Nox's POV:
"HYA! HYA! GO RUDEDOLT! GO!"
*screech*
Hello there. You may all be wondering why I am having a giant red-beaked crow pull my sword whale through the sky at top speeds. Wait, you're not? Well, I'll tell you anyways.
See, after finishing defending me booty from the scourge of the sky, I got a notification from my observation golem slash soft serve machine that Wimp had made it home free. Meaning I officially missed the play, and should I not make it home free in time, I might not get to bonk them all goodnight either, and what kind of mother would that make me.
So, not wanting to be featured in the worst mothers of the year awards… again, I grabbed the last living crow I could find, slathered its beak in its brethren's blood and brainwashed it into becoming my horse.
*Screech*
Anyways, these guys fly much faster than my land whale swims, which is good, because as you all remember my drug money is on the line here. So, I arrive a fashionable 4 days late, and ready to steal back my kids' lunch money, or so I thought.
"What's that boy! Wimps fallen down the well?" I asked my ice cream-making recording device.
*Splat*
Only for it to shoot a ball of ice cream in my face.
"Well, that's rude!" I said, as I wiped the cream off my face.
When I abandoned my kids to fend for themselves, I made sure to leave this little critter behind to record their performance, notify me when Wimp had reached the safehouse, and most importantly, stall for time in case I was late returning. Unfortunately, the most important point was a complete failure.
From an anti-scrying veil that scrambles that genetic paper compass they have for locating my girl, to a self-defense system that's designed to scare off any rabid animals or pursuing enemies that might appear, I had spent a minimal amount of effort to goad them from leaving until I got back. However, when not even the irresistible temptation of free ice cream could keep them from leaving, what hope would safety and shelter have.
*Sigh*
Letting out a sigh, I grabbed the crystal ball ice cream dispenser, opened the panel on it's back, grabbed the glowing syringe inside containing the memory fragments of the golem, and injected them into my head, letting me view everything it has seen while I was gone. Since I designed these recording golems with only the best stealth and movement magic I could fit inside it's spatially expanded insides, it could very easily speed around unseen and undetected to watch all of my kids. So, Meathead failing to notice an entire swat team tailing him to a secret meeting, Crybaby somehow losing his legs to some chump, as well as Wimp making a run for it yesterday, I saw it all. Unfortunately, I didn't program this thing to keep on stalking my kids after achieving the end goal, partially because I was too lazy to expand its bigger on the inside guts to make space for the ice cream function. So now, I have no idea where my kids are at.
"Shit, I'm late!"
Realizing I was late, late, I hurried into the town I saw Wimp heading towards when she ran away, to search for clues. If they realized I wasn't around all this time and tried to make a run for it, who knows where my drug money might end up by the time I catch up to them.
"Hey, excuse me!"
*Boom*
"Could you spare some of your final moments?"
*Screaming*
"Sorry to be a bother, bu-!"
*Swoosh*
Unfortunately, I ended up walking into some kind of larping event as the entire town seemed to be simulating the robot uprising or something like that, since there were a bunch of mechanical undead walking around ravaging the place. Anyways, none of them seemed really big on talking while their entrails were spilling out, and the robots kept moving away from me whenever I tried to approach to ask if they had seen my kids.
"Well, they were of no use! Hm?"
I then saw two dudes playing a game of energy-beam-air-tag over the palace and went to go take a look. Who knows? Maybe they spotted one of my kids from up there. With a bit of hope, I approached the guy I saw being shot down, to ask for directions. He was an edgy-looking golem geezer that somehow seemed familiar. Probably just my imagination. Unfortunately, just as I was about to pop the big question, some rude guy with a very bright energy fist interrupted me.
"Hey there! Sorry to bother you, but I'm lookin for my kids! You wouldn't happen to have-?"
*BOOM*