Deadpool turned toward Kakashi and asked, "So how exactly do we find someone with an endless number of clones and then kill him? Because I feel like 'find the guy and stab him' has become significantly less practical when the guy apparently has enough spare bodies to populate a small country."
Kakashi was back beside the central computer, scrolling through the information he had recovered from Essex's facility.
His Sharingan had already helped him process the enormous amount of data, but even he looked troubled by what he was seeing. "Finding one of him is easy," he said, continuing to examine the files, "but killing everyone would be an almost impossible task.
"Essex has distributed his consciousness, genetic material, and research across multiple facilities. Even if we locate one of his bodies and destroy it, there is no guarantee that the others would stop. He might be able to transfer his consciousness to other clones or all of his clones have his consciousness at the same time. We could spend weeks hunting them down and still discover that we had only destroyed a fraction of them."
Deadpool leaned against the wall. "So we're hunting a homicidal science nerd who apparently solved the problem of death by manufacturing himself in bulk," he said.
"That seems unfair. I barely managed to get one body, and this guy has turned himself into a subscription service. Cancel one Essex and another Essex immediately ships to your house."
Kakashi ignored the comparison and continued examining the genetic information. "From what I have found in the data in this laboratory, I think I understand why he is so interested in Logan."
He brought up a series of files containing genetic degradation charts and clone-development records. Several images showed artificial bodies deteriorating at different stages of development.
"You see, he wants Wolverine because while he can clone himself easily, the same is not true for other mutants. His clones are genetically compatible with his own consciousness and biology, but when he tries to reproduce mutants who possess completely different genetic structures, the results are unstable."
Deadpool leaned closer to the screen. "How unstable are we talking?" he asked, examining an image of a failed clone.
Kakashi's expression hardened as he explained, "The clones begin breaking down genetically. Their cells deteriorate, their mutations become unstable, and eventually their bodies simply fail. Essex has tried different methods to prevent it, but he needs a biological factor capable of maintaining the integrity of those clones."
"Wolverine's healing factor is exactly what he needs. Logan's mutation doesn't merely heal physical wounds. His regenerative ability constantly repairs cellular damage and prevents his body from deteriorating in the way Essex's other mutant clones do. As for why other healing abilities have not worked, they are weaker than his."
Deadpool slowly nodded. "So basically, Essex doesn't just want Wolverine because Logan is incredibly difficult to kill. He wants him because Wolverine is the biological equivalent of duct tape holding his mutant-cloning nightmare together."
Kakashi glanced at him. "That's a crude way of describing it, but essentially yes."
Deadpool looked pleased with himself. "Thank you. I've always believed that my scientific explanations should be understandable to people who failed science class."
Kakashi returned his attention to the data. "There is another problem."
Deadpool's expression became slightly more serious. "Please tell me the problem isn't that he has a clone of himself hiding inside every one of these computers."
Kakashi shook his head. "No. The problem is that even if we find the facility where Essex is keeping Logan, we won't necessarily be able to determine which Essex is the original. We could destroy dozens of bodies and accomplish nothing."
He looked toward Deadpool. "We shouldn't hunt him."
Deadpool raised an eyebrow beneath his mask. "You're suggesting we send him an invitation?"
Kakashi nodded. "We bait him into coming to us."
Deadpool immediately straightened. "Now that sounds more like a plan. I was beginning to worry that we were going to spend the next six months visiting creepy laboratories, opening secret doors, and discovering increasingly disturbing Essex-themed science projects. Eventually I'd have to start carrying a lunchbox."
Kakashi pulled up a file containing Logan's genetic profile. "We find Wolverine and protect him. Essex will eventually come after him himself."
Deadpool nodded enthusiastically. "So we find Wolverine, protect him, and wait for Mr. Evil Genetics to walk directly into our trap. Sounds good to me. I was worried you were going to suggest something complicated, like thinking."
Kakashi looked at him for a moment before continuing. "Not just Wolverine."
Deadpool's enthusiasm faded slightly. "I don't like the way you said that."
Kakashi turned toward him. " Logan won't be the only mutant he'll want once he learns about your abilities. I am sure he should have seen what we have done here today through the cameras."
Deadpool tilted his head. "My abilities?" Kakashi nodded. "Wolverine has incredible regeneration. Your healing factor operates at an extraordinary rate, and unlike Logan, your body has repeatedly demonstrated an ability to recover from catastrophic physical damage."
Deadpool slowly raised one finger. "Before you continue, I would like to point out that I have worked very hard to make my horrifying medical condition sound like a superpower."
Kakashi continued as though he hadn't heard him. "Two mutants with regeneration are more valuable than one."
Deadpool stared at him. Then he pointed at himself. "So you're saying I'm bait too?"
Kakashi nodded. "Yes."
Deadpool remained silent for several seconds, staring at Kakashi with what could only be described as theatrical betrayal.
Then he placed one hand against his chest and said, "Kakashi, I knew you were a bad man under that mask, but I didn't realize you were the kind of bad man who would willingly use me as monster bait. This is exactly how every horror movie starts. First you say, 'Don't worry, Wade, you'll be perfectly safe,' and then five minutes later I'm being harvested for my organs by a bald science enthusiast."
Kakashi's visible eye narrowed slightly. "You're not exactly innocent."
"That's completely irrelevant," Deadpool replied immediately. "This is about friendship, trust, and the fact that you apparently looked at me and thought, 'Yes, this unstable mercenary should definitely be placed inside a laboratory full of clones.' You know what the worst part is? I'm starting to think you planned this the moment you saw me regenerate."
Kakashi folded his arms. "I started considering it after seeing you survive being shot repeatedly."
Deadpool looked offended.
Kakashi sighed and returned to the computer. "The point is that Essex will want you. Your regeneration could solve some of the problems he has been experiencing with his mutant clones. If he can stabilize Wolverine's genetic material, he will want to know whether your mutation can accomplish the same thing more efficiently."
Deadpool's joking expression slowly disappeared. He looked toward the screens again, studying the images of the failed experiments. "And if he gets me?"
Kakashi answered without hesitation. "Then we make sure he doesn't."
Deadpool looked back at him. "That sounded almost reassuring."
-----Author Notes---------
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