Yet another time skip of unspecified magnitude.
"Akitsu-sama, is this truly necessary?" Setsuna asked uncomfortably from where she was standing.
Akitsu was also uncomfortable, but in her case it was because of the deferential way that the other woman insisted on addressing her. It felt weird to have people deferring to her.
"Yes, for historical record. Naruto and Xanna insisted." She answered quietly.
"Well if the Emperor and Empress insisted..." Setsuna trailed off, no more comfortable than before but resigned to it.
The reason for her discomfort was the portrait that Akitsu was currently making of her. Setsuna was simply not comfortable having a painting of her made.
She had been honored when the Emperor had asked her if she would like to have her life extended so as to be able to fight for him longer, but this was a bit much. It simply didn't sit right with her to have such a big deal made of her. She was content to simply serve the Empire in silence and having a big portrait made of her felt like bragging.
Sighing, she tried not to think about it and just hoped that it would be over with soon. She did not really see how this would benefit the Empire, but then, she was just a soldier, not a stateswoman.
Akitsu easily saw how uncomfortable this was making Setsuna and didn't have the heart to tell her that Xanna was also considering having likenesses of high profile people made in the form of statues. There was a skilled sculptor currently alive and he had already made an impression with some of his work.
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Time Skip no Jutsu!
Naruto glared irritably at the pile of reports, their contents had been a source of irritation to him for several years already and all his attempts to turn the situation around had had only minimal impact.
"I told you it wouldn't work."
And then there was his wife rubbing his face in it.
The issue of the day was prostitution and all the problems it dragged along.
If Naruto were a dumber man, he would have made prostitution illegal, but he knew from experience that this wouldn't solve the problem, only make it more hush hush and worsen it in the process.
Not that he had a problem with prostitution itself. He saw nothing wrong with the selling of fucking. No, his problem lay in the fact that there was a lot of abuse and exploitation going on there despite his best efforts.
His and Xanna's uncaring attitude towards homosexuality had inevitably caused a lot of openness there, so now he also had a smaller amount of male prostitutes to worry about aside from the considerably larger female one.
He had tried a lot of things to direct those people elsewhere and had mostly failed, because there were some people that enjoyed coasting through life by selling their bodies for easy money, not to mention those that went into it for stranger reasons. That in and of itself wouldn't have been a problem if it weren't for the almost constant stream of would-be pimps trying to make a whole enterprise out of it, which he was absolutely not going to allow.
His latest attempt had been to offer incentives and subsidies to prostitutes if they wanted to get out of that life, but that had backfired rather badly when even more people had gone into the oldest profession to take advantage of those benefits.
In short, he was glaring at the reports because he was stumped on the issue. Even if he wasn't restricting the use of his powers, he couldn't see what he could do with them. This wasn't something that could be solved with force, shockingly enough.
"This is a battle you will not win husband." Xanna said, her tone gentler now instead of mocking as it had been before. She knew this was genuinely bothering him due to his odd soft spot for prostitutes. "Prostitution has been a simple fact of life in every culture I have ever seen and nobody has ever managed to do away with it."
"I wonder if Oma knows a way." Naruto mused.
"Doubtful." Xanna snorted. "As I understand it, her people did not even use money as such during her lifetime, so prostitution could not have existed in this form."
Naruto grunted in agreement, briefly considering the idea of pulling a Soviet Russia and trying to make communism work before dismissing it as unworkable, at least at the moment. It might work with a considerably higher technological base, but right now it would be disastrous to try implementing something like that.
So, if he couldn't get people to stop whoring themselves out, how was he supposed to regulate the whole thing to make it more friendly to the prostitutes themselves?
After a minute of thinking about it, a wry smile crossed Naruto's face. This was going to be another weird approach to a problem. In other words, the usual way he did things.
"Xanna dearest, how do you think I would do as a pimp?"
"You'd be terrible at it. No doubt you would spend more time keeping all the girls to yourself rather than finding customers." She said instantly.
"Probably." Naruto agreed.
"You are not seriously considering becoming a pimp are you?" She said suspiciously.
"The Pimp Emperor. It has a ring to it, wouldn't you say? I could call myself Big-E."
"Your skull is going to have a ring to it if you try to spread that ridiculous title around." Xanna warned.
