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Rating:
Mature
Archive Warning:
Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Fandoms:
Parahumans Series - WildbowFate/stay night & Related FandomsFate/stay night: Unlimited Blade Works (Anime 2014)
Characters:
Cú Chulainn | LancerTaylor Hebert | Skitter | Weaver
Additional Tags:
Self-InsertCYOA
Language:
English
Stats:
Published:2023-11-19Updated:2026-08-08Words:70,172Chapters:22/?Comments:390Kudos:1,408Bookmarks:566Hits:50,257
Hebert's Hound
TheCandyManCant
Chapter 15: 15
Chapter Text
Hannah didn't sleep. It wasn't that she had difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. She didn't sleep. A byproduct of her power made it so she didn't sleep. She could if she really tried, but there was no reason to. Since triggering, she'd never required sleep to be able to operate at her full potential.
As a result, she often worked the night shift for the Protectorate. Someone needed to be on call 24/7. Every other cape on the Protectorate's roster required sleep, so Hannah volunteered to take most night shifts. Unfortunately, regulations prevented her from taking all of them, so her teammates still had to forgo sleep on occasion.
Another thrilling regulation prevented Hannah from working after a night shift 'for her own good'. The regulation didn't take her powers into account, and no matter how much she argued she was shot down. Director Piggot looked the other way on many occasions when staffing was a major issue, but there were limits they couldn't test if they wanted to avoid an audit. So Hannah was off today.
When her coworkers worked a night shift, they spent the day sleeping. Hannah didn't sleep, leaving her to find a way to occupy her time. Sometimes she walked the boardwalk. Sometimes she read a book. Sometimes she just stared at the wall. She was lucky today. It wasn't often that her friends were available to meet her for lunch during work hours. Then again, this particular friend made her own schedule.
"There is nothing 'Fugly' about that man. He's just plain ugly." Karen said, watching the owner and operator of Fugly Bob's disappear into the back of the restaurant.
"Karen," Hannah hissed, fighting the smile that threatened to break out across her face. Hannah didn't disagree with Karen's assessment, but it was still impolite to say so out loud.
Karen shook her head. "Hey, if that's your type, I won't judge. I myself am a woman of more refined tastes." Karen loudly took a bite of her burger, pausing mid-chew to frown. "This burger tastes like it was made by a raccoon with treasures it scavenged from the dumpster."
Hannah sighed, letting her head fall into her hands. Why did she invite this idiot out again?
"You picked this place." Hannah reminded her friend.
"Well, yeah. I wanted a burger. No one shuts up about Fugly Bob's. It is the burger joint you're supposed to go to in Brockton Bay." Karen looked suspiciously at her burger. "Had I known that the lot of you lacked taste buds, I would have recommended we get Thai."
Hannah thanked the heavens for the distraction when her phone rang. She reached down, frowning. It was her work phone.
"I'm here," Hannah said, clipped.
Karen's eyes snapped up, recognizing the tone in Hannah's voice.
"Sorry to call you in on your day off, but we've got a bit of a situation." Ethan, known in his hero guise as Assault, said apologetically. "A newbie team just brought in three Empire capes with an assist from Glory Girl."
"Who did they get?"
"Victor, Othala and Rune. We're processing them while Armsmaster is giving the new girl a tour of the rig. Her name is Cletrine or something like that. I've botched the pronunciation three times so they sent me away. The other new guy is the one you ran into a little while back. The guy without a mask?"
"Lancer," Hannah said quietly. Karen's eyes widened. Hannah recognized that expression on her face. She frantically shook her head 'no' as Ethan continued speaking. Karen was excitedly nodding 'yes'.
"Yeah, Lancer is refusing to power test. He's stopping the girl from power testing too. It's not a big deal. Armsy's all put out about it and we can't sign them as independents until they give us something, but that's unimportant. Can you come in to keep an eye on things? When it was just the valkyrie twins, it wasn't a big deal. With five capes down…"
"The Empire might try something. I'll be there in a minute." Hannah hung up.
"I think you meant we'll be there in a minute." Karen said, burger laying forgotten on her plate as she wiped her hands on her napkin.
