,naked and moaning beneath him on that leather couch, doing all sorts of unholy things,flashed before his weary eyes.
He had seen it in the past. When he was forced to go into that room to serve him drinks. Taehyung had easily replaced him without a second thought, without a single glance.
An ice cold, vacuous wave of raw pain and humiliation swept over him. Jungkook had been drowning in an ocean of booze,blood and tears for weeks now, practically killing himself and Taehyung had apparently reset the clock, treating him and their relationship like something insignificant.
He felt used, worthless and discarded.
A toy that had gained his interest for a short time and then was thrown away like a useless item.
Easily replaceable.
Tears of unbearable pain and shame dripped down his bloodless cheeks and his hands clutched tighter around the thin fabric of his cotton T-shirt, trying really hard not to scream.
His Taehyung kissing, touching, fucking other men...
His mind couldn't process the brutal reality.
However before he could even handle the agonising ache of his rejection Jimin's sharp groan pierced through the stillness, delivering a massive blow that would be proven devastating for Jungkook's soul and change his life forever.
" Too many secrets, Yoongi and this is where they got us." He practically whispered screaming, dumping the bottle on the counter while in fact he wanted to smash it to Kim's head." I can't keep lying to him. "
" Not here. Not now."
" Goddamn it Yoongi! We're gonna have to talk about it eventually. It's not something we can hide forever. He deserves to know. " He took a deep inhale but even that wasn't sufficient to calm his nerves.
Jimin always hated lies. They caused trouble and created more problems than they solved."Jungkook lost a baby... his baby.. his and Taehyung's. A baby.. a tiny soul growing inside him.. And he's got no idea why he's hurting so deeply. Not knowing destroys him every day."
" Jimin, control yourself. Jungkook thinks he's recovering from the drug effect. I understand that losing a baby is horrible but telling him now... at this precise moment that he was pregnant and the drugs caused a miscarriage,will surely kill him. He'll blame himself for the decisions he made." Yoongi stepped closer to his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his waist." Let's wait and when Kook feels better, we'll both tell him."
Jungkook's world lost all its sound. The hallway walls opened and closed at the same time. The air was brutally sucked out of his lungs, leaving only a void inside him.
Pregnant? A baby? A miscarriage? The drugs... Aespa... those bastards... No... No..How is that even possible? I'm a man.. I can't get pregnant.. I can't...
Instinctively,his hand flew over his mouth, shutting the growls of agony he had to swallow while his other hand protectively held his empty belly,tears kept flowing uncontrollably down his face.
" He needs to know and understand his rare condition,Yoongi." Jimin continued,voice cracking from within."Chan warned us about it. The Mullerian duct syndrome isn't something simple and ordinary. Jungkook has the ability to get pregnant.. I still find it hard to believe."
As the two of them continued arguing in the kitchen,their words echoed in Jungkook's ears, sounding totally foreign. Yet they landed into his soul with a catastrophic force.
Jungkook's knees entirely buckled, sliding down the wall,hands still squeezing his trembling mouth and lower abdomen. All of the sudden,that peculiar, unknown ache he had been engulfed in for the last four weeks,that ferocious, physical grief he couldn't name, made absolute sense.
It wasn't merely the effects of the dangerous toxin or a broken heart. It was a funeral. His unborn baby's funeral.
He dragged his aching lower body towards his room,back grazed on the wall,ass scratched on the marble and got inside the safety of his bedroom as he weakly pushed the door shut,not caring if the sound would be heard.
He rested his back on the door,an acute, mind numbing pain of maternal horror and emotive anguish gushed from the depths of his belly, suffocating him.
Pregnant.
He could get pregnant.
He had a baby.. The truth hadn't found a place to land inside him. The thought kept playing in repeat.
He had been carrying life.
A tiny, innocent soul,a fragile existence created by them. From the forbidden, secret love he had for Taehyung.
A baby. Their baby. And it was gone.A child deprived of the chance to see the world.
The realization punched him like a physical amputation. A sharp,raw sob stuck in his throat threatening to strangle him but he pressed his palm more over his lips, biting down on his knuckles till the iron taste of blood flooded his mouth.
The pure, undiluted remorse that burst forth was a deadly poison in his veins.
" I did this... I went to that.. hotel.. I drank the whiskey... I allowed it.. I let them..trap me... I.. killed my.. baby... I did it... it was me.. I killed my own baby.." he wept, biting harder on his knuckles,blood dripping inside his mouth and down his jaw, staining his T-shirt.
How could they hide this from him? Holding a secret for so long while he was utterly oblivious to the fact his baby was gone..
He couldn't blame them though. In his haze,he understood why they kept it under wraps. They loved him too much to let him suffer more.
If there was one person to blame,that was him...His decisions. His foolishness. His stubbornness to dismiss Jimin's warnings about the danger it held.