"Fine, but I'm still going to take control of the entire prostitution thing." He replied a bit sullenly. Being known as the Pimp Emperor sounded hilarious to him. "If I can't get rid of prostitution, then I'm going to turn it into a classy profession."
"You are hopeless." She said with an eyeroll. How exactly he thought to make the act of renting one's genitals and orifices for the pleasure of strangers classy was beyond her, but she was interested in seeing him try it. It would probably be amusing if nothing else.
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You must gather your party before venturing forth...wait, that has nothing to do with time skips, yet a time skip it is.
"...with that settled, our next issue..."
Naruto leaned back into the couch with a sigh and stared at the ceiling, wondering when the hell it would finally be over.
What a drag this was. He knew that it was necessary, but listening to people drone on about the various issues facing the Empire made him feel more exhausted than a two week sexathon.
No wonder old man Sarutobi had always looked halfway to a vegetative state if he had to listen to this kind of drivel all the time.
He wasn't even entirely sure if he knew the name of half the people in the room. The only one that he was really familiar with was Te'lok, who had gotten roped into politics now that he was too old to keep fighting. He had changed a great deal from the spry and (relatively)young Jaffa he was when they'd first met him. Nowadays, he was an old man with a completely white beard and similarly white hair that he kept short. Despite his age, he didn't let go of his pride and continued to keep in shape even though he was having more and more difficulty with it.
Naruto knew that he missed his youth and even felt a small bit of jealousy towards Setsuna, who was as young as ever thanks to him. Still, Te'lok did not resent either him or Setsuna for it. He knew full well that Setsuna's youth was conditional to her not having children and the old Jaffa wouldn't trade his kids, grand kids, great grand kids or great great grand kids for anything.
He was drawn out of his thoughts when Akitsu wiggled her butt, clearly displeased that he had stopped massaging it. She was laid out on her stomach across his legs, reading a book while he kneaded her backside and her own feet bent at the knees so that they stuck upwards.
Without a word he restarted the rubbing and was rewarded by a content sigh from the Ice Sekirei. Ah, but she was just too cute.
"Naruto, are you even listening?"
His wife's sharp voice brought him out of the pleasant thoughts on Akitsu's cute little butt and back into the pit of infinite despair that was more commonly known as 'day to day politics'. Naruto had always felt that a name like that was far too mild and misleading in the extreme.
"Uh, yeah sure. We were talking about education reforms and stuff." He said confidently.
"Yes we were, but we stopped ten minutes ago in favor of other things." Xanna said sarcastically.
"I guess I wasn't listening after all." Naruto concluded, getting a few chuckles from the others in the room. Those others being the highest ranking members of the government beneath them.
Xanna sighed and sank further back into her own seat. Naruto had pushed forward the idea of having these meetings with their underlings in a more comfortable setting instead of the formal one she had wanted, which was why there was so much comfortable furniture in the meeting room. It had made the meetings less stiff.
Unfortunately, it also made Naruto zone out faster when he got bored, something that invariably happened when these things dragged on. The current meeting being a case in point.
Truth be told, Xanna was impressed that he managed to stay focused for as long as he did. Naruto had always been more of an anarchist or agent of chaos than he had been a lawmaker. He could function within the system if he had to or if it suited him, but he wouldn't think twice of trampling all over it if he could get away with it. Being the one in charge of the system took some getting used to.
She had been much the same once, and it had taken a very long time before she was able to adapt to working within a system without constantly having the urge to destroy it.
"Bad Emperor, very irresponsible." Akitsu chimed, having apparently been listening in while she read her book.
Xanna chuckled at the cheeky Sekirei's comment.
Naruto just scowled and playfully slapped her rear end. "You're one to talk, you've got no responsibilities at all!"
He realized that he might have just made a mistake when the Ice Sekirei let out small yelp that was almost unbearably sexy. That wasn't going to make it any easier to keep his mind on the meeting.
"You can play with her later Naruto, we are almost done anyway." Xanna said before that could go any further and before she could get tempted to blow the whole thing off herself as well.
Taking a deep breath and then exhaling gustily, Naruto nodded. "Alright, I'll pay attention. So, what else do we have to deal with?"