"Karen, no. Collin hasn't forgotten what happened last time." Karen had somehow gotten into Armsmaster's lab and stolen a bunch of his tools. She'd then proceeded to duct tape those tools in insane locations. Hannah still didn't know how she'd managed to stick that wrench inside the rig's hot water heater.
"What's that?" Karen said, cupping hand to her ear. "I can't hear you over–" Karen disappeared. There one moment, gone the next.
Hannah quickly looked around, letting out a relieved breath when she saw no one was around. They were eating lunch at an odd time. Karen was…eccentric, but she wasn't an idiot. She wouldn't have just outed herself and potentially Hannah to make a joke.
Hannah pulled out a wad of bills and left them on the table, enough to cover both their meals and a large tip as an apology for not eating anything. Karen had only taken a single bite of her burger. Unlike her friend, Hannah actually enjoyed Fugly Bob's burgers, but duty called.
"Hail, Brockton Bay!" a woman yelled from right outside the restaurant.
Hannah sighed, looking out the window. A woman stood armored in grey metal. A helmet with large, exaggerated mouse ears rested atop her head. The helmet's faceplate had a pair of mouse teeth and whiskers set into the front. The woman held a sword aimed towards the sky with a shield in her off hand.
"Evil doers run in fear! The mouseketeer is here! Hahaha!" Mouse Protector began scampering across the street.
People shouted and pointed, pulling out their phones to take pictures of the independent hero. Mouse Protector wandered around wherever she wanted at any given time, but it was rare to see her in Brockton Bay.
Hannah sighed again, pushing open the door to the restaurant and making her way towards her motorcycle. Her friend would join her in her own time. Or she wouldn't, but Hannah didn't think she was that lucky.
X
Hannah wasn't that lucky.
Hannah didn't know how Karen did it, but the moment she parked her motorcycle on the rig, Mouse Protector appeared at her side, having teleported to the mark she left on Hannah. How did she always seem to know the best time to appear? Was that a byproduct of her power she'd just never told anyone?
"It feels like a year since I've been here!" Mouse Protector said, sword sheathed at her side so she could stand with her hands on her hips.
"It has been a year." Hannah said. She now wore her Miss Militia costume. Tactical pants, a camo shirt and an American flag bandana for a mask. "Your ban still has another six months left. You're not supposed to be here." Hannah said dryly.
Armsmaster wasn't the only one who hadn't appreciated Karen's antics the last time she was here. Director Piggot was so mad that lawyers got involved. Karen was banned from returning for eighteen months.
"A true hero goes where they are needed when they are needed! And I havarti the heart of a true hero! Onward!" Mouse Protector charged ahead into the building, much to the amusement of the PRT personnel who worked here. Much to Miss Militia's chagrin.
Why did she let Karen come?
Hannah went through the process of signing Karen in and the two of them headed up the elevator. Hannah's original intent was to head straight to the holding area to get a better idea of what was needed from her. Karen thoroughly derailed that plan.
"Mouse Protector! Come back!" Hannah called, speedwalking through the halls, awkwardly waving to amused PRT personnel as she chased a skipping mouse through the halls.
"Aha!" Mouse Protector cried, victorious.
Hannah sighed. Today was not a good day. Next time she had an off day, she was going to go to the park and birdwatch. Alone.
Six pairs of eyes turned to face them as Miss Militia and Mouse Protector entered the power testing center. Tinkertech equipment sat neatly in boxes. An observation room looked out on a square room with reinforced walls and an inert shield generator that could be turned on at a moment's notice.
In addition to Armsmaster and the two scientists in the room, Glory Girl, Lancer and a young cape Miss Militia had never seen before stood in the room.
Armsmaster's mouth pulled into a thin, unhappy line when he saw Mouse Protector. "Mouse Protector, you still have–"
"Mouse Protector!" the young cape Hannah didn't recognize called, stars in her eyes.
Hannah recognized the grin in Karen's eye as she stepped forward, hands on her hips as she stared off into the distance. "Yes! Tis I! And who might you be, my young steward of justice?"
"I…um… I'm Cletiné," the girl said shyly. "I'm a big fan."
Karen nodded sagely as she laid a hand on the girl's shoulder. "Always a pleasure to meet a true brie-liever. And you!" she spun to face Lancer. "Who might you be, my blue-haired man? Does your hair taste like cotton candy?"
