Koro-sensei stood at the front of the classroom in a full doctor's coat, a stethoscope already draped around his neck.
"Now then, everyone! The sports festival is coming up soon, so today we are going to take everyone's medical measurements. Boys, line up with me in the storage room. Girls, line up with Irina-sensei in the staff room."
The class split up at once.
Erika caught Akira by the sleeve before he could move.
"They're going to check vision and the other usual things," she said quietly. "Including your heartbeat. What are you going to do? I don't think we can synchronize from that far away."
Akira smiled.
"Don't worry. I already attached a small speaker inside my clothes. It connects straight to my phone. I can just play a heartbeat sound."
Erika studied his face.
"Do you think that will fool Koro-sensei?"
Akira looked smug.
"I don't think he'll listen that closely to a normal heartbeat. It'll be fine."
Erika looked like she already knew it would not be fine.
"…Anyway. Good luck."
She left to join the girls.
Akira took his place in the boys' line and waited until he was called into the room Koro-sensei had set up near the window.
"Oh, Akira-kun!"
Koro-sensei, dressed in his doctor costume, immediately rushed at him at Mach speed and started measuring him with a tape measure.
"Ready to get your medical measurements medically measured?"
Akira sighed.
"Koro-sensei, I think you already measured me."
Koro-sensei had already returned to his bench and was noting the results down in his notebook.
"Only your physical measurements. We still need weight, eyesight, temperature, heartbeat, and blood pressure. Now, can you step on the scale?"
Akira stepped onto it.
Koro-sensei leaned in, then blinked.
"Akira-kun, you are heavier than I thought."
"That's just my intelligence and handsomeness," Akira said. "A heavy burden to bear, after all."
Koro-sensei circled him, tapping a tentacle thoughtfully against his chin.
"It seems your muscles and bones are denser than a normal person's."
Akira frowned.
"How do you even know that just by looking?"
Koro-sensei struck a proud pose.
"Nuruhuhuhu! Of course! Sensei is a professional teacher. I know all that, and… Akira-kun, you do realize that with all the things you normally do, anyone can tell you are a superhuman, right?"
Akira considered it.
"…Fair enough, I guess."
Koro-sensei pointed at the chart on the wall.
"Good. Next is the vision test. Read the letters on the chart, please."
Akira read them without pausing.
"That's easy. Give me something challenging."
Koro-sensei looked at the chart, then picked it up and carried it farther back.
"How about now?"
Akira answered nonchalantly.
"I can still see that easily."
Koro-sensei moved even farther away.
"Now?"
Akira still looked unimpressed.
"Not yet. Maybe more."
Koro-sensei shot out the window, vanished into the forest at Mach 20, and called Akira's phone.
"How about now, Akira-kun?"
Akira answered on the first ring.
"Oh. Now that's challenging."
Then he recited every letter correctly.
There was a pause on the other end.
"…How can you even see it? I am hiding behind a tree."
Akira declared confidently.
"Koro-sensei, I memorized the chart. So… I already know the answers."
Silence.
A moment later, Koro-sensei was back in the room. He wrote a normal result on the record sheet without another word.
Then he put on his stethoscope.
"All right. Time for the health check. Come here, Akira-kun. Sensei is excited to hear your heartbeat."
Akira sat down.
"Why are you excited about that?"
While he spoke, he started a YouTube video of a heartbeat on his phone. The tiny speaker hidden in his clothes played the sound loudly enough for the stethoscope to pick it up—or someone with superhuman hearing like Akira's—could pick it up.
Koro-sensei pressed the stethoscope to his chest.
Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.
"Oh my. Akira-kun, your heartbeat is unusually steady. Almost suspiciously perfect."
Akira lifted his chin.
"What can I say? I am always perfect in every way."
Lub-dub. Lub-dub—
Whopper, Whopper, Whopper, Whopper.
Junior, Double, Triple Whopper—
Both Koro-sensei and Akira froze.
The room went dead quiet, except for the advertisement quietly playing from the exact place a heart should have been.
Akira slowly took out his phone and stared at it in horror.
He had never expected not buying YouTube Premium to come back to bite him like this.
He stabbed at the skip button.
But it was an unskippable fifteen-second ad.
Akira immediately switched the phone off.
Silence returned to the room.
There was nothing.
No lub-dub.
No song.
Just silence under the stethoscope.
Akira looked at Koro-sensei.
Koro-sensei looked at Akira.
Akira exhaled.
"…All right. Now you know. Keep it a secret."
