Sasuke is gone, again, and while Naruto does understand and support Sasuke's decision, he feels terrible.
He went through so much to get his friend back. And now he's not sure if he's going to see Sasuke again—and this time, not even him chasing after the guy would help.
Sasuke had left, because being in Konoha as an omega had been the last straw.
It's completely understandable. Ever since his departure, Naruto has lost count of how many times he's said that he and Sasuke did not, in fact, mate.
Why people are so sure about that, anyway? Naruto wonders to Kurama.
It has always been like that, the Fox tells him. It's very usual for friends to end up mating if they later present as an omega and alpha. Your parents were different since Minato was a beta. And you see what happened to Sakura and Ino too.
Naruto had forgotten that. Sakura and Ino had mated right after the war, when things had calmed down, and they both seemed happy now.
Sasuke had been relieved that Sakura finally left him alone.
Naruto does, kind of, see why people expect him and Sasuke to mate. From an outsider's point of view, it's obvious—they were rivals first, and then Naruto came pretty close to sacrificing everything to get Sasuke back. He chased after his friend for three years.
In that sense, expecting them to mate is a logical assumption.
But it isn't so easy in reality. Naruto loves Sasuke, of course he does, but with the way they both grew up, the kind of commitment mating requires feels foreign. Especially since the two of them are still awkward around each other, still getting used to their healed relationship.
Naruto just knows Sasuke would never mate with him—it's more likely that Sasuke won't ever mate with anyone. What he might do is get himself pregnant so that the Uchiha Clan doesn't go completely extinct, but somehow Naruto doesn't believe that either.
In any case, now that Sasuke isn't in Konoha anymore, Naruto feels lonely. He knows he is playing with fire with the way he decided to convert one of the rooms for Sasuke to use as a heat nest.
He doesn't even know if Sasuke will return or if he would spent heats in Naruto's house, but for some reason… Naruto felt it was important to do. The room is filled with his scent and Sasuke's, and there's also one of the shirts Sasuke has used. It wasn't too dirty, so Naruto chose not to wash it—instead, it's now spread on the new bed, along with Sasuke's blanket and pillow, as well as other things he'd gathered around himself during his first heat.
Naruto is pretty sure he's going to be yelled at for this, but he can't bring himself to care. His alpha demanded him to do it, to look after Sasuke, so he did. That's the reason he got the knotted dildo as well.
It's kind of terrifying, in a way, that if Sasuke would ask… Naruto would agree to mate him in a heartbeat. The surety of that thought is strong, and Naruto has been an alpha long enough to interpret the things he feels—when he's just fucking it out with someone, when he's just helping… or when his feelings are more than that.
And with Sasuke, they have always been more. Always. But Naruto would keep them in his heart, because he wouldn't jeopardize their new friendship with his unwanted feelings.
Besides, Sasuke already knows Naruto loves him. The only thing he doesn't know is how much.
***
By the end of December, Konoha is full of decorations for New Year's Eve, and Naruto plans a party with his friends. He hasn't heard anything from Sasuke since he left, and at this point he's certain he won't.
Naruto tries to be cool about it. He really does. But he still feels resentment, and he hates it. He hates that he's resentful, he hates that in the end, Sasuke chose to leave and they can't talk, they can't spend time together. It would be a gross lie to say that Naruto doesn't care.
He finally got Sasuke back and he misses his friend so much it hurts. He doesn't know where Sasuke is at the moment, so there's no way to send a letter to him. There's no way to keep in touch, unless Sasuke himself sends a note where he's staying, or another means to contact him.
Naruto can't help but think that Sasuke stays no contact for a reason.
These thoughts swirl in his mind constantly, and no matter how many times Kurama reassures him, he doesn't feel better. It's like poison in his veins, and the more time passes, the worse it feels and the more he hates himself.
Sasuke deserves his freedom. He deserves to see the world and make his own decisions. But Naruto is selfish and he doesn't feel whole without Sasuke's presence.
Two days before New Year's, Naruto is walking home after eating lunch at the Ichiraku. He's surprised to see Kakashi on the street—he's been swamped with work for the past two months, and they haven't much seen each other since his inauguration.
"Yo, Naruto," Kakashi drawls. "You look depressed. Is something wrong?"
"Why would there be?" Naruto returns flatly. "Everything is wonderful."
Kakashi tilts his head. "Come with me," he says. Then he leaves and Naruto scrambles to follow.
They walk together in silence for a long moment, until they reach the familiar Training Ground Three, the stumps and the memorial stone. Now there are more names: Uchiha Shisui, Uchiha Itachi, Hyuga Neji.
The first thing Kakashi had done as the Sixth Hokage was clearing Itachi's name.
"Why are we here?" Naruto asks tiredly. "I've been helping with the party preparations all morning, I just want to go home."
"This place is more remote so we can be alone," Kakashi says. "Since when have you been so tired?" Naruto honestly wonders why Kakashi even cares to chat like this—he hasn't done this with him ever before. He still insists on using the mask, but now his eyes—both dark, with no Sharingan in sight—look at Naruto. "Usually you have enough stamina for everyone."
"Yeah, well, things are different." Naruto doesn't care to elaborate. He's mentally drained after worrying about Sasuke constantly.
"You are allowed to miss him, you know," Kakashi adds.
