Chen Feng and Hu Tao arrived at a shop, one after the other. Passersby who saw them cursed their luck under their breath, lowered their heads, and hurried away.
Why are these two plagues here?
Everyone had figured out the pattern by now. If either of them appeared alone, it wasn't so bad. But if they showed up together, it meant someone was about to lose their life.
At this thought, the onlookers couldn't help but cast pitying glances at the shop owner.
"Y-You two... We're closed for the day. Please come back another time."
The shop owner had initially been confused when his customers started fleeing. But when he saw Hu Tao and Chen Feng walk in, his face twisted in despair.
He didn't dare kick them out, so he began inching backward toward the rear exit. He had a plan: if they even hinted at promoting the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's services, he would bolt out the back door.
Desperate, the shop owner tried to play the sympathy card.
"Mr. Chen Feng, I gave you a discount on that Kamera you bought from me just the other day! Don't repay kindness with cruelty!"
"Do you even know how to talk? What do you mean, 'repaying kindness with cruelty'?!"
Chen Feng was instantly furious.
"Those people's time was up! What does that have to do with me?!"
"Yes, yes, you're right about everything!" the shop owner stammered, not daring to argue. He just wanted to get these two plagues out of his store as quickly as possible.
Chen Feng slammed the Kamera down on the counter, then pounded his fist on the table with a loud thump.
"Refund! Now!"
The shop owner was stunned by Chen Feng's outburst, freezing for a long moment before he finally snapped out of it.
"Mr. Chen Feng, what are you talking about?" he asked, bewildered. "When we made the deal, I explicitly stated that once the item left the store, there would be no returns or exchanges."
"You have the nerve to bring that up?!"
Chen Feng slammed the table again, making it rattle violently.
"You swindler! The thing you sold me broke in just two days!"
"Consultant Chen Feng is right," Hu Tao chimed in, backing him up. She slammed the butt of her Staff of Homa onto the floor, instantly radiating an intimidating aura. "This Director was there when the Kamera broke. It just stopped working out of nowhere. It must be a quality issue with your product."
Seeing Hu Tao backing him up, Chen Feng grew even more brazen.
"A respectable business owner like you, selling me faulty goods?! Is this how you repay my trust?!"
"Refund! Now!"
The shop owner's heart pounded with anxiety. In Liyue, everyone knew that business was built on integrity. If he didn't clear up who was responsible for this today, his reputation—and his livelihood—would be ruined.
The thought was so terrifying that it momentarily suppressed his fear of the two plagues standing before him. Taking a few deep breaths to calm himself, he addressed Chen Feng.
"Mr. Chen Feng, I personally select every item in this shop. It's impossible for there to be a quality issue, especially with a valuable item like a Kamera."
"Perhaps it wasn't stored properly these past two days, causing some damage. Please, let me inspect it first, and then we can discuss the matter."
"If the fault is mine, I will not shirk my responsibility. I will not only compensate you but will pay you three times the original price!"
The shop owner was staking everything on this. If word of this incident got out, his business would be finished. Besides, he had checked the Kamera himself before selling it; he was certain there were no quality issues.
"Fine," Chen Feng conceded. "Go ahead and check it."
"Director Hu Tao, Mr. Chen Feng, please have a seat over here."
After ushering the two to sit aside, the shop owner began to inspect the Kamera...
...
"That's strange. Why hasn't this shop closed yet? It's been so long."
"And Director Hu Tao and her companion went in a while ago and still haven't come out. Even if they're promoting their business, does it really take this long?"
The commotion inside the shop, combined with Hu Tao and Chen Feng's prolonged stay and the shop's failure to close for self-preservation, had piqued the curiosity of many passersby. The bolder ones crept closer to peer inside.
"Could the owner have dropped dead on the spot? Maybe Director Hu Tao and her companion are arranging his funeral right now?"
"Hiss—"
"That fast? Those two living Kings of Hell are getting more terrifying by the day!"
"Living Kings of Hell? Please! Even the real Yama would have to kowtow to them!"
"Shh! Keep your voices down! You don't want Director Hu Tao to hear you and personally visit your homes to promote Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's services."
At that, the chattering crowd instantly fell silent, their hearts pounding with fear.