He shook his head,still biting hard on his aching hand.His obsession to find out what happened to Minhun,to a situation that led to a dead end was solely responsible for his misfortune.
Fuck Minhun! Fuck the freaking search! He wasn't about to lose everything just to find someone who clearly had no intention of being discovered.
He bitterly chuckled,blots of thick blood popping out. Was there anything else to save? He had lost everything.
He recalled the excruciating painful cramps on the bathroom floor,the extensive vomiting,the inexplicable emptiness inside him. He had been bleeding out his own unborn baby and he had no clue.
He had spent weeks treating his body like a contaminated vessel, drinking himself to death, utterly clueless to the fact he was desecrating his own baby's grave.
His heartbreak faded from a pathetic, rejected lover's grief into something holy and deadly catastrophic. He felt totally detached from reality. He was no longer a broken man who had lost the love of his life but a man aching for the loss of his child.
" Daddy is... sorry baby... he's so sorry.. for not ... protecting you... I'm so.. sorry for... letting them... hurt you... " he stroked his empty belly with shaky hands, crying his heart out. " Daddy loves you... he loves you... so much... he'd love.. to hold you... my precious baby..."
He gazed blankly at his trembling hands,stained with blood, covering his belly,his eyes holding a void deprived of human spark. Taehyung's brutal rejection wasn't simply a wound to his dignity.
It was a deathblow.
Taehyung had looked at him with utter disgust,called him a filthy whore, refused to listen to his explanations and had kicked him out into the cold night, clueless that he was condemning his own baby to death.
Could Jungkook blame him?
Not really.
Taehyung was as much in the dark as Jungkook was. How could he have guessed or even imagined Jungkook had the amazing ability to bear children?
No... a sequence of unfortunate events,of hidden secrets,of wrong decisions,of malicious people had led to Jungkook losing their baby.
Jungkook laid on the cold floor, curling up in a ball, hugging his knees as if he was protecting his belly, hot tears continued dripping down, washing away the last scraps of his numbness.
The obscurity the alcohol had promised him was entirely shattered and replaced by a permanent pain and void. He never had high expectations from his life but he didn't imagine the world would be so ruthless to him.
Leaving him alone to mourn a dead love,a broken faith and a baby he would never hold in his arms. A baby that felt like a gift from heaven for a man who was cruelly abandoned and raised without love and affection from his parents.
For a man whose dream had always been to have a big family and children.
As he kept grieving for his loss, Jungkook swore on everything he considered holy that he'd avenge his baby's death and make everyone responsible pay a heavy price.
____________________
The faint sound came from somewhere in the dark. A relentless tick - tick - tick as if time was running out. Jungkook's body was still laid in the same position,tears had dried out long ago, both hands protectively shielding his belly.
The walls of the room were dangerously tilting around him, stealing the air and the suffocating sense was earth-shattering. His pain that tantalising,edgy ache in his core hadn't worn away but had parlayed into something vengeful.
A need to live just to destroy those who had harmed him and his unborn baby and in order to do that he had to recuperate,gain his strength.
Busan. His home. His hyungs.
They'd help him out of this.
He needed to step away from everything here including Jimin and Yoongi. He couldn't face them just yet.
Home...
He sucked in deep breaths to steady himself and slowly but carefully sat himself up, finding the strength to stand on his feet. His head began spinning and sought support on the edge of his bed.
Once he sensed he was strong enough to move,he shuffled his feet into the bathroom and under the shower. Half an hour later, he was dressed in an oversized black hoodie, mostly to hide his thin figure,loose,black sweatpants and a leather jacket.
He had stuffed a few essentials and clothes in his backpack and cautiously opened the door just enough to peep through it into the hallway.
Thankfully it was empty and Jimin's door was shut so he crept out, tiptoeing, gripping the bag tighter between his fingers and walked out of the apartment without leaving a note. At that point he didn't give shit about worrying them or not.
He simply needed to escape.
The cab was already outside the apartment building as he had previously arranged it. He tugged the hood down hiding his eyes and pulled up his black mask to conceal the rest of his pale face, getting in the back of the cab.
" To the train station."
The station was practically empty,only a few people were sitting in the lounge waiting,mostly because it was too early in the morning. And thank God for that! He immediately bought a ticket at the counter and sat at a table, forcing himself to eat half a tuna sandwich and drink a bottle of orange juice.
His stomach was so twisted that every bite and gulp felt like a punch. He fought back tears,sobs clawing at his throat feeling the void inside him, remembering how effortlessly he was replaced by Taehyung.
When emotions aren't an obstacle to keep you trapped, it's simple to move on. For Jungkook it was impossible. He loved Tae and up to the point of fully understanding his reaction.
He had found him in a hotel room with a bunch of creepy bastards in the most awkward and questionable position, mistaking his fear for lust.
His mistake was he didn't let him explain, tell him the whole story about why he had moved to Seoul,why he worked at the club and the conditions of Minhun's disappearance.