"I know," Naruto mutters. "But—I'm angry at him, Kakashi-sensei. I hate to be angry at him. I thought we were friends and he still wanted to leave. Maybe it was my fault, the way everyone expected us to mate. All of it must've freaked him out."
"You have to remember that all of this is new to him," Kakashi says quietly. "Ever since he lost his family, he hasn't really lived the same kind of life you did. You were both alone, yes, but Sasuke was… well, you know. After the war, he's had to learn everything from the beginning. How to live normally, and what job to do. Konoha caused him a lot of pain, so it's perfectly understandable he needs distance from it."
"I know that," Naruto repeats, frustrated. "I know! But—I got to enjoy that only for two months before he decided to leave. It just—hurts."
"Of course it does," Kakashi says. "You did a lot to get him back. But this is not permanent, Naruto. I'm sure presenting now on top of everything else was just too much for him to take at once. By traveling he can take a step back and decide what he wants from his life."
"I'm just terrified he won't come back," Naruto says helplessly.
"You know him better than anyone else," Kakashi points out. "Is the current him someone who would disappear like that?"
"No," Naruto says instantly. "He isn't. He would never do that."
"Then trust him," Kakashi says, and now his tone is soft. "Give him time. Sasuke will contact you once he feels ready."
It's easier said than done, but Naruto agrees anyway.
***
There's one good thing about New Year's, and it's the fact that this time, Kakashi invited all Kage from the major villages to celebrate. Gaara is with them, of course, with Kankuro and Temari and some other retainers.
"Gaara! It's good to see you!" Naruto says cheerfully and launches himself at his friend.
Gaara is startled by the show of affection, but he does return the hug. His omega scent is significantly different from Sasuke's—Naruto smells hot sand and cactus flowers. It's faint, but Naruto also catches the special tang of heat lingering on him, even with the scent blockers, and he wonders if Gaara has anyone to help him through his heats. Or is he suffering them alone like Sasuke plans to?
"You look good too, Naruto," Gaara says softly. As they separate, Gaara's pale green eyes scan the streets. "Sasuke isn't with you?"
"He left for a journey," Naruto replies and his smile melts away. "He presented as omega a while ago. And, well. The people in the village instantly started to talk."
"We have time before the festivities," Gaara says and glances at his siblings. "We could go to your place to talk in peace?"
Gaara has been there before too—every time he visits Konoha, he and Naruto spend time alone to catch up and talk about everything that happened.
They do that now too, and stop by at Ichiraku to get takeaway ramen. Naruto is happy that Gaara likes the ramen as well, since Suna doesn't have ramen restaurants (not yet anyway).
As Naruto and Gaara settle into the kitchen, Gaara looks at him and says, "Talk to me."
And Naruto talks. In addition to Sasuke, Gaara is the only person whom he feels comfortable enough to talk about these things—about Sasuke presenting, how the words spread and how everyone assumed at once that they would mate.
"And Sasuke left immediately after that?" Gaara says.
Naruto nods miserably. "Yeah. Now I'm just… terrified he won't come back and that I won't see him again."
"I haven't talked with him much after the war, but…" Gaara slurps down some ramen and thinks for a moment. "But when I saw him after everything, when you ended the Eternal Tsukuyomi, I could see the change in his eyes. You saved him, Naruto, never forget that. Sasuke won't forget that either. But you know how much it messes you up when you present."
"I do," Naruto mumbles. "I learned most of that stuff from the leaflets I found and some nice alpha specialist Pervy Sage took me to see—he didn't bother teaching much about it. I think he found it uncomfortable." Jiraiya had been an alpha too, and while he had mostly been an excellent teacher and Naruto had loved him like a grandfather, he is still sometimes angry about how little he got guided with alpha-related matters.
"Sasuke is different from the both of us. He doesn't have a safe person to talk with about these matters. I don't claim to know him very well, but I think he might need that distance to sort through everything he has experienced and to find peace with his omega," Gaara says. "As for the mating—you guys are really close. Really close. Of course people will talk. And I do know you love him."
"He will never accept it," Naruto says and laughs quietly. "But I've made my peace with that. If he ever would ask, I would help. I don't even have to consider it."
"Just keep doing what you're doing," Gaara tells him, a small smile playing on his lips. "Show him that you're there for him, that you respect his boundaries. It will also create a sense of security for his omega."
"Of course," Naruto whispers. "I just hope I'll have a chance to show it."
Right after, their lunch is interrupted by the doorbell. For one frantic second Naruto believes it's Sasuke, so disappointment floods his system when it's only a courier.
"There's a package for you, Uzumaki-san," the courier says and hands over a small package.
Naruto thanks him and takes it, confused. He hasn't ordered anything, so what…?
Sasuke.
It can't be anyone else. Naruto takes the package to the kitchen and starts unwrapping it, Gaara watching curiously.
What Naruto finds makes him blush and his heart jumps into his throat.
"Huh," Gaara says, turning the box over to have a better look. "It's a good quality too."
"Shut up," Naruto groans and hides his face behind his hands, so that he wouldn't have to look at the alpha-specific fleshlight now sitting on his table.
"There's a note too," Gaara says casually. "It says, Happy New Year, dumbass."
"Of course it does!" Naruto wails. "I can't believe it! I can't believe he avenged the damn dildo!"
