The wildly enthusiastic Sports Festival finally drew to a close.
The all-grade relay I was supposed to run in ended up being handled by Ayanokōji-kun as my substitute.
There had been opposition from those around him because of his injured right hand, but his own strong desire to participate—and his determination to deliver results—won out in the end.
Originally, it was Kōenji-kun who was meant to take my place, but the moment the four-way tug-of-war finished, he returned to the cottage with a satisfied look and reported that his condition had suddenly worsened again.
It was the height of selfish, free-spirited behavior, and I felt like complaining, but he wouldn't have cared anyway. It had all been a pointless waste of stamina and time.
"…Good work out there, Ayanokōji-kun~"
Karuizawa-san called out to Ayanokōji-kun as he came back from the event.
The other spectators quickly gathered around him too.
Satō-san, Matsushita-san—Karuizawa-san's friends—were talking to him.
When I looked a little more closely at the surroundings, I noticed Sakura-san watching from a distance as well.
He really has become quite popular.
"Not bad at all, Ayanokōji! So you weren't even running seriously before, huh?"
"…Well, I was a little more motivated today, that's all. Even so, I didn't expect to hit those kinds of speeds after not sprinting all-out in so long. Guess it's that idiot strength you get in a crisis."
Sudō-kun, who had returned a bit late, slapped Ayanokōji-kun hard on the back. The forceful contact produced a loud smack.
"That was seriously amazing, Ayanokōji-kun! Thanks to your running, we managed to climb all the way to fourth. You ran so well even with that injury—you're incredible."
"Thanks. Still, I couldn't catch up to the student council president ahead of me, as expected."
Hirata-kun, noticeably more energized than usual, spoke up as everyone trickled back.
Of course there was no catching my older brother—his speed was outright abnormal.
Because Kamukura-kun had been leading the pack, my brother's performance hadn't stood out as much, but anyone paying attention would have noticed he was running at a pace nearly matching Onii-chan's.
I walked toward that enigmatic figure.
"Between the pole toppling and now this, you've been unusually eager. That's not like you, always trying to avoid trouble. Did something change your mind?"
"…Everyone else was giving it their all, so I did too. That's it."
"You really are a terrible liar."
I couldn't help letting a small smile slip at his uncharacteristic words.
I tried to cover it with a jab, but I probably hadn't hidden the smile at all.
I wasn't acting like myself either.
"Looks like they're about to announce the results."
Hirata-kun raised his voice so everyone could hear, and we all began moving.
At the same time, students from across the school started gathering beneath the electronic scoreboard.
"We will now announce the outcome of this year's Sports Festival."
The numbers on the scoreboard—split between the red team and the white team—began to move, steadily climbing.
The total points earned across all thirteen events. The winning team was…
Red Team Victory
The words appeared in huge letters alongside the final scores.
The totals differed only in the tens place—it had been an extremely close contest.
The white team had clearly fought hard, but in the end the red team, formed by the A-D alliance, claimed victory.
"Next, we will display the overall class rankings."
The twelve classes were divided by year, and each class's points appeared on the board all at once.
I honestly didn't care about the second- and third-years' breakdowns. What mattered was our own class.
1st Place – Year 1 Class C
2nd Place – Year 1 Class B
3rd Place – Year 1 Class A
4th Place – Year 1 Class D
"…We came so close."
There wasn't actually that large a gap between Class A and Class D overall.
We'd had a real shot at third place.
The thought that my own overconfidence had cost us brought a surge of frustration.
Even though the red team had won, the first-years had dragged down the upperclassmen, and Class D had finished dead last among our year.
Meanwhile, Ryūen-kun's class—the one that had tried to set us up—took a dominant first place.
It was a complete defeat. I accepted it, letting the bitterness sink in.
As a reminder to myself, I mentally tallied the class point changes resulting from the festival.
Class A: 1518 CP → 1468 CP (–50 CP for 3rd-place overall ranking)
Class B: 945 CP → 845 CP (no change for 2nd-place ranking, –100 CP for white team loss; total –100 CP)
Class C: 580 CP → 530 CP (+50 CP for 1st-place ranking, –100 CP for white team loss; total –50 CP)
Class D: 285 CP → 185 CP (–100 CP for 4th-place ranking)
In the end, every first-year class ended in the red.