He reached the wrong conclusions, pushed him away from his life but the worst part was the way he looked at him. Jungkook couldn't shake that look off even if he wanted to.
The announcement from the speaker about boarding brought him back to reality,stood up,walked towards the platform and boarded his train for Busan.
Three hours later.
The morning fog hung over the bustling streets of Busan,a faint,cool breeze hitting Jungkook's covered face. The city was livid with commuters parading in the road,washed in a silver grey glow when the boy stood on the welcome mat outside his hyungs' house.
His fingers reached into his pocket, grazing against the key he had but froze, caught in a numbing wave of reluctance, utterly in a muddle.
Did he do the right thing coming here?
Or was he gonna cause trouble by acting on impulse?
Was it fair for his hyungs to bring the toxic wreckage of his life into their peaceful home?
His hand trembled as he pulled it away from his pocket and hesitantly rang the bell. The lock clicked and the heavy, white door flew open to reveal Seokjin in a casual pink T-shirt and tight jeans, blinking his eyes and slowly removing the mask and hood from his face and head.
The second Jin's gaze pinned on Jungkook's figure standing like a statue on his doorstep,a ripple of shock shook his body. He couldn't imagine that his state was so dreadful. A ghost of the boy he had last seen.
His face was sickly pale, his once sparkling eyes drained of glow,his jawline unnatural prominent and his body dangerously thin under his oversized clothing. He seemed totally carved out from the centre.
Jungkook's head lifted up,his crimson red eyes meeting his hyung's." Jin hyung..." he managed to whisper in a gasped breath." Can I... can I come in?"
" Oh baby!" " His voice broke with a shearing pain that made him wanna cry." You don't need to ask. This is your home Kook."
When Jungkook's foot crossed the threshold and the door shut behind him,the last shed of the younger 's control fell apart and he collapsed. He didn't hit the ground,he simply fell. He crashed into Jin's embrace,his shaky fingers gripping at the back of the man's T-shirt in a grounding, white knuckled snatch.
He roosted his face in Jin's neck, curling like a wounded animal, seeking for shelter from the storm he carried inside him and started to sob.
It wasn't loud or dramatic. More like weak, agonising,chest heaving weeps that caused his whole fragile body to convulse.
The man wrapped his arms around Jungkook, grounding him,his heart breaking at the shattering weight of the pain pouring out of the boy he had raised and loved.
Jin knew.
Jimin had eventually told him everything about Jungkook's condition. The date with that stranger for information about Minhun. The hotel room and what those bastards tried to do to him and Kim's harsh brutality and rejection.
The only thing Jimin had left out was the miscarriage, keeping it a dark secret for the time being. But Jin knew more than enough to make his blood boil with rage.
Looking at the miserable boy in his arms, the older man bit down his anger to focus on him. His little troublemaker. His cute bunny boy. All he could do was softly cradle him, allowing him to cry and grieve for the loss.
Upon hearing his muffled cries, Namjoon walked out of his bedroom, adjusting his square glasses. Immediately his gaze landed on the scene before the threshold and his soul jumped out of his skin.
Visible shadows of concern and protective rage darkened his eyes. He exchanged sharp looks with his husband over Jungkook's trembling shoulder. Words were unnecessary,the acute devastation surging through Jungkook spoke volumes.
Cautiously and warily,they led Jungkook away from the living room and into the warm kitchen as Jin gently made him sit on the chair." I'll prepare breakfast. You can eat if you want. No pressure." Jin murmured softly, stroking his back in reassurance.
True to their caring nature,they didn't ask why he visited them so unexpectedly.They patiently waited, allowing him to open up to them instead.The couple understood that Jungkook was at his breaking point.
Jin shifted towards the stove, wanting to channel his stress into something useful and started making a nutritious breakfast as the familiar, comforting sounds of the chopping,the sizzling pan and boiling water filled the kitchen.
Namjoon took a seat at the wooden,round table next to Jungkook without uttering a single word. Without asking a single question. He merely reached out and cupped Jungkook's trembling,cold hand with his large,warm palm with unyielding strength and understanding.
Namjoon's eyes filled with tears he pushed back." You're safe here,Jungkookie."he lisped with quiet empathy." You're home. Just breathe. We've got you baby."
The younger didn't hoist his head,his teary eyes lowered as he stared at the shiny, marble floor but gave him a weak nod. The knowledge of the baby he had lost, the ordeal he had gone through and Kim's savage rejection were still forming a void inside his body and soul, hitting fever pitch.
But in that warm house under the unconditional care and affection from his hyungs,the ice cold numbness weighting on his chest gradually began to loosen up, allowing him to simply exist as a wounded kid seeking comfort from his family.
____________________
Jin and Namjoon watched Jungkook with aching hearts as the fragile tranquility of the room was disturbed only by the soft clinking of the chopsticks. Jungkook was merely sitting there, blankly staring at his steaming bowl,his hand occasionally moving to stir the food in slow motions.
