"Are you dissatisfied? If so, there are other candidates. A male priest is also an option."
Bubble knew Jiang You was just being difficult. She changed the projection to a beach in this world's Hawaii. Shirou had been forcibly sent on vacation by Jiang You, thus narrowly avoiding this whole mess. Incidentally, a certain purple-haired female passerby was also there, having paid her own way to follow him.
"For example, this orange-haired boy," Bubble suggested, pointing to the projection. "His aptitude is quite good, and he's also a virgin. His only drawback is a tendency to attract trouble with women, and he's already smitten with his junior. If you really need him, I can arrange for him to be castrated."
"Let's... not do that."
Jiang You wiped away non-existent cold sweat. Bubble's calm delivery of such words sent a phantom ache through his groin.
"I'll do it! Don't do that to my brother!" Prisma Illya cried out.
The thought of her brother losing his "family jewels" made the resentment in her eyes toward Jiang You burn even brighter.
"Why am I suddenly the villain here?" Jiang You raised his hands in surrender. He hadn't said a single word—it was all Bubble, his Avatar. "I take no responsibility for any of the above statements."
"In a way, you really are," Bubble replied coolly. "Consider this: when that boy returns, he'll find Fuyuki City destroyed by you, his beloved sister gone, and all the innocent civilians dead. As an Ally of Justice, what do you think he'll do?"
Bubble traced a line across Shirou Emiya's neck on the projection. "This one is blessed with great fortune. If he truly comes to hate you, it could be troublesome. My recommendation is to eliminate him now to prevent future complications."
"Please, stop mixing in Xianxia tropes. If you keep this up, Prisma Illya's going to burst into tears."
Jiang You pointed to Prisma Illya, who was already on the verge of sobbing. If Ruby were still with her, she'd probably be powering up right now. But as it was, she was just an ordinary elementary school student. The more Jiang You thought about it, the more it felt like he had orchestrated this whole situation himself. There was no way to argue his way out of it.
"Our dear Emiya-kun rarely gets a timeline where he can live a normal life. Let's spare his family jewels."
Far away in Hawaii, Shirou Emiya shivered. He glanced up at the sun; the weather wasn't scorching hot, but it was far from cold. After a moment of fruitless thought, he shook his head and went back to enjoying his vacation, completely unaware that someone had just been eyeing both his family jewels and his head.
"So, what's this miko ritual?" Prisma Illya asked, quickly accepting the role. She had a nagging feeling that if she didn't agree, the white-haired woman—whom Jiang You called "Bubble," a name that sounded more like a nickname—would propose something even more outrageous. She was probably another Heroic Spirit. If she truly decided to do something to her brother, he wouldn't stand a chance.
"Maybe we should just forget about it?" Jiang You suggested. Unlocking Azathoth's Unique Skill wasn't that important, and it didn't seem worth losing all the Affection he'd built up. He wasn't the type who enjoyed being glared at with disgust.
"No!"
The one who shouted wasn't Bubble, but Prisma Illya. Whether she was acting willingly or under duress, she couldn't let the people of Fuyuki be turned into monsters. Even if Bubble claimed it was actually an evolution, Prisma Illya believed they at least deserved the right to choose for themselves.
"I'll be your miko! Just don't hurt anyone!"
White Lancer Artoria's gaze toward Jiang You soured. He buried his face in his hands, deciding it was best to say nothing more. He'd gone from an evil Outer God bent on world destruction to a despicable villain coercing an elementary school student into submission. The more he tried to explain, the worse it would get.
"The ritual process itself isn't important," Bubble said calmly. The "sense of ritual" was merely a tool to foster a sense of belonging, but for her, everything could be simplified.
"All we need is the result. Jiang You doesn't have enough followers right now. If you wish, as Azathoth's miko, there will always be an opportunity to hold a grand ceremony for you. When that time comes, all life in the universe will bow to your will."
"You know you sound like a villain who makes empty promises, right?" Jiang You retorted. Now they were resorting to both threats and bribes.
"I'm merely stating the truth. Do you have any idea what would happen if you broadcasted your need for a miko across the entire universe?" Bubble gestured expansively. "The number of creatures lining up for an interview would probably fill this entire planet."
"Would Azathoth really send out a message like that?"
As a severe Alzheimer's patient, Azathoth is fundamentally incapable of sending complete, meaningful messages. Any creature or civilization with even a basic understanding of Azathoth knows this.
"Wouldn't they just think it's a scam?"
"What if my true form vouches for it?" Bubble countered, confident there was always a way. Among the Old Gods, her reputation was among the best—unlike that Nyaruko. If Nyaruko sent a message, it would undoubtedly be part of some nefarious scheme.
"Let's get back to the topic of the miko," Bubble continued. "For you, having a miko is simply a matter of acknowledging her and forming a close bond. All you need to do is infuse your magical power into this Illya's body. It's what's commonly known as 'Replenishing Magic.'"
Prisma Illya blinked, completely clueless about the meaning of those words.
"We've already been over this," Jiang You said, rolling his eyes. This game forces a logout for even a passive kiss. You really expect a scene like that? "You're not planning to just show me a plot summary on a black screen with white text and skip the whole thing, are you?"
"If you'd prefer that method..." Bubble's eyelids drooped. This guy's mind is nothing but lewd trash.
"That's possible, but not right now."
"Replenishing Magic doesn't necessarily require bodily fluid (?) exchange. And even if it did, it wouldn't be the kind you're thinking of. Drinking blood can achieve a similar effect. In fact, drinking Divine Blood is a very formal procedure, with similar rituals existing between many gods and their worshippers."
Jiang You scratched his cheek awkwardly. How could anyone not think dirty thoughts when this game brings up 'Replenishing Magic'? Everyone knows the Type-Moon World was originally an eroge before it went mainstream.
"Alright, let's begin," Bubble announced, producing a ritual dagger and a golden cup from seemingly nowhere.
"Jiang You, please release your Authority. A Heroic Spirit's existence differs from its true form, so you'll need to fully unleash your blood for it to be effective enough. Prisma Illya and White Lancer Artoria, keep your eyes closed during this time. Even in human form, Jiang You is not something ordinary life can gaze upon directly."
Jiang You took the ritual dagger and slit his wrist, watching the blood flow into the cup.
"By the way," he remarked, "doesn't this cup look a little familiar?"
"You're right. This thing is the Holy Grail."
Bubble nodded. "This wasn't swiped from Chaldea. My main body found it interesting and made a copy. This replica is about thirty percent more effective than Chaldea's Holy Grail, so it can barely serve as a vessel for your blood."
"The Holy Grail is feeling less and less special these days," Jiang You muttered.
"It won't be cheap for long. Once it's stained with your blood, this Holy Grail will truly live up to its name."