We had poured everything into it, yet our class points still dropped. It felt unrewarding.
Of course, some individuals had earned private points from winning events or strong test performances, so it wasn't entirely meaningless.
"Finally, we will announce the Most Valuable Player for each year."
The staff member turned the microphone back on.
A few students glanced at the scoreboard.
If Sudō-kun's name appeared here, I would have to honor the promise I'd made before the festival—to let him call me by my first name.
But—
Year 1 MVP: Class C – Izuru Kamukura
That was what appeared on the board.
I felt bad for Sudō-kun, but honestly, it was the only possible outcome.
Anyone who had watched the events could have predicted it. His physical ability was simply abnormal.
Without exaggeration, he was on the level of an Olympic athlete—possibly even beyond, though I didn't want to consider that.
The gap in ability had been that overwhelming.
Incidentally, his name had also come up for the overall MVP across all years. He must have earned a considerable number of private points from this festival.
"…Damn it. Figures."
Sudō-kun hung his head quietly.
I had expected him to shout in frustration, but he was genuinely crushed.
That, too, was proof he had grown. In that case, perhaps a reward was in order.
Considering my own mistakes as well, it wouldn't be fair to keep piling punishments on him alone.
I walked over to him.
"…Horikita."
"A promise is a promise. Since you didn't win MVP for our year, you don't get to use my first name."
"Yeah… I know."
His face fell, dejected.
But he quickly pulled himself together and accepted it.
"However, if you agree to a new promise, I might be willing to let this one slide."
At that, his mouth froze half-open.
He looked utterly ridiculous.
"Huh…? Wh-what's this new promise supposed to be!?"
"You made a sincere effort to keep your promise with me. So I've decided there's a good chance you'll keep others as well.
And the new promise is this: from now on, you will never resort to violence without a justifiable reason."
"…You've told me that a million times already. That's really all?"
"You seem awfully confident. You nearly broke it today, remember."
"W-well, that's…"
Sudō-kun scratched his head, looking embarrassed.
I fixed him with a hard stare.
He turned away and muttered,
"…Sorry. I won't do it again."
"Good. Then the deal is sealed."
With that, I turned and walked away—partly to escape the triumphant roar Sudō-kun let out, as if the exhaustion of the festival had never touched him.
"Hey, sorry to interrupt the celebration, but could I borrow you for a minute?"
A girl with distinctive long purple hair approached us—more precisely, she approached Ayanokōji-kun.
She had a calm air about her; I was fairly certain she was from Class A.
"After you've changed, would you mind sparing a little time?"
"…Why me?"
"I just want to talk. Come to the entrance at five."
After those few words, she left.
Once she was gone, the other boys immediately swarmed Ayanokōji-kun.
It was obvious what they were pressing him about.
"How utterly pointless."
The words slipped out reflexively.
With everything displayed on the scoreboard now finished, we were dismissed.
Students began heading to their respective destinations.
Boys and girls changed in their designated areas, then we were to return briefly to the classroom before the final dismissal.
"You don't look happy."
As everyone dispersed, Ayanokōji-kun spoke to me.
"You seem to be in high spirits. Surrounded by girls—has your dream finally come true?"
"Not a bad feeling, I'll admit."
He fired back instantly at my sarcasm.
That straightforwardness spoke volumes about his mood.
"We're heading back to the classroom for final dismissal now, but what are you going to do about that unreasonable negotiation with Ryūen?"
"I'll go afterward. If a simple apology from me can protect our points, it's a small price."
"You feel responsible, then?"
"…You're the one who pushed the issue, and now you say that? Besides, this situation is the result of my own arrogance.
If I don't settle it personally, it won't sit right."
"So you're willing to discard your pride entirely to protect the class…"
Ayanokōji-kun fell silent for a moment, as if thinking it over.
His hesitant tone and the way he studied my expression suggested he was weighing whether to say something.
"…The way you are now, maybe you don't have to go through with it."
"What do you mean?"
I couldn't make sense of his words, so I pressed him immediately.
"My goal for this sports festival was to force Class D to experience a thorough, undeniable defeat."
"…That's a cruel objective. I won't ask your true reasons yet, but didn't you achieve it?
Class D finished dead last overall. The exams exposed how our unity lags behind the other classes, and we suffered a one-sided assault from Class C."
"Yeah. After this, no one in Class D will ever mistakenly believe we're superior again.