Gaara sputters. "The damn dildo?" he echoes. Then he starts laughing—an open laugh, something Naruto hadn't heard from him before. "Naruto, did you give a dildo to your best friend?"
"I was only trying to help!" Naruto complains.
"By giving a dildo to a fresh omega," Gaara says, shaking his head. "You really are the most unpredictable ninja, Naruto. And you deserved this."
You absolutely did, Kurama tunes in.
Naruto wails some more. Karin, Suigetsu and Jugo live in an old house on the edge of Tanzaku, and at first, the choice of lodgings is peculiar to Sasuke. It's warm and big enough for them, sure, but… why that location in particular?
He finally manages to ask about it when he's alone with Jugo one afternoon, a day before New Year's Eve. The house has been decorated to look nice and festive, but Sasuke is struggling to find the mood. He has never bothered with anything like this before, but now he feels different as he helps Jugo with making some New Year delicacies.
"Why we live so near Konoha?" Jugo says as he mixes the dough with his large hands. "Simple. We wanted to be close to you."
Sasuke goes still, in the middle of molding a mochi with his fingers. "Close to me?" he repeats. "Why in the world—?"
"We felt like we needed to," Jugo says and shrugs. "You looked so lost when you were hauled to Konoha. We thought to stay close by if you ever needed space. Though, to be honest, we weren't sure at the time if you would even be allowed to leave Konoha again."
"That was one of the things that was obvious from the beginning," Sasuke says with a scoff. If Konoha had tried to keep him in the village by force, he would have blasted his way out, and he knows Naruto wouldn't have stopped him.
Sasuke sets one mochi aside and gets started with the next one. "I treated all three of you horribly. Hell, I almost killed Karin. You could've just… dumped me and I would've deserved it." It takes great effort to say those words, but Sasuke forces them out anyway.
"I always knew there was more to you than just the desire to avenge your clan," Jugo says. "To feel so strongly means you must love strongly. And that's what the Uchiha Clan was about, wasn't it?"
"Yeah," Sasuke mutters. "It was."
"All of us knew how much Obito tried to make us do what he wanted, how he manipulated you to attack the Kage summit," Jugo continues. "None of us blame you, Sasuke. If we can be there for you, we will. You don't need to apologize."
Sasuke's chest feels tight and he thinks about Naruto again. How Naruto did save him, how he was the only one who had cared that much. "I still keep making mistakes," he says before he even realizes he's saying it aloud. "I left him again even though he went through so much to get me back."
"I'm sure he understands why you left," Jugo says, and now his amber eyes meet Sasuke's, and there's no judgment in them. "It's still a bit raw with the both of you, isn't it?"
"The first few days were the worst," Sasuke says and his stump aches, as if guessing what he's thinking. "It was so hard to just… start talking. We hadn't been what you'd call normal friends as kids either. We pretty much needed to start from the beginning with that too."
And now Sasuke can't stop thinking about Naruto and his scent, and he often wakes up in the morning with soiled boxers after having leaked through his slick pads, and he has been jerking off more than he ever needed to when he was younger.
He can't even be near the coffee without thinking about Naruto now, and it's exhausting.
"I want to say something, but you need to let me speak and not instantly shoot it down," Jugo says slowly. "Can you do that for me?"
There's something about Jugo, how quiet and calm he always is, that makes Sasuke feel like he can let go of his mask. Jugo doesn't know him as well as Naruto, but Jugo understands him differently, so in that sense, he's the closest thing to a support Sasuke has right now. So he hesitates only for a moment before nodding.
"You need an alpha to spend your heats," Jugo says unceremoniously. "There are omegas and alphas who spend theirs alone, that's true. But it's not advisable. You can do some serious harm to yourself if you don't give your omega what it needs. And it needs alpha's attention, to be taken care of by them. It doesn't need to involve sex."
Sasuke had expected this topic, but as he promised, he doesn't snap back. His next mochi is a bit malformed from others, though.
"I know you would never let Karin that close with you," Jugo adds. "I can help you, if you want, but I know I'm not the one you need—or want—either."
Sasuke blows out a breath. "So you're saying that I should mate with Naruto too?" he asks angrily.
"I didn't say anything about mating, Sasuke," Jugo says patiently. "I'm saying you need a safe alpha to spend your heats with. That kind of partnership is very common. It depends on what you end up deciding, but in some partnerships, the only… service… the alpha provides is touches and care."
Sasuke remembers again how his father always pampered his mother during her heats. How her eyes glowed with happiness from that.
He remembers how insanely good he felt when it was Naruto taking care of him.
"I can take care of it on my own," Sasuke grumbles. "There's no way in hell I'd ask that from Naruto—or anyone else either."
"That's your choice, of course," Jugo says evenly. "Just… don't get freaked out if your feelings are all over the place when your next heat comes. You spent your first with someone, so your omega has that expectancy that it will happen again."
"I'll be fine," Sasuke says. He has to be. Just thinking he would let anyone near him like that—be it Naruto or Jugo—makes his skin crawl. He will use that damn dildo if he needs to and hole up somewhere to wait it out. Besides, it's still months away, so he refuses to worry about that now.
