There were times when people had a sort of shift about them.
They could be joking and laughing, but when something happened, they changed.
Became serious.
For most people, that was just ominous.
But the last time Jax had gotten serious, he had broken several of Aiden's ribs and almost killed him inside a dungeon after losing control.
So while Aiden would have liked to say he was the more composed of the two of them, one hand was resting on the ripcord of the Revolution Core, and the other was reaching for his spear when Jax began to surge with that strange black energy.
Even as Jax seemed to rein it in with Beatris's help, Aiden still kept his hand resting on the shaft of his spear.
Jax noticed.
"It's calmed down now," Jax said with a weak joke, maybe trying to diffuse the tension. "I'm not planning on attacking you, Aiden."
This was serious enough that Aiden did not take the bait.
"Last time whatever… that is happened, you broke three of my ribs despite not meaning to attack me," Aiden said. "So let me have this assurance, please."
Jax's head bowed in a small sulk as they continued back to camp.
Beatris stepped away to begin gathering firewood and logs while Jax and Aiden sat.
Aiden waited for an explanation.
He had known something strange was happening with Jax.
First in the necromancer dungeon.
Then when Jax almost killed the bear beastkin during the Plate Games.
Aiden had hoped Jax would come to him about it when he felt like it could not be handled.
But from the look of things, it had reached that point a long time ago.
"Okay," Jax said. "Best place to start would be back when we were staying at Kaelen's place. I found a set of books that would give me strength. One of them made it so I could heal super fast, but the feeling of pain is multiplied."
Jax rubbed the back of his neck.
"I thought it would be okay because my Lifeforce Control skill lets me make a barrier around myself, but I was a bit shortsighted."
"Yes you told me, and it did the whole insanity thing"
"Obsession, actually."
"Obsession?" Aiden asked. "As in the tendency to pursue something single-mindedly?"
"Well, it started out as insanity," Jax said. "The pain drove me a bit crazy, which is why I was just attacking anything around me and hit you by mistake."
His ears lowered slightly.
"From there, Beatris, with her ties to some angels, could help suppress it. That somehow morphed it into obsession."
Hearing that, part of Aiden wanted to make a sly comment about Jax liking Beatris.
But the serious tone helped him push that down and keep a straight face.
"And from the looks of it," Aiden said, "even with Beatris's help, it's getting worse."
Jax nodded, looking down.
He raised a paw, and the black ink seemed to float up, spike outward, then pop like bubbling metal.
"Yeah," Jax said. "It's getting worse. And in full transparency, I almost attacked you."
Aiden's grip tightened on his spear.
"It's overly protective of Beatris," Jax continued. "With her as the target for the obsession, everything from distance to hearing her sound uncomfortable or in pain causes it to surge and go wild."
He swallowed.
"A part of me wants to use it, but I feel like indulging it will only make the growth worse."
"We still have the ingredients to make Aetheric Harmonization," Aiden said. "From what I read, insanity is a type of energy that can be refined from aether. There's a chance it will set your body back to making ki only."
He frowned.
"But it might not work."
Jax opened his mouth to speak.
Then hesitated.
He looked at the ground in contemplation.
"You do want me to try to fix it, right?" Aiden asked slowly.
A simmering coal of worry built in his stomach as Jax refused to meet his eyes.
"It…"
Jax's voice came out quieter.
"It's a powerful thing. A-And if we can figure out some way to use it without me losing control, then it could save us if anything bad happens."
"Jax," Aiden said, "you attacked me and the others in the middle of a dungeon. If not for the undead getting too close and becoming your next targets, you might have killed us all right there."
"But that was before I knew anything about it or how to control it," Jax said. "It's a power worth at least looking into."
His eyes sharpened slightly.
"Just like your Revolution Core. It practically cooks you alive every time you use it, but that doesn't stop you."
"Jax," Aiden said, "it's because I know the feeling of having a power like that that I can say it's something you should avoid if you can."
Jax jumped up from where he was sitting.
There was a look of slight annoyance on his face, like he knew what he wanted to say but was struggling to convey it properly.
"I'm saying if we can figure out a way to use it, we might have one more way to keep ourselves safe," Jax said. "We were all there when Zilla attacked. We all felt how we could do nothing."
His paws clenched.
"What's so wrong with wanting to have a choice to do something?"
"That's not the issue here."
Jax stomped his foot.
Black ink surged off his body, and a strange deepness echoed beneath his voice as he yelled, "Then what is the issue?"
Aiden tensed slightly.
His hand unconsciously jerked toward his spear.
A strange bile built in the back of his throat, something he had not really noticed before.
Then words spilled out of his mouth before he could stop them, in a tone so full of hate that he was surprised venom did not drip from his lips.
"Because I am weak as shit, all right!"
Jax flinched back, not because of his tone, but because of the palpable hate lacing the words.
Bewilderment crossed his face.
The words kept spilling out before Aiden's brain could vet them.
Before he could even stop them.
"You and Selene are our two big melee combatants. At best, I can do a half-assed job by burning myself alive just to barely keep up."
Aiden's voice shook.
"If you suddenly lose control and turn on us, only Selene can take you on and hold you back. That leaves me as the only other melee fighter tasked with holding the front line to keep Liora, Thalia, and Beatris safe."
His hands curled into fists.
"I. Am. Too. Weak."
Each word struck like a hammer.
"That is the reason you cannot pursue this."
Jax stared with wide eyes.
Aiden's vision seemed to swim slightly, as if he was underwater.
But the words continued to spill out.
"You can throw casual punches so strong they rip trees in half. Selene can fight multiple people around level thirty-five while she's only level seventeen and keep going. Liora can fly and fire spells from a distance. Thalia can see through walls and bind people several times stronger than herself."
His throat tightened.
"Even Beatris, who didn't know how to use her system until a few months ago, can grow vines and heal wounds in an instant."
Aiden's voice cracked.
"All I can do is make potions and swing a spear around. But my spear is only good if I'm burning alive, and I can't even brew potions well because I was trying so hard to keep up with the rest of you."
The last word ripped out of him.
"Fuck!"
Aiden threw himself back down onto the log, pressing his face into his hands as he tried to hold in the tears through pressure alone.
Even without looking up, he could feel Jax standing there.
Could imagine the look of pity on his face.
It felt like some dam inside Aiden's chest was breaking, and he could not stop it anymore.
So he screamed.
"Why?" Aiden asked. "Why did you choose me for this group?"
His voice turned raw.
"Was it pity for the washed-up man living on a fucking mountain? Or were you just trying to fill a roster and went for the people who didn't have a reason to say no?"
He looked up as tears ran down his face.
"Well, guess what. We went on an adventure. I still have no idea where my grandfather went. My mom and dad have decided I don't fucking exist, and all I have been shown is that I am just filling a slot."
Aiden saw Beatris trying to be quiet.
Trying to pretend she could not hear any part of the conversation.
He appreciated it.
But when he looked at Jax, Jax refused to meet his eyes.
His expression was one of barely concealed horror, like he was desperately trying to think of a response that could fix the situation.
Aiden stood before he could speak.
Then he began walking toward the woods, taking his spear off his back.
"I'm going to find a monster and vent some steam," Aiden said. "I'll be back in a bit."
He could imagine Jax's expression.
The way he wanted to say wait.
But could not, because he knew he did not have an answer for Aiden's earlier question.
Aiden broke into a dash, running through the trees.