He hadn't taken a single bite,a single slurp. The idea of swallowing felt unbearable like trying to gulp down broken glass. They didn't exchange a word,just a few looks when Jungkook wasn't paying attention.
The moment the silence became a burden, Jungkook excused himself and slid down the familiar hallway into his old bedroom. When the door closed behind him,time stood still.
The room was exactly the same as he had left it before his life turned into a living hell. His black and white photos were hanging on the walls, capturing moments of happiness and laughter,of towering skyscrapers and the vibrating city. An innocent that seemed long forgotten.
His sketchbook was set undisturbed on the white desk by the window, trapping the dull, morning light. Even the sweet, haunting vanilla fragrance, barely there, blending with the crisp,white bedsheets neatly planked across the mattress.
Everything was precisely the same but nothing felt the same.
The loud contrast between the unblemished room and his own broken soul made his chest clench and he could hardly breathe. So many horrible events had happened to him since the last time he had slept on that bed.
Back then,the smile wouldn't leave his face and now he could hardly move his lips.
He had walked out of the safety of his home,moved to Seoul with Jimin searching for Minhun only to realise that the mere foundations of his entire existence were rotten and he had fallen madly in love with the one man that was untouchable.
He had entered a contracted, physical relationship that had gradually shifted into a petrifying reality. Into a plaything,a kept man,a trapped body,a secret lover with no will over his own life.
And then reality had shown him just how cruel it can be. Deceived by a ruthless ex, brutally assaulted by predators, humiliated and stripped of his dignity, thrown away like trash by the man he loved.
The man he mistakenly thought and foolishly expected to protect him.
And the worst,most agonising ache,the one that hurt him to the core, was the tragedy of losing his baby. The baby he didn't know was growing up inside him and the biggest proof of his undying love for Taehyung.
His body felt heavy as if he was carrying a gravestone and he crawled into his bed,he didn't even bother covering himself with the white quilt. He simply collapsed on top of them, pulling his knees towards his chest and curling his weak body into a tiny ball.
He laid there for hours while the sun shifted across the marble and day gave into night. He didn't shed a tear but kept his eyes wide,dry and pinned on one of the photos,his gaze absolved of any human spark. He had sobbed so much,till his throat felt scratchy, even tears refused to help him mourn.
Now,he was silently grieving.
Sluggishly,his quivering hand drooped under his hoodie,his slender fingers sprawled flat over his belly, holding it with a tentative, protective gentleness as if there was still a sparkle of life inside him and not a ghost of a life that wasn't meant to be.
Alongside each slow breath came the gigantic void expanding inside him, threatening to consume him whole. A physical pain,a continuous, throbbing ache that reminded him of the ordeal his body had endured,the loss he had suffered without his permission.
For a while his body had been the safe home for a life he and Taehyung had created. A baby. Their baby. And it had slipped through his fingers in a pool of blood on a cold bathroom floor while Tae was rejecting him, glancing at him with pure loathing.
His head was buzzing and his breaths came out gasping as he continued to securely hold his belly. Being in the quiet shelter of his childhood, Jungkook bitterly concluded that nothing mattered anymore.
His relentless pursuit to learn the truth about his friend,the hidden secrets,the threats against his life. It was all white noise. Nothing was more important than the loss of his sweet baby, the anguish his life was tangled in and the devastating truth that in spite of the cruelty Taehyung had shown him, he was still hopelessly and madly in love with him.
Jungkook's hand tightened the grip on his belly, letting out a deep sigh,burying his face into the white pillows, totally resigned to the fact that his body would eventually heal as time went by but his heart was buried in a grave he'd never visit.
His soul would forever mourn for a child he wouldn't hold. Losing a baby is an open wound gushing out blood with each thought, especially if you have brought it upon yourself.
Because Jungkook held a huge responsibility for losing his baby and the guilt was tearing him apart.
_____________________
Jimin had just woken up after hours of wriggling in bed until he completely gave up on sleeping and hit the shower. The sun had barely glazed in the horizon when his bare feet scruffed against the marble on his way to the kitchen.
Coffee tasted bitter but even so Jimin drank it as he needed the stimulation it offered him. With his mug in hand,he walked towards Jungkook's room wanting to check up on his friend but the moment he easily opened the unlocked door and his gaze hit the inside,his heart jumped out of his chest.
The bed was a mess as if someone had a war on it but the room was totally empty. No sign of Jungkook.
" YOONGI!" Jimin let out a startled yelp,the ceramic mug slipping through his fingers and thrashing on the marble,hot coffee pooling around his feet." Yoongi! He's gone! Get up! Jungkook's gone!"
Yoongi, hearing the commotion,jumped out of bed,stormed out of their bedroom,his eyes still trying to adjust to the morning light as he rubbed them and then scanned Jungkook's empty room for clues.
