Main Content
Archive of Our OwnArchive of Our OwnHi, TheBrimmedHat!PostLog Out
FandomsBrowseSearchAboutWork Search
tip: katekyou "alternate universe" sort:>words
Actions
Entire Work ← Previous Chapter Next Chapter → Chapter Index Edit Bookmark Mark for Later Comments Share Download
Work Header
Rating:
Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning:
Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Category:
Gen
Fandoms:
BakemonogatariParahumans Series - Wildbow
Characters:
Araragi KoyomiAmy Dallon | PanaceaOshino Shinobu
Additional Tags:
Canon-Typical ViolenceDramaMystery
Language:
English
Stats:
Published:2019-08-09Updated:2020-04-09Words:77,966Chapters:19/?Comments:16Kudos:117Bookmarks:21Hits:4,844
Hot-Blooded
frantic
Chapter 6: Cognition 1.6
Chapter Text
I fidgeted on top of the roof of Brockton Bay General. Walking inside at 2 am, covered in blood, had started a bit of a panic. The panic had only increased when I'd asked to see Panacea. It had almost turned into a fight before she had actually showed up, looked at me, smacked her hand into her face and dragged me away from them apologizing for her friend.
And now, she glared at me.
"You're a cape?"
"Ah, well, that's a bit much. I wouldn't consider myself much of a cape at all."
"You're wearing a mask right now, Araragi."
Oh. I blinked, and felt around my face, before pulling the domino mask off and shaking my head. It was seriously stuffy under there, and I rubbed around my eyes to feel the sweat.
"Ahh, I'm sweating."
"You're dying."
"Ehh? No, I'm totally fine. I regenerated all of my body parts and bones."
She sighed again, slouching against the railing of the roof. Fishing around in the pocket of the doctor's coat she was wearing, she pulled out a pack of cigarettes, grabbing one and putting it between her lips. I frowned, and she arched an eyebrow at me.
"You don't approve?"
"...It's not so much that I don't approve as it is I find it distasteful."
A laugh came from her, and she lit it anyways. Smoke drifted from her lips as she stared at me again, and I didn't know what to say.
"You're a terrible friend, Araragi. I wanted someone normal, you know? A totally ordinary person in every way that I could relax with. You're nothing like that at all. You're out of the ordinary in every way that matters. When did you trigger?"
Trigger? Like of a gun? I can't remember ever doing anything like that, and I bit my lip. I didn't know how to speak to girls. Or to friends. In general, my abilities at communication were the lowest of the low.
"You don't even know what a trigger event is and you went out in your regular clothes with a mask on. Honestly, you're kind of amazing sometimes."
I tried to smile, and she didn't return it. With a sigh, she stood up, turning away from me to look out at the rest of the city. I glanced at it from where I was, seeing the shining lights of four in the morning. The murmur of the cars below us reached up to even here, going every which way as Panacea smoked and I tried to come up with what to say.
"I'm not a cape," I finally said, scratching the back of my head. "I'm not anywhere close to being a parahuman at all, sorry."
"Not close? Didn't you just say you regenerated all your body parts and bones? That's pretty Brute-like to me," she replied, flicking her cigarette in her hands before idly twirling it, carefully watching the lit end to make sure she didn't burn herself. "I can only think of a few other Brutes who can do things like that. That's the most cape-like thing I can think of, beyond shooting lasers from your eyes, or making amazing technology at the drop of a hat."
She gave me a bitter smile, her head turning towards me as her body continued to face the city.
"I'm not like you. Or Victoria. Or mom, or dad, or any of the Wards, or any of the Protectorate. All I can do is fix others. If I tried to do something like you just did, I'd totally die. It wouldn't even be a contest."
I didn't know what to say to Amy Dallon in this situation, so I listened to her for now.
"You meet me, and then get to become a hero immediately? Life's a real joke, you know that? I've had to struggle my entire life to be accepted, and you can just… go punch someone, and it's fine? How is that fair?"
I turned away from her. Capes with more subtle powers were never as well liked as the ones with the more flamboyant ones. It's the reason why Armsmaster is more popular than Assault. One of them is wearing power armor and wields a halberd, the other… is in spandex and can 'redirect'. It's not as interesting.
"I'm not a hero, either. That's more your thing, isn't it? I'm just trying to help a friend," I said, trying to smile. It felt empty, brittle, and a bit barren, even to me. "But I'm not a cape at all. I'm…"
Could I do this to her? I didn't want to. I didn't want to drag Panacea into the turnside of the world, where monsters and magic roamed freely and myths laughed at legends. I was in an ordinary cape fight, and it was definitely too dangerous for her. How bad would it be when I fought Weiss? What if I had to fight even more dangerous things?
"You're what? A saint? 'I'm just trying to help a friend'. 'It was the right thing to do'. 'I don't know what to say, my body moved on it's own'." She laughed at a private joke, but it sounded cruel to my ears. "Those are all things heroes say, Araragi. Not ordinary people. It's really messed up for you to try to preten-"
I interrupted her.
"Panacea, I'm a vampire."
She tilted her head as she looked at me, the cigarette dangling from her lips. Her examination was thorough, as she looked up and down my body, arching an eyebrow as I fidgeted under her gaze, before smiling slightly and shaking her head.
"Rejected."
"What?"
"I disagree with you. You're nowhere near pretty enough to be a vampire, Araragi. You look like a half-drowned rat who was recently covered in blood."
Ahhh, what's this pain in my chest? My heart doesn't exist anymore, right? So why do Panacea's words leave a physical pain in my being?
"My heart doesn't beat anymore. My blood only leaves my body, never re-enters it. I have fangs," I said, pulling at a corner of my mouth to show off one of my new inciscors. "I'm not a human in any way."
"Is that really all that it takes to be a human?" She asked me, making a face. "A beating heart? Blood that pumps? Ordinary teeth? Isn't it more than that?"
"I can't go out in the day without my skin lighting on fire. I'll never be able to attend school with you. I'll never go out to the Boardwalk on a warm summer day. I'll live for the rest of my unnatural life in darkness."
"Are those things necessary to being human? I've seen some pretty terrible things, Araragi. A man without a face, who I restored while he screamed the entire time. A girl barely thirteen, so addicted to heroin that the first thing she did after I fixed her withdrawal symptoms was to purchase more. A woman who couldn't stop sobbing, as she clutched her comatose daughter in her arms and begged me to wake her up. All of those things were done by people calling themselves humans."
"I… I have to consume blood to survive."
"I work at a hospital, so it's fine."
"I won't age. I'll be seventeen for a thousand years."
She smiled at me, taking a drag of her cigarette as she did, smoke drifting out from her teeth while we stared at each other. "You're not going to convince me so easily to stop being your friend."
I wasn't trying to convince her of anything! I was just pointing out things that make the gap between us so much wider! It's not as if I'm some kind of tsundere archetype who pretends to not desire friends in his life!
"...Maybe you're right. Maybe I shouldn't keep trying to push you away," I said eventually, looking at all the lights in the distance. "But at the same time, I can't let you get involved."
Friends are a weakness that I can't tolerate. Even though I now have three, I know this as a fact - to have friends is to lower my integrity as a human. But, as something inhuman, haven't things changed enough? Can't I tolerate this terrible weakness, just a little bit?
"Araragi," Panacea said as she stood, walking over to me and peering at my face. I could smell the cigarette smoke wafting off her. "What exactly are you involved in that's so terribly dangerous?"
I bit my lip, looking away. I didn't want to tell her what I was doing. I didn't want to explain that I had to defeat someone as scary as Weiss. But… weren't we friends?
I sighed.
"Friendship is a weakness unbecoming of a human. It's not 'succeeding together', it's 'failing separately' that makes you a stronger person."
"You're simply incorrect. Having friends isn't a weakness unless you allow it to become one. Isn't friendship supposed to be something good for you?"
I disagreed on every point she had made, but didn't say so. Our ideals didn't match up at all, and yet we were both still friends. It was a mystery in every imaginable way. Adding two plus two should always come out to four. Araragi Koyomi and friends never worked out. It's a weakness that I can't get rid of, in spite of all my efforts. To be completely alone and by myself is when I am most happy, and yet…
I want to have friends.
I can admit it to myself, even though I don't want to say it out loud. Even though it lowers my integrity as a person, I want to be friends with Panacea. With Kiss-Shot. Even with Oshino.
"You're right, I suppose," I smiled at her, and she smiled smugly back at me, before flipping her cigarette around and offering it to me with a raised eyebrow. I stared at it.
"Woah, those things'll kill you, you know? They're seriously dangerous. Aren't you a healer? Shouldn't you ignore things like cigarettes?"
"If you're a person who despises friendship, then I'm a corpse that happens to walk. Isn't it just speeding up the process to consume something dangerous?"
I took the cigarette, staring at it for a moment. She looked at me, before tapping my shoulder with her free hand and arching an eyebrow.
This is peer pressure, Panacea. This isn't okay, you know?
I sputtered after my first inhale of smoke, coughing out the disgusting sensation before handing it back to her. It wasn't something I was interested in, even though I had done so. Panacea put it up to her lips, letting it dangle for a moment while she looked at me.
"You're a human, Araragi Koyomi. I hope you realize that."
I'm not human at all, Amy Dallon. And I don't think you'll ever realize that.
Neither of us spoke for a while, after that. We watched the lights in the distance fade, until it was around five in the morning. At this point, I sighed and looked at her.
"I have to go back to where I'm currently staying. Please understand that I don't want to take you with me."
Her laugh was like ringing bells. It hung in the air for a moment after the sound itself vanished, dangling like something precious that I couldn't bear to break.
"I'm going to walk you back to where you're staying. I want to meet this so-called 'vampire' that turned you into her minion."
I did not like where this was going.
hotbloodedcoldbloodedironblooded
Standing in front of the abandoned building, I scratched the back of my neck, glancing at Panacea as she fiddled with her phone, before she put it away with a frown. Her eyes had such deep circles it was like she was a raccoon, but that was understandable if this was her normal schedule. Panacea, a nine hour shift at the hospital every day is too much, you know? Please take care of yourself better.
"So, they're in here? Kiss-Shot and Oshino?"
I nodded, before opening the door and walking in with Panacea at my heel. Inside, there were desks strewn all over the place, many of them placed around the tree that was growing through the empty center of the building. Leaning against it, with a lazy wave and an unlit cigarette, Oshino Meme stood with a smile.
"You look so lively. Did something good happen?"
Panacea smiled at him, looking around curiously. The building was fairly empty of anything and everything, more of a place to 'stage an attack', instead of 'living out your life'. I mentally tapped at the door to Kiss-Shot's mind, and she opened it wide, flooding me with emotions and sights and memories that she had made in the last 24 hours. It was like a hot flash of raw information that flooded through my synapses and I didn't move an inch until it was finished.
Kiss-Shot waved excitedly at me from her perch up in the tree, hopping down easily in her form that looked to be about eight years old. She smiled brightly at me, and it was seriously adorable. Not in a lewd way or anything, because I am in no way attracted to small girls.
"Kakaka, is that my wonderful minion? Does he have any limbs for me? I see you brought a snack!"
Kiss-Shot peered at me expectantly, and I patted her on the head before shaking my own sadly. She pouted in a frustration, so I rubbed her head a bit more. I didn't have any snacks on my person, so where was this 'snack' she had spoken of? Panacea blinked suddenly, rummaging through her pockets before pulling out a bag of chips. Ah, that makes perfect sense actually. Kiss-Shot would absolutely, without a doubt, considering 'things belonging to other people' to be 'things belonging to her'.
"I'm sorry, Kiss-Shot. I couldn't find Weiss tonight. He'll be meeting me on Sunday, so please look forward to the return of your limbs then."
She hummed happily as our connection gleefully opened up once more, the memories and feelings that I had felt throughout the night flooding through to her, much like hers had just done to me. Woah, that's seriously disorienting. My eyelids fluttered, as my body swayed left and right without a care for things such as 'balance'.
"So this is Kiss-Shot?"
Panacea crouched before the two of us, her hand on her face as she peered at the currently tiny Kiss-Shot. The small vampire blinked owlishly, tilting her head up at me.
"Who's this, Koyomi? I've never met a person who so singularly smells of blood and despair," Kiss-Shot said with a confused frown. "Is she a magician?"
Shaking my head no, I prepared myself to explain what parahumans were to Kiss-Shot.
"Maa maa, so you set up a meeting with Weiss. That's good, Araragi-san! I'm really impressed with your pace already! I didn't expect you to get to meet him for at least a week!" Oshino smiled as he pulled a bent cigarette out from behind his ear and didn't bother lighting it. Why do so many people I know smoke? It's not good for you, right? It's supposed to have negative side effects, isn't it? It's inconvenient if you smoke all the time in front of me! I can't even appreciate the effects, so would it kill you to not do it around me?!
"Sorry, sorry Araragi-san," he said, sucking in on his unlit cigarette. "But it's a habit, you know? It's a dangerous habit, but we've all picked up some dangerous habits in our time."
His eyes flicked over to Panacea, who shivered as he looked at her, before Oshino scratched the back of his head and sighed, pulling out a lighter. Was he actually going to light his cigarette?
No, he was going to light a small pile of branches on fire for warmth. Oshino, that's dangerous, you know? We're inside of this building surrounded by wood! If that fire gets out of control there's absolutely nothing any of us can do to stop it! Please have more respect for your surroundings, okay?!
"Now, Panacea-san," he said, looking at the girl in the doctor's coat. "What exactly is it you're after?"
She looked at him apprehensively, before snorting and turning towards me, jerking her hand over her shoulder and pointing at Oshino. "Araragi, why are you listening to this totally shady guy? Don't you have any sense of self-preservation whatsoever? He's the kind of person who would see a crime in progress and decide to shrug his shoulders because it 'can't be helped', instead of actually doing something."
Oshino chuckled, rubbing his hands as he crouched by the fire. The flames licked at his fingers, but never quite touched them.
"Crimes aren't so bad that they need to be stopped every time, Panacea-san. I'm sure you of all people could understand that."
She cringed at his words, and I looked at Panacea curiously. What could a phrase like that even mean? Is Panacea actually a crimefighter like my little sisters? There's no way that's true. We had to stop for a break on the way here because Panacea is ridiculously out of shape. Or perhaps I'm ridiculously fit from becoming a vampire. It's definitely one of the two.
"Even so, there's no reason for him to follow your requests."
"Maa, there's plenty of reasons to follow my requests, you know? I even convinced Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade to play some children's card games while we waited around."
Kiss-Shot nodded enthusiastically from her place in between my arms, giving me a thumbs up when I looked at her. She motioned towards my head, and I leaned down towards her to hear what she had to say.
"Meme's not very good at card games, so I let him win a few times to make him feel better. He's a pretty sensitive guy, actually."
I stood back up, staring at Oshino with confusion. Seriously, what? Why would he teach Kiss-Shot how to play a card game he was terrible at?
"You want him to **** Alabaster, right? I don't know Araragi all that well, but I'm absolutely certain he couldn't hurt a fly, much less a supervillain."
"You're a bit behind the times then, Panacea-san. Araragi-san just defeated Othala and Victor under a few hours ago."
She frowned at that, biting her lip. Oy, Panacea, is it really that bad that I beat up Victor? He was seriously going to hurt me, you know? It was self-defense, okay?
"Alabaster's weak, especially for an Empire 88 cape. If you're so incredible, why couldn't you fight him?"
"Why, because I don't have any reason to help Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade. I'm not her minion. I'm not even her friend, really. I'm just a person who Araragi-san owes an enormous amount of money too."
Wait.
What?
No seriously, what? When did I agree to pay you for your services? You appeared out of nowhere and stated a bunch of outlandish things like they were absolute fact! I'll definitely pay you for saving my life when I was under the dumpster, but don't act like that was all that inconvenient for you, either! All you did was throw a blanket over my head and tell everyone I was a cape who was super ashamed of my new costume, so I didn't want to be seen for now! Even if it was really funny when we were asked for a selfie, isn't that more of a prank than actual help!?
"It's unfair. I don't like it. I don't like what you're telling Araragi to do. I don't like how you're speaking to me. I don't like this scenario that you've created in your mind to trap him."
Oshino smiled, scratching the back of his head. "Maa, don't you think that's a little bit much? It's not that I've 'trapped Araragi-san in a corner', so much as 'circumstances have arisen that trap Araragi-san in a corner'. There's absolutely nothing either you or I can do to save him from his own choices."
That was true, even when I didn't know how to respond to such a statement. Panacea looked away from Oshino, who laughed and waved a hand.
"I'm not trying to offend you or anything, Panacea-san. In a way your anger for Araragi-san's sake is touching, because nobody else is going to get angry about it at all. Do you see either of them complaining?"
He pointed at the two of us, and Panacea bit her lip as she looked at me and Kiss-Shot. We had moved away from the duo to sit against the tree in the center of this building. Kiss-Shot didn't blink as Panacea stared, and I didn't either.
"This supernatural occurrence of a 'vampire that exists in Brockton Bay' is something that always was and always will happen. The concept of 'vampirism' is one that dates back several thousands of years, long before parahumans existed. Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade's very presence in Brockton Bay rewrites reality into a warped place where if she was not here, then she would never have been here in the first place. Her presence is a stain on the otherwise pristine wall that we call 'reality'."
He picked up a random stick, and began drawing on the ground. It was quiet for a moment, the only sound that of the licking flames and the breaths of the two humans inside of this abandoned building.
"You see," he said, tapping at a stick figure with an ahoge on its head, "Imagine a world where Araragi-san never met Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade. In such a world, he buys his dirty books and reference books, and heads home happily without a care in the world."
Panacea shot me a scathing look at the term dirty book, and I pretended not to see it. I'm a man, aren't I? Isn't it acceptable for me to enjoy lewd things? There's seriously no need for that crazy amount of hostility, right?
"In this world, Araragi-san will never interact with the supernatural. This is the 'world that could exist'. A world where the supernatural interaction with Brockton Bay dies before it even begins."
"That's good then, right?" Panacea said. "That's a world where the supernatural can't harm anyone."
"Maa, you misunderstand me," Oshino replied, drawing a wizard hat next to the stick figure. "Even in a world where 'Araragi-san does not interact with the supernatural', that doesn't mean it's a world where 'the supernatural doesn't exist'. The turnside of the world was always going to find Araragi-san. That's simply the reality of the situation. If not through Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade, then through another way."
That didn't make any sense to me at all, and I looked at Kiss-Shot questioningly. She sighed, stretching her small limbs before looking up at me and answering.
"A person who was meant to be involved in the going ons behind reality's curtain was always going to be involved in it. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy, Koyomi. You 'opened your eyes to the reality of the world', and as such you 'always were going to do so'. There's no escaping the destiny that the supernatural has granted to you."
She smiled at me, before flicking at my nose and standing up, dusting off her skirt and walking towards the stick figure that Oshino had drawn.
"If Koyomi wasn't always going to save me, then I was always going to die. Our meeting is as constant as the sun setting and the moon rising."
I didn't know what to say. I didn't really believe in what Kiss-Shot was saying, but I didn't really disbelieve in it either. It was simply a reality of the situation that I had found myself in, on this place beneath the turnside of the world.
Panacea frowned, glaring at the picture. Then she eventually sighed, scratching her head as she shoved her hands back into her doctor's coat.
"Ahhh, I don't really understand. I'm good at anatomy, at fixing others, not at conceptual analysis. I'd seriously need to ask Tsubasa for some help here. There's absolutely no way for me to understand such high level concepts on the first try."
Oshino chuckled, pulling out a cigarette and offering it to her. She took it, rummaging around in her pockets for a lighter before pulling one out and lighting it, dragging the smoke into her lungs and letting it coalesce around her teeth.
"I don't want anyone to get hurt," she said to me, looking at the blood covering my chest with a sad smile before looking into my eyes. "I don't want to see someone torn to pieces in front of my eyes."
"I'm totally fine, Panacea. It doesn't hurt me in any way at all, you know?" I flexed my arms for her, and she chuckled. Her hand holding her cigarette covered her mouth, the ash falling from it onto the drawing on the floor. "I can't be hurt by almost anything."
It was true. I could tell that absolutely - in every meaningful way, I was basically invincible.
Her smile seemed even sadder than before somehow, and I couldn't understand why. It was as if every word that came out of my mouth only made her despair greater, and didn't lessen it in any way.
"...I'm going to walk home, okay? I don't really want to be here anymore."
I nodded, standing up without a thought. I waved politely to Oshino and Kiss-Shot, and watched her as she left.
hotbloodedcoldbloodedironblooded
Actions
↑ Top ← Previous Chapter Next Chapter → Edit Bookmark
Kudos
emmascott765, HeraldOGlory, Pvnkice, Brain121, RabbitAlbatross, guilty_dreamer, shansome, pokerok, Can_not_think_of_a_name, Professorffilc, maybeEchidna, Go0s, PhantomTheReaper, OokamiKasumi, Isbrandir_Blake, Shigarakis_left_toe, EmeraldSkittles00, SilverVersion, EmerlyLily27, Samsim, Th3zar, bleach2121xx, Ryoji_Mochizuki, theEpilogue, HOMRA_red_king, FranzKorderos, DevoidofNothing, mcclay, imaginaryWarrior, Elsepth, Psych0Geek, LynxByte, allen1996, DementedCatz, KaleidoTofu, Nocturnal_Maid, anSpeirBan, PridakArbiter, Olive343, legendm, and Featherine_Aurora as well as 76 guests left kudos on this work!
Comments
Post Comment
Comment as TheBrimmedHat
Plain text with limited HTML ?
Comment
10000 characters left
Footer
Customize
Default
Low Vision Default
Reversi
Snow Blue
About the Archive
Site Map
Diversity Statement
Terms of Service
Content Policy
Privacy Policy
DMCA & TIDA Policies
Site Status
Contact Us
Policy Questions & Abuse Reports
Technical Support & Feedback
Development
otwarchive v1.5.0.1
Known Issues
GPL-2.0-or-later by the OTW