He helps Jugo around in the kitchen for a while, then he makes a pot of tea and withdraws into one of the rooms with the pot, his mug and his own copy of How to Be a Successful Omega under his arm (Tsunade had insisted on giving it to him and while Sasuke had it, he did recognize that he needed some guidance).
It has been harder than he expected, to live with his secondary gender. He catches scents so easily now, and even though Karin and Jugo put on scent blockers for his benefit, it doesn't help much. The omega in him feels like another, living being, constantly craving different things from Sasuke himself, and he was surprised by the strength of it. He's never been one to take care of anything, but now he finds himself often thinking about having children of his own.
Sasuke knows it's instinctual for omega to think like that. He also knows that with time, he can balance it in a way that he can still be a formidable shinobi. At the moment, he feels he's at ease with it, despite the many new feelings and sensations he has.
And he can't change the way other people see omegas. Among shinobi, it's usual for omegas to take part in battle and missions, but even they tend to give up on it after mating and giving birth to children. Sasuke won't be like that. He's not that sure yet he even wants children. And if he slips, even for a moment, he starts to think how he and Naruto's children would look like, and there's a very real tug in his stomach and his omega reacts to it.
Sasuke pours tea into his mug and opens the book from the part he'd last read, and continues.
It's very common with omegas to latch on to the first person they see after their first heat. The feeling is usually stronger if a new omega doesn't spend their first heat alone, but with an alpha. If it's not a member of the family, the omega might see this person as a potential mate. This is normal, and will fade away with time, especially if an omega finds a partner for future heats.
That does make sense. So the reason Sasuke keeps thinking about Naruto and his scent now is because of spending his first heat with him? And the way how Naruto took care of him? Sasuke is surprised to find himself a bit disappointed with this revelation.
It would fade, at least, which is good news, but the latter part. About finding a partner. Why is everything with alphas and omegas always so intricately tied to sex? Yeah, sure, knotting isn't required, but Sasuke grew up listening to stuff about omegas and alphas, and he'd never heard of partnerships without it. It makes his skin tingle and anxiety creep up his spine. So far he's allowed only Naruto to get close enough to hug him—how would he find a heat partner? Especially when all alphas expected the damn knotting?
Sasuke resists the urge to take out his storage scroll to check the dildo again. He's looked at it a few times—it's one of those types that react to chakra, so Sasuke could control the knot's size and duration himself by channeling chakra to it.
He drinks the entire pot of tea as he reads the book, eventually finishing it. He doesn't need to read it again—everything is now stored in his Sharingan. He hears commotion from outside his room, but right at that moment, he doesn't feel like going there with the others.
Sasuke settles on his rickety bed—which is significantly better than sleeping in caves—and dozes off, thinking about the quietness of Naruto's house, Naruto's whispered curses when he made noise in the middle of the night. Sasuke falls asleep thinking about Naruto's smile.
Later, he jerks awake when it's already dark, and there are two onigiri and a bottle of mineral water placed on the table.
Sasuke looks at them and guilt gnaws his insides like poison.
***
The New Year's Eve is, from Sasuke's point of view, the worst day of his new life.
He doesn't have enough energy to say no when Karin and Suigetsu drag him outside. It's still bitterly cold, and Sasuke is bundled under a lot of clothes. He mechanically follows his friends around, keeping his left eye closed so that civilians wouldn't see his Rinnegan and freak out.
Back in Konoha Naruto is probably celebrating with his friends. Another wave of guilt washes over when Sasuke remembers Naruto blabbering excitedly about how they can celebrate the new year together.
That had been right after the war.
And now Sasuke is in Tanzaku and he really just wants to go back to the house and sleep until the celebrations are over. He already knows he's not going to stay with Karin, Suigetsu and Jugo either. Now that he's with friends, he feels like he wants to be alone.
Tomorrow he would leave the Land of Fire altogether. Where, he doesn't care.
Sasuke feels a bit better when Jugo brings him a cup of hot juice—it's not too sweet, just perfectly tart for him. It warms him from the inside as they gather with the others on the riverbank to watch the fireworks. Karin and Suigetsu are arguing again.
Sasuke sips the juice and focuses his gaze on the sky when the people around them start to count down from ten. When it reaches zero and the main fireworks begin, Sasuke promises to himself that he'll be in Konoha with Naruto next year.
After the fireworks, they return to the house and instantly collapse to sleep.
None of the three are surprised when Sasuke emerges from his room in the morning with his belongings, obviously with the intent to leave.
"Eat breakfast with us, at least," Jugo says.
It's a reasonable ask, so Sasuke obliges.
"Take this with you—use it if you ever need us," Karin says and pushes something towards him.
It's a small scroll. Sasuke frowns and opens it, only to see a complex pattern.
"If you channel your chakra to it, our scroll will react and know that you need us," Jugo says. "It'll give us a general direction where to search. You don't have to use it, if you don't want to, but keep it with you."
There's a lump in Sasuke's throat as he nods numbly and places the scroll inside the pack on his belt.
After breakfast, Sasuke slings his sword strap over his shoulder, finishes dressing up for the weather and leaves, the whole world open for him. Cherry blossom petals drift lazily through the air, but Naruto can't see the beauty of them. He's gotten very good at masking his true feelings in the past four months, so much so that no one else realizes there's anything wrong with him.