Jimin followed him, pacing inside the room, occasionally ruffling his slightly damp hair with shaky hands." Fuck! He left. Oh God! Oh God! He's gone." Jimin panicked,his voice rising and falling,his chest throbbing so intensely it created a loud buzzing in his head.
"Yoongi,where is he? Maybe he's gone on the rooftop again. Or what if he's somewhere in the city, completely wasted or even worse? He was a mess last night."
Jimin clutched onto his chest." I'm losing my mind. What if something happened to him? Goddamnit!"
" Baby? Take deep breaths and relax." The man advised him calmly because unlike Jimin who vibrated pure terror,he remained focused and observative.
He noticed the lack of empty bottles on the floor,the half open closet and the absence of clothes from the left side along with his favourite black backpack. But above all he observed the absence of any signs of a frantic struggle.
" How can you be so fucking calm? He's missing." Jimin blared, tears of panic flooding his eyes as he pulled the phone out of his pocket ready to call him." I'm calling him. He may need help. Better yet I'm calling the cops."
" I'm the cop in case you forgot."
" Then start acting like it. Don't just sit there. Do something!" Jimin fired back,his eyes blinking with each attempt to breathe.
" Stop. Put the phone down." Yoongi ordered,his hand reaching out,fingers moving fast and grabbing Jimin's wrist before even touching the screen." You're overreacting. Look around you. Use your brain. His backpack and clothes are gone. His charger and key aren't on the desk. He wasn't snatched. He packed his things and left. On his own."
Jimin blinked through teary eyes,his chest thumping against his ribs while attempting to process Yoongi's words. " Ok.. then where to? Where did he go in the middle of the night and without telling us? He doesn't have a single soul in Seoul he trusts and there's no way he went back to Kim. Where the hell is he? A hotel maybe?"
The man shifted, scratching his nape. "To Busan. He went home to your hyungs." The certainty of his serene voice was like a bucket of ice water splashing Jimin's head." Just think about it. What's the first place a kid goes to when he's broken and hurting? He goes home. He went to Namjoon and Jin. The two people that have absolutely nothing to do with his life here. In an environment that holds no sad memories for him."
A sharp exhale slipped from Jimin's lips,the deep knot of panic in his chest gradually loosening but instantly replaced by sheer worry." At least he's with the hyungs. I have to call him.. see if he's ok."
" Oh no you won't. " Yoongi stopped him, grabbing the phone from his hands and placing it inside his pocket. " Let the boy breathe. Let him forget. Don't disturb the peace he's trying hard to gain."
" Are you out of your freaking mind? Jimin snapped back,his temper flaring." I need to know he's alright. He was an emotional rack. A self-destructive machine. Don't ask me not to care."
" It's not about caring, it's about giving him space. There's a reason he didn't tell us. He needs to be alone to mend his wounds." Yoongi patiently explained, closing the gap between them and holding his boyfriend by the waist.
" We've done all we could for him. We've scolded him, shouted at him,told him we refused to see him drowning in misery from Kim's rejection but I think he feels like a burden to us. Calling him right now, will only suffocate him more and he'll think we're babysitting him out of pity. Wait for a while... please."
Jimin nuzzled his face into his boyfriend's neck,still breathing unevenly but his intense heartbeat slowly wearing out." I'm so worried about him. He doesn't even know about the baby yet. He's grieving about a loss he can't understand and I feel guilty for not telling him. I can't sleep at night.."
" The hyungs will take good care of him. They're family." Yoongi lisped gently,his hand softly caressing Jimin's back." Jungkook's in the safest place right now. Let him heal from the stink of the big city,cure his broken heart and breathe far away from Taehyung's presence. Calling him will only bleed him more and remind him of things he needs to forget. Call Jin tomorrow morning. It's for Jungkook's peace and quiet,huh?"
Jimin,even in his terrible state,could understand Yoongi's logic. So he stayed inside his boyfriend's secure arms,feeling his calm heartbeat against his ear.
Jungkook needed time and space to piece his life and soul back together with the love only his family could give. At that moment both men could only remind him of the mess he was in and offer no real comfort.
However,Jimin was haunted by the heaviest secret he was guarding, seriously questioning his decision not to share it with Jungkook. It was his overpowering remorse that kept him awake at night and he was at his wit's end.
Yoongi's thumb hoisted his chin, forcing him to look at him." I'll order breakfast and coffee. We need a new coffee machine because this thing needs a funeral." He pecked his lips, whispering softly." Clean this mess, don't hurt yourself and come to the kitchen. "
Jimin could only nod.
____________________
For five days and nights Jungkook was going through a grieving, silent marathon of intolerable pain, barely leaving the isolation of his room, treating it like a sanctuary and a prison at the same time.
