."how many times I told you, I have a music concert in a week. You have to come too."
I didn't know why I kept forgetting. Maybe because I still couldn't picture him as the leader of a band.
"Alright, alright… though who knows if I'll actually go,"
I muttered and glanced at him.
I thought he might be upset, but instead a wide smile spread across his face —a smile that pulled my curiosity out from the darkness.
"Why are you smiling?"
"Oh… nothing. Well, actually, there's going to be someone special at the concert."
When he said that, for a moment the blood in my veins felt frozen.But when I tried to calm myself with the thought that maybe he meant family, my breath warmed again.
I didn't want to ask.I didn't know why.Maybe I was thinking about it too much…or maybe I preferred to wander in that dream a little longer.
A little later he said goodbye, probably planning to practice hard until next week
I sat in my classroom seat. As always, I could hear my classmates chatting behind me.But their voices still didn't feel real — like they were part of a dream.
It felt like I belonged to a different world.
I stared out the window toward the track field.Some kids — maybe my age, maybe older — were racing, sweating to win.All of them trying to beat a boy who was meters ahead.
Trying for something you want…
"Maybe this is what normal means,"
I murmured to myself.
I'd never really thought about it.My life had always felt empty of purpose.Maybe because I never wanted to be trapped by a goal…maybe because I was afraid of failing to reach it.
I knew judging something without trying was foolish — just an excuse.
But suddenly Mike's words echoed in my head.For a moment, I felt the warmth of a flame inside my chest —a flame I quickly smothered before it could burn brighter.
I stood up from my chair. It scraped slightly away from the desk.My hands rested on the table, my gaze fixed downward.
Maybe I wanted to run again.Maybe I wanted to escape myself again.Maybe that's why I was afraid to think about it.
Suddenly the school bell rang, announcing gym class.
The weight in my chest felt lighter.At last, I could breathe outside this place.
I stood and followed the others out.Everyone was leaving, laughing, pushing past each other —and with every shove, I felt more invisible to them.
A few minutes later, after leaving the locker room and entering the gym,I saw him again.
The PE teacher — the one who always paid attention to me.I hated that attention.I hated that he pitied me.
"Alright everyone, pair up! We'll run laps outside in pairs. Clear enough."
Same familiar face, his English accent still noticeable.Golden hair, brown eyes, and a wide smile.
Beside him stood a boy — the same one I'd seen from the classroom window.The one everyone on the track tried to beat.
Silver hair.A slightly mischievous smile.His white-and-red sports uniform somehow looked brighter on him, almost new.
I didn't know why…but he was looking at me.
He stepped closer. Only a few steps away now.
"Let's race together."
For a moment I froze. I didn't even know him.
"Oh, Sora! Looks like you're finally getting along with the others. Good. Everyone's paired up — let's go outside," the teacher said.
"No… I—"I wanted to be alone.But he walked off without listening.
Everyone went outside laughing and excited.Everyone except me.
I thought leaving the classroom would make the weight lighter.Instead, it grew heavier.Like I didn't belong here either.
"Coach, Sora and I will go first."
At first I was shocked he knew my name.Then I figured maybe he was a classmate — I didn't know half of them anyway.
The result was obvious from the start.He would win.
"On your marks… ready—"
"Do you know what I like about running?" he asked.
I chose silence.
"It doesn't matter how far you run… you always end up back at the starting point. Endless. Scary, isn't it?"
I didn't understand his words. I couldn't grasp them.
"Go!"
The whistle blew and we both ran.
Even at my fastest, he was far ahead.After three laps, my legs were barely holding me up, my breath burning in my throat.
Just before the finish line, his speed suddenly slowed.
In a single moment, he fell behind — and I crossed first, breaking the ribbon.
I knew he lost on purpose.But why?
"Wow, Sora! Well done!"The coach's voice came from ahead. His cheering wasn't as bad as I'd imagined.
I looked back.
The silver-haired boy was gone.
That day I walked home alone. Mike still hadn't shown up.But unlike usual, thinking about everything that happened didn't feel bad.
Maybe because…for the first time in my life, I had won.
The hours passed like the wind,and gently carried me into a sweet sleep.
-
-
-
A few hours later
My eyes opened slowly, as if sleep still had a hand wrapped around my thoughts.
For a moment, I didn't move.The room felt quieter than usual, softer somehow — like the world hadn't fully decided to begin yet.