Even if we managed to win on the cruise ship exam, that victory relied heavily on the other classes' actions. It's easy to overestimate your own strength in situations like that."
The words struck deep.
But this time, I understood their meaning perfectly. I wouldn't repeat the same mistake.
"On top of that, Horikita, I wanted you to recognize the threat Ryūen poses. But looking at you now, that concern feels unnecessary.
And you've already prepared countermeasures against Kushida. You placed a heavy restraint on her—she didn't even realize she'd fallen right into your trap."
"As condescending as ever. So, to confirm, the true intent behind your goal this time was to make us experience a major defeat, eliminate our arrogance, and force growth from that—is that right?"
"Yeah, exactly."
Ayanokōji-kun removed his headband and slipped it into his pocket.
No one else was around anymore; everyone had already returned to the classroom.
We were in a conspicuous spot, but it had become a place where no one could overhear us.
"Even accounting for your arrogance, you've grown more than I expected.
Though you're still a little too focused on the future and neglecting the present. That'll probably sort itself out in time."
It was rare to hear Ayanokōji-kun grumble like this.
A mischievous urge to tease him bubbled up, but he seemed about to continue, so I held my tongue and listened.
"That's why I'm changing my approach. Could you take out your phone?"
I did as he asked, and a notification chimed almost immediately.
When I checked the chat, there was a single audio file attached.
"What's this?"
"Proof that Class C was trying to set you up—an audio recording."
"…What?"
He said it so matter-of-factly, in the same flat rhythm, that I nearly missed it.
It was hard to believe. Why had he kept something this valuable hidden until now?
"With this, Ryūen won't be able to push the issue any further. If you report the Kinoshita incident, you might even get Ryūen expelled for orchestring it deliberately.
How you use it is up to you. But I want you to promise me one thing: keep the source of this information secret."
"W-wait a second! Just where on earth did you get something like this!?"
"Trade secret. And if things go south, mention Hirata's name."
Ayanokōji-kun steered the conversation exactly where it suited him.
Trade secret—he really thought I'd accept that?
No, he probably didn't care whether I accepted it or not.
"If you flash this at Ryūen right after this, he'll have pointlessly injured Kinoshita and suffer some kind of disadvantage for nothing.
If you wait until after he reports it and then reveal this, you can expose his lie instead.
Either way, Ryūen takes undeniable damage."
The timing of revealing the information would change depending on which path I chose.
If I went with the first, I'd need to answer Ryūen-kun's summons and use it to check him.
If I chose the second, I could ignore the summons, wait for them to file a complaint with the school, and then make my move.
"And you're leaving the decision to me. It feels almost like you're dodging responsibility."
"You're not wrong. I've said it before—I have no intention of standing out. It's fine if people like you or Hirata lead the class."
"So you're piling the credit onto us too… Can I take that as a vote of confidence?"
"That's for you to decide as well."
He brushed me off so casually that I glared at him.
Without even raising his hands in mock surrender, he slipped them into his pockets and turned away.
This was the usual Ayanokōji-kun.
"I'm actually looking forward to what comes next. I'll head back to the classroom now."
There was no trace of joy or excitement in his flat tone.
It clearly wasn't because he was giddy about the girl who'd called him out earlier. He might be hiding ulterior motives, but I couldn't read his feelings at all.
For that matter, I couldn't read what Ayanokōji-kun was thinking in general.
Still, as long as he was acting for the sake of the class, he was someone I had to trust.
I realized I needed to interact with him more.
…
The sports festival was over, and crowds of people moved in and out of the school building bathed in the evening glow.
Custodians and student council members headed to the grounds to tidy up, check for lost items, and take down tents and chairs.
Ordinary students chatted as they walked back to the dormitories.
Despite their fatigue, their faces were bright as they shared their thoughts on the festival.
I watched the cheerful groups heading home from the window of a certain classroom.
The breeze blowing in through the open window gently caressed my tired body. The mid-October coolness soaked into my skin, pleasantly refreshing.
I removed the hair tie and let my bound hair fall loose.
The strands spread irregularly, tousled by the soft wind, until I returned to my usual appearance.
"Hey, it's about time."
Ryūen-kun pocketed his phone.
He kept his hands in his pockets and sat on a nearby desk.
"Are you sure she'll really come here?"