Miss Militia's head hung low. She pretended not to notice the death glare Armsmaster was sending her way. Mouse Protector was an independent hero. Her…Mouse Protectorness wouldn't reflect poorly on the Protectorate's professionalism. Hopefully.
Hannah expected Piggot would still give her a talking to later. She was not looking forward to that.
Lancer opened his mouth to reply, then paused. He reached up and plucked a hair from his head. Hannah's eyes went wide in shock as he tasted his own hair.
Lancer sighed. "Unfortunately, my hair tastes remarkably ordinary. My name is Lancer, fair lady."
Cletiné was face-palming off to the side. "Goddammit, Lancer."
Mouse Protector nodded, somber. "A true shame. Alas, we cannot all be perfect. We must settle for being gouda-enough."
"Mouse Protector," Armsmaster cut in. Hannah thought she could hear his teeth grinding. "What are you doing here?"
"Why Master of Arms, I heard tell of new heroes gracing this land and desired to greet them with my countenance. So tarry I did not till I met these two heroes!"
"And what a countenance!" Lancer said, a wide grin split across his face as he leaned close to examine Mouse Protector's faceplate. "Thine whiskers do entrance mine eye, milady." He bent down, gently taking Mouse Protector's hand to kiss the back of it.
"Lancer, please stop." Cletiné said, sounding distressed. "He's not normally this weird, I swear!" Cletiné desperately said to Armsmaster.
Mouse Protector placed her other hand against her chest, looking away from Lancer, mock-bashful. "Thine gaze is sharp, sir Lancer. Thou hast ensnared me in thine cast eye."
"Mouse Protector, please stop." Miss Militia said, pained.
"A-thousand pardons, milady." Lancer said. "Try as I might, I cannot turn from you. Nary a possibility exists of a cheddar view."
"Mine true friend informed me of thine skill with your polearm, good sir." Mouse Protector said. "Mayhaps you would entertain a maiden's heartfelt request?"
"If it lies within mine power to grant, you need only ask, milady."
Mouse Protector disappeared. A moment later, she reappeared exactly where she had been standing. She raised her right hand, now holding a block of cheese, cheddar by the looks of it. She struck forward, lightly smacking Lancer across the face before throwing the block of cheese down at his feet.
"MP! What the–" Miss Militia began, only for Mouse Protector to cut her off.
"I challenge thee, sir knight! Mine heart may only be given to he who wields his sword as keen as he wields his tongue. If thou dost wish mine hand, take up arms!"
Lancer bent down, picking up the block of cheese. Holding eye-contact with Mouse Protector, he bit the corner off the block and began chewing it, tossing the rest of the block over his shoulder. "I accept your challenge, milady."
"What the hell is happening right now?" one of the scientists whispered to the other. His voice carried in the space.
"Have you not been paying attention?" the other scientist said. "MP challenged Lancer to a duel to see if he is worthy of courting her. Lancer accepted and now they're going to fight."
"…What?"
"Just go get on the scanners. Let's see if we can get any readings from Lancer while they fight."
Miss Militia's eyes narrowed. Lancer was refusing power testing before they got here. She didn't think Karen had overheard her conversation on the phone, but maybe she had. Was all of this just an elaborate ruse to get Lancer to fight her so they could get a gauge on his powers?
"Thine visage hath captured mine eye. Strike true, sir knight! Prove thyself feta than lesser men!" Mouse Protector cried, turning around with a flourish to march onto the training floor.
Miss Militia frowned. No. There was no thought here, no plan. MP was just up to her usual antics. Why did she bring the woman along?
"I'm really, really sorry about this." Cletiné said, anxiously wringing her hands, a golden spear floating through the air behind her. "He's not usually this bad."
"What are you talking about?" Glory Girl asked, eyes shining as she watched Lancer step onto the training floor opposite Mouse Protector. "This is amazing!" She pulled her phone out and started to record. "PHO is going to love this!"
"Video recording is not authorized in the power testing facility." Armsmaster said, glaring at the scene unfolding in front of him.
Miss Militia sighed. "Just let it happen. I'll take the blame for it." It couldn't be much worse than what she'd get for letting MP loose on the rig.
Glory Girl needed no further permission, floating up into the air to get a better angle as Mouse Protector drew her sword.