He spent hours twisting and turning in his bed,the sheets tangling around his thin figure or just dawdling by the window and staring at Jin's beautiful garden at the back of the house.
The vibrant leaves turning to green,the slow blooming of roses and sunflowers felt like a cruel joke compared to the freezing winter in his soul. His mind was a raw battlefield, filled with blood,loss and pain.
The good, old moments were a faint memory of a boy starting his life with hopes and dreams, involuntarily mingling with Taehyung's deadly gorgeous smile,the warmth of his embrace,the passion of his touches.
Then came the bad memories. The assault in that cheap room that became his Nemesis, Taehyung 's disgust and savageness,the loss of a baby he didn't know he was carrying. It all came crashing down on his already fragile soul.
He had quit drinking and smoking, refusing to let the body that had life rotten but despite pushing himself to eat,his stomach was putting up quite a fight.
Throughout the ordeal,Jin and Namjoon were absolute saints. They didn't push him, didn't pry his isolation, didn't even pressure him to deal with the pain.
On the contrary, they showed remarkable understanding and affection, knowing that whenever Jungkook was ready to open up, they'd be there to listen. They left trays of food on his doorstep, letting him know they cared without suffocating him.
They knew that when a soul was broken,it needed time in the dark before facing the light.
Jimin had called them the day after Jungkook's arrival to check whether he was actually there or not and he felt some kind of relief when Jin confirmed it but asked him to avoid calling him. The younger understood. He didn't like it but he went along with it.
Despite the quiet truce,on the dawn of the sixth day,that delicate and fragile peace was fractured.
A series of guttural, anguish - laden cries slashed across the morning silence. Namjoon and Jin stormed out of their bedroom at the end of the hallway,their adrenaline spiking as they rushed towards Jungkook's room and kicked the door open.
Jungkook was bucking and twisting uncontrollably in bed,his eyes wide open but totally unsighted, trapped in a vivid nightmare. He had managed to finally doze off out of physical and emotional tiredness only for his subconsciousness to flare up.
The dream had been a horrific,chaotic blur. Those bastards pinning him down, cursing and sneering, Aespa's betrayal and vicious laughter and Taehyung's cruel words and rejection, towering over him like an executioner, throwing him out into the cold.
But the knockout punch,the one that jerked the screams out of his lungs,was another heartbreaking image. A beautiful,cute toddler with shiny,black hair, soulful eyes that was the spit image of Taehyung, reaching out his tiny hands, weeping desperately and crying out Jungkook's name before slowly turning into thick, dark smoke and completely vanishing.
" Kook! Kook,baby, look at me! You're home.. you're safe." Jin hissed out, throwing himself onto the bed and holding Jungkook's trembling body into his warm embrace.
The soft touch eventually dissolved the feverish nightmare. Jungkook's eyes blinked, the horror cracked and the second he realised he was staring at Jin's tear filled face,he collapsed against the man's throbbing chest, sobbing with a heartfelt, chest - thrashing intensity that forced his entire body to pang.
The words spilt out of his lips with the incoherent sequence of a man who had finally lost the last shred of patience he had left."They... they were monsters.. they tried to.. ra - rape me... and she.. she let it... Aespa drugged me... I wanted to fight... there were so... many of them... so many... I couldn't... I.. couldn't..." Jungkook choked out,his body jerking in the comfort of Jim's arms." Tae... he thought I... wanted that... he kicked me... out and... and he didn't let.. me explain... and I... love him... I love him... so much... huyng... how will I... live without him? I love him..." he screamed,his lungs burning, breath coming out in tatters, each inhale a lost battle.
Jin listened,heart pounding against his ribs, gently cradling Jungkook in his locked embrace,pain visible in his teary eyes as his fingers softly caressing the boy's back. Jungkook had always been a proud, strong boy, dealing with life's hardship with a smile on his gorgeous face.
Seeing him like that,so fragile, broken and vulnerable, stripped of his dignity, hurting for a man that wouldn't reciprocate his love and having gone through such a terrifying ordeal,made Jin wanna burn the world down and all those who harmed his son.
Because he might not have given birth to Jungkook or Jimin but he had raised them and loved them as his own. The children of his heart.
But what followed,made their blood drain from their bodies. The unexpected, devastating revelation came through an agonising shriek." I was... I have.. a condition... a syndrome.. I was pregnant... I was carrying Taehyung's.. baby.."he wept, nails digging inside Jin's flesh, keeping his eyes closed as if he was scared to face the disgust in their gaze, as if he was dirty and unclean." A baby... our baby... mine and his... I lost it... I bled it out... on the floor and I didn't know... I didn't... I killed my baby... I killed my baby..."
Namjoon stood frozen at the edge of the bed,the air was sucked out of his lungs, leaving only ashes and a terror he had never experienced in his life. He was utterly heartbroken for the boy he had raised for years and was now hurting before his eyes.
