"Oguri Cap—only sixth in the Tennō Shō (Autumn)! Is she really in a slump? Has the Ash-Haired Monster truly lost her form?"
I know, I made a promise. I would return to Kitano with a victory... I also know that only victory can bring a smile to his face. The way he lives in this world now is filled with pain.
I should bring him victory, let him see that I can walk the future path strong and alone. Only then can he be at ease. And only by doing this can he close his eyes peacefully before he leaves.
I shouldn't cause him any more trouble. I should do what a horse girl is supposed to do. He hopes to see me become self-reliant, a day when he no longer has to worry about me. I should do as he wishes—just like before.
But...
"Oguri Cap! Only 11th place?! The same Oguri Cap who won a major victory over the New Zealand queen, Osaichi George, in the Japan Cup, has fallen into an unprecedented slump!"
...I'm sorry, Kitano. As I thought... I still can't do it.
I can't imagine how I would face a world without you. I can't accept the coming of the day when, after giving you all my reliance, you will leave me.
From the day you appeared in my life, you have influenced my entire life... all the love I was missing was filled after you appeared. You are my guide, my elder who is like a biological father, my mentor, and even more so, the one to whom I poured out all my feelings, the one I most wanted to tell my heart to... my love.
All the love I was missing was given by you. And I also want to convey this full heart of perfect love to you. I want you to know how perfect this beating heart of mine has been since the day I had you...
But now, you say you are leaving. How can you expect me to return to that world, which is missing you?
No, I don't want to go back... no matter what, I want to keep you. I don't want to go back to that life without you.
You are the most inseparable person in my life. I know my current behavior is selfish, but I really hope... you can still be by my side, even if it's only for a minute or a second more...
I... don't want to grow up. I don't want to be forced to grow up in this way.
Having lost the G1 Japan Cup again, Oguri was now completely unable to pay attention to other matters. Since he had been hospitalized, she had also lost his planning. And the life of her, whose obsession had taken deep root, seemed to be left with only two things—participating in races, and going to the hospital to visit him.
Oguri, whose life was a straight line between two points, ignored all the sounds around her and expertly came to the hospital where he was. Soon, after she arrived, in the hospital room, besides him who was still in a coma, several gazes quickly looked over. It was Tamamo Cross, and her mother, who had come from her hometown to take care of him.
However, this time, there was also an unexpected horse girl here. It was the queen of New Zealand, Osaichi George, whom she had paid special attention to in the Japan Cup.
"Mom, Tamamo, and Osaichi George, you're all here... how is Kitano?"
Since he had had his accident, Fujimasa March, who considered herself to be the cause of his condition, had originally planned to atone with her actions. But in the end, the sometimes-conscious him seemed to have said something to her. The crying Fujimasa had fled the hospital room and had never come back.
However, she still sent her gifts to his hospital room every day. Sometimes they were supplements, sometimes they were letters filled with feelings, sometimes they were hand-folded paper cranes symbolizing peace... in a few months, these gifts had filled this hospital room, giving it a feeling of warmth.
But in the room, everyone's mood was still extremely heavy. Her mother also shook her head with a sad expression and answered softly, "He's still in a coma... recently, his coma time has been getting longer and longer. Most of the time he's in a daze."
"He's a good person." And at this time, Osaichi George also, with a gentle voice and not-so-fluent Japanese, her gentle and unbearable eyes always looking at him, said in a low voice, "He shouldn't have such an ending... and he shouldn't have to live so painfully. His life should be happier."
"Yes... he really is a very, very good person."
On the side, Tamamo Cross, who looked much more haggard during this period, with dark circles under her eyes, also couldn't help but chime in.
Since he had fallen ill, she had immediately rushed to those fanatical fans who had been handed over to the Tokyo police. In the police station, this Kansai horse girl, while loudly cursing, had beaten those fanatical fans half to death in a merciless way. If not for the special intervention of the horse girl police, with her cruel methods, it was really hard to say if she would have beaten these people to death.
And after paying the fine with her own prize money, she had taken full care of him in the hospital room. It was not until her mother's arrival that her burden was slightly reduced—but she still refused to slack off for a moment, for fear that she would not notice a single thing and cause his possible death.
