"Boss, looks like someone's heading straight for our camp."
"The Millelith?"
"No, just two of them."
Hearing this, the Treasure Hoarder Leader waved his hand dismissively.
"Just two people, and you're shitting your pants? Take a few guys and send them packing."
"Oh, and before you let them go, make sure to strip them of everything valuable. Damn it, we've come up empty for days. Our luck's been rotten lately."
When he saw the subordinate still hesitating, the Treasure Hoarder Leader smacked him hard across the head.
"Are you stupid? Get moving already!"
The subordinate clutched his head, finally steeling himself.
"Boss, those two have already taken down over twenty of our guys!"
"What?!"
Hearing this, the Treasure Hoarder Leader started to panic.
"Are you sure you saw that right?!"
"Uh... only one of them was actually fighting."
The subordinate hesitated before dropping an even more terrifying bombshell.
"Why the hell didn't you say that sooner?!"
The Treasure Hoarder Leader smacked him across the head again, then frantically began stuffing his hidden valuables into his pockets, preparing to flee.
"Boss, are we going to fight them to the death?"
"Are you out of your mind? If you've got a death wish, don't drag me down with you!"
"Our partnership is over! May we each find our own fortunes in the future!"
Are you kidding me? the leader thought. Even if we have fifty guys, they only sent two, and one of them alone wiped out over twenty of our men. What's the point of fighting?!
Only a fool would pick a fight to the death with an enemy on that level. He wasn't ready to die just yet
The Treasure Hoarder Leader quickly finished packing his belongings and prepared to leave the tent.
The subordinate from earlier seemed stunned, not having expected their group to disband so suddenly. He was still trying to process what was happening.
The Treasure Hoarder Leader couldn't be bothered with him. In their line of work, you lived with your head on the line. If you weren't quick-witted, you wouldn't last long.
Just then, the sound of two unfamiliar voices drifted in from outside the tent.
"Consultant Chen Feng, your idea was brilliant! Most of the people here are prime customers!"
"While there aren't many who qualify for the seven-day plan, the three-year plan is a goldmine! They keep coming, one after another, like leeks you can harvest endlessly!"
"Of course, Director Hu Tao. Most who join the Adventurer's Guild have some real skill."
"But what kind of people join the Treasure Hoarders? Either they're desperate, or they're opportunistic schemers. A few might have some talent, but the vast majority are just ordinary folks who've picked up a few half-baked tricks."
It's over!
The Treasure Hoarder Leader's face instantly turned deathly pale. He could hear footsteps drawing closer, and he panicked like an ant on a hot pan.
Though he couldn't make heads or tails of their conversation, he had a gut feeling they were coming for him.
Even though he'd only stolen wealth and never taken lives during his years with the Treasure Hoarders, those self-proclaimed "heroes" who "enforce heaven's will" wouldn't listen to his excuses. They'd just run him through with a sword, and that would be the end of him.
Maybe that's who these people were—heroes delivering justice. After all, they'd attacked without wasting a single word.
My life is forfeit!
A powerful survival instinct sent the Treasure Hoarder Leader's mind racing faster than ever before. Suddenly, his eyes lit up, and he rushed over to the subordinate from earlier.
"You! Take off your clothes!"
"Wh-what? Boss, I'm not that kind of person! Please, find someone else!"
"Cut the crap! Strip!"
"Yamete!"
-
By the time Hu Tao and Chen Feng entered the tent, the Treasure Hoarder Leader had already swapped clothes with his subordinate, using the lightning-fast hands he'd honed over forty years of celibacy.
The moment the two entered, the Treasure Hoarder Leader dropped to one knee before his subordinate—now dressed in his original clothes—and shouted, "Boss, the enemy's here! We need to run!"
The subordinate stared blankly at the scene, completely dumbfounded.
What the hell? How did I become the boss?!
"You must be the one in charge here," Hu Tao said, her gaze fixed on the subordinate with a strange expression.
Both the subordinate and the kneeling "underling" had their clothes in disarray, giving the impression they'd been interrupted in the middle of some... unspeakable activity.
Pretending to have only just noticed Hu Tao and Chen Feng, the Treasure Hoarder Leader immediately went into full acting mode. He scrambled to his feet in feigned terror, then raised his weapon, blocking the subordinate's path as he stammered, "B-Boss, you run! I-I'll cover your retreat!"
The Treasure Hoarder Leader deliberately made it look like he could barely hold his weapon steady. He was confident that Hu Tao and Chen Feng would never suspect he was the real leader.
Just then, the Treasure Hoarder Leader let out a loud roar and charged toward Hu Tao and Chen Feng with deliberately clumsy steps, counting down in his head.
3...
2...
1!
