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It's always after an argument or fight that you see the worst of your partner, and it's not until the next day that you realize how much you pity them and yourself.
She said, "I need to get my stuff."
I nodded. "Of course."
She stood up, and I heard the elevator go down. She was glued to the door as I put my key in to open it.
"You had a busy day," she asked.
"Yes. Press," I said flatly.
"Must be nice. All the hubbub."
I went into the apartment: a regular one-bedroom apartment found anywhere in Los Angeles that smelled like sweat and had dust on the old wooden table.
She went straight toward the bedroom and saw a pair of panties, a charger, and a nail clipper curled up into a ball. She put them in her black bag and said, "Going to help me?"
I reached forward to help her, but my body refused to do it. Time seemed to go slower, and it felt like I had been hypnotized into staying still.
She ran through the apartment, grabbing her toothbrush, an old hoodie, and some of her shampoo and shoving it all into her bag.
There was a framed photo sitting on the dresser. It was us at Santa Monica Pier. She had beaten me at one of those basketball games, and she carried around the overblown pig like she'd won the Oscar. She did not glance at it for a second and went straight to the dresser to see if she'd forgotten anything else.
"How are you gonna survive in this place without me?" she said.
"I've been through tougher situations before."
She laughed, and I thought I was having a stroke. "You're in one of the biggest movies of the year, and you can't even legally drink. Let me guess, the hardest thing you did was acting in Italy."
I yelled, almost screamed, "Oh, and it must have been so hard to go on set with your aunt Julia Roberts and go home to your penthouse in the city."
She responded with equal vitriol. "At least I have some fucking family members that care about me. My dad was a druggie, but better than dead."
Immediate regret grew on her face, but I lost all control.
"Get out and hook up with another actor on Sunset Boulevard." I wanted to grab the words and force them back into my mouth.
She gave me one last look, ran through the door, and slammed it.
The apartment became unnaturally quiet. I could still hear the echo of the slam bouncing around the walls after she'd left.
I stood up and walked through the apartment without knowing why. I opened the refrigerator, stared inside for a few seconds, and shut it again. Two bowls sat drying beside the sink from breakfast. Hers had strawberries left in it. Mine had cereal.
I went back to the bedroom and sat down on the carpet. I looked at the popcorn ceiling that stretched almost endlessly.
I thought of my parents' last moments: a blinding flash of light and their bodies falling together.
I thought about the life I could have had. A musician? A doctor—Tessa encouraged me; good bedside manner. An electrician?
I stayed in that bedroom and looked up the whole time. I thought about the movie Baby Driver and how much the story related to my life. The script stayed in my mind—all of the music (Bell Bottoms and Harlem Shuffle)—and I could see myself playing that role.
I got a phone call from Mark, and I ignored it.
He called again, and I glanced at it but was still in a daze.
Then a third time. I finally answered.
His Bostonian voice rang out from the speaker. "Finally. Congratulations! I knew you would be a star," he said, sounding out of breath. "Every studio wants a part of you."
For a second, I didn't answer.
It sounded like Mark was talking about someone else, some actor I'd watched growing up. I thought for a second that he'd dialed the wrong number. The apartment still smelled like wet towels and Old Spice with a hint of perfume.
"Ryan?" Mark asked.
"Yep. I'm here."
He continued, "And you don't want to know how many indie projects want you."
"Like what movies?"
"Coming-of-age romance, high school love. Marc Webb was a part of it. Another is like the opposite of it. It's this broke, smart guy who can make money filming crime scenes for local news, and then he has the power to change the story. And some others."
"I got all the time right now." I needed any distraction, and I could still smell her perfume.
"This jazz movie. Who's still making jazz movies?" Mark chuckled to himself. "Get me some water, Linda."
"Wait, jazz movie? Who's the filmmaker?" I stood up and immediately felt dizzy.
I heard Mark flip through some pages.
"Umm. A nobody. Damien Chazelle."
*****
The next day I did a New York Times profile on the sudden explosion of Looper and the Jimmy Kimmel Live! interview:
Ryan Stone Has Won the Lottery
Ryan Stone, at only 20 years old, has entered theaters nationwide as the cool, slick James Dean type in the massive indie success Looper. It only had a budget of 30 million dollars—which is minuscule compared to superhero blockbuster The Amazing Spider-Man's 230 million dollars—but so far has grossed 100 million dollars worldwide in its first week.
