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The rest of the days of filming flowed by as if the northern Italian sun had cast a spell on the crew. In the afternoons we drank wine; Luca encouraged us to dance freely and abandon all awkwardness, and soon enough I forgot who Ryan was and only knew Elio.
One of my favourite scenes was when I was sitting down with my Italian friends near a dance floor where Oliver was dancing with a girl.
I was smoking a cigarette and my Italian friend said, "Is he trying to get it on with her? Elio, has he already succeeded?"
I said with a neutral expression, "What do I know?"
The camera panned to me finishing my cigarette and my naturally downturned eyes looked even deader as I saw Oliver making out with the girl.
Marzia said, "Are you coming?"
I smiled and put my drink down.
I wouldn't lose.
Andrew danced with no technique and kept touching his dark hair. We had to redo the scene three times because I kept laughing.
The opening marimba notes of "Love My Way" echoed across the dance floor and I began to dance slowly toward Oliver to show my love for him.
Luca patted my back and I quickly went to get some sleep.
CMBYN so far had been such an immersive experience, and it was tough. No stone was left unturned. Every random prop was thought out. Everyone in the movie was close friends with Luca. There was never anyone brought in at the last minute.
The project I had done before this, Looper, did not match this level of detail. Rian had really wanted to make sure the audience understood the process of how a violent, selfish person breaks a tragic cycle of trauma through self-sacrifice. And the acting had been good on Looper, but on this one it was a different level.
And it wasn't just me who had improved but also the other cast members, particularly Michael Stuhlbarg, who played Mr. Perlman.
We were sitting down on a red leather couch, and my character was incredibly nervous that his father had found out about my relationship with Oliver.
He put his cigarette down on the ashtray and said, "Right now you may not want to feel anything. Maybe you never wanted to feel anything, and maybe it's not me you want to speak about these things with, but feel something you obviously did."
He looked toward me. "Look, you had a beautiful friendship, maybe more than a friendship. And I envy you. In my place, most parents would hope the whole thing goes away, or pray that their sons land on their feet soon enough. But I am not such a parent."
My face stiffened and my eyes felt heavier. "We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should, that we go bankrupt by the age of 30 and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything—what a waste!"
There was a moment of silence. "Have I spoken out of turn? Then I'll say one more thing, it'll clear the air. I may have come close, but I never had what you two have. Something always held me back, or stood in the way. How you live your life is your business, just remember our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once, and before you know it your heart's worn out, and as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it. Right now there's sorrow, pain—don't kill it, and with it the joy you felt."
Michael choked up on the last sentence, and I began to cry, and I was not performing or being an actor. His monologue was so beautiful and so true that I began to sob.
I whispered, "Does Mom know?"
"I don't think she does."
We both smiled.
"Great," Luca whispered in his Italian accent.
I walked up towards Andrew, who was drinking succo di pesca outside the monument. "God, where has the time gone? We are almost done. I do not think any film can rival this."
"Not even Spidey?" I asked.
He shook his head, and we walked outside.
The production van rolled to a stop beside the narrow road as the sun filtered through the old stone buildings. Crew members unloaded camera cases while wardrobe racks stood beneath a canopy.
A production assistant approached us both, carrying a small plastic container. "Ryan?"
She opened it to reveal several herbal cigarettes. "Your smokes for today."
I took one out of the box and pretended to take a hit of it, and Andrew said, "You look like an expert."
I shook my head. "You're only twenty years old."
"I quit a long time ago." He laughed, and I saw the sun reflect on his saliva.
Nearby, the wardrobe department had already laid out the costumes on the racks. Oliver's outfit was a light blue, short-sleeve polo shirt tucked into cream-colored shorts with a brown leather belt. White socks and well-worn tennis shoes stood right next to Oliver's black sunglasses.
Next to it was my outfit: a faded red polo shirt, light denim shorts, and canvas sneakers.
We put on our costumes, which helped us immediately get into character. Luca approached with a warm expression. "My darlings."
"The premise of this scene, umm, how do you explain it?" He looked away from both of us. "You know the first time you masturbate, you feel like someone is watching you—this is basically that."
We both smiled. Luca continued, "It would be a single long take that would be 4 minutes. I do not want to do back-and-forth close-ups of your faces. Too Hollywood. Let them choose."
"You confess your feelings, Ryan. And Andrew, you're trying to maintain control."
"Pronti," he said.
The 35mm camera seemed 80 feet away from the Piazza Vittorio Emanuele III. I forgot it was even there, and Andrew seemed to forget it too.
We parked our bikes against the black iron railing surrounding the monument.
I gripped the handlebars tightly and stayed glued to the bike at first, while Oliver immediately looked toward the monument.
"It's World War 2, huh?"
"No, it's World War 1. You have to be at least 80 years old to know any of them?" I said flatly.
"Huh."
"I never even heard about the Battle of Piave," he said in his typical Mid-Atlantic academic drawl.
"The Battle of Piave was one of the most lethal battles in WW1. 117,000 people died," l said, my voice cracking.
"Is there anything you do not know?"
I chuckled and slowly walked around the railing as I inhaled my cigarette. I leaned against the railing, trying to avoid Oliver's stare. "I know nothing, Oliver."
"Well, you seem to know more than anyone around here."
"Well, if you only knew how little I know about the things that matter."
Oliver straightened his back. "What things matter?"
A bus and a couple of mopeds drove by.
He circled the monument in the opposite direction, and I responded, "You know what things."
"Why are you telling me this?"
I put my head down. "I thought you should know."
"Because you thought I should know," he said slowly.
"Because I wanted you to know."
I said it again more slowly. Oliver circled the monument and disappeared from the camera, and I walked around saying the phrase more slowly.
The camera panned to the statue as Oliver and I stood right next to each other.
I said, "Because there's no one else I can tell this to but you." I swayed my body left and right.
Oliver inhaled his cigarette. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" He looked like the statue behind him.
He walked away. "Do not go anywhere. Stay right here."
The camera came closer to me as l took fast drags from my cigarette. Oliver came back with pages from his assignment. "They mixed up all of my pages. I have to retype everything. This will set me back a whole day."
I scratched my head. "I should not have said anything."
"Just pretend you never did."
He turned his face towards me and whispered, "It means we can't talk about those certain things. We just can't."
We went back to our bikes and rode out of the frame.
Andrew said, "Did I screw up at all?"
I responded, "I think I did."
"I hope we made it subtle."
We rode our bikes back to production, where Luca was smiling.
"You see what we are making. Did you hear the cars and mopeds drive by? That created that buzz over the scene. This matches the meaninglessness of their conversation. It is simply noise."
Andrew whispered, "Share the love you feel in your life, because it is frustrating when you do not. Do not hold back, and never be afraid to be open and honest with those you love."
We turned back and saw Luca on the floor, and his tears fell onto the floor as the sky got darker and thunder began to ring out.
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