Fragments of last night's dream lingered in my chest.Not clear enough to remember,but heavy enough to feel.
And then the little clock woke me from my dream
Against my will, I still had to go to school.
I checked the clock. Seven.
Mike hadn't come to pick me up.
An unpleasant feeling tightened around my heart, but I forced myself to believe he had just overslept.Even so, the thought stole my appetite.
Without eating breakfast, I said goodbye to my grandmother and headed toward his house.It was the first time I had gone to pick him up myself.
I rang the doorbell.
No answer.
After two or three more tries, the door finally opened.
Mr. Tamayaki stood there, half asleep, eyes barely open, scratching his messy black hair.A middle-aged man with a little extra weight and a tired voice.
"Uh… excuse me… is Mike here?"
"No, dear. He left early this morning. I thought he went to meet you."
"I see…"
I said goodbye and walked away.
I wasn't happy to hear it.
(See? No one really wants you. In the end, everyone leaves you behind.)
"Shut up… just shut up,"I whispered to myself as the voice in my head started talking again.
I calmed myself with weak excuses.
My eyes searched every street, every corner, hoping he might be waiting somewhere.Maybe it was just a misunderstanding.
But he wasn't there.
Only cold streets.Passing cars.Empty sidewalks with barely any people.
A strange feeling began forming in my chest,burning quietly inside me.
I didn't know its name.But it made me sad.
Instead of facing it, I walked faster,as if I could outrun it.
By the time I reached school, the courtyard was already crowded.
The same noise.The same laughter that never included me.
I walked through them unnoticed, like I wasn't really there.
I reached my classroom door and placed my hand on the handle.For a moment, I didn't have the strength to push it down.
I was afraid of their eyes.Afraid of facing them.
I took a deep breath and stepped inside.
"It's fine. Everything's fine,"I told myself with a few fragile words.
The teacher had arrived just seconds before me and was taking attendance.
"Miss, may I come in?" I asked.
"Yes, Sora. But you're late."
I went straight to my seat and sat down.
"Tamaki Kanda.""Present."
"Shinza Tsubaiyak.""Present."
"Lin.""Absent."
The classroom felt louder than usual.
I wanted to tell them all to shut up —but I couldn't.
So I looked outside the window instead, hoping it would calm my mind like it always did.
And for a moment, it worked.
Until I saw him.
I couldn't see his face clearly, but from behind I knew it was Mike.
He was standing under a tree, talking to someone.A letter in his hand.
In front of him stood a girl with dark blue hair and a beautiful smile.One look was enough to understand how far apart she and I were.
When Mike handed her the letter,something inside my chest cracked.
Still, I trapped it inside me and tried to convince myself:
That's not him. Calm down, Sora.
"Yeah, it is Mike. You're just lying to yourself."
A voice beside me spoke.
Those few words were enough to drag my thoughts back into darkness.
I turned toward him.
He was standing there.
Silver hair.Yesterday's boy.
"Class rep, please take your seat," the teacher called.
"Aw, come on, miss," he replied lazily.
Only then did I remember.
He was the one who had taken me to the nurse's office that day.The loudest troublemaker in class.
Souho.
But I didn't care.I was just relieved when he finally left my side.
Three hours later, the break bell rang and the classroom emptied in seconds.
I stood and walked toward the balcony door near the right side of the board.
I had seen it countless times before,but I had never felt bad enough to actually go there.
I placed my hands on the railing and stared outside.
"You were jealous, weren't you?"
I knew who it was.
Maybe that's why I didn't turn around.
When he said it, it felt like, for a moment, I understood my own feelings.
Maybe that's why my chest filled with something heavy.Maybe that's why my heart felt like it was wilting.
"Why does it hurt this much," I asked quietly,"when I'm not even that close to him?"
"Maybe because now that you see him walking away,you're afraid of being left alone."
"You're right," I whispered."But at the same time… I'm scared that if I get too close to him, I'll hurt him."
"Then let him go."
When he said that, my mind drifted toward the idea of letting Mike go.
But instead of calming down, tears began falling.
My chest hurt even more.
I didn't know what to do.
But one thing was certain.
The thought of him holding someone else's hand…laughing with someone else…giving someone else flowers…
made anger rise inside me.
Real anger.
And that anger…terrified me.