His first debut was as a supporting actor in Margin Call, which has been one of the definitive portraits of the 2008 financial crisis, and David Denby called it "easily the best Wall Street movie ever made." His supporting role was particularly praised for its authenticity and vulnerability, which had a memorable crying scene.
Here are edited moments from our conversation.
Well, first of all, for your performance in Margin Call, how did you prepare for that crying scene, and are you surprised by the reaction you received?
Well, a positive note to start on, ha. For that, I thought about the highs and lows of my life so far. It was a difficult scene to shoot, but I was able to be vulnerable there due to J.C., who created such a safe environment. It was a great first movie to be a part of.
I mean: Kevin Spacey, Jeremy Irons, Stanley Tucci, and Demi Moore; did you learn anything from them?
Everything, honestly. Most of those actors had similar techniques, which were to never judge the character, find the character's physical quirks, and, most importantly, just observe. It was a blessing. And more of the basic things, like how to find your mark, gain confidence, and embarrass yourself. Even during the audition, I had to perform the crying scene, and in my mind I was like, I got nothing to lose. It sounds cheesy, but I mean it works. And I became great friends with Zach afterward, who takes acting very seriously. Ha, much like his character.
You must have some great luck working with great actors since, for your next project in Looper, you get to work with Bruce Willis and Emily Blunt.
I have no clue why. I am 25 percent Irish, so maybe that's why. And I remember one of the first questions I ever asked Emily was how it was working with Meryl Streep and that she was committed to the role, and it must have rubbed off on her. Don't tell Emily that.
Ha, I won't. Emily was a Miranda Priestly?
No, no. Don't get me in trouble. Ha, she wasn't a priest, though, either.
What has the great success of the film been like? And how has it changed you?
Well, hopefully not too much. I still live in the same apartment I used to. I won't lie, it's a very unusual feeling. When I went to my local grocery store, people asked for photos, but a few weeks ago no one gave a shit. Sorry—
You're fine. But it must be kinda fun too?
I mean, absolutely. But I have been too busy to enjoy the perks. Maybe soon. After press.
You got time. Ha, for your next project, how was it to work with your rival?
My rival. Ha. Andrew has been such a great friend and somewhat of a mentor. I mean, filming the movie felt sort of like a dream. I had to pinch myself every day, and don't get me going with the cast. It truly felt like a family.
I'm excited to see it. Any news on a release date or festival news?
I have no clue. Luca is still editing, but I mean, almost positive next year.
Great. Now just some fun, basic questions to let the readers know you.
Hit me.
Favourite movie?
An impossible question. The movies that come to mind are Oldboy—that fight scene, nothing like it—and umm, I do love Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I have weird taste, though, and there are some movies I'm embarrassed to say that I have never seen.
Like what?
I don't want to lose my job.
Ha. Do you read every review?
I do sometimes. I'm also embarrassed to say that. When I go to my mom's house, she has every possible magazine about me. I don't know how she does it. But I remember one time, I went to my friend's house that had my face on USA Today. I was quite pleased with myself. And when I went into the kitchen, I looked down, and there was a litter box for the cat, and there was my piece in USA Today with a cat turd on top of it. That pretty much defines my experience with reviews.
A humbling experience. Do you have a dream role?
I don't know. I feel like I'm living in a dream right now. Let's say my next role.
What's your biggest fear?
Ooh. Doing the same role for the next 20 years. For every new role, I want the audience to forget who I am and just focus on the character.
And for the final question, do you have any relationship advice or things you've learned?
To. To always tell the truth. Always. And if that's not enough, better to leave and clean your hands.
I remember leaving that studio with a dry mouth and having to stay longer for some photos of me: black-and-white headshots of me as I ran my fingers through my hair. And the weird feeling of the camera on me without me playing a role.
Mark and Rebecca were right next to me as we pulled up to the car.
"That went well," he said.
"Hopefully. It's your first major interview," Rebecca said.
I wanted to change the subject and said, "I want to schedule a meeting with Damien."
"When?"
"Soon."
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