I woke up slowly.
My body was lying on the floor...
When I properly regained consciousness, I noticed it: a rope around my neck, and on the ceiling, the part of it that had broken...
A sensation of pain made itself known in my neck. The mere brushing of my hands against it only intensified the pain.
My hands...
They were covered in blood. My fingers were full of wounds, my nails shattered—marks engraved into my body by desperation.
—I... wanted to end myself?
—No... Why?
I looked around me—the apartment, my apartment.
A feeling of calm. An unsettling calm.
And in my pocket... a letter...
Just holding it in my hands stirred emotions.
I remembered.
I had written it before hanging myself, as a farewell...
...
I checked the front door and it was open. I checked the bathroom and there was nothing...
I opened the windows that were now visible to me...
Throughout all of hell, I had become incapable of looking outside.
Now everything was normal, and in my room there she was—my little girl... sleeping peacefully...
That's when my heart began to pound rapidly.
—Emily...
Resting in her crib, accompanied by her sweet lullaby...
—Forgive me, little one.
—Forgive me for trying to leave you alone...
—I didn't mean to...
Tears overflowed from my eyes and fell directly onto my daughter's soft little face, waking her...
—Waaah! Waaah!
—Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah!
The cries began drilling into my ears.
—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake—
—Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah!
The screams started again. They no longer pierced—they shattered.
Without pause, my daughter wouldn't stop.
I hugged her close, trying to calm her, but it didn't work.
—Waaah! Waaah!
I walked through the entire apartment trying to soothe her.
—Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah!
But every attempt ended in failure.
—Make that damn kid shut up already!
A neighbor's shouting echoed through the wall. I could no longer tell whether the voices were real or just a hallucination.
—Waaah! Waaah!
I tried singing to her, playing with her, feeding her...
I tried everything, and nothing worked.
—Waaah! Waaah!
—Then what do you want?!
My shouting frightened her...
—Sniff, sniff!
She seemed to have calmed down because of the sudden outburst. But then she started again with the relentless cries, now sharper, tearing apart her throat.
—Waaaaah!
—Waaaaah! Waaaaah!
My little girl was hurting herself. She was beginning to choke on her own saliva.
—You're going to hurt yourself. Please, be quiet...
Be quiet...
—Be quiet...
—Be quiet...
—Be quiet!
—SHUT UP!
—Waaaaah!
—Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah!
...
...
The cries never stopped...
—Waaah! Waaah!
...
The relentless cries...
The cries forced me.
I searched the room until I found it—a gun. One bullet.
—I'm sorry, darling...
—I can't...
—I'm not a good father...
—Now I remember... the cries...
—I'm not capable of being one...
With trembling hands, I made my decision. One single movement ended everything.
...
...
—Waaaaah!
—Waaaaah!
—Sniff, sniff!
—Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah!
—Waaaaah! Waaaaah! Waaaaah! Waaaaah!
...
In the final second of my existence, I remembered that letter...
"Forgive me, darling. I know you've been dead for a few months now, but even so, I want to write you this letter to apologize.
I promised to be a great husband. I promised to be an excellent father...
But I haven't been able to fulfill either promise, and honestly, I don't believe I'm capable of doing so.
I tried to cope with your loss. I tried to raise our daughter alone, but every day I dreamed about you. I woke up to the crying. I'm not even capable of sleeping. Even when I managed to, I only relived the same thing over and over again. If only I had stopped you, if only we hadn't taken that trip.
If we had never met, maybe you'd still be alive. If we hadn't gotten engaged in that beautiful ceremonial forest, perhaps...
For several months I was trapped in the same nightmares and memories. I even sold our house in an attempt to start over. The house was too big without you...
I've gone to visit you with our daughter. I tried to unburden myself...
I can't take it anymore. I can't keep living like this. The screaming, the crying, the expenses... I can't.
Forgive me, darling.
You're going to hate me for abandoning our little girl, but I just can't anymore.
The rope... awaits me.
I no longer have any hope in myself.
I love you."