The bright early sun woke up Ryan, who had never felt calmer in his life. His role was a small one, but no matter the screen time, he wanted the audience to relate, sympathize, and maybe hate him a bit.
Ryan gripped his phone and saw two missed calls from Mark. He dialed his number and heard a gruff Bostonian voice that was in the middle of a spiel.
"Hold on, Taylor. First day and you're making a mess. Leave. Sorry. Hello, how you been?"
"Good. Still in New York. I got to do something else though." Ryan looked down at the cheap carpeted floor and noticed the complete change of tone.
"Has anything come in?"
"Straight to work? Okay. Yeah, some indie work that you might like. I'll send a copy."
"Thanks, Mark. Have to go."
Ryan ended the phone call with brisk formality. He packed up all his things—which was not much—and grabbed a memento from the set: Seth's tie that props had graciously given him.
He held the tie for a few seconds before putting it into his bag. It was nothing special, probably worth twenty dollars, but to Ryan it felt like proof that the last three weeks had actually happened. His first real movie. His first time acting beside people he had watched growing up. Maybe years from now, the tie would mean nothing, but right now he wanted to keep it forever.
He smiled at the receptionist and gave her his key, then called a taxi to Port Authority. The two-hour bus ride to Somerville was a cold, depressing, and cramped experience that seemed to reflect the anxious mindset he already had. He dialed his friend Ricky to pick him up from the bus stop.
A gray Corolla pulled up, and Ryan opened the car door to see a wide smile from his good high school friend.
"Yo. Nice to see you, Mr. Hollywood. Sorry, there's no red carpet for you to step on."
Both friends smiled at the relaxed atmosphere of two friends enjoying each other's presence. Ryan already felt the looming wave of anxiety fade away.
"I'm starving, how about you?" Ricky put his foot on the pedal, and the car quickly sped away from the grim coach bus.
"YEAH. Planet Pizza. As usual."
They stopped at the pizza place, both old friends reminiscing about their high school days and the journeys they had gone on.
Nothing had changed much inside. The same smell of pizza dough and grease hit Ryan when he walked through the door. A television hung in the corner, and a couple of teenagers sat at one of the tables. Ryan remembered sitting in almost the same spot years ago, talking with Ricky about movies he would someday make.
Now he had actually made one.
Ricky took a bite of pizza.
"So, did you meet anybody famous?"
"Kevin Spacey. Jeremy Irons. Paul Bettany."
Ricky stared at him. "Who the fuck is Jeremy Irons?"
Ryan laughed. "You have terrible taste."
"Did you meet Megan Fox?"
"No."
"Then what's the point of being an actor?"
Ryan almost choked on his pizza.
For those few minutes, he wasn't Seth Bregman or some young actor wondering whether his performance was good enough. He was just Ryan sitting in a pizza place with someone who had known him before any of this.
Eventually, Ricky dropped Ryan off at his childhood home, waving him goodbye.
"Tell Tess I said hello."
"Okay."
The car sped off, but he could still hear Jamie Foxx's verse from "Slow Jamz."
Ryan braced himself as he was about to knock on the door. His hands shook as he put his fingers on his forehead. He pushed the doorbell and heard a flurry of footsteps coming down the stairs.
It's only been 2 months since I've seen her, but it feels like years. She's my number one supporter and always will be.
The door opened, the sun momentarily blinding the petite Asian woman who had the TV controller in hand.
Ryan immediately hugged her, small tears already forming in his eyes as his mom tried to put her hands to his head.
"You okay, son? I didn't know you were coming, you should have called." Tess shook her head and stood on her toes to kiss Ryan on the cheek.
"Yeah… I wanted to surprise you," the words slipping out like soda fizzing out of a shaken can.
"Well, come on in. Can you help me with the TV? I never know what to do with that thing."
They both walked up the stairs to see red, white, and blue balloons and small American flags around the living room. Ryan stopped for a second and looked around.
"What's all this?"
"Fourth of July."
Ryan looked at her. "That's not for a while."
"I like decorating early."
"Of course you do."
So Ryan sat on the sofa and fixed the TV by pressing two buttons. He heard his mom's light footsteps in the kitchen followed by the sharp beeps of the microwave.
The house felt smaller than he remembered. The sofa, the television, the pictures along the wall. When he was younger, it had felt like the entire world. Now, after spending weeks inside office buildings in Manhattan, it felt almost tiny.
He liked that.
"You need any help?"
"No, come to table, food is almost ready."
He walked up and sat at the glass dining table that had some confetti.
"You did a movie on Wall Street, right? So did you play with real money?"
"Ha. No, I just pretended to be an analyst. It was a learning experience."
Tess smiled as she brought out ribs and rice to the table. She loved her son whatever he did and always enjoyed how seriously he took acting, even at school with plays like The Great Toy Escape or Buttons and Spells.
"You remember Buttons and Spells?" Ryan asked.
"Of course."
"I was terrible."
"No, you weren't."
"I forgot half my lines."
"You were eight."
"Still."
Tess shook her head and put more rice on his plate.
"Where's Dad?"
"In London."
"They make him travel so much."
He looked down at the food; the pizza from minutes ago hadn't filled him up. As he was eating his mom's food, he kept blinking, trying to keep it together. The warmth of his mom's cooking was something words couldn't express. Her death, the end of his life, the foster care system, and his failed career seemed so distant.
In a small city, in a smaller room, he found peace beside a mother whose heart could've held the whole world.
Tess looked at him for a moment.
"You look tired."
"Long shoot."
"You happy?"
Ryan stopped eating.
It was such a simple question.
"Yeah."
She smiled. "Good."
The rest of the day went heavenly. Ryan helped Tess clean the kitchen, even though she repeatedly told him she could do it herself. They watched television together, and she asked him questions about the movie that he wasn't sure he was allowed to answer.
By the evening, Ryan found himself going through old pictures in his bedroom. There were school photos, old movie posters, and pieces of his childhood that he had forgotten existed.
His life had changed once already.
Maybe it could change again.
And when he finally went to bed, he had thoughts on his next film.
Let the next movie be about second chances and how there is no set future.
He opened up Mark's email on his phone and saw a bunch of small films offered. He saw The Lucky One (Logan Thibault), Chronicle (Matt Garetty), and The Bling Ring (Zach).
Ryan went through them slowly. A few months ago, getting any one of these auditions would have made his entire week. Now there were several sitting together in one email.
Still, none of them immediately grabbed him.
He kept scrolling.
He nodded his head, and at the bottom of the email he saw an audition for a film he knew he wanted to do.
Ryan sat up slightly.
He read the title again.
Looper. Joe. Audition next Friday.