One must know that mastering a Dao is difficult.
It takes years and years of practice and accumulation to achieve even a smidgen of progress. Yet, Ocean Song was now standing proud; his Dao of the Jade Beauty had reached perfection. Truly, his time at the car wash was well spent because he finally had a girlfriend!
His senior sisters were also so happy for him. They were so ecstatic in their send-off! Ever since he joined them all those hours ago, they had treated him like one of their own! This is a debt of the heart that must be repaid in the future.
If anyone messed with his senior sisters, they would answer to him!
Also, he successfully consolidated an alliance.
His Dao had progressed.
He formed an alliance.
And he now had a girlfriend!
Mission successful. He was elated to share the news with his fellow Sect members. And his family, he needed to tell everyone!
No, he had to tell everyone immediately.
He was flying happily on his sword, doing loops, but he could pause that for now! Ocean Song immediately descended to the ground, throwing down an altar.
"Dad, Dad!" He called out happily. "Dad, are you there?"
"What is it?" Poseidon's voice came from the other side at his son's incessant calling.
"Dad, I have a girlfriend!"
Poseidon, who had been half listening from Atlantis, had paused. "Hang on a second, son."
Poseidon had been sitting on his throne, going over some normal kingly stuff. The normal stuff that he does on a day-to-day basis. But all of that could be put to the side for now.
He immediately walked through the palace to find his wife.
"Dear, I need your help."
"What's wrong?" Amphitrite was sitting in the garden, enjoying the morning.
"It's about my son."
"Which one?"
"That one." He clarified, and it didn't need any other words. "I need advice."
"...what did he do this time?"
"He apparently has a girlfriend," Poseidon stated. "And I fear the worse."
Amphitrite also went still. "He was…. Hecate, right?"
Poseidon nodded solemnly.
"Really?"
He nodded again.
"How?"
Poseidon shrugged helplessly. "He does take after me a bit…."
"Mmm, he's not ugly…anymore." Amphitrite nodded. "But still, how?"
Poseidon set down, dropping his head into his hands. "I was encouraging him, but that was because I didn't think it would actually happen. He's….well, regardless of anything else, he's my son. But how am I supposed to protect him now that he's mixed up with that woman?"
Amphitrite put a hand on his back. "Is there any chance he found a new girl he likes? Did he say yet?"
"I panicked as soon as he told me and came to find you."
"You made the right choice." Amphitrite nodded to herself. "He's talking to you through an altar, I presume. Well, take him off hold."
Poseidon took him off hold on the divine phone call. "Okay, son, I'm back. Your stepmother is here too."
"Honored Step-Mother! I have successfully obtained a girlfriend!"
"That's…wonderful, dear. And who is it?"
"Hecate!" He said without any hesitation.
Amphitrite and Poseidon shared a look. A look of concern that neither of them knew how to answer.
"And…she accepted your advances?" Amphitrite asked.
"I think so."
"You think so, or you know so?"
"Well, she kissed me multiple times. Then she pushed me down and told me that she liked me and that if I agreed, we would be together. She then told me that I was hers, and if I cheated, she would rip my balls off. That was hyperbole, right? I, of course, would never cheat! But I strangely feel very conflicted by that threat."
"It was not an empty threat." Poseidon swallowed, glancing at Amphitrite out of the corner of his eye.
He would know.
"So Hecate was the one who initiated." Amphitrite summarized. "That's…wonderful." She used her divine power to shield the 'call'. "How?"
"I don't know!?" Poseidon was just as confused. "She's a loner; she barely ever goes out. She's never even been with another God, that I know of!"
"This is your fault!"
"How is it my fault!?"
"You encouraged him! You should have told him to give up; now he's intertwined with the Goddess of the Crossroads. She's a goddess of the underworld!"
"I didn't think he would actually manage to seduce him! Look me in the eye and tell me that I was being unreasonable!"
Amphitrite couldn't.
The funny thing is, it wasn't even her son, but she felt protective of him. He had certainly endeared himself to her, and her heart wasn't made of stone. When you have a lovable puppy that looks at you so affectionately…..and you see it run into walls, trip over itself, and hurt itself constantly, well…sometimes motherly affection just grows.
The 'call' resumed with a wave of Amphitrite's hand. "We're very proud of you. If you have any questions or need advice, make sure to come to your father."
"I will!"
Poseidon gave Amphitrite a look before sighing.
He knew this was going to be a whole new headache.
"I'm going to go tell Uncle Hades! Goodbye Father, goodbye, Honored Step-Mother!" He 'hung up' from his end.
Ocean Song knew that his father and stepmother must have been excited for him! Truly, he had such amazing and wonderful parents! He ascended back to the sky quickly, making his way to the Underworld.
One of its many entrances slash exits that existed so easily accessible. It would of course be a great sin with punishment following if just anyone were to casually descend to the underworld.
The Domain of Hades was not one that you could enter lightly, especially if you were a living being.
However, Ocean Song has special permission!
Yes, he was a favorite of his uncle, and he knew his uncle would just be over