And if someone does say something, Naruto only says it's because his rut is near, and it's not even a lie. He gets his only rut around April or May, it depends. He can feel it's near this time, because his canines and gums have been aching so badly he's been forced to use the chew block more than once to ease it. He wonders how it would feel like, to actually mate someone—from his understanding, the ache in his gums and teeth would fade away after that.
He's also getting more horny than usual, but this time he's not even considering to travel to Tanzaku or anywhere else to get a rut partner. It's funny, in a way, how he lectured Sasuke about the importance of not spending his heat alone, when he's planning the same with his rut.
But Naruto has no idea where Sasuke is these days. There's been no word from him since he left. Naruto calculated Sasuke's next heat, which would be in April, so right around the corner.
It's stupid, to hope that Sasuke would return to Konoha for it. But Naruto can't help it—without hope he has nothing.
Naruto sits with his friends in Konoha's park and watches the cherry blossoms. The Hanami Festival is in full swing, and everyone is laughing and having fun. Sakura, Ino and Hinata all look so beautiful in their yukatas. The park is filled with different scents, but most of them are bearable; blockers are a big help in a big event like this. Today Naruto wears a patch, because he didn't bother to spread the lotion.
It's difficult to enjoy himself, with the way Hinata looks at him. She still hasn't been mated, and it's only a matter of time before Hiashi will get even more pushy about it. Naruto is only of the most wanted unmated alphas in Konoha right now, and he's exhausted after having to turn everyone down. The only good thing about all of this is that there is literally no one forcing him to mate anyone; it's up to him to decide.
Some of the others decide to have a walk around the park, but Naruto doesn't feel like going, so he stays where he is, sitting on the picnic blanket and leaning against the cherry tree they had chosen. It doesn't take him long to realize that he isn't alone—that Sakura didn't leave with the others.
"You should walk with them," Naruto urges quietly. "I'll keep watch over our stuff."
"I don't feel like going with them," Sakura mutters. "Not when you look so… dejected."
"I'm fine, Sakura, just go," Naruto sighs.
But she doesn't. She rearranges her kimono to sit more comfortably. She's so beautiful, with the pink in her hair rivaling the cherry blossom petals. When Naruto had been a kid, he'd had a crush on her—before realizing who he had loved all along. His stomach drops again and the mask he's been taking so much care to keep starts to crumble.
"I miss him, Sakura-chan," Naruto whispers. "I was so happy when he came back. He smiled a lot more. We still bickered, but—it wasn't bad bickering, y'know? I finally felt content. I wanted to learn all about him, but I realized fast that it wouldn't be so easy."
"It was a huge change for Sasuke-kun," Sakura says, nodding. "But don't forget, Naruto—you were there for him. You always have been there for him."
"Yeah… I guess." Naruto blinks tears from his eyes. "I owe you an apology too, Sakura-chan. I've wanted to—say it for a long time. For snapping at you at the hospital. I had… feared that the village would think like that, and I overreacted."
"It's okay," Sakura says softly. "I understand that. And I also want to emphasize that if you two would end up mating, it would make me happy. Both of you look so much more alive when you are with each other."
That rattles Naruto a bit. "Sasuke too?" he says.
"Sasuke-kun too," Sakura confirms. "You never saw how he looked at you, but… he'd never been like that before. There's a new softness in him—or probably he'd had it all along, but you just help it come back. You brought back the real Sasuke."
It should make Naruto feel better, but instead, he just feels more sad. He doesn't have the heart to tell that to Sakura—but if she's already noticed how he feels, she'll notice that her words don't help much.
"He will come back to you," Sakura says and squeezes Naruto's hand. "I know he will."
Naruto doesn't reply to that, and they fall into a companionable silence while they wait for the others to come back. The two of them have more in common than Naruto has previously thought—they're both short-tempered, and have very strong feelings for Sasuke. But while Sakura had been able to move on and find her happiness with Ino, Naruto had stayed behind.
If there's something Naruto is certain about, it's the fact that he doesn't want to mate just anyone. The only one he cares about—has ever cared about—is Sasuke.
And if Sasuke never wants to mate with anyone, Naruto can't see himself mating either. He'll spend his ruts with someone, but that's it.
Maybe he is selfish with the way he thinks—that he if can't have Sasuke, he won't take anyone at all. But he's not going to force Sasuke into anything, of course he won't. He won't even mention it to his friend. He will resign to his fate of becoming one of those unmated alphas some look so wrongly (it's an alpha's responsibility to breed and continue their line, after all).
Naruto doesn't care about any of that. Both he and his alpha are so hopelessly in love with Sasuke that nothing else will ever compare. That's just something Naruto has to learn to live with. And he will.
When the others do return, Naruto takes a more active part in the conversation, even though his heart isn't in it.
He waits eagerly for the viewing to be over, and when it finally is, he stays long enough so that his departure doesn't seem too sudden. He ignores Hinata's pearl-white eyes, tucks his hands into his pockets and leaves.
It's evening now, every surface is filled with fallen cherry blossom leaves. Sasuke would look so beautiful with pink petals in his hair.
Right after thinking about it, Naruto kicks himself mentally. Thinking about Sasuke like this won't make this any easier, the longing that eats him away every single day.