The moment he saw Hu Tao's hand move toward the Staff of Homa, the Treasure Hoarder Leader decisively executed a "flat-ground fall," tripping over nothing and landing in a deep kowtow before Hu Tao and Chen Feng.
Perfect score!
The Treasure Hoarder Leader felt he had given his all. If even this performance couldn't save him, it must be fate that he was doomed.
His act did have an effect. Hu Tao and Chen Feng's mouths twitched at the sight. They ignored him and turned their attention to the other man.
"I'm asking you a question. Are you the one in charge here?"
The subordinate finally snapped out of his daze, stunned by his boss's masterful acting.
"I... I'm not."
"No need to be nervous. We're not here to cause trouble. We just want to discuss a business deal with you!" Hu Tao explained, assuming the man was denying his identity out of fear.
"We're from the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. You've probably heard of us and know what we do."
"I am the 77th Director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, and this is our most important consultant, Chen Feng. I wonder if you'd be interested in entrusting your funeral arrangements to us?"
Hearing Hu Tao's words, the two men froze, completely stunned. They never imagined the people who had come knocking would be from the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.
"Think about it," Hu Tao pressed on, her sales pitch in full swing. "You and your comrades venture into dangerous ancient ruins every day. One wrong step, and you could trigger a trap and meet an untimely end. In such moments, wouldn't you need someone to handle your funeral arrangements?"
"After all, money is useless once you're dead. Why not use a portion of it to plan for your future?"
"The greatest tragedy in life is dying with money left unspent," Hu Tao continued persuasively. "But the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor can solve that problem for you! The more you pay, the grander and more spectacular your funeral will be."
"Think about it—you spend your lives hiding in the wilderness, avoiding others. But in death, you won't have to worry about any of that. Why not go out with a bang?!"
Hearing this, the man was swayed.
Ever since he joined the Treasure Hoarders, someone had met with disaster almost every few days. If they were lucky, they could retrieve the body and bury it in a random pit. If they were unlucky, the body would be lost forever in the sunless depths of some underground ruin. And in the end, whatever money the deceased had left was simply divided among the survivors.
He hadn't given it much thought before, but after hearing Hu Tao's pitch, he realized she made a lot of sense!
In life, he had been timid and cautious. In death, he would go out with a bang!
"Alright, I'll cooperate with you!"
Hu Tao, who had been about to continue her persuasion, beamed with delight. She immediately produced three pre-prepared contracts. Chen Feng then cleared his throat and began to explain.
"The first contract is for pre-booking services. By signing this, you'll receive a super discount: buy one tombstone, get one free, and every tombstone after that is half price. However, the full payment must be made upfront!"
"The second contract involves a fixed annual fee. During the contract period, the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor will handle all funeral services according to a unified standard. No matter how many tombstones are needed, the price remains the same."
"As for the third option, you can become a Supreme VIP of our Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. As long as there's money in your account, we'll handle all your funeral arrangements. You can even make small purchases on credit, and there are discounts for topping up your account. The more you top up at once, the more bonuses you get!"
"So, esteemed customer, which plan would you like to choose?"
Hu Tao and Chen Feng stared at the man, their eyes gleaming as if they were gazing upon a pile of unmined gems.
The second option is fine! the Treasure Hoarder Leader thought desperately.
Refusing completely was out of the question. These two had gone to great lengths to come all this way; if he didn't sign up for anything, the leader feared they might just flip out and wipe out his entire group. Then the money would end up in their hands anyway.
Although he'd never heard of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's Director being a righteous hero, who knew? Maybe she was just acting on a whim, for the fun of it!
So, choosing the second option—spending a little money to ward off disaster—was the best course of action. The first and third options likely cost a fortune, especially the third one, which sounded like a bottomless pit!
But the man swallowed hard, ignoring the Treasure Hoarder Leader's frantic glares, and spoke directly.
"Director Hu Tao, I choose the third option!"
"As for the money..."
The man rummaged through his pockets and, under the Treasure Hoarder Leader's heart-wrenching gaze, dumped all the valuables the leader had secretly stashed away into Hu Tao's hands.
"I'll deposit all of this into my account!"
"What a generous customer!!!"
The Treasure Hoarder Leader clutched his chest, his body convulsing. The shock of being reduced to poverty again was too much to bear. He foamed at the mouth, his eyes rolled back, and he collapsed to the ground.
"What's wrong with him?" Hu Tao asked, looking strangely at the fallen leader.
Chen Feng shook his head. "Not sure. But we can give him a flyer later."
"That'll be the fourth one already. The Treasure Hoarders really have untapped potential!"
Hearing Chen Feng's words, Hu Tao beamed with delight before turning back to the other man.
"Esteemed customer, please review the contract. If there are no issues, we can sign it right away!"
To avoid any further complications, Hu Tao and Chen Feng kept their exchange brief. Only after watching the man sign his name on the contract did they finally breathe a sigh of relief.