By now, several people had gathered at the shop's entrance, peering inside. They saw Hu Tao and Chen Feng sitting idly to one side, while the shop owner bustled about, seemingly busy with something.
"What are they doing?"
"I think I heard earlier that this shop sold something defective to Director Hu Tao and her companion. They're here to demand an explanation from the owner."
"Damn, he dared to swindle Wangsheng Funeral Parlor? How many lives does this guy think he has?!"
"Even nine lives wouldn't be enough to waste like this!"
"This owner is a real savage!"
Feeling the admiring gazes from the doorway, the shop owner couldn't take it anymore. He had just finished inspecting the Kamera and now walked over to Chen Feng and Hu Tao, device in hand.
"As I said before, if the problem is with my shop, I will offer triple compensation."
"However, after a thorough inspection, I've found that the internal components have been deliberately damaged. This clearly has nothing to do with my shop, so a return is absolutely out of the question."
After dropping that bombshell, the shop owner turned and shouted toward the entrance.
"This is a small business with low profits and high turnover! My goods are guaranteed to be free of quality issues!"
"For any item sold from this shop, if a pre-existing quality issue is discovered, I will provide triple compensation!"
"Oh, so it's a problem with something they bought."
Hearing the shop owner's declaration, the crowd at the entrance shed most of their apprehension. More people gathered around, and after hearing his promise, they couldn't help but praise him.
In today's Liyue, few merchants dared to make such a bold commitment.
"Nonsense!"
Chen Feng shot to his feet again with a thud.
"Ever since I bought this Kamera, I've meticulously wiped it dozens of times every single day! How could I have accidentally broken it?!"
"Besides, Director Hu Tao saw it with her own eyes! The Kamera was perfectly fine until I took a single picture, and then it ended up like this! It's clearly your product that's faulty!"
"Impossible! Absolutely impossible!"
"There's absolutely nothing wrong with my merchandise!"
Of course, the shop owner wasn't going to admit to such a thing. Besides, he felt completely justified.
"Then why don't you tell me how I supposedly broke it? Did you see any impact marks? Any signs of disassembly?!"
Hearing Chen Feng's sharp questions, the shop owner hesitated.
He hadn't found any such marks. The Kamera had definitely been working when he checked it before, but now it was broken. It baffled him.
Could some expert have sabotaged the internal components without even opening the Kamera?
What kind of expert would be that bored?
Although he couldn't figure out what had happened, the shop owner shook his head firmly.
"It's definitely not a quality issue from my shop. If there was a problem with the item, I would have discovered it when I first acquired it."
"When I sold it to you, you took plenty of photos with the Kamera. If it had been faulty then, you wouldn't have gotten any pictures at all. You can take it anywhere else for inspection, and they'll tell you the same thing."
"So you're just going to deny responsibility, is that it?!"
Chen Feng glared furiously at the shop owner. At that moment, Hu Tao lifted her Staff of Homa and thumped it twice on the floor. An incredibly terrifying aura emanated from the pair, making them resemble the soul-reaping Heibai Wuchang.
The onlookers all had the same thought.
With Hu Tao in black and Chen Feng in white, they really do look the part.
Except... even the real Heibai Wuchang would have to admit these two are out of their league. They've surpassed the originals.
The shop owner swallowed hard, then forced himself to speak again.
"If it were my responsibility, I wouldn't shirk it. But this clearly has nothing to do with me..."
"Good. Very good!"
Chen Feng laughed in exasperation.
"It seems you won't shed a tear until you see the coffin!"
"Since you're so determined to swindle me, I won't be polite anymore!"
"Wh-what are you going to do?!"
Hearing Chen Feng's words, the crowd gasped in terror and stumbled back several steps.
Is this living King of Hell finally dropping the act? Is he going to take the shop owner's life right in front of us?!
Even the shop owner panicked. He scrambled backward, accidentally bumping into something and collapsing onto his backside. He winced in pain, but no one laughed at his humiliating display. All eyes were fixed on Chen Feng.
"Let me see how much time you have left. When you're gone, I'll definitely come steal and eat your funeral offerings..."
After delivering this threat, Chen Feng stared wide-eyed at the shop owner, as if trying to see right through him.