Naruto isn't in a good mood, he hasn't been in a good mood for a while, and he doesn't hide his groan as he approaches his house and sees Hiashi standing near the gate, hands inside his kimono sleeves.
"What do you want?" Naruto asks, not bothering with pleasantries.
"I could ask the same from you," Hiashi says, his brow furrowed. "What do I need to offer you for mating with Hinata?"
"Why would I condemn her in misery?" Naruto shoots back. "I'll only mate if I want to. Only if I love that person. Hinata is wonderful, but unfortunately I don't love her that way."
"You're such a child," Hiashi hisses, contempt dripping from his voice. "Our responsibility is to make Konoha strong by producing strong shinobi. Your and Hinata's mating would do that."
"Yeah, and you would also get a Jinchuriki into your clan," Naruto snarls. "You don't care for shit about my feelings or Hinata's. You're just selfish, and selfish people disgust me."
"You don't really want to be against me, Naruto," Hiashi says, his voice a quiet warning now.
"Oh? What are you gonna do? Attack me?" Naruto laughs. "By all means, try that. I happen to be the strongest shinobi in the world right now. Only Sasuke can win me at this point, and he would never stand against me."
"He has in the past, hasn't he?" Hiashi says. "What makes you think he won't do it again?"
"Because I trust him," Naruto says shakily. "Because he's my best friend, and I would die for him if I had to."
"He's a disgrace," Hiashi spats, his eyes narrowing and suddenly changing into Byakugan, the veins surfacing below his eyes. "He should've died with his clan."
"You see why I would never mate into your clan?" Naruto says, rage making his words drop like hot embers from his mouth. "I would never, never, ally myself with people who speak about Sasuke like that. None of it—none of it—was his fault. It was this fucking village that caused all that pain."
Naruto is so angry that his chakra reacts to it and his skin feels prickly. His alpha wants to make Hiashi's submit. He turns to his house, but looks over his shoulder enough to say, "I will never mate into the Hyuga Clan. You are completely disregarding Hinata's life and forgetting Neji's sacrifice. I won't forgive that."
Then he turns and storms inside without a backward glance.
***
Waking up to a swollen knot and an aching dick is something Naruto hates the most in being an alpha. He groans and kicks off his pajama bottoms and boxers—now that he's in a rut, he won't be wearing them until his rut is over. To his relief, he can send his clone to buy necessities if there's a need for that, but this time Naruto packed his fridge and his cabinets full of food so that he can be miserable in peace.
And he is. By god, he is. He jerks off and comes, but he's still hard and his knot is still swollen. His teeth and gums are aching so badly he has no choice but to use the chew block, even though he hates it.
Naruto has completely forgotten just how much it sucks to spend the rut alone. After his first one, he's always been with someone else. Now he's so annoyed at himself and at Sasuke that he even refuses to use his clones for help.
So Naruto removes the chew block from his mouth and rummages through his nightstand drawer until he finds the lube and the fleshlight. He had to buy the lube separately—Sasuke hadn't included it in his package, so he probably hadn't realized Naruto needed it as well.
Naruto has used a fleshlight before, out of curiosity, but the one Sasuke bought is… exquisite, almost. It reacts to chakra, so when Naruto starts fucking it, he almost feels like fucking someone. But only almost.
Knotting the fleshlight isn't certainly the same thing as knotting a real person, but Naruto still gets a pretty impressive orgasm out of it, and he can't remove the fleshlight for now. He collapses on his bed and lets his dick do its thing.
"This fucking sucks," he says aloud. "I'm so stupid."
I have to admit, you are, Kurama muses. You're bullying yourself for nothing. Sasuke won't come back any faster than this.
"I know!" Naruto yells. "I know, alright? I just don't feel like being with anyone this year, y'know?"
After his knot comes down, Naruto removes the fleshlight and goes to take a bath. He eats. Then he fucks the fleshlight again.
He doesn't use his clones at all. He suffers all three days of rut only with the power of his hands and the fleshlight he got from Sasuke.
And Naruto hates every minute of it.
***
Once Naruto's rut has passed, he returns to his normal routine. For now, it mostly focuses on rebuilding Konoha; there are still parts that aren't done yet after Nagato destroyed everything.
And Naruto tries. He tries to push Sasuke out of his mind. Because Kurama is right—he's only doing himself a disservice by constantly thinking about his friend and punishing himself.
It's hard at first, but slowly, ever so slowly, it starts to get better.
The only moment he allows himself to think about Sasuke more happens in the middle of April, as he eats his lunch at Ichiraku.
Naruto wonders if Sasuke's second heat has already triggered. He wonders how Sasuke pulled through the pre-heat—or if he had even remembered that it is a thing.
Naruto looks out of the restaurant window and hopes that Sasuke will understand that it's not a weakness to ask for help. When Sasuke and Itachi were little, Mikoto always took them to Konoha's park to watch the cherry blossoms. It was one of the few days of the year that was dedicated to them only—Fugaku always patrolled elsewhere.
Sasuke hadn't liked sweets back then either, so his mother had prepared him special snacks to eat, while Itachi ate so much sugary things that he got a tummy ache.
It's hard not to remember that now, as the cherry blossoms float through the air.
Sasuke isn't in the Land of Fire at the moment. He is in the country between the major territories, close to Amekagure, but not too close to experience their frequent rains.