"Arm thyself, sir knight!" Mouse Protector called.
In a flash of light, a golden sword appeared in Lancer's hand. Its blade was etched with intricate designs weaving in and around one-another.
"Did my keen mouse ears hear false? Twas my belief thou wielded a spear, sir knight." Mouse Protector called.
Lancer spun his blade in a flourish. "Mine lady requested a warrior whose blade was sharp as his tongue. I shalt grant thine request."
"Very well, sir knight," Mouse Protector said, settling into a stance as she raised her shield. "En garde! Time to provolone your worth!"
"A maiden fair as morning's glow
Whose wit was sharp as manchego
Sought to test mine skill
Set a test of will
What web fate wove, neither could know."
Miss Militia's eyes widened in horror at a revelation that shook her to the core.
My god, there's two of them.
Lancer's form blurred, streaking towards Mouse Protector. Mouse Protector was barely able to get her shield up in time to absorb the strike of Lancer's blade, quickly counter-attacking with her own sword. Lancer knocked the strike aside with his blade, already striking back towards her.
Mouse Protector disappeared, reappearing at the other end of the training floor near the door.
Miss Militia smiled underneath her bandanna. She'd practically grown up with MP. She didn't know everything, but she knew MP's powers better than most. Many people thought she had to mark the anchors for her teleportation with her hands. That wasn't the case. Any part of her that touched an object could mark it. MP let people believe otherwise, oftentimes going out of her way to exaggerate touching objects with her hands to give herself an advantage. She was able to teleport away from Lancer because she'd stepped across that ground to get to the other side of the floor. It was why she'd positioned herself so far away, it let her mark the entire length of the floor with her steps.
To anyone watching Glory Girl's film, it was easy enough to explain away that MP had been here before to prepare the area. Hannah certainly wasn't going to spill the beans.
"No more quips, sir knight?" Mouse Protector called, spinning her sword dramatically. "Has thine wit failed you already?"
"Milady has already sampled mine tongue." Lancer said, turning around slowly. Hannah noticed a blue energy snapping around his body. What was that? "She requested a taste of mine sword. I aim to grant her request."
Lancer blurred once more. Mouse Protector teleported to the side as Lancer stabbed through the air she'd once occupied. As Mouse Protector lashed out to stab him, Lancer curled around in an acrobatic display, snapping out with his foot. He caught Mouse Protector in the ribs, sending her flying. Mouse Protector teleported to the other side of the room to avoid slamming into the wall as she rode out the strike's momentum.
"Laying thine foot upon a lady is poor chivalry indeed, sir!" Mouse Protector cried, outraged. She teleported again, already striking downward.
Lancer deflected her blade, batting her shield aside to get inside her guard. He gently grasped her throat, running his thumb up her neck. "Milady desires chivalry? Chivalry dost include the tenant of being worthy of thine lady. Pray tell, how shall this lowly knight prove himself to you?"
"Lancer! Stop flirting with my childhood hero!" Cletiné shouted angrily from the viewing room.
Mouse Protector's eyes shined in challenge, locked on Lancer's own. "Thou must disarm me, sir knight. Only when I am at your mercy shall I yield."
Quick as a flash of lightning, Lancer hooked the pommel of his sword under the crossguard of Mouse Protector's sword, wrenching the blade from her hand to fly across the room.
Mouse Protector disappeared from Lancer's grasp, appearing on the other side of the room, hand closed around the hilt of her sword. She'd used the mark she'd placed on it to teleport to it instantly.
"Surely that is not your best, sir knight," Mouse Protector said. She shook her shield arm, spinning in a circle. Dozens of metal jacks, small toys used in a children's game, rained down around the room, flung all over to fill the entirety of the room.
Hannah's eyes widened. She recognized the move. Mouse Protector kept many items on her person while fighting crime that she had marked ahead of time – darts, small marbles, jacks. She would throw them to locations she couldn't reach or places she needed to get to fast. Alternatively, she would use them to litter a battlefield to let her teleport with impunity. A byproduct of her teleportation power made it impossible for her to dizzy herself with her power. She could teleport four times in four seconds without confusing herself. When added to the minor Brute rating granted by her power, the perfect teleportation sense made Mouse Protector dangerous to face. There were many times in the past where, despite the corny nature of Mouse Protector's hero career, Hannah was desperately glad that Karen hadn't become a villain. If MP was dumping the jacks all over the training area, she was actually taking this fight seriously.