The crowd's faces instantly darkened, and they were left utterly speechless. It was like expecting a grand finale, only to witness someone take a massive dump instead.
Now, the onlookers stared at Chen Feng with bizarre expressions.
Damn, who even thinks of something so utterly depraved?!
Even Hu Tao felt a little embarrassed. Beating the man up in a sack under the cover of darkness would have been far more respectable than this rotten idea of stealing funeral offerings.
Hu Tao turned to Chen Feng, her lips parting several times as she tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come out.
Finally, just as she steeled her resolve to say something, she noticed a bright glint in Chen Feng's eyes.
She had seen that same look only a few times before—when they were out promoting their business. Could it be...?!
"Consultant Chen Feng?"
Hu Tao shot him a look they had practiced countless times. Just as he had done countless times before, Chen Feng nodded back.
Instantly, Hu Tao turned back to the shop owner, her beautiful eyes now sparkling with excitement and anticipation.
Immediately, Hu Tao began patting herself down.
The crowd, initially confused, watched as she pulled out a crumpled, folded flyer. In that instant, their souls nearly fled their bodies.
Thud!
The shop owner dropped to his knees before Hu Tao and Chen Feng.
"Refund! I'll refund it! I'll refund everything!"
At that moment, the shop owner's guts were twisted with regret. Why did I ever think it was a good idea to provoke these two gods?!
My life is far more important than my business!
"My two ancestors," he wailed, "I'll give you back three times—no, ten times the amount! Just please, call off your divine powers!"
"Uh..."
Seeing the man kneeling pathetically on the ground, snot and tears streaming down his face, Hu Tao froze, her hand still outstretched with the flyer. She scratched her head, unsure what to do.
"Director Hu Tao," Chen Feng spoke up, reminding her, "Didn't Miss Keqing visit before?"
Only then did Hu Tao remember that the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor had been banned from using this promotion method. Reluctantly, she tucked the flyer away.
Witnessing this, the shop owner—whose pants were now soaked through with sweat—scrambled and crawled to his personal stash of money. Without even counting, he grabbed a large handful of Mora, rushed back to Chen Feng, and offered it with both hands.
"I don't need ten times the compensation," Chen Feng said. "I checked the Kamera before I left, and it was working fine. But it mysteriously broke sometime in the last two days. I'll just take back the money I originally paid for it."
With that, Chen Feng carefully counted out his share of the money, pocketed it, and then gave the shop owner a look of pity.
"Hey, I was just kidding about eating the offerings. Don't take it to heart."
He continued, "For the next couple of days, eat whatever you want, play whatever you want. If you have any unfinished business, you should probably take care of it soon."
"Director Hu Tao, let's go."
As Hu Tao and Chen Feng walked away, the shop owner looked as if his soul had been ripped from his body. His eyes rolled back, and he collapsed to the ground, convulsing.
Most of the onlookers had already scattered like birds and beasts, but a few remained to call for a doctor and notify the shop owner's family.
The news spread like wildfire. Soon, people were even more afraid to leave their homes. Many immediately started packing their bags, planning to flee to Mondstadt or Sumeru for safety.
Liyue is way too damn scary right now!
Run! We have to run now!
On the way back, Chen Feng suddenly clapped his hands together and exclaimed, "That's it! We can do it like this!"
Hu Tao looked at Chen Feng, puzzled.
"What is it, Consultant Chen Feng?"
"Director Hu Tao, I've come up with another brilliant idea!"
Hu Tao's eyes lit up. She immediately grabbed Chen Feng's hands and asked excitedly, "Quick, tell me! This Director is dying to hear it!"
Chen Feng didn't keep her in suspense. With a slight smile, he explained his idea.
"Actually, we don't necessarily have to hand the flyers directly to our high-quality clients. We just need to demonstrate our services in front of them—they'll definitely get the message!"
After hearing this, Hu Tao's eyes shone even brighter. She hugged Chen Feng and spun him around right there in the street.
"Consultant Chen Feng, you're truly This Director's lucky star!"
Passersby who witnessed this scene felt a chill run down their spines. Even those who hadn't planned on leaving Liyue packed their bags and fled that very night. Liyue was simply too dangerous now—who knew when a Wangsheng Funeral Parlor flyer might appear pasted to the back of their own door...