"Yeah. She says she's not running—she'll show up."
Is she prepared for this?
She has no choice but to come, but if she truly has nothing up her sleeve, it'll be a total letdown.
The one who planted a traitor in Class C. Whether that person can change the future of Horikita-san's utter defeat.
I know that Manabe-san and the others recorded Ryūen-kun's strategy.
If Horikita-san uses that recording here to neutralize Ryūen-kun's plan, the future will shift.
That alone would satisfy me.
If I'm being honest, the more unexpected outcome would be if Horikita-san didn't show up at all.
Let Ryūen-kun file the complaint over Kinoshita, then turn the tables and corner him instead.
What would a cornered Ryūen do next?
That possibility interested me far more.
"Kuku. Either I take their points, or I get to see Suzune's final dogeza. Win-win."
"And if it's neither?"
"Hah? …Then we deal with it when it happens. It'd mean someone in Class D besides Suzune saw through my plan.
I'm not losing any points to begin with. If this leaves traces of Class D's mystery player, that's plenty of payoff."
"And if you're the one cornered?"
"Kuku. You think that's possible?"
"Somewhat."
"Kukuku. If that happens, I might just admit my mistake. But whoever corners me—I'll crush them for sure. They'll regret ever defying me."
His cheeks lifted in amusement, flashing white teeth.
Then footsteps echoed from the hallway. Two people, from what I could tell. The steady rhythm grew louder as they approached.
Ryūen-kun slipped his other hand into his pocket and fixed his gaze on the door.
Two girls appeared in the doorway.
"Yo. You actually showed up without running, huh, Suzune."
"Yes. It irritates me to let you have your way, so I came to put a stop to it here."
"Hoo? Hope that's not just a bluff."
He rose from the desk with force.
His plastered-on grin was aimed straight at Horikita-san.
"First, hand over your phone, Suzune."
"I don't see any reason to give it to you."
"Don't play dumb. You're recording this, right?"
Ryūen-kun threw the question suddenly, but her expression didn't flicker—like an iron mask.
She met his gaze with narrow, unwavering eyes, as if to say it was pointless.
"Hoh, thick-skinned. Looks like you've cured whatever mental state would've made you flinch. Impressive."
"Your analysis is sloppy. If you can't see through it, you resort to cheap provocation—how boring. And even if I were recording, that's no reason to hand it over."
Ryūen-kun leaked a delighted grin at Horikita-san's counter-provocation.
This kind of taunting back-and-forth was exactly his favorite flavor.
"But could you wait just a moment? There's someone I need to put an end to their monkey act before I deal with you."
Horikita-san turned and stared directly at Kushida-san.
Kushida-san, who had escorted Horikita-san here, walked forward slowly until she stood just in front of Ryūen-kun.
Then she spun 180 degrees and glared back at Horikita-san.
"What are you talking about?"
"I said the monkey act is over. Or do I need to spell it out before you'll face me properly?"
"Face you? About what?"
Horikita-san locked eyes with the feigning Kushida-san and continued.
"I'm remembering… someone like you was in my middle school."
The smile that everyone praised as kind—Kushida-san's smile—crumbled away.
So there really was something between them. That something was the most crucial piece in analyzing the person known as Kushida Kikyo.
"I see. So you finally remembered."
"I remembered much earlier. Right from the day of the entrance ceremony, actually. Even though we were in different classes, rumors about you had spread through the entire school."
Kushida-san lowered her eyes for a moment.
Their relationship—or rather, Kushida Kikyo's past.
I had tried to draw it out once before and failed.
But from her attitude back then, it was clear she didn't want anyone to know her past.
"Since you were in different classes, does that mean you two were merely acquaintances? Or did you know each other from even earlier?"
I was curious, so I interjected.
"No. We just went to the same middle school. Acquaintances is the right word."
"Yet she seems to have quite a grudge against you.
If it's something close to misplaced resentment—and since you didn't do anything to her directly—the only conclusion is that Kushida-san herself—"
"——Could you not pry into things that are none of your business?"
Kushida-san turned an icy glare on me, one that carried outright killing intent.
But she quickly shifted her gaze back to Horikita-san.
Ryūen-kun watched the scene with evident amusement.
"So… if you already know that much, you should also know what I want, right?"
"Yes. Why you betrayed your class this time and guided Class D to defeat.