He was enraged with those who dared to lay a finger on him and disappointed with almighty Kim Taehyung who treated him like the dirt on his expensive shoes.
However what gave both men the most staggering shock was the revelation of his unusual condition and the tragedy of losing a baby he had no idea was forming life inside him.
None of them cared about science and syndromes. They merely cared about the broken boy crying and bleeding his soul out in their presence and they couldn't take his pain away.
Jin held him tighter, rocking him back and forth in his arms,tears dripping down his cheeks, stroking his slightly damp hair. Jimin had purposely left out that detail when he had shared Jungkook's state and there was no way he or Yoongi didn't know. " Baby, please look at me." Jin whispered softly with protective affection." You haven't done anything wrong. None of this is your fault. You were a victim of evil people. You hear me? It's not your fault. You're the kindest,purest boy I know. You're loved... you are very much loved."
" It hurts, hyung... it hurts so much... the emptiness inside me... my baby is gone... they killed my baby... I killed it.." Jungkook sniffled,his chest rising and falling as his hand trailed over his belly, clutching it,the ghost of his lost baby blowing up with a vengeance.
" Don't let the pain eat you alive. I know you're hurting but you didn't kill your baby. They did. Don't carry that burden inside you." Jin comforted him, leaving small kisses on his hair and rubbing his back in gentle, rhythmic circles." We'll carry the pain with you. You don't have to hold it alone anymore. I'm here... Namjoon is here and we're not going anywhere,baby... we love you very much.."
Namjoon sat on the other side of the bed,his brows withering,eyes shining with tears as his hand came down softly on Jungkook's shoulder." I know you went through too much. More than you could handle but don't blame yourself for what others did. Don't let them break you. Use the pain to rise from your ashes. We've got you baby. The worst is over. You're safe. You're home. With us."
The storm of tears and pain gradually subsided after what felt like an eternity. Jungkook sagged against Jin's chest too drained to move,his tiny frame deprived of will,his eyes swollen and hollow,glazed with sheer exhaustion from crying and feeling. The violent nightmare had melted away, leaving behind only a frail,hushed fragility.
Observing that the boy was calmer,Jin made a soft move to adjust the pillows with the intent to get up and fetch him a glass of milk to sooth him. But the second Jin began to move away, an instant panic flashed in Jungkook's eyes.
With all his remaining strength,he reached out and hooked his arms around Jin's waist, drawing himself closer to the older's torso. He nuzzled his face deeper into the man's side and for the first time in his life,a small, dainty and completely heartbroken word escaped from his lips.
" Please don't go... please don't leave me, papa... stay with me."
That word,that tiny word broke the quiet,sunlit room and Jin went rigid on the spot. His heart bounced in his thumping chest and his eyes radiated with an auric glow and an overwhelming wave of tears.
Ever since he and Namjoon had adopted them,cared and looked after them, treating them like their own flesh and blood, he had never heard that word from either of them. They were always Jin hyung and Namjoon hyung.
And now at his most vulnerable time Jungkook had called him papa. The ultimate surrender of trust, the absolute cry of a child pleading his papa to hold him,to keep the monsters away.
Jin could burn the fucken world down for both of his children.
" I'm here, baby. I'm not leaving you." Jin spatted out,his voice breaking as he wrapped his arms around Jungkook's body, pushing him closer and staring at his husband with love."Papa is right here and he'll always be."
Jungkook's breathing unhurriedly calmed and he stretched his left hand across the white sheets towards the other side of the bed and Namjoon.
The man didn't think twice before closing the gap between them and his warm hand locked into Jungkook's shaky hand, holding it with a fierce need.
Jungkook grabbed the hand, pulling him even closer,his eyes glaring at the tall figure through a mist of tiredness." Appa... please stay..."
Tears of relief and suppressed joy vented down the man's handsome face,a beaming smile formed on Namjoon's lips, highlighting his cute dimples that resembled so much of Jungkook's ones.
Both men were utterly thrilled as their deepest dream was coming to life even under the most difficult circumstances, sealing their bond as a family.
" I'm here son. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I love you... we both love you so much." Namjoon whispered softly, climbing onto the bed and pushing the covers over them, never letting go of his son's hand,not for a single moment.
They remained by his side till the late morning, relishing the moments they had with their son because Jungkook and Jimin were their boys. Their beautiful, naughty, little brats with their badass attitude that gave meaning to their lives since the first day they visited that orphanage.
Jin had loved them unconditionally upon the first time he had held them in his arms and stared into their eyes. He knew that those boys were his. His destiny. His chance to offer the love he had in him. His opportunity to create a loving family and give them a stable home.
He would have done it earlier if it wasn't for that boy. Minhun and the strange influence he held over Jungkook. That boy was a troublemaker. A walking talking disaster and now even in his absence,a source of problems for Jungkook.
Jin and Namjoon caged him between their solid,warm chests, cuddling him tighter and anchoring his vulnerable soul with their unconditional love.