For several months, she had helped him get through at least three crises of deterioration, but she still couldn't stop the reality of his life being in danger.
"...I heard that you're going to participate in the Arima Kinen again, Oguri?" Tamamo, while wiping his palm, turned her head slightly to look at her. Her tone was unreadable, but there was a hint of resentment as she said, "He wants to see you win a race. You should know that, right?"
"But Oguri, with your current state, it's simply impossible to win a G1 race. His condition is getting worse day by day—if you continue like this, he won't be able to last until the day you win a race!"
Her choice to sign up for races could be said to be completely without a plan. The Tennō Shō (Autumn) in October and the Japan Cup in November. She had participated in G1 level races for two consecutive months. This, for a horse girl, could be said to be a very high-intensity "series of battles."
Japan called the three G1 races in the last three months of the year the "Autumn Triple Crown," which included the Tennō Shō (Autumn), the Japan Cup, and the Arima Kinen. And because the schedule of the three G1 races was very tight, so far, even Symboli Rudolf had not completed the feat of dominating the Autumn Triple Crown.
And her lesson also made most central trainers choose one of the last two months' Japan Cup and Arima Kinen for their charges to participate in. A month's rest and a series of battles was too much of a burden for a horse girl.
But now, her, whose injuries and periostitis had just been cured, but who had experienced major defeats in the Tennō Shō (Autumn) and the Japan Cup in a row, and had clearly lost the ability to win a race, had resolutely chosen to continue to participate in the Arima Kinen in December... undoubtedly, she simply didn't care if she could win.
"Do you want him to die with regrets?! Oguri!"
"He won't die!" And at the mention of the word "death," she, who had been almost desireless during this period and often did not speak for a whole day, her emotions suddenly became agitated. She turned to this friend who had been helping her all along, and for the first time in a long time, she got truly angry, her eyes wide with rage as she roared, "He won't die, absolutely not! Tamamo, you'd better watch your words!"
"Enough." And at this time, her mother also, with a rare firmness in her tone, immediately interrupted the confrontation between the two girls. And a moment later, she saw her mother take a deep breath and then said in a calm and gentle voice, "Miss Tamamo, and Miss Osaichi George, can I trouble you to step aside for a moment? I, and Kitano, have something to say to Oguri."
"..." X2
After a moment of silent eye contact, Tamamo and Osaichi George did not say much and slowly withdrew from the hospital room. For a moment, in this room, only the three members of the same family were left.
And only in this environment could Oguri shed all her pretense of being strong and reveal her truest thoughts.
"Oguri, actually, he was awake for a while. When you weren't here, he said a lot to me."
"Mom?"
However, upon hearing the news of what he had said after he had woken up, a glimmer of light suddenly appeared in her originally vacant pupils, and even her tone had a hint of long-lost cheerfulness as she asked cautiously, "Mom, what did he say?"
"...Oguri, Mom wants to tell you that he has always believed, from beginning to end, that you have always wanted to bring him victory."
In front of her, her mother said words that could be called a mental blow to her daughter. After feeling her daughter's obvious wavering, her mother, with a bitter smile, told her, word by word, what he had once said to her.
"He said that if you deliberately didn't want to win the race, it would be impossible for you to have such a result. At least it would have to be in the top five. And now, your race results just happen to show that you are just not up to it, and not that you don't want to win."
"Oguri... your trainer... no." Speaking of which, her mother's tone also changed slightly. With a loving gaze, she looked at the trembling Oguri and said softly, "Your father has always believed in you, that you are a good child who listens to him and doesn't make him worry."
Without any embellishment, an incomparably simple sentence was like a heavy punch to her heart. Her mother slowly got up, held up her proudest daughter's cheek, and looked straight at her daughter, who was already in tears. This mother also showed all her tenderness and said softly, "Oguri, you shouldn't betray his expectations for you. So, pull yourself together. He really hopes that he can see the day you win a race again."
"He said you just lack a little bit of faith. As long as you want to do it, you can definitely do it... he has even prepared a secret weapon for you."
"...A secret weapon?"