Koro-sensei's cheerful expression had gone completely still, but his voice remained quiet.
"I will always keep my students' secrets a secret. But Akira-kun… what happened to your heart? Do you… have it?"
Akira turned toward the window, his eyes going distant.
"It was a long story. It began as a normal day—"
"Wait."
Koro-sensei held up a tentacle.
"Akira-kun, do not go into a flashback now. We have the next student waiting."
Akira deflated.
"…Fine. We'll talk later."
Koro-sensei nodded.
"Yes. I'll finish your blood pressure first, and then—"
The cuff tightened.
Koro-sensei checked the reading and blinked again.
"Akira-kun, why is your blood pressure unusually high?"
Akira's gaze drifted back toward the window, already preparing for another flashback.
Koro-sensei did not let him start.
"No, Akira-kun! The next student is waiting! We will talk after school."
"Fine."
Akira, looking disappointed, got up from the chair and exited the room, muttering to himself.
"Why does no one want flashbacks nowadays? What's wrong with the world…?"
---
After school, Akira and Erika walked out through the mountain path together.
Erika did not waste any time.
"How did you make such a stupid mistake?"
Akira kicked a pebble off the path.
"Come on. I never expected a heartbeat-sound video to have ads, okay? That's not my fault."
Erika put her hands on her hips.
"Wouldn't you have bought YouTube Premium? You have enough money to buy the entire company."
"Well…" Akira scratched his cheek. "The only good thing about it is no ads, right? So I thought I could just skip them and didn't subscribe."
Erika sighed.
"So, are we going to discuss it with Koro-sensei now?"
Akira glanced at his phone map.
"Yeah. That's what we're going to do at the café."
Erika glanced at him.
"Couldn't we talk at our house? Why a café?"
Akira smiled.
"Koro-sensei said the honey toast there tastes amazing. And I'm kinda hungry too."
Erika looked like she wanted to argue, but then let it go. A change of pace wasn't the worst idea.
The café was a good walk from the school. When they opened the door, a familiar voice called out.
"Welcome!"
Both of them froze.
"Isogai-kun?"
Isogai stood there in a waiter's uniform, tray in hand, a smile already in place.
"Oh. Akira-kun, Erika-san. You're here too."
"Us too?"
Akira looked past Isogai.
Nagisa, Kayano, Maehara, Kataoka, and Okajima were already packed around a table, waving.
Their table was full, so Isogai led Akira and Erika to the one beside it.
Erika sat down neatly. Akira sat close beside her, as usual, and immediately opened the menu.
"So," Isogai said, "what would you like to order?"
"I want the honey toast," Akira said. "The large one. With all the toppings."
Isogai smiled.
"All of them… sure."
Erika pointed at the pancake section.
"This one. The large pancakes with strawberry ice cream."
Isogai looked confused.
"The large one too?"
Erika tipped her head toward Akira.
"Yes. He'll eat the rest anyway. Also, one espresso and one cappuccino."
Isogai nodded.
"Okay."
When Isogai left, Erika looked over at the next table.
"You guys are here too."
Nagisa scratched his cheek.
"We infiltrated this café based on some confidential information. About Isogai-kun. Well… we were mostly just curious, so we came to look."
Kayano rested her chin in her hands, watching Isogai greet another customer.
"But I have to say, looking at him work… he really is an ikemen."
The door opened again.
Two middle-aged women stepped in.
Isogai's smile brightened at once.
"Welcome! Always good to see you, Mrs. Harada and Mrs. Ito."
One woman smiled.
"Yuma-chan, how's it going?"
The other leaned closer.
"We came here more for you than for the coffee!"
Isogai laughed, a little embarrassed.
"Now, don't say that. Wouldn't want the owner to head to the dark side. So, a mocha for you, Mrs. Harada, and a double espresso for Mrs. Ito?"
Maehara leaned toward the other table, whispering like he was delivering classified intel.
"Yep. Our leader is definitely an ikemen."
Okajima looked openly jealous.
"I could kill him."
Isogai returned to their table with a pot.
"You're sure making that one cup of tea last a while."
Maehara grinned.
"And why not? We're keeping your job secret, you know."
Isogai whispered.
"I get it. A shakedown, eh? If you'll take a second steep, this round's on me."
He poured them extra coffee.
Everyone at the table had the same thought at the same time.
Ikemen da.
Then Isogai passed by carrying a stack of plates in both hands as if it were a walk in the park.
Kataoka watched him go.
"Carrying all that at once?"