Akitsu pouted and wiggled her butt again. If he wasn't going to spank her anymore then she wanted him to rub it at least.
"I have only one more issue to raise." Te'lok spoke, his voice creaking with age, but his eyes amused as he looked at Naruto's relieved expression. He knew better than most how the horned man's patience was eroded by politics. He understood perfectly, as he was intending to retire from it himself very soon.
"Those warriors who have lived to an old age are restless." He said bluntly. "Due to our superior training, preparation and equipment, as well as careful choice of targets, our losses on the raids against the Goa'uld have been negligible. This has resulted in many old warriors however, old warriors that do not know how to live when their limbs fail them and their teeth fall out."
"I agree with master Te'lok." A woman in her late thirties added. She was in charge of the treasury. "The amount of elderly we have are a drain on the Empire as a whole, most of them serve no more useful purpose and their care is a considerable drain on our resources. Perhaps if we implemented a tax on their pensions..."
Te'lok's face darkened with anger. That was not what he had been trying to say and that viper of a woman had hijacked his argument for her own ends. The idea of giving those too old to continue working a periodic pension had been shocking to him at first, but he saw the reason for it now. Additional taxing on the elderly would only worsen the problem he had been highlighting.
"Denied." Naruto and Xanna said together in the same dismissive tone.
"The benefits of such a thing would be minimal unless the tax itself was unreasonably high and rampant poverty would be more damaging to our economy than some old people." Xanna continued, making a note to investigate the woman and see if she should perhaps be dismissed from service. It would not be the first time that such a thing had to be done, not everyone was suited for work in the government after all.
Meanwhile, Naruto was thinking about what Te'lok had said. Would he have been able to live as an old man? With limbs that shook with effort for the most mundane tasks and fingers that couldn't close into a fist anymore? Would he have been able to live with himself if he had to wake up three times a night just to take a piss?
Shaking his head, he realized that the answer was a definite and empathic 'no'. He would have rather skewered himself on his own sword.
The solution to the problem of old people seemed simple when that was considered.
"We're going to start up an institution that will offer an easy and painless death for those who want it." He stated, as if it was already decided. And it was really, because he was the Emperor and Xanna was unlikely to object.
"Many will see such a thing as a cowardly act." Te'lok cautioned, knowing full well how warriors tended to see suicide.
"I am certain that we can spin it in a positive way and besides, it is not as if anyone will be forced into making use of this service." Xanna said, already liking the idea.
During her first tenure as Empress, she had also run into the problem of redundant old people and tried to solve it with the heavy handed approach of simply killing them after they reached a certain age. That had not ended well.
But if they could get them to kill themselves...well, nobody could complain about that now could they?
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The length of the following time skip was lost in the mists of...time.
Xanna smirked mockingly at Naruto's constipated expression, feeling very amused.
She was currently laying on her back with her feet resting on Naruto's shoulders and his member buried inside her.
Deciding to make it worse, she clenched her pelvic muscles and twisted her hips. "What's wrong husband? Is it...hard?"
His answering growl and glare were fueled entirely by frustrated lust and he seemed all set to start thrusting into her wildly.
"Stop moving."
Xanna smirked wider at Akitsu's scolding tone and Naruto's even more constipated expression.
The cause of the present situation was an idea that had arisen in a conversation some time ago, the idea of making a book that detailed all the ways that one could have fun during sex. Basically a remake of the Kama Sutra, though their book would be better if Xanna had anything to say about it.
Naruto had been enthusiastic about the idea and Akitsu had wanted to illustrate it, hence her telling them to stop moving so that she could do it.
Naruto had lost a great deal of his enthusiasm when he realized that there would be less sex and more staying still and refraining from having sex while Akitsu drew them.
Not able to quite help herself, Xanna started rhythmically clenching and unclenching around him.
Naruto groaned at the feeling of having her inner walls stroking him.
A small ice block smacked into the side of his head. "I told you to stop moving master, you are making it take longer."
He turned to the side to give Akitsu a look of annoyed incredulity. "If you're going to tell me what to do, then you could at least stop calling me 'master'."
Akitsu's manner instantly turned submissive and shy. "Ah...Akitsu couldn't do that, it wouldn't be right."
Naruto's incredulity increased at her blush and the under-the-lashes look she was giving him, complete with shoulder wiggle for added cuteness. "You're talking in third person now?!"
Xanna chuckled, bringing his attention back to her with another twist of her hips. "How do you like it? I've had her practicing that look for a bit of roleplay."
At this point Naruto was seriously considering just blowing off the damn illustration. It simply couldn't be worth it.
It must have shown on his face, because Xanna waste no time shutting the idea down. "Ah ah ah, none of that now. Calm down and tell me what you thought of Akitsu's new look, then stay still while she draws us."
"It was adorably sexy." He growled out, grabbing her by the ankles so hard that it would have powdered anyone else's bones.
Xanna merely smirked and made a mocking kissing motion, enjoying every moment of his torment.
"Don't worry Naruto, we should be done with this book in another hundred or so positions." Akitsu said consolingly, even using his name for a change.
Naruto groaned. His balls were going to burst, then they were going to regenerate and burst again. A hundred positions might take as long as a full year to get through, depending on how much time they devoted to it, but it was going to be hell either way.
"Don't forget the BDSM edition." Xanna reminded cheerfully, smirk nearly splitting her face in half at the horrified look her husband was suddenly sporting.
"And the threesome edition." Akitsu chirped helpfully. Naruto's ongoing and mostly successful efforts to bring all forms of prostitution under his control would no doubt be able to provide a pretty woman that was willing to participate.
"And the BDSM threesome edition."
"You are an evil, heartless monster." Naruto said despairingly, almost losing his erection at the sheer amount of blue balls he had to look forward to in the future. Sure, every time an illustration was finished, it resulted in sex and an incredible feeling of relief when he was finally able to empty his nuts, but he could really do without the hours of frustration beforehand.
"Oh beloved, you say such sweet things." Xanna moaned lustily, grinning at the return of his constipated look. He was just too easy.
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The final time skip of the chapter.
Naruto hummed to himself in consideration as he strolled across yet another Goa'uld world, this one belonging to Ra.
"I smell a Tok'ra." He stated to himself.
He couldn't actually smell any Tok'ra yet, but he was certain that he would soon. The Jaffa on the planet had acted quite erratically, as if they were being commanded by a complete buffoon. Far from impossible considering how stupid the average Goa'uld was, but he was betting that it was a deliberate action to make it easier for him to win the day.
Almost absently, he fried the small Goa'uld camera equivalent that was aimed at the gate from a nearby hidey hole. Really now, if that hadn't worked so far, why did they think it suddenly would?
They had tried a slew of things ranging from spies, hidden cameras and booby traps to stop him. Nirrti had even put a biological weapon of mass destruction on one of her worlds for him to find. He'd been almost impressed by that.
Faster than normally thanks to the suspected Tok'ra, the slave extraction and looting began. They'd all be back home in time for dinner.
In the distance, he saw a man with a distinctly Goa'uld-ish lack of fashion sense being escorted towards him. He must have surrendered instantly or else they would have killed him. Definitely a Tok'ra then.
"Called it." Naruto muttered to himself.
The host was an young Egyptian looking man, no doubt all the better to fit in with Ra's faction. He gave a short bow in greeting when he came to a comfortable talking distance.
"Greetings Emperor, I am Cordesh of the Tok'ra."
"Yo." Naruto returned lackadaisically. "We'll send you home as soon as we're done stealing everything, same as always."
"I am to extend an invitation for you to meet with the Tok'ra High Council." Cordesh said formally.
Naruto sighed at their persistence. Seriously, every single Tok'ra he'd come across so far had extended that invitation. "We've been over this already. Nothing against you guys, but you're a security risk. If I tell you the address to our stargate and some of our people decide to become Tok'ra hosts, it won't be long before the Goa'uld find out and that would be just plain annoying. There's no need to waste anyone's time with meetings until we declare ourselves openly and the address to our planet isn't a big damn secret anymore."
"We understand and that is not what this is about. The council wishes to ask for your aid in attacking one of Ra's holdings." The Tok'ra operative replied.
Now Naruto was interested. Attacking poorly defended Goa'uld worlds had gotten old quite a while ago, but this sounded exciting.
"Hmm...maybe I won't be home in time for dinner." He said, much to the bafflement of Cordesh.
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