It was to eliminate me—the one who knows your past. More precisely, to get me expelled."
"Exactly right."
Kushida-san flashed a bewitching smile.
The smile of a devil one should never touch. I could sense the dangerous allure in it.
"It's a high-risk move. Even if you succeeded, various suspicions and new rumors might spread.
And if I were to spread your rumors myself, your position would become painful."
"That's true. But suspicions and rumors will eventually fade if I keep denying them from my position. It'll just take time.
And I won't let you spread anything either. If you tried, I'd drag in that older brother you adore so much."
Horikita-san's body stiffened at those words.
Dragging in her brother—taking the student council president hostage—would be extraordinarily effective against her.
That was how much she revered him.
"…I won't spread your rumors. Given my personality, I don't seem like the type to gossip about others, do I?"
"That's true. But there's no guarantee. To remain who I am, anyone who knows my past has to disappear."
The talent of a con artist.
For someone with that talent, having their true self known was nothing short of terror.
And that terror was incomparable to what ordinary people feel.
"Then you plan to eliminate me and Kamukura too, since we're hearing this?"
"Depending on the circumstances."
"Kuku. You're a tough one to handle. That's exactly why I decided to work with you."
Ryūen-kun stepped in front of Kushida-san.
"Now then, Suzune. Time to talk with me."
"Fine. Let's get this over with quickly. Points and a dogeza, was it?"
"You're awfully confident. Do you even understand your position?"
Ryūen-kun cracked his neck before continuing.
"You injured Kinoshita and forced one of Class C's key players out of the festival. We've gathered plenty of evidence, you know?"
"That's why it's points and a dogeza, right? Enough already. I didn't come here to listen to your nonsense."
"Kuku. Nonsense, huh? As expected from a woman who'll kick others down to win—your attitude is different."
Horikita-san kept her bold front and turned her gaze toward me.
She hadn't forgotten to stay wary of me. It seemed she had perfectly reviewed the cruise ship exam.
"I'm not going to do anything. Just show us the countermeasure you brought."
"…You're truly the most incomprehensible one here."
With the knowledge that I wouldn't interfere now in her mind, Horikita-san turned back to Ryūen-kun.
"A countermeasure, huh. Will it defy my expectations?"
"It's quite simple. I'll just expose your lie. That's all."
With that, Horikita-san took out her phone.
She quickly navigated the screen and played a certain audio clip.
"Listen up, you lot. I'm going to teach you how to set Horikita up—how to crush her.
First, every one of you needs to beat Class D in the individual events. Carve the fact that they lost to Class C into their minds and keep piling on stress and pressure."
The voice coming from the phone was Ryūen-kun's.
It was him explaining the strategy for the sports festival.
"Please win. Otherwise, I'll cut you loose. I have no reason to waste time on people with neither talent nor effort."
As it continued, my own voice appeared as well.
The background noise and class chatter proved this recording wasn't fabricated through voice mimicry.
Ryūen-kun's eyes widened.
"In the group cavalry battle, target Suzune the same way. Corner her with several cavalry units.
The rest… especially the highly mobile ones, take out the weaklings from the other classes first. That'll earn more points and make the fight easier. Of course, if you lose purely on power after that, it's execution."
"Is that enough?"
Horikita-san stopped the recording and faced Ryūen-kun.
Without a triumphant look, her serious gaze pierced the stunned Ryūen-kun.
"…Ryūen-kun, what is this audio?"
Kushida-san asked in a flustered tone.
And then he—
"…Kuku. Kuhahaha! I get it now! So that's how it is, Suzune!
There's a traitor in Class C too. And the one who planted that traitor predicted both that Kikyo would betray us and that you'd be set up.
They foresaw everything and manipulated it all from the palm of their hand! Brilliant—absolutely brilliant! Kamukura, I finally understand a little why you want to experience an unpredictable future!"
He laughed from the depths of his gut, running his hand through his hair as if it were a masterpiece.
"But I don't get one thing. Why play that recording now? If you'd waited until after I reported it, the impact would've been much bigger."
"Do I have any obligation to explain that to you?"
Ryūen-kun, having grasped the situation, pressed her.
Horikita-san gave a snort of laughter. She had no duty to answer—of course.
Since she wouldn't, I answered in her place.
"One possible reason is for Kushida Kikyo's rehabilitation."
