by Geli Cake
"Wait, wasn't he supposed to be safe? That's why I stayed near him."
"What are you talking about?"
"His hair…"
"Shut your mouth. If the Red Lions hear you…"
That's ridiculous. It was impossible for monsters to attack everyone except those with a specific hair color. I was living proof.
"Just hold this against it until the bleeding stops. We'll get it looked at later."
The man pressed a handkerchief firmly against my ear and returned to his position.
"You should have been more careful. You'll actually die if you're not paying attention."
The weird guy I had been avoiding approached me, grinning.
"...?"
Just as his face drew closer, he lowered his head to my neck and licked the blood trickling down.
The rough texture of his tongue startled me, and I flinched. He pulled back, laughing.
"Disinfection."
"...."
I didn't even know where to begin. I didn't want to deal with him, so I stepped back, distancing myself.
Crazy bastard… I'll have to wash thoroughly and actually disinfect it when I get back.
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
The monsters' momentum had plummeted compared to their initial aggressive onslaught. People who had been observing the situation began to pack up.
'Is he okay?'
The weird guy who had been pestering me had become unresponsive and quiet. He just stood there blankly, not even working, and the others murmured about how creepy he seemed. He looked like a log with its soul sucked out.
"We'll return as soon as we've taken care of the injured."
It seemed the captains had decided to conclude the operation here.
There was no need to exterminate every single monster. Magical creatures would continue to reappear as long as mana existed in this land.
The bigger problem was how to dispose of all the corpses. I had heard from a merchant that the market was flooded with magic materials from monsters, causing prices to plummet.
'They'll figure it out.'
It wasn't my problem.
On the way home, I discreetly removed the gauze from my ear and completely healed the wound, so Haylan wouldn't notice.
Still, this time, I didn't needlessly jump in front of danger and die for someone else, nor did I get seriously injured. I had to tell Haylan when I got back.
'Not that I was expecting praise or anything.'
I chuckled, realizing my behavior wasn't all that different from Haylan's, who eagerly channeled mana into magic circles, hoping for praise.
I collapsed the moment I returned home. And when I woke up late the next day, I heard an unexpected news.
"Yoken, you know, he died of a fever on the way back."
"Huh? Who's that?"
"You don't even remember the name of the person you shared a tent with?"
Ryzen looked at me as if I were an idiot. So, Yoken was one of the many names he'd used. Why did he introduce himself differently to everyone? I nodded, grumbling about how I did know him.
'He died?'
A fever? He wasn't even injured by a monster; it was such a random cause of death.
Ryzen patted my head.
"Just thought you should know. Don't worry too much about it."
"Okay."
I wasn't particularly saddened by his death. I was a little concerned because I knew him. But even that feeling was fleeting.
Like everyone else, deaths that weren't directly relevant to me were easily forgotten. I was starting to become afraid of that side of myself.
Haylan didn't greet me enthusiastically. He just said, "You're late," when I appeared at midnight. But I knew it was his way of showing concern, so I replied, "I'm back."
"Are you hurt?"
"No."
"Were you hurt?"
"No."
There was such a thing as a white lie. I didn't want to worry Haylan.
"You're lying."
"I didn't die."
I had tried my best to be careful. I couldn't say it was entirely thanks to Haylan, but I did think of him from time to time.
"There was a guy I shared a tent with. We weren't close, though."
I fidgeted with my completely healed ear. It didn't hurt. It was a minor injury, even by normal standards. It would have healed on its own in a week even if I had left it alone.
"He died."
What was I thinking when I heard that news? I vaguely remember feeling relieved that he didn't die in front of me… Selfishly, I was more surprised by my reaction than by his death itself.
"You don't look sad."
Haylan observed my expression and blurted out.
He was right. I wasn't sad at all, and that made me even sadder. It was frightening how easily I could dismiss someone's death with an "Oh, really?" and forget about it so quickly.
"Ryzen told me to just forget about it."
"Then forget about it."
"I don't want to."
To some, my death would be the same. Easily forgotten, as if it were nothing. But I wanted to be remembered for as long as possible. I wanted the people I loved, and who loved me, to deeply feel my absence. It was a selfish desire, contradictory to my wish for their happiness.
"...?"
Just then, something flickered above my head. A small flame. It wasn't a real flame made with gunpowder, but it looked real enough.
Multicolored flames bloomed silently in the dark room. I watched them for a moment, then lowered my head and saw Haylan channeling mana into a magic circle.
"…He probably didn't mean for you to forget about death itself."
"Then what did he mean?"
"He was probably trying to comfort you, worried that you, with your kind heart, would dwell on it. That's the duty of those left behind… like you said."
"...."
This time, another flame burst next to my cheek. I realized this was Haylan's way of comforting me. Diverting my attention, even for a moment, so I wouldn't have time to wallow.
His intention was certainly successful. Every time something sparkled before my eyes, I would exclaim in awe, moving my head around, and even I thought I was being silly.
"It's okay to forget about it most of the time and remember it sometimes. I do that too."
His casual words of comfort genuinely made me feel better. Especially since Haylan himself, who was saying those words, had a somewhat relaxed expression.
"That's amazing! You can already use illusion magic!"
"This isn't anything special. It's small."
"What have you been doing while I was gone?"
"As you can see, I've been practicing. I bought snacks from the shop you told me about and some new novels from the bookstore… and I thought about you the rest of the time."
I told him to stop reading erotic books and asked him specifically what he thought about me.
"Dirty thoughts, perhaps?"
It was a half-joking question, but Haylan answered without changing his expression.
"That's right. How did you know?"
"...."
"Do you think those kinds of thoughts about me too?"
"Uh, no?"
"Then you should start masturbating while thinking about me, too. It's unfair that only I'm thinking about you."
My face flushed, a mix of embarrassment and awkwardness. How could he say such things without changing his expression?
"Anyway, I missed you."
His lavender eyes crinkled into a smile.
I missed you a little too.
I swallowed my words and bit my lip.
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
A few days later, as soon as I arrived home, the door opened, and Haylan appeared.
I wondered how he knew I was coming and came out to greet me, but Haylan also seemed surprised to see me.
"You've grown taller again."
"Oh, yeah."
I thought something was slightly different, and it turned out he was a bit taller than yesterday.
'Is he growing a few centimeters every day?'
I placed my hand on Haylan's head and roughly estimated the difference in height compared to yesterday. It seemed like he had already grown by about two finger widths.
'Don't grow up too fast.'
Shrink. I pressed down on his head as if trying to compress him, feeling a strange sense of urgency, and Haylan, who had been standing still, finally realized what I was doing and swatted my hand away.
"Guest, you're just in time!"
I turned my head at Yur's voice, and Haylan flinched, grabbing the hem of my shirt.
"Come in."
Yur ushered me inside, then grumbled, pointing at Haylan,
"The Young Master is refusing to drink blood again. He threw away half of it last month, and if he keeps this up, he'll really get sick."
A being who can't die, getting sick? My curiosity piqued, and I asked,
"What happens?"
"He just groans in pain all day. I don't know for sure, but it seems like he experiences severe pain."
"That's not true."
Haylan shook his head in denial. But Yur scoffed, as if she knew everything, and continued nagging.
"Do you think I haven't seen the Young Master cry himself to sleep countless times? Why do you do this to yourself when you're in so much pain?I don't understand why you avoid it so much when you can just drink it and be done with it."
"...."
He cries?
I quickly turned around and grabbed Haylan's shoulder as he tried to escape. I hugged him tightly and lifted him. He was heavier, but I could still manage. Haylan's legs dangled in the air.
"Stop it, I'll do it myself…!"
"That's what you say, but you don't."
"...."