"We've struck gold! We've struck gold!"
Hu Tao and Chen Feng's hearts swelled with glee. They had quickly estimated the value of the valuables—enough to cover standard all-inclusive funeral services for three hundred people. Even for the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, this was a massive deal!
"My vision as Director was too narrow before," Hu Tao mused. "I was only focused on that small patch of land in Liyue Harbor. I never realized how vast Liyue truly is, with so many potential new clients to develop!"
"Here's your identification certificate. Keep it safe."
"Don't worry, you definitely won't lose out on this deal!" she assured him. "The Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's motto is: no matter where the deceased is, we'll find a way to bring them back for a proper funeral. We just need a location."
"Of course, this service is usually only needed by those from the Adventurer's Guild. But now, I believe your Treasure Hoarders will find it useful too."
Hearing Hu Tao's words, the man's face lit up with even greater delight. He bowed respectfully and said, "Then we'll be relying on you greatly in the future, Director Hu Tao!"
"It's no trouble at all. Just be sure to support the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's business from now on!"
With that, Hu Tao and Chen Feng bid them farewell.
"We have more business to attend to, so we won't stay any longer."
"As for those people outside, This Director knows how to hold back. I've only temporarily disabled them. After all, they tried to rob us the moment they saw us, so I just taught them a little lesson."
"To be taught a lesson by Director Hu Tao is their honor!"
Hu Tao was quite pleased by the flattery.
Just before leaving, she pulled out a flyer and tucked it into the unconscious Treasure Hoarder Leader's arms, making sure his hands gripped it tightly.
"Oh, right. This is a special benefit from our Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, only given to a select few with whom we share a karmic connection."
"If the person brings this flyer to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor in person one week from now, they can redeem it for three thousand Mora on the spot. It must be them in person, you hear!"
Hearing this, the other party asked with concern.
"Director Hu Tao, with such generous benefits, won't the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor go bankrupt?"
"Ah, well..."
Hu Tao awkwardly rubbed her nose. She couldn't very well say, There's no way you'll ever be able to claim this money, so she quickly changed the subject.
"Small profits, quick returns! Small profits, quick returns!"
"Alright, alright, we're leaving. See you next time!"
"Take care, Director Hu Tao. Take care, Consultant Chen Feng!"
After seeing Hu Tao and Chen Feng off, the Treasure Hoarder Leader finally stirred and slowly regained consciousness.
"My money!"
The memory of the earlier scene shattered the Treasure Hoarder Leader's composure.
"You bastard! You dare to swindle my money?! Are you tired of living?!"
Seeing the man return, the Treasure Hoarder Leader lunged forward, grabbed him by the collar, and glared with murderous intent.
"What do you mean, your money? Didn't you give it to me to be your scapegoat?"
Sensing the coldness in the other man's eyes, the Treasure Hoarder Leader's bravado instantly deflated.
"Besides, I've already told everyone what happened—and that the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor will handle their funeral rites if they die. Since I was the one who signed the contract, everyone was more than happy to make me the new leader."
"You!"
The Treasure Hoarder Leader's eyes widened in disbelief. He couldn't believe their roles had actually been reversed.
But this was all his own doing. If he hadn't been so afraid of death and tried to find a scapegoat, his subordinates wouldn't have become so disillusioned with him.
The Treasure Hoarder Leader seemed to age a dozen years in an instant. He slowly released his grip on the other man's collar. Seeing that the other man's eyes no longer held admiration or flattery, a bitter taste filled his mouth.
How unfortunate!
The Treasure Hoarder Leader wailed internally.
His money was gone, his status was gone. Could he possibly be any unluckier?!
Seeing the Treasure Hoarder Leader's sudden decline, the new leader remembered his past kindness. He sighed softly, unable to bear it, and pointed to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor flyer on the ground.
"That's a special benefit from the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. In one week, you can take it there and exchange it for 3,000 Mora."
"Director Hu Tao said so herself, and this benefit is only for those with a special connection."
Hearing this, a spark reignited in the Treasure Hoarder Leader's eyes. He picked up the flyer with extreme care, folded it twice, and tucked it securely inside his shirt, close to his chest.
It seemed the God of Fortune hadn't completely abandoned him!
While 3,000 Mora wasn't much, if he was frugal, he could live comfortably for a while.
"I never knew the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor offered this kind of benefit. Why haven't I heard about it before?"
"And won't they lose money doing this? This benefit is way too generous!"
Noticing the other man didn't seem to have a flyer, the Treasure Hoarder Leader asked, "By the way, how many of the brothers got this benefit?"
"I asked around. Including you, I think there are four in total."
Hearing this, the Treasure Hoarder Leader's mood brightened even more. See? It's impossible for someone to be completely down on their luck!