She repeated this sentence blankly. And under her gaze, she saw her mother take out a plastic bento box from the side. After slowly opening it, she revealed the food inside, which still had a hint of warmth.
She could tell that the food in the bento was fried rice. It was the food she had eaten the most at home. Whether it was her mother, him, or Tamamo, it was the food they most often made for her to quickly fill her stomach.
"This was made by him personally... in the afternoon, he woke up for a while and insisted on using the hospital kitchen to cook this dish for you."
"He said that after eating this bento, you will definitely be able to win the Arima Kinen with a record-breaking performance. He will hold on until the moment he sees your victory."
"He also said... in the days to come without him, if you miss him, just eat until you're full. After you're full, you won't miss him anymore."
Oguri, who had vaguely guessed the answer, after hearing her mother's verification, her hands couldn't help but take the bento. Her teardrops slowly dripped from her cheeks onto the food in the bento, and with a sob, she choked out,斷斷續續, "I... will eat now."
Without using any tools, she grabbed a piece of not-yet-fully-fried rice with her palm and stuffed it into her mouth with a wretched look. The salty taste of tears, plus the greasy feeling of the cold fried rice, this was by no means a delicacy.
But even so, she still chewed the fried rice in her mouth with big mouthfuls, as if it was the most delicious delicacy she had ever eaten in her life, and her tears flowed endlessly.
And even so, just after eating such a small bite, she was trembling all over and put the bento back on... she couldn't bear it, couldn't bear to finish this last bento, this last taste of him that she could eat.
"I... am full... thank you for the meal."
She knew what she should do... she should, as before, listen to his words, so that he would no longer have to worry about her, so that he could, from now on, escape this miserable life.
A month later, on the Arima Kinen track, Oguri, as if helped by heaven, was really as he had said, in a class of her own in her last race. With the belief of certain victory in her heart, she finally completely burned the last bit of potential she could ignite, for her trainer, her father, her lover... she dedicated this final victory!
"Oguri Cap is rushing out! The last 200 meters! She is still in the lead, sprinting!"
The one who was in a class of her own, Oguri, slightly raised her head and looked at the finish line in front of her. And in a daze, a phantom appeared in her eyes...
In an instant, she seemed to have returned to Kasamatsu, to that local dirt racecourse. She seemed to have returned to that last race in the local area, where she had thought she would be separated from him forever. She seemed to have seen again, by the finish line, the him who was smiling at her.
Yes, he was smiling. He was encouraging and supporting her choice. Her victory... was his greatest expectation.
Her vision blurred again. As if traveling through time and space, she passed by his figure with reluctance. But her灑淚, she couldn't help but turn her head back to look at the person who had been watching over her for so long, and said with a sob, "Kitano... I... I'm really going to win this time..."
This time... it's really a separation, Kitano.
In a daze, she saw his still-gratified smile. He, who was smiling faintly on one side and applauding her on the other, finally had a proud teardrop in his eyes. But he still supported her choice, supported her to continue running forward like this.
"Go and win, Oguri."
"You are now a horse girl who can win the world."
...
"She's crossed the line! Oguri Cap! A miraculous revival! Arima Kinen first place! The first horse girl to dominate the Arima Kinen is born!"
The whole field was cheering wildly, and countless ribbons symbolizing victory were also falling from the sky. But all of this had no attraction for the now-dazed her. The tearful ash-haired horse girl just turned her gaze to the sky, letting her tears fall freely...
Only she herself knew that just now, she had lost her only trainer... her only "father," her only love...
From now on, in this world, there was no one left to pity her... she had lost the only one to whom she could confide her troubles and share her joys. Her life... no longer had any meaning.
Her heart, from now on, was completely sealed. All the memories after losing him did not remain in her mind... a life without him had no meaning for her.
She only remembered... that after who knows how long, she had also welcomed her own ending... she still remembered that under the sharp pain in her stomach, her consciousness had completely blurred, and the world before her eyes had fallen into a darkness.
As expected... I still can't do it. This world without him, without him, I can no longer continue to live.
Well then, let her go and find him. She believed that she would definitely find him again.
Even if she lost her memory, even if she fell into an endless cycle, as long as there was a little bit of a chance, she... would definitely recognize him again.
-------
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