Locked in the redolent scent of home,the warmth of his parents and the powerful protection of the two men who would gladly kill anyone who dared hurt him, Jungkook tardily shut his eyes,the staggering emptiness in his chest growing quieter by the walls he had finally managed to tear up and the unshakable affection they held for him in his darkest hours.
" He called me papa, Namjoon.. after so many years I had given up on hearing him say it." Jin lisped under his breath and his heart was racing a marathon from joy.
Namjoon's head leaned towards his husband's and placed a soft kiss on his forehead." I thought I'd die and never hear it. But it was worth the wait,my love. We'll support him, help him stand on his own feet and get his life back."
Jin's eyes suddenly darkened." I want those bastards to pay. I want that bitch behind bars for life." He dug his nails into the mattress, his breath stalled in his lungs." I want Kim begging for a second chance."
" All in good time, Jin. Everyone will get what's coming for them. I'd love to see Kim's face once he discovers the truth and learns about the baby they lost." Namjoon whispered,baring his teeth.
" Our baby went through so much it breaks my heart. He loves a man that won't love him back. Lost a baby he didn't know he was carrying and almost being... " he stopped." I don't even wanna say the word. It makes me sick to my stomach."
" I won't let it slide. I'll use my connections to find them and bury them. That's a promise to our son." And Namjoon meant every word. He'd turn the world upside down and get those bastards.
_____________________
Jungkook's recovery was slow and painful. The nightmares were insisting on troubling his nights and tormenting his soul, however ten days later Jungkook stepped out of his bedroom early in the morning,dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie and walked inside the kitchen.
The paleness on his face was still present but his eyes seemed less distant. " I'm going for a run. I need to get some air."
The sudden announcement made Jin stop chopping veggies, the knife paused mid - swing in his hand, brows furrowing and Namjoon nearly choked on his coffee.
Jin nodded." Okay." He kind of dragged the word out and continued."Breakfast will be here waiting in case you wanna eat."
Jungkook's fingers gripped tighter on the hem of his grey hoodie and with reluctant gaits approached Jin who was standing over the counter and all flustered gave him a kiss on the cheek." I won't be long,papa."
He immediately shifted towards Namjoon and scrunching down he also placed a kiss on his right cheek." Bye, appa." he said with a fond look and rushed out the door, leaving both men equally thrilled and stunned.
" I can get used to Kook calling me appa. " Namjoon exclaimed, setting the coffee mug on the table because his hands were shaking.
Jin chuckled, letting out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding." It's strange hearing him,Nam. But it makes my heart wanna jump out of my chest."
" It's a good thing he came to us. Getting away from Seoul and everything that reminded him of the assault and Kim is exactly what he needs."
Jin swayed the knife in his hand and scrunched his lips together." If I get my hands on that brat, I'll grab him by the ear and rip it off him."
" Jimin is the brat?" Namjoon laughed and shook his head.
" Yeap! He told me half the story."
" I'm sure it wasn't intentional,baby. I bet he didn't know how to tell you that Kook has the remarkable ability to get pregnant. I mean... Oh God, it's amazing!
Jin pursed his lips." I'm still giving him one hell of a scolding!"
All Namjoon could do was nod in understanding because arguing with Jin was a lost war.
___________________
The light morning breeze of the city was salty and crisp, carrying the scent of the sea,the mellow of waves and the breathtaking view as Jungkook ran along the beach side path. His steady footsteps echoed against the pavement,his breath forming small clouds in the cool air.
For the first time in weeks his mind was slightly at ease. The rhythmic clicking of his black sneakers against the ground gave him something to focus on besides the dark thoughts that constantly haunted him.
Blots of sweat gathered on his forehead,strands of hair sticking on his temples and some swaying against the breeze as he picked up the pace, welcoming the familiar burn in his muscles, reminding him he was still moving forward despite everything.
One step at a time.
He couldn't overdo it because his body hadn't fully recovered from the ordeal and it would take a considerable amount of time before he was in shape again.
Once he felt the burning of his muscles cranking up and his heartbeat increasing,he found a bench and took a seat, resting his hands on the backrest rails and stretching his legs, cautiously to avoid cramps.
He sucked in deep breaths, relishing the cool air and the refreshing smell of the sea,his gaze peering at the golden glow of dawn. It held hope for the future. A future that for him felt hopeless and meaningless.
That emptiness of emotions and at the same time the slew of feelings was an overwhelming weight he didn't want to carry anymore.
Jungkook always needed to stay on top of things,have absolute control over his life and ever since he met Taehyung control was gradually slipping through his fingers.
I guess that was how love worked. Even one-sided. He jacked his head up, catching sight of the golden sky shifting into light blue. His sweet baby was up there next to the angels and slowly a timid smile formed on his dry lips.
It gave him comfort to know someone was watching over his baby... a guardian angel...