Ikemen da.
One of the regulars lowered her voice.
"Don't tell me your mom's feeling poorly again?"
Isogai's smile softened.
"Yes, well… it's just me and Mom, so I have to help out with the finances."
Ikemen da.
Maehara counted on his fingers.
"Him being poor is his only negative. And he even turns that into an ikemen advantage. He wears his bargain-basement clothes so neatly and cleanly, they don't look cheap at all."
Ikemen da.
Maehara continued.
"He let me eat some of the goldfish he caught at the summer festival. And boy, can he cook a good goldfish!"
Ikemen da.
"And after he used the bathroom," Maehara added, unable to stop himself, "the toilet paper was folded into a triangle."
Ikemen da.
Okajima shot up in his seat.
"Hey, I fold toilet paper too! Into a triangle!"
The reaction this time was immediate.
Disgusting.
Maehara pointed across the café, where Isogai was chatting easily with the two women.
"Just look at him. Perfect biddy bait."
Ikemen da.
Nagisa raised a weak hand.
"Uh, middle-aged women in my neighborhood dote on me too."
Shape up.
"He's still getting love letters from girls on the main campus," Maehara said.
Ikemen da.
Kataoka cleared her throat.
"Well… so am I."
Forbidden love.
Akira, who had been listening with increasing seriousness, finally looked up from the menu.
"Hmm. Am I an ikemen?"
The table next to them all turned.
Akira was, without question, the most handsome boy any of them had ever seen. White hair, star-like eyes, a face that belonged on a magazine.
And yet… something about him just didn't quite register as ikemen.
Erika answered before anyone else could.
"As long as you don't open your mouth and stay silent. Otherwise… no."
Everyone nodded.
Akira frowned.
"What do you mean? I literally do all the things. I'm handsome. I cook good food. I even get a lot of love letters from the main campus. I think I deserve a spot."
Erika's smile did not reach her eyes.
"Wait. What is this about love letters?"
Akira went very still.
"Wait, Erika. I didn't read any of them. I just ignore them, thinking they're some main-campus pranks. Selena's the one who said they were love letters. I am innocent here."
Erika's smile widened a fraction.
"Let's talk more when we get home."
The next table reached the same conclusion at once.
Yeah. He is dead.
Akira opened his mouth to defend himself again, then stopped.
His honey toast was gone.
In its place, already sitting at their table as if he had always been there, was Koro-sensei, happily eating the last corner of a very large slice.
"Some things," Koro-sensei said through a mouthful of honey and cream, "only suit ikemen like Isogai… or me."
Everyone froze.
Ikeme—
"What are you doing here?!"
Koro-sensei swallowed and pointed at the empty plate with a tentacle.
"The honey toast here is divine! It's why I turn a blind eye to Isogai's part-time job."
Akira stared at the plate.
"Wait. Is that my honey toast?"
Koro-sensei ignored him.
"Now, everyone. You don't seem too upset about Isogai being an ikemen."
Everyone looked lost.
"Huh? No."
Koro-sensei asked,
"Why is that?"
Kataoka blinked.
"Why?"
Maehara shrugged.
"Well, because he's a good guy. That's all."
The others nodded.
Koro-sensei looked strangely proud.
"Do we need another reason?"
Akira leaned forward, still staring at the stolen toast.
"That's my honey toast, right, Koro-sensei? Give it back."
Erika caught his sleeve and tried to pull him back into his seat.
The door opened again.
Isogai turned with his usual smile.
"Welcom—"
The word died.
Standing in the doorway were Asano Gakushuu and the other members of the Big Five.
Araki Teppei's eyes lit up the moment he saw the uniform behind the counter.
"Oh…? Oh, dear. Our intel was right. There is a student working here."
Koyama's laugh scraped across the café.
"Nychetchetchet. Isogai-kun, you naughty boy."
Asano Gakushuu stepped forward, hands in his pockets, his voice calm.
"This is your second major violation of the school rules. I expected better, Isogai."
Akira finally looked up from the empty plate.
"Oh. The Fantastic Five."
Erika didn't even glance at him.
"It's the Big Five."
Akira looked unimpressed.
"Whatever. What are they doing here? Koro—"
He looked at the seat across from them.
Koro-sensei was gone.
So was the last of the honey toast.
"He took my honey—"
Erika stuffed a forkful of pancake into his mouth.
"Here. Eat this first. We can get the toast later."
Asano watched the commotion for a second before turning back to Isogai.