Mouse Protector vanished, reappearing behind Lancer. As Lancer went to block, Mouse Protector teleported again, continuing her strike from the other direction.
In a flash of silver, a second sword appeared in Lancer's other hand, catching Mouse Protector's blade before it could harm him. While the other, golden blade glowed with a pearl-colored light, this blade was plain. It looked almost ordinary. Had Hannah not just seen it appear as a result of a parahuman power, she would have no way to know it was special.
Mouse Protector teleported away as Lancer slashed at her again, appearing behind him to attack. Again and again, Mouse Protector teleported, altering her attack strategies and patterns, hoping to catch Lancer off guard while never staying still long enough for him to land a strike on her.
Lancer dashed around the area, following Mouse Protector's phantom as she rapidly disappeared and reappeared. Erratic as Mouse Protector's movements were, lightning-fast as her attacks came, Lancer remained unscathed. Mouse Protector had not managed to slip past his guard once.
Hannah was shocked. Mouse Protector wasn't sparring. She was actually fighting him. Yet, Lancer was keeping up.
X
Taylor's jaw hung open as she watched the fight in front of her behind the safety of reinforced tinkertech glass. Sparks flew. Lights flashed. Mouse Protector appeared and disappeared between seconds. All the same, Lancer was smiling. Taylor had only seen him this happy one other time, when he'd successfully transferred Cletiné to her to serve as her spear. He was having the time of his life.
And Mouse Protector. Taylor had always loved MP. Those stupid cartoons MP produced were a staple of Taylor's childhood. Even still, as she'd grown older, Taylor had begun to think the woman didn't take her job as a hero seriously enough. She thought MP cracked too many jokes and didn't have the impact she could have if she actually tried. Alexandria became Taylor's new favorite hero as she admired the unceasing drive Alexandria always displayed. MP's corniness slowly drove Taylor away.
Taylor was beginning to think the corniness was just a clever disguise for the nightmare she was watching.
MP only appeared long enough to attack, then vanished again. The only reason Lancer was able to manage a counterattack in the split second MP was visible was because he was Cu Chulainn, and even he hadn't landed a solid strike yet, just glancing blows that didn't seem to affect MP at all. If Taylor were in there fighting Mouse Protector right now, she would have been beaten in seconds. How was anyone supposed to beat MP when she was using her power like this? It felt like cheating.
And Lancer. Lying bastard. He'd told her he would have to teach himself how to use another weapon before training her to use it, yet here he was dual wielding swords like some kind of irish ninja. His blades were moving so fast they were leaving afterimages. Afterimages. Taylor could barely track where they were going while she was observing from outside the fight. How the heck had MP not been skewered while teleporting around like a crazy person?
Mouse Protector and Lancer met in the center of the floor, separating as Lancer kicked off Mouse Protector's shield, sending them flying away from each other.
Lancer landed softly. He threw his head back and laughed.
Mouse Protector tilted her head, watching him curiously. "You think our bout a joke, sir knight?"
"Nay, fair lady," Lancer denied. "Tis the most joy I have felt in months. I have long sought a challenge. You have proven worthy of my full effort."
"Am I to receive your polearm then? A lady should be warned of these things."
"Nay. Ye asked for my sword, so my sword you shall have. I warn thee, use not your power again. Twill spell your defeat."
"Is 'twill' even a word?" one of the scientists asked.
"Dave, shut up and get ready. I want readings on whatever he's about to do." the other scientist said.
"If thine word's intent was to fill a maiden's heart with fear, thou hath failed, for no wedge will separate this maiden from her valor!" Mouse Protector declared.
"Seriously, what are they even saying at this point?" the first scientist said.
"Shut up and do your job, Dave," said the second scientist.
Mouse Protector swung her sword, teleporting directly behind Lancer to finish her strike.
Lancer caught her blade with his own, grinning at her in the space between their two swords. "I warned you, milady."
Mouse Protector's eyes widened. She didn't teleport away. She tried to step back, but her right foot was stuck to the ground. A rune glowing with platinum light was barely visible beneath her foot. Taylor sucked in a breath. Lancer had trapped her in a rune.
"What devilry is this!" Mouse Protector cried. "Resorting to dark magics to ensnare a pure maiden, have you no honor!"
"You're many things, but not pure, MP," Taylor heard Miss Militia mutter under her breath with her rune-enhanced hearing.
"I might say the same to you, milady," Lancer said, his swords vanishing in a flash of light as he grabbed Mouse Protector's sword arm, blocking a strike meant to cut into his shoulder. "Appearing and disappearing at will… Surely this is the devil's work. I must test if thou art a witch."
"Okay, seriously. How did we get from roleplaying as knights to somehow threading into the Salem Witch Trials? I am calling bullshit." the first scientist said.
The second scientist sighed. "Dave, please, just let it happen."
"Thine test must wait, for my challenge is yet uncomplete!" Mouse Protector fought against Lancer's grasp, angling her sword towards him while Lancer kept the blade away.
"Okay, 'uncomplete' is definitely not a word." the first scientist said.
"Dave, just leave. I'll do this alone."
Dave the scientist exited the training facility, grumbling to himself about bastardized classical English and uneducated capes.
Lancer grabbed Mouse Protector's sword and spun it from her hand into his own. He laid the blade against her shoulder. Mouse Protector had stopped struggling.
"Do you yield, milady?" Lancer asked.
"Aye, I yield, sir knight." Mouse Protector said, resigned.
The rune beneath Mouse Protector's foot scattered into motes of energy, freeing the trapped cape.
Mouse Protector watched the energy dissipate with a fascinated eye. "What did you use to trap me?" she asked Lancer.
"Just a little trick I know. Similar to what I'm doing now." Lancer said.
Mouse Protector's eyes widened as she saw Lancer trace his finger over the flat of her sword. In the wake of his finger, several glowing runes were left.
"What are you doing to my sword?" Mouse Protector asked, a touch suspicious.
"Worry not, fair maiden," Lancer said. "Tis merely a gift for such joyous merriment. I wasn't kidding. I haven't had that much fun in a while." Done with his runes, Lancer tossed Mouse Protector her sword back. "I'd be careful with that. You don't want to accidentally burn down the building."
Mouse Protector's eyes widened. "You gave me a fire sword?"
Lancer's only answer was to grin.
"All unlicensed tinkertech must be registered with the Protectorate in order to–" Armsmaster began only for Mouse Protector to cut him off.
"That's only if I work for you or if I want to sell it, Armsy. Don't try to catch me with legal BS. This is mine." she said, hugging the sword to her chest. She hummed happily. "It feels warm now."
"MP, I really think you should let Armsmaster run some tests on that." Miss Militia said, looking between the sword and Lancer suspiciously.
"Nope!" Mouse Protector said. "I'll go test it myself. I'll see you later MM! Thanks for bringing me out today!" Mouse Protector vanished.
In the wake of Mouse Protector's departure, Miss Militia visibly relaxed. "Okay, why don't we–" The tension returned threefold as Mouse Protector randomly reappeared.
Mouse Protector grabbed Lancer's arm and pushed up her helmet enough to reveal her lips. She placed a brief kiss on Lancer's cheek, then pulled her helmet back down.
"Don't think I'm done with you yet, sir knight. You can't play with a maiden's heart and expect to walk away unburdened. Until next time." Mouse Protector trailed her fingers over Lancer's as she stepped back, vanishing once more.
Lancer turned to face the others, positively beaming. "I don't know about you guys, but I had an awesome day today."
"Hell yeah!" Glory Girl called, floating down in front of him to give him a high-five. "Villain takedown, hero romance, what more could you ask for?"
"Tylenol," Taylor said tiredly. "I have a headache." She brought down three villains today. She was planning to celebrate, but after witnessing…whatever just happened between Mouse Protector and Lancer, she just wanted to go to bed.
Armsmaster reached into a tinkertech compartment on his belt and produced a small tablet, offering it to Taylor. "One-thousand milligrams of acetaminophen," he explained.
Taylor looked at the pill suspiciously for a second, then shrugged, taking it. "Thanks."
And now she was taking drugs from strangers. Yeah. It was time to call it a day.
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