The village is a small, civilian settlement, and Sasuke keeps forgetting its name. It's a comfortable place to be, and no one knows him. He still has to keep his left eye closed to avoid questions; he's letting his hair grow, but it will still take time until it hides the left eye from view completely.
Sasuke found the place by accident, and he's been staying there for two weeks now. He lives at the inn, and helps around the place as much as he can (while also paying for his stay), but he gets a lot of pity about his missing left arm.
An arm he says he lost in the war. In these parts, the Fourth Great Ninja War is still in recent memory, and Sasuke has walked through wrecked villages and leveled forests. The bombs released by the Ten-Tails reached far, and in some places, the earth is still too tainted by its chakra for anything to properly grow.
Sasuke has also found remnants of the Divine Tree on his travels, and he's burned everything to ashes with Amaterasu's flame. What worries him are the possible stragglers of White Zetsu; he isn't sure if they have the same sentience as Kaguya's will had had, but he's determined to destroy all of them too, so that there's no risk of Kaguya getting free again. She is still safely sealed inside her own dimension, and Sasuke's Rinnegan is the only way to get there.
So he keeps his eyes and ears open in case he hears any rumors. Most he hears in this village, though, is just the fear that the farmland is too tainted to be used.
Sasuke doesn't know anything about farming, but during one spring afternoon, he ventures to the outskirts to see the farmlands. To his eye, it doesn't look that bad. What he doesn't expect is the way he somehow… senses the ebb and flow of the life force in the soil. He's not sure if the farmers feel it; it might be something very specific to shinobi omegas. Sasuke's chakra, combined with the instincts he has as an omega, connect him to the earth in a way he hadn't expected.
He relays this information to the farmers, but they look at him like he's crazy—even when he tells them that he's a shinobi omega doesn't make them convinced.
Sasuke's chakra nature isn't earth, so he's not sure if he can do it, but he listens to his omega and what it tells him. He crouches near the soil, taking his hand over it, and lets his omega take point. His chakra flows into the tilled earth… and to his great surprise, he sees a budding leaf breaking through and stretching toward the sun.
"The land is healthy," Sasuke says again. "You can get started any time you want."
The farmers look at him, and the budding leaf, in wonder, but they both nod.
After that, the word about him and his 'magic touch' starts to spread, and various other people come to the inn Sasuke is staying at, asking him to check their lands too.
Since Sasuke has no real reason to refuse, he spends the next two days doing exactly that. Only two farmlands were too sick to farm this summer, but they would be better next year.
The villagers are so grateful for him that soon the innkeeper absolutely refuses to accept Sasuke's payments. They argue about it, but in the end, Sasuke gives up.
It's getting near the end of April when Sasuke starts to feel queasy and irritable. He gets sweaty and he's suddenly leaking more than he has in the past few months.
Sasuke recognizes it's a pre-heat, and that it will fully trigger in a few days. Everyone in the village already knows he's an omega, so he lets the innkeeper know that he will be holed up in his room for a while.
The innkeeper nods at him and promises to deliver food to Sasuke's door.
It's a good thing Sasuke rented a room with its own bathroom (some of the cheaper ones don't have that addition), because now he really doesn't have to step outside in three days at all.
He also appreciates the way how no one asks him about his partner. It's surprising to Sasuke how chill everyone is about—he smells other alphas around, but none of them try to force themselves on him. Despite using shinobi-grade scent blockers, some of the heat scent do push through them anyway; that's just how powerful the heat is.
Now Sasuke knows how to prepare, so he buys some salty snacks and drinks, as well as some chocolate. He still doesn't enjoy sweets, but the heat guide in his book says that chocolate is important for his omega. He has a small fridge in his room where he stores most of them, leaving other stuff on top of it.
Then, Sasuke doesn't have a lot of other things to do to prepare. He does take out the dildo and lube from the storage scrolls to examine it properly. He reads the tutorial and channels his chakra to it, seeing how it gets harder and how the knot starts to swell. It mimics a real dick pretty well, but Sasuke still looks at apprehensively. How in the hell is he supposed to fit this thing inside his ass?
Sasuke isn't completely foreign to sex, as they did get sexual education in the academy—especially with secondary genders. So Sasuke is aware that in normal intercourse, some stretching is needed beforehand in some cases. But it's different with omegas: during heats, the slick they produce makes it easier to fit in, and somehow they open more easily without prepping.
Or so Sasuke has learned. He wonders if he should still prep himself since there hasn't really been anything inside his ass before, save for the probe Tsunade used to make sure there was nothing wrong with his womb.
Sasuke scowls at the dildo at that point. He hasn't even decided on using it, so why is he thinking that he actually will?
Okay, that's a stupid question. He will use it, but only because Naruto bought it for him.
As the day goes on, the feelings in his body start to get more and more pronounced: his nipples are so sensitive that he shivers every time they touch fabric. His dick pulses and he has to resist the urge to jerk off. And he leaks even more than earlier. The way need and want thrum through his body is frightening, and it reaches a point Sasuke doesn't care anymore and moves his hand to his dick.
Somehow, the orgasm he gets from that is enough for his heat to bloom and Sasuke makes a startled moan. The shivers run up and down his spine, he feels feverish and the way he keeps thinking about sex is… disconcerting. He rubs himself against his mattress, but it doesn't much help, and he whimpers in his throat as he reaches out to touch… something that isn't there. He's completely alone in the room, the chirping of birds flowing inside from the open window.