"Let's step outside to talk, shall we, Isogai-kun?"
Isogai nodded.
The Big Five left first, and most of the Class E students followed.
Akira did not.
He was still searching under the table for a plate that no longer existed. Erika kept pushing pancake into his mouth while ordering more honey toast to calm him down.
Outside, the two groups were already facing each other on the pavement.
Asano's gaze remained fixed on Isogai.
"The last time we found out about your job, you went down to E Class. It seems you've done no soul-searching since then."
Isogai kept his voice even.
"Can't you keep this quiet, Asano-kun? Just working this month will net me all the money I need."
Asano looked thoughtful. The expression was too careful to be mistaken for kindness.
"Well. I would like to give you a chance, if I can."
He let the pause linger.
"All right. On one condition. Show me your fighting spirit, and we'll pretend this never happened."
Isogai frowned.
"My fighting spirit?"
Asano nodded.
"Per school tradition, those who possess a fighting spirit out in society are revered above all else. A fighting spirit that garners enough respect to nullify a conduct violation. And to show that spirit…"
---
Later that afternoon, the boys of Class E gathered in the classroom for an emergency meeting.
Akira sat deep in thought.
"So he wants to pole-dance off at the sports festival?"
Isogai pinched the bridge of his nose.
"No. It's pole-toppling. Not pole dancing."
Akira nodded, relieved.
"Good. For a moment, my imagination ran wild."
A few of the others looked away at the same time, suddenly cursed with the exact same mental image.
Maehara clapped his hands together.
"Anyway. If we beat A Class, they'll let Isogai slide."
Terasaka leaned back in his chair.
"Bah. Obviously they're lookin' to embarrass us."
Sugino frowned.
"So what do we do? If we say no, Isogai'll be penalized again. Screw this up and he might even be expelled."
Isogai stood up.
"No. You don't have to. You never know what Asano-kun has up his sleeve."
He turned and smiled, wearing the same easy smile he used at the café.
"Besides, I made this bed. I'll take responsibility and lie in it. Expel me for all I care. I can still pull off an assassination off school grounds."
The room went quiet.
Everyone stared at him in surprise.
"Wh-what a—!"
Then it exploded.
"What a horrible idea!"
Isogai blinked.
"Huh?!"
Someone threw a notebook at him. Then an eraser. Then a rolled-up worksheet.
"Quit acting so self-satisfied, you cowlicked poor!"
Isogai looked flabbergasted.
"Cowlicked poor?!"
Maehara pointed at him.
"Don't overthink this, Isogai."
He slammed an anti-sensei knife onto the desk.
"We just have to beat those nerds at pole-toppling, right? We got this in the bag."
Mimura walked up and put his hand over the knife.
"We sure do. We're practically lucky you got caught working."
Terasaka's hand came down next.
"This is our chance to pay 'em back for all their daily spite."
One after another, the rest of the boys stacked their hands on the blade.
"Topple 'em, hell… we'll destroy 'em!"
"Right, ikemen?"
Isogai looked at the pile of hands, then at their faces.
"But they have twice our numbers."
Maehara grinned.
"We have Akira."
Akira walked over, tilting his head.
"Is that a Hulk reference? Though if you want to compare, I like Iron Man more."
He put his hand on the knife anyway.
Isogai looked at all of them for a long second.
"…You guys."
Then he straightened.
"Yes. Let's do this."
The classroom cheered as one.
"YEAH!"
Near the door, Koro-sensei watched with Karasuma.
"This is how it usually goes," Koro-sensei said quietly. "Putting class harmony first, above his own needs. It all amounts to personal magnetism. The most essential attribute of a leader."
He flexed a tentacle, clearly tempted.
"Now, perhaps a fellow ikemen, I could lend a hand—"
Then he turned toward Akira, and the playfulness thinned.
"By the way, Akira-kun. Principal Asano already saw you beat Takaoka, a trained military man. If they are challenging us, they must have something prepared for you."
The room went quiet again.
Akira only shrugged.
"I know, Koro-sensei. But you see, in front of absolute strength, all schemes are useless."
Koro-sensei's eyes narrowed slightly.
"That may be true. But do you have absolute strength?"
Akira smiled.
"I have confidence in myself. Besides, I'm sure we can beat them at pole dance. We have Nagisa as a special weapon here."
The entire room answered at once.
"FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S POLE-TOPPLING!"
After that, Class E began preparing for the sports festival.
Akira looked at the knife still lying on the desk and had the distinct feeling that his first sports festival was going to be fun.