"…For my rehabilitation?"
Everyone in the room turned their eyes to me.
"If she'd reported it later, Ryūen-kun would face suspension or worse. That alone would have been enough for her to use this method.
But Kushida-san, as the traitor, would also receive some form of punishment. She betrayed her class and aided in the attack on Horikita-san.
Naturally, it would be severe. Yet she wanted to avoid that.
It was to avoid losing an irreplaceable asset in her own class. Even if she could strike at Ryūen-kun, the loss would be too great to make it worthwhile."
As I explained, Horikita-san directed a bitter look at me.
As always, when her composure slipped, her emotions showed easily on her face.
"I see. That does make sense.
If we pretend this discussion never happened, you gain nothing but also lose nothing.
Though that was a foolish choice in the end. You still injured your leg and lost. That fact doesn't change."
Ryūen-kun was correct.
Class D finished dead last, and even in individual events, they likely earned fewer points than Class C.
Horikita-san herself gained almost nothing and ended up only injuring her leg.
Class D lost to Class C.
However, Class C took damage too. The 500,000 points they were supposed to receive for Kinoshita.
Since they couldn't extract them from Horikita-san, it became a pure loss.
That would be deducted from the points collected via the point tax.
Moreover, what they gained from this festival was private points—rewards that couldn't be transferred to others.
If asked whether the class ended in the positive, considering the exam results as well, the answer had to be negative.
"…Don't screw with me. Don't screw with me, don't screw with me, don't screw with me!
Rehabilitation? For me, after I betrayed the class? Why are you showing mercy to someone you hate? Charity from the person I despise most makes me want to throw up!"
Kushida-san raged quietly.
She glared at Horikita-san with particular intensity and sharpness.
"To rise to Class A, Class D needs your strength—it's indispensable.
There's no substitute for you, the face of the class. And I told you, didn't I? That I want your cooperation."
"…!!"
Kushida-san ground her back teeth.
She looked frustrated, yet faintly pleased. Being shown kindness by Horikita-san, whom she hated so much, was infuriating.
And yet, the instinctive joy of being needed so desperately by someone mixed in.
Her desire for approval and her emotions were tangled together.
"…I'm leaving! We're done talking, right?"
"Kuku. Yeah, we're done. Take care on your way back, Kikyo."
Kushida-san clicked her tongue at the cheerful Ryūen-kun and strode quickly out of the classroom.
On her way, she glared at Horikita-san with fully dilated pupils, but only for an instant.
She immediately ignored her and reached for the door.
"See ya, Suzune. And tell the one who prepared that recording: 'You're next.'"
"I'm the one who prepared it. So do your best next time as well."
"You've got guts, but I'm not soft enough for that lie to work on me."
Ryūen-kun said that and left the room.
I began walking after him. But she quickly called out to me.
"This time, did you anticipate my countermeasure?
You told me to show it quickly, and you instantly explained why I played the recording at this exact moment, didn't you?"
"Do I need to answer that?"
"No… But remember this."
She closed her eyes once, then opened them wide.
"You can act so composed only for now. From here on, Class D will grow stronger. We will surpass both Ryūen-kun… and you."
She declared war on me without yielding an inch.
Those powerful eyes. They resembled theirs.
Of course, compared to them, the light in her eyes was still faint.
But Horikita Suzune—this girl who possessed even a fragment of the talent to charge toward the greatest goal in this school—was brimming with potential.
"Surpass me, you say. If you can, then by all means try."
I returned words that accepted her bold challenge.
I passed by her side.
Unexpectedly, I had enjoyed this event as well.
Since it wasn't an exam, there was no need for a "final deduction."
The clash with Ayanokōji-kun, Sudō-kun's growth, the little game with Kōenji-kun, and the final countermeasure.
Well, if I had to grade it, I'd say it was "good."
I slowly began the walk back to the dormitory.
***
Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well. I just wanted to let you know that right now I'm working on a really good and promising naruto fanfic. If you're interested in reading it, feel free to give it a try:
[Naruto: Pathological Liar]
Synopsis:
After reincarnated as a worthless member of the Hyūga branch family...
Fate handed me the worst possible script, but that's fine... I was born to be the greatest actor.
Are you ready?
My name is Hyūga Kumokawa.
I'm going to weave one enormous lie.
And make the entire ninja world dance to it.
---