It's strange how many things we discover about ourselves when we are not bound by time. I recently discovered I can be very vicious when I fight.
I understand now.
Why those guys picked fights. It felt like something, in this place, where everything becomes numb eventually.
The tearing of the flesh from the bones.
It hurts.
It hurts a lot.
But at least it was something.
When the nerves snap; the blood that gushes out. It's a brilliant sight. The area around me covered in blood. A red gown draped all over you, not knowing whose blood; where your blood and the blood of the person you're fighting with mixes into a dark pool.
A few days ago, I picked up a fallen tree branch. I pierced through the middle of my neck. I woke up again when morning came.
It was mostly raining. The weather here is always cloudy. The air always a few degrees lower.
Sometimes when I'm not getting into fights, I just sit.
For hours I will keep staring blankly. That same old tune playing in my head.
Sometimes I jump into ponds.
Other times I jump from rooftops.
I can't remember the last time I uttered a sentence.
Sometimes when I'm daydreaming, I'll think that I'm the main character of a story. I'll think of meeting people or be a princess. I suppose I live those peoples lives in my head.
Other times I'll cry for hours.
My attention span has decreased by a lot. I'll see something and get distracted; laugh at simple things but the next second I start crying again.
I think I picked up crying as a hobby.
Somedays when I don't cry, I feel like I'm losing my mind. It becomes so blank, so numb.
I heard there was a library here and so I went there.
It was a huge library.
I decided to read all the books in the library.
Before everything started....or was it ended?....
I would often tell Heeson-ee that if I got stuck in a library and time stopped I would be very content.
Truth be told, I do.
Inside the library, I feel alive again. I get lost in the worlds of those stories.
A lady captured by pirates.
A damsel turned into the knight.
Some stories are stranger though.
A world of doors.
A world where every part of you spoke but your mouth.
Sometimes when I laugh, I would immediately start crying.
Every breath that was imposed on me, I hated it.
I just wanted it to all end.
Was that so hard to ask?
But my loved ones were lost so easily.....