Sasuke's omega is really anxious, aching for someone's care. Usually an omega purrs and kneads in this situation, but as he squirms on his bed, he does neither; he feels too distressed to relax. Since there is no one else, he touches himself, every part of his body, slowly and meticulously, but takes the edge off only for a short while before the need to be with someone overwhelms him again.
Hours melt together as Sasuke spends his time by sleeping or reading the few books he has in his storage scrolls.
In the end, though, Sasuke ditches the books, curls under the blanket and lets the heat wrack through his body. His dick is aching, and leaking, he's leaking slick in earnest, his hole keeps clenching at nothing. Sasuke can't smell anyone else, or feel anyone else's warmth, and he thinks about Naruto again.
"Shit," he mutters, traitorous tears falling from his eyes to his pillow. "Shit."
Naruto warned him, didn't he? As did Jugo. They both warned him that spending the heat alone isn't a good idea.
Sasuke had been certain he'd be able to handle it, just like he'd been able to handle everything else. But this.. this…
This fucking sucks.
He's so needy, so achy for someone to be with him, that he starts crying again. There's no one to witness it, and he's too sick to care. Once he's calmed down a bit, Sasuke takes the dildo, before he focuses on it, he slips two of his fingers inside his ass, just to check how open he is. Two fingers go in easily, as do three, so he doesn't bother with prepping.
Sasuke does notice an unfortunate problem. He needs his other arm to support himself, so that means he doesn't have anything to actually use the dildo. It uses chakra, but he conjures up a Susano's arm that attaches to his stump—it'll be good enough for what he wants to do.
Mostly, Sasuke works on instinct. He doesn't want to see himself doing it, so he rolls over his stomach and angles the dildo to his entrance with Susano's arm.
When he starts pushing it, he gasps with how it feels. And, since there's no one stopping him, he allows his fantasies to run free: that it's Naruto's dick pushing inside him, Naruto murmuring soft things, Naruto taking care of him and letting him knead.
Sasuke chokes a sob as he starts to move the dildo with force, being able to be rougher by applying more strength to Susano's arm. He channels chakra to the dildo as well, and groans when it starts to get bigger, how the knot starts to swell.
What would Naruto say to him, if he was here? He would praise Sasuke, for one. For taking it so well. He would probably say that stupid alpha shit about breeding.
Sasuke thinks about Naruto's sunny smiles and the easiness of how his friend had helped him, and Sasuke sobs into his pillow as every thrust nails his prostate. It does feel good and his body trembles, ecstasy singsonging through his body, but only when the last thrust makes the knots snap in place, Sasuke comes with a guttural groan, slumping on the mattress. He's too tired to keep the Susano's arm on for longer, but now that the dildo is deeply lodged in his ass, he doesn't need to. He feels full, stuffed, and the knot does feel fucking good, even if it's an artificial one.
What would Naruto's knot feel like? He would be so gentle while being bound together. Sasuke imagines him kissing his neck, teasingly close to his scent gland.
Sasuke dreams about the way how Naruto would claim him, and the thought doesn't intimidate him as much as he feared.
None of it matters, though, because the only reason he's thinking like this is his heat-addled brain and his messed-up hormones.
Sasuke still thinks about Naruto holding him close, and he channels just enough chakra to the dildo to get it out. He's going to use it a lot for the duration of his heat.
Sasuke waits for his breathing and his emotions to get easier before he climbs out of bed and goes to take a scorching shower. After, he hears a knock on the door and when he opens it, he finds a pot of his favorite tea and a huge serving of onigiri (by now the innkeeper knows what he likes).
He takes the food to his room and lowers it on the table, only the towel wrapped around his waist.
Sasuke had, honestly, thought that spending the heat alone would go okay. Many omegas did that, so why couldn't he? Was it just because of who he was and how he grew up? Would it have been different if he'd been alone when he presented?
Being all alone in the inn room, amidst unfamiliar scents, is so strikingly different from his first heat. Here, he doesn't have anyone petting his head. To offer warmth and closeness. It's a place he doesn't know, that isn't a home.
Naruto's house had been such a good place to spend his heat. Curling up into his corner on the sofa. Naruto's scent—the scent of his best friend. And Naruto himself—his bright, sunny smile, the way his blue eyes always looked at Sasuke with so much affection that even he could see it. How Naruto had instantly accommodated his heat and made it bearable.
How Naruto had bought omega supplies just in case Sasuke would present as omega. He had done so much.
And Sasuke misses it. He misses the chaos of Naruto's home, his friend's endless energy, their movie nights and even their bickering. He misses all of it.
So as he sits there and eats, he makes a decision.
Come August, he would return to Konoha. He would do the hardest thing of his new life and ask Naruto to be his heat partner. He was done torturing himself.
There is no one else in this damn world Sasuke would accept for that role. He just hopes that Naruto will say yes. And that they're able to come to an understanding without strings attached.
The rest of Sasuke's heat sucks just as much, but he takes comfort in the fact that hopefully he won't have to spend his heats alone after this.
He spends the remainder of his heat fantasizing about Naruto, and he doesn't regret it.