For a while, Shad remained still, trying to understand the strange sensation he had experienced.
It was unlike anything he had felt before.
There had been something peaceful about it. Not the ordinary calm that came from resting or completing a difficult task, but a deeper tranquility that seemed to reach beyond his thoughts and emotions.
Shad rarely experienced that kind of peace.
Normally, the only time he felt anything similar was when he entered a strange mental state he privately called absolute depression.
It could happen without warning. His thoughts would gradually fade, his emotions would become distant, and the world around him would lose its significance. He never fully understood the state, but he had learned to recognize it.
And he didn't like it.
This experience, however, had been different.
For once, he had felt completely at peace without slipping into that familiar emptiness.
'What should I do?'
Shad frowned.
He thought back to his previous meditation sessions. He had practiced deep breathing and mental stillness countless times, including on ordinary days when he felt neither distressed nor exhausted.
Nothing like this had ever happened.
'Maybe it's because of this forest.'
He immediately rejected the thought.
"That is only an assumption."
Shad leaned back against the branch.
Jumping to conclusions without verifying them was not something he normally did. If the sensation had been caused by his meditation, repeating the process should produce a similar result.
If it didn't, he would have to consider other possibilities.
"Let's test it."
He adjusted his position and closed his eyes.
Slowly, he began to calm his mind.
His heartbeat gradually slowed. His muscles relaxed, and his breathing settled into a steady rhythm.
He inhaled.
Then exhaled.
Again.
And again.
Just as he had done before.
His mind gradually entered a state of serenity.
Ten seconds passed.
Nothing happened.
Shad continued.
A minute passed.
Then five.
Then ten.
Still nothing.
He didn't become anxious. There was no reason to force the result. He simply continued meditating, maintaining his breathing and allowing his thoughts to pass without following them.
Before he realized it, an hour had passed.
The strange sensation never returned.
Eventually, Shad opened his eyes.
He stared into the darkness between the branches.
'Why didn't it work?'
He considered several possibilities, but none of them offered a satisfactory explanation.
The result left him disappointed, though he couldn't quite determine why.
"What am I supposed to do now?"
Shad lay down on one of the enormous branches.
Above him, the night sky stretched across the gaps in the dark foliage. Only a few stars were visible, their light faint and distant.
He stared upward.
His mind felt strangely empty.
Not peaceful.
Not troubled.
Just empty.
For a while, he remained there without moving.
Then he closed his eyes again.
This time, he wasn't trying to reproduce the sensation.
He wasn't attempting to calm himself or uncover an explanation.
He simply wanted to enter that familiar state.
The state where everything became silent.
Where thoughts lost their meaning.
Where emotions drifted beyond reach.
Shad allowed his breathing to grow slower.
His heartbeat followed.
His consciousness began sinking deeper.
And then he entered the State of Un-Flowing.
To Shad, it felt like falling into an endless void.
There was no light, no sound, and no clear sense of space. The boundaries of his body gradually became distant, as though his consciousness were separating from the physical world.
His thoughts faded.
His emotions disappeared.
Even his sense of identity became faint.
This was the state he had privately named absolute depression.
He had never understood why he entered it. There was no consistent trigger, no clear pattern, and no warning he could rely on. It simply happened from time to time, drawing him into a profound emptiness.
He had always assumed that something within him was wrong.
Yet the state brought him peace.
Absolute peace.
A kind of peace he struggled to find anywhere else.
His breathing became so faint that it almost seemed to stop. His body remained still, but his consciousness persisted somewhere within the emptiness.
He existed.
Or perhaps even that was too strong a word.
There was barely any sense of self left.
Everything was still.
Everything was empty.
Everything was...
Un-flowing.
Then something stirred.
Shad felt it.
The same sensation from earlier.
At first, it was so faint that he almost mistook it for a remnant of memory. A subtle presence within the emptiness, barely distinguishable from the nothingness surrounding it.
But this time, it didn't disappear.
It grew stronger.
Slowly.
Subtly.
Shad's consciousness instinctively turned toward it.
'What is this?'
For the first time, he could perceive the sensation clearly.
It was difficult to describe. It wasn't a physical movement, yet it felt as though something was traveling through him. It existed somewhere deeper than his muscles, nerves, or organs.
It seemed to originate beyond his physical body.
From the depths of his very existence.
Then it began to flow.
Downward.
From his soul...
Through his mind...
And into his body.
Shad's consciousness trembled.
'What is happening?'
This shouldn't have been possible.
Whenever he entered the State of Un-Flowing, he normally felt nothing. His thoughts vanished. His emotions disappeared. Even his sense of self became almost nonexistent.
But now, something remained.
Something he could feel.
The deeper he sank into the emptiness, the clearer the sensation became. It was as though the absence of thought had revealed something that had always existed within him, hidden beneath the noise of his ordinary consciousness.
Then another change occurred.
His sense of self began to return.
Not completely.
Only enough for him to become aware of two things at once: the vast emptiness surrounding his consciousness and the strange force moving through it.
He was aware of the emptiness.
Aware of the sensation.
Aware of himself observing both.
The experience was difficult to comprehend.
He existed somewhere between awareness and unconsciousness, between thought and emptiness, between his familiar sense of self and something he could not yet identify.
But for the first time, Shad began to understand what he was feeling.
It was not merely a sensation.
Something was moving within him.
Flowing.
He didn't know what it was.
He didn't know where it came from.
He didn't know why he could suddenly perceive it.
But he could feel it.
And that alone was enough to confirm one thing.
Something inside him had changed.
For the first time in his life, Shad Darc felt the Flow.