Nox's POV:
"Argh! Land ahoy!" I declared, once I spotted the long-awaited theater that be the mainland through me telescope.
"Does that mean I can finally go free?" Asked me ungrateful cabin boy, sweater of thunder.
Ye see me merry crew of mind pirates, after yer favorite pirate captain escaped the trials on phony-sword island, the foggy mist that be blockin me way back home were no more, and we were free to sail the seven seas once again. So, I built me a ship with me bare hands. Unfortunately, the island were lacking in lumber for me ship, and I had to quickly convert me sword galleon into a sword-submarine to escape Davy's stinky gym locker. Which were all accordin to plan of course, and surely not because I forgot to magically make me sword-ship float. Ye be walkin the plank should ye suggest otherwise. A great pirate and shipwright such as I never be one to make such an elementary mistake. I was merely plannin to fetch all the thousands of valuable replica swords that fell into the sea after I slew the mighty fry cooking sword in the skies. May he rest in pieces, … for now anyway.
"Don't be so stodgy ya landlubbing scurvy rat! Now, prepare to dock, or do ya want to walk the plank again?" I say, to me disheartened cabbin boy as I pulled out me black cutlass of pain that also be me first mate.
"Ay! Ay! Captain!" He replied, inspired by me great captaining and definitely not in fright of cutlass the pain-stick.
"Now, I be dockin the ship so ya may wanna hold on to somethin!" I say, as I went full speed ahead.
"Ay! A-!"
*Crash*
"Ouch!"
*Clang*
*Deep breath*
"Ah! Nothin quite like a fresh breath of air after crashin my underwater boat into a beach!" I said, dropping my pirate persona after my captain hat got shredded by a protruding legendary sawblade in the crash.
"Please do not tell me we hit another sea monster just before reaching land! I cannot take another underwater battle after the last one!" Said my ungrateful cabin boy as he got back up with another sword-sized nail in his shoulder.
Now, for any of you watching from inside my brain who might have missed my epic pirate adventure just now, you might be wondering why the thunder sweating rock thief is here, and alive. Well, during my face-off with the sword in the stone who possessed his body, I threw him off the spire in advance to save his ass and kill the one I was wrestling with.
See while trying to snap him in half, I had an idea that if my sword pal could drain energy from the center of the earth to stay alive, he might be able to do the same using the energy inside our bodies as well. So, I, not being sure how quickly thunder sweater's energy generator of a core operates since it can vary between individuals, decided to not take any chances and gave him a bit of a headstart down the mountain by kicking him off the astronomically high pedestal. That way, once he failed to turn on the life-support from the comfort of near outer space, I would become the nearest potential bag of peanuts for him to snack on during the flight down to earth, and you know how that went. Don't eat your allergies kids.
Anyways, once the rock thief woke up, having been lucky enough not to be blown up by a passing meteor or sliced in half by a random sword, took advantage of the flight prohibition being lifted after his brainwashed ass pulled the very sharp plug out of the ground, to float down to earth. He also didn't seem to know where the fuck he was. So, after seeing him help me collect materials for my ship by frantically pulling swords out of the ground upon seeing me again, I 'let' him join my crew as a cabin boy and the occasional sea monster bait.
"We truly had some great adventures didn't we!" I said, grabbing the guy's shoulders while reminiscing about our time together.
"What are you even ta-!"
*Thud*
"Ugh!"
"Okay, bye now! Thanks for the master baiting! See you never!" I said, after throwing him off my ship.
I then hopped back inside my beached metal whale and put the pedal to the metal as I had it speed towards the horizon.
My spikey-submarine was made from legendary grade materials, so it hardly changes anything whether I'm swimming through dirt or water. Also, if anyone is wondering how its propulsion system works, there were a bunch of magic swords that fires elemental-based projectiles with some serious recoil to it, most of which are currently in the back. The unfortunate lack of long ranged weaponry that followed made having a master baiter really handy, but with the extra booty we collected on our way here, that's no longer an issue. Hence, I can now sit back, relax, and draw a line across the continent on my way to watch my kid's theater performance, without worrying about some pesky legendary beast that might suddenly pop up out of nowhere to try and eat, fuck, or just destroy my vehicle for no apparent reason.
*Bird cry*
*BOOM*
"*Yawn* Yup! Nothing to worry about!" I yawned, as I flipped a coin and stopped the car to go out and pick up the beast core of the roadkill I just gunned down.
The overgrown pigeon I just killed was a unique grade magical beast called a Giant Bandit Murder Crow. They are giant black crows with a habit of collecting shiny objects to build and adorn their nest, like for example a land whale made from shiny legendary grade metals. They are actually a rare dual-element magical beast, meaning they have two separate elemental beast cores, one earth, and one wind. Despite having murder in their name, they are actually pretty cowardly. When threatened they create short term tornados and earthquakes to distract whoever they just robbed before flying away with their spoils.
*Bird cry*
"Huh?"
While I was busy dismantling this fried birdy, a giant crow suddenly swooped down and yanked my treasure ship out of the ground while my back was turned.
"…! Note to self! Install an automatic harvesting function!" I said, as I pulled out my magic gun and shot the feathery thief out of the air.
*CLANK**THUD*
As I went over to go harvest another beast core, I had this foreboding feeling come over me when a giant dark shadow covered the area. I then flipped a coin as I looked up at the giant flock of black birds right above me.
"Oh, they're 'murder crows' because their pack animals! I get it now!" I said, as a murder of giant bandit murder crows suddenly came swooping down to steal my ship.
*Screech**Swoosh**Boom*
"You know what the worst part about this is? The fact, I just know these guys probably have tons of goodies stashed away somewhere, and I just know I won't have the time to go look for any of it." I complained, as I got a triple headshot on the crows grabbing my ship while upside down inside the giant tornado they collectively created.
With the three crows dead, my robotic Moby-Dick was now airborne, as it got caught in the tornado.
*Screech**Boom*
"I really hate it when they taunt me with treasure!" I grumbled, as I shot a hole through the mouth of the crow trying to swallow my gun hand and flipped a coin to confirm my decision to pass on more treasure.
*Swoosh**Bang*
I then grabbed on to the corpse, extended my hair and wrapped my spider threads around the wings to puppeteer it into gliding into one of the other crows trying to steal my whale. I then flipped another coin to make extra sure, but alas, the all-mighty coin flip keeps telling me to go treasure hunting, which means I shouldn't.
*Sigh*
With a heavy heart, I got back in my flying submarine, and activated all the weapons simultaneously, turning my flying metal fish into a multi-elemental laser disco ball that killed half the flying treasure maps, scaring off the other half.