Feeling a little embarrassed about his own curiosity, Beerus asked anyway: "What were you just saying to that Champa — no, wait — what were you saying to that pig?"
Whis blinked. "Are you referring to Tonton, Lord Beerus? Tonton told me that Ganriki-Gan's yokan is half price for the next three days. Oh ho ho ho, how delightful."
Beerus stared back blankly. What in the world was any of that?
His brain turned over twice. "Yokan? What's yokan?"
Colorful streamers hung from the branches throughout the village, and small snacks had been set out in front of residents' homes for passing pedestrians to sample for free.
Beerus was actually quite well-mannered in situations like this. He didn't descend on people's plates like a starving ghost — he'd take just two bites, then politely exchange a few words with the host before moving on.
Konoha Village had long embraced reform and openness. The villagers were generally a worldly bunch, and they didn't find it particularly strange to see an upright-walking cat-person in pants strolling down their streets.
Just a few days ago, the Seventh Hokage had brought back two large robots and one small one — apparently a whole robot family. Those robots could run, jump, feel bashful, and throw tantrums. A cat walking on two legs was hardly front-page news by comparison.
When Beerus and Whis reached the center of the village, they found Champa sprawled out on a lounge chair like a feudal lord, utterly at ease, while Vados sat nearby serenely sipping her tea.
Beerus didn't spot his brother right away. He just walked straight ahead.
Whis found this odd and grabbed his arm. "Lord Beerus, didn't you come here to stop Lord Champa's scheme?"
"Yes, so?"
Whis pointed at the enormous figure lounging in the nearby chair.
Beerus: "???"
Who on earth was this fellow who'd gotten so fat he practically looked like a pig?
He studied the face more carefully — the features, the expression, that particular look of smug laziness — and then it hit him. This was, possibly, maybe, probably... his brother?!
How in the world did you get this fat?!
"Champa!" he bellowed. "How dare you show up in the Seventh Universe!"
Champa waved him off like he was shooing a fly. "Skin-and-bones," he said airily, "what are you doing here? Get lost, get lost — don't ruin your Uncle Champa's good mood."
Oh, to hell with him! Beerus instinctively ran a hand along his own ribs. He'd always been on the thin side, and after sleeping for so many years, there'd naturally been some... metabolic expense. What was wrong with being a little slender?!
"Fat slob, what did you just say?! Are you looking for a beating?!" The rail-thin Beerus rolled up his sleeves, thoroughly riled, looking very much like he intended to have serious words with Champa's face.
But not only were Whis and Vados calmly watching from the sidelines — even Champa himself didn't seem particularly bothered.
A Naruto jogged past the group. He glanced at Beerus's face, and Beerus was just about to snap, "What are you staring at?" — when the Naruto pulled out a photograph, carefully compared it to Beerus's gaunt features, and then, without a word, set down a bowl of plain noodles in front of him.
The broth was fragrant, the noodles looked satisfyingly springy, and a scattering of green onions added an indescribable final touch.
The insult Beerus had been about to launch came right back down his throat, mixed with a generous helping of saliva.
He looked at the Naruto, and stammered: "This is... for me?"
"Yep."
"Oh — thank you!"
The bowl of plain noodles vanished in short order. He hadn't paid much attention while eating, but once he was finished, his fury at Champa came flooding right back.
He turned to look — and found that this fat oaf had three bowls of noodles beside him. Three! Why did he get three when Beerus only got one?!
"I absolutely must—!" His mouth had barely opened when another Naruto came sprinting in from a different direction, setting down a plate of poached fish in front of him.
As a card-carrying member of cat-kind, Beerus had no defenses whatsoever against fish. The fillets before him were fatty without being greasy, spicy without being sharp, with flesh so silky-smooth it practically melted on sight. He swallowed his grievances right back down.
Fine. Fine! Eat first, talk later. It wasn't as if things were particularly urgent anyway...
Slurp, slurp. The fish was gone, chili oil and all — he'd licked the plate clean. Glancing over to see Champa still inhaling his third bowl of noodles like a hog at a trough, Beerus felt a wave of smug satisfaction. That fish had been far better than any noodles.
"Champa, you—"
The words had barely left his mouth before a familiar premonition came over him. He looked left and right — sure enough, another Naruto was approaching, this time carrying a plate of squirrel fish.
"Oh! That one looks delicious too!" Beerus lit up, eyes going wide, and dove in with great enthusiasm.
He was greedy, not stupid.
Every time he started to get angry or worked up, that strange Naruto would pop out from some corner carrying a freshly-made dish.
The problem wasn't the Naruto. It was some peculiar force observing him and Champa from an odd angle.
Whoever it was didn't want a scene made here. Like paying someone hush money, they just kept stuffing food in his mouth to keep him quiet.
Beerus studied his Angel attendant out of the corner of his eye, then glanced over at Champa and Vados. None of the three seemed to find anything amiss. Champa was eating with his usual pig-like table manners, while Whis and his sister chatted quietly over their tea, both perfectly at ease. Beerus decided not to make anything of it.
Whatever the case, an Angel would never do him harm. That much he knew.
So Beerus played along — half-genuinely, half-knowingly — pretending to be oblivious while cadging free food and drink. The day's festivities came and went, the sun sank toward the horizon, and still he never caught a glimpse of the mysterious host.
Back in his divine realm, Whis answered his direct question without any attempt to conceal the truth: "That was most likely the ability of the Supreme Kai of Time. That lady saw a fragment of the future involving Lord Beerus and made a few preparations in advance."
Beerus scratched his cheek. A few preparations? Every word he'd been about to say, every flicker of emotion — all of it had been completely anticipated and managed. That was a deeply uncomfortable feeling.
"Burp." He let out a satisfied belch. "Supreme Kai of Time? I feel like I've heard that name before. Is she some kind of Supreme Kai?"
Whis explained: "Yes — the most unique variety of Supreme Kai there is. They observe all things from outside of time itself. For them to see certain reactions from you in advance is entirely unsurprising."
Is that so? Beerus mulled it over for three seconds, then his head started to swim.
He'd eaten far too much today. Especially that enormous cream cake at the end — far too sweet. Most of the Konoha villagers and ninja preferred lighter food and couldn't handle sweets, so in the end it had fallen to him and Champa, standing side by side like two oversized garbage cans, to work their way through a triple-tiered super cream cake as tall as a three-story building.
At the time he'd been quite pleased with himself, basking in the enthusiastic cheers of the surrounding villagers. His joy had peaked when Vados began scolding Champa about going on a diet the moment they got home — clearly his own constitution, the kind that let him eat as much as he liked without ever gaining a pound, had to be the envy of Champa's life!
Now that he was back, though, he could feel the sugar overload catching up with him. The slightest bit of thinking made him drowsy.
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