The sunlight pierced straight through his eyelids unapologetically.
"Gh… morning already…?"
Renji twisted his body and squinted at the clock on the wall—6:16 am.
…Still got time to spare. Guess I'll take a look around…
After a short bath, he locked his room and followed Aunt Aya's explanation from the night before, mostly from memory.
After several wrong turns, sliding open the shōji, he finally arrived outside.
An elegant Japanese garden lay before him, dusted in fresh morning snow, all the same majestic look, but different feels to it.
"Whoa… amazing…"
He strained his ears too, only to catch almost no traffic noise at all.
"…Isn't this place near the city…? so why does it feel like I'm in the damn mountains…?"
Renji scanned the area, then walked over to a nearby stone and sat down. The cold seeped through him as he pulled out his journal.
Wednesday, 1 January 2025.
Only to write the date before his hand stop moving the pen altogether.
A lot… A lot of things happened to me… all in one month… drugs… got jailed… hired as Reika-sama's driver… infiltrating a port with Shira-sama… and…
His mother faces surfaced in his mind. Followed by the man beaten to death for his inaction, and at the very last, Tetsuo's smiling face when he cooks Renji some leftover food and ate together on the same table.
A curse…? Fate…?
Renji wallowed in his thought until several men in suit walking on the far side of the yard, from the direction of the warehouse enter his sight.
"…Geh. I forgot this is a mafia lord's turf."
Renji immediately made himself smaller. He closed his notebook, shoved it into his coat pocket, and slipped away from where he sat.
Scary…
"Guess I'll just hole up in my room until it's time…"
He scurried back inside the mansion, brisk steps echoing softly. He shut the door behind him and turned toward the inner hallway—
"Geh!"
"…You?" A veteran looking. Bald man with a sharp, serious glare stood before him.
"Y-yo… h-hello, Jin-san… hehe… G-good morning…? Oh… and happy New Year…?" Renji waved awkwardly.
"Tch." Jin shot him a glare and walked past without slowing down.
…Man. Did I make the wrong choice agreeing to stay here…?
Renji's raised hand slowly dropped, he waited until Jin disappeared down the hall, then dragged his feet toward the path to his room—
*Slide*
Among the line of shōji, one slide open as he walks past it.
"Hmm? Renji."
"O-oh! Shira-sama…"
Not good for my heart damn it! I thought it'd be another scary thug spawned out of nowhere! This hallway's way too long… and way too many doors…
Shira stood there in her usual crisp white shirt, dark coat slung over one arm, a cup of fresh coffee in her hand, giving him an assessing look.
"You decided to stay, huh."
"…Yes. Well… thinking about it… I guess Reika-sama had a point. And… it's easier this way. perhaps…"
"I see. In that case… let's hope for a good year ahead of us."
"M-me too… humbly asking for your guidance this year, ma'am…"
Renji bowed stiffly and turned to leave, Shira called to him.
"Heading back to your room?"
"…Yeah… There's still time before Reika-sama needs me." He glanced at the clock. 9.07 am.
"Right… Instead, follow me." Without waiting for his answer, Shira already led the way without leaving any room for refusal.
"…Okie dokie…"
Shira led him up to the second-floor balcony. From there, the garden earlier stretched wide below, looked even more impressive, the front gate visible beyond it, and even the distant city skyline.
She leaned against the thick, oak wooden railing, set her coffee mug down, taking a deep breath, then let out a long, relaxed one. She beckoned him to stood beside her, and Renji rested his arms at the railings too.
"Did you sleep well?"
"…I think so… The room's nice and all, haha…"
"Heh, anyway, can't say I appreciate you went completely radio silent on me for five days. Though I'll admit, I'm impressed you didn't leave the room at all."
She smirked knowingly.
…Scary… how did she know I didn't leave my room at all…? did she watched me from afar…?
"… S-sorry…"
"Hm. I understand."
"No… I mean, I'm confused and—"
"I understand."
"…I see…" Renji stopped trying to explain himself.
"What do you feel right now, Renji?"
Hmmm, what do I feel…?
"…Angry… Maybe lost… But mostly...… I don't know how I'm supposed to feel…"
"…?" Shira put down her cup and look at him in question.
"When I saw old man Tetsuo in the morgue… I felt that pang of loss… how much it didn't make sense… When it sank in… I felt guilty… unbelievable amount of regret… But…" Renji voice stuck on his throat, letting several second passed in uncertainty.
"…But?" She blinked and took a sip on her coffee, urging him to continue.
"…But… after one night… when my head cleared… I felt… nothing."
"Hmmm."
"I thought… maybe it's more appropriate if I felt anger toward Reika-sama… and at you, perhaps… And I should want revenge or something…"
Shira gave him an empathetic look. Until Renji took a deep breath and continue.
"… I guess… I'm damaged beyond repair," Renji continued with crooked smile. "I said to myself that Tetsuo was like a father to me. The closest thing I had to family… I should hurt more, right? I should be furious, right…?"
He clenched his shirt over his chest, as if trying to pull something out of it.
"…Or maybe… his presence never mattered that much to me… I asked that to myself… and I can't even answer it… I'm the worst…"
Shira sipping on her coffee, savoring the hidden taste layered behind, while her eyes fixed on the pale winter sky.
"Renji… I won't sugarcoat it. The responsibility for Tetsuo's death lies with me and Reika-sama's course of action… I've yet to know how, but I won't deny it."
"…Well… that's exactly what she told me yesterday…" He lifts his eyes from the ground, and stare at her relaxed figure.
"—And you share part of that responsibility."
"…Yeah."
Wait… no. That's… different…?
He tilted his head, thinking about what Reika had told him clearly— 'for what happened to Tetsuo-san… none of it was your fault, okay?'
Then Shira's serious tone brought him back from his thoughts.
"We're alive in this world… Intertwined with everyone around us, just like… that…" She gestured him to look toward the large koi pond below them. "Even the smallest action creates ripples. The more people there are in the pond we called life, the more we collide at each other's."
"…Wow… never thought you had that kind of romantic view of life… Shira-sama…"
"Heh… that how it seems to you?"
"Just unexpected, that's all."
"…Either way… we're all responsible… for this accident."
"…Yeah, you're right…"
"But never let that fact freeze you, Renji."
He met her gaze directly. "…Shira-sama…"
"The result of you feeling nothing toward someone else's death, is not the tally of your reality… after all, emotion is an unreliable thing to cling for direction in the first place."
Renji absorbed her word, strangely, it's easily stuck in his mind.
"But choosing to do nothing afterward… that is unforgivable." She softened her tone. "From now on, whatever you choose, see it through. If you want revenge, come at me with everything you've got. If you want to live in a way that makes Tetsuo's death mean something… do that with everything you've got."
Shira leaned in closer on him, and level her eyes with him. "…Renji… never let yourself dragged in a prolonged self-pity."
"…I see… Thank you…" He smiled, different kind of smile that he felt toward Reika yesterday. This one carried admiration.
"…I misjudged you, Shira-sama."
"What?"
"You don't seem like… the pep-talk type…"
"You brat…" She laughed softly, took back her distance while fixing her dark hair from morning wind. "So… what now?"
"…For now… yeah… I'll just try to lead a better life… And I want to look into whoever's behind Tetsuo's death. I know you guys will do it anyway… but… let me help."
"Hm. Of course." Shira nods, a thin acceptance smile paint her face. "And by the way Renji, I've been meaning to tell you this…"
"Hmm? What is it?"
"Stop calling me -sama… it felt weird coming out from you."
"…Sheesh… I'm just trying to be polite…"
"Heh, polite? You?"
"… Fine… Shira-san…"
They looked down at the garden together.
Below, Reika stood beside the car, arms crossed with frown on her face, peering into the windshield before checking her phone.
Renji's phone buzzed as if on the cue.
'Reika: Renji… you're still asleep?'
"Oops. Guess it's time," Shira said, putting her empty cup at the table, and lifting her coat. "I'll be raising my expectations on you, Renji…"
"Okie dokie, ma'am."
They headed down to the parking lot. Reika waited, foot already tapping impatiently. The mansion was already stirring with morning activity. Curious whispers followed them.
"Who's that guy?"
"Reika-sama's new driver, apparently."
From farther back, Jin clicked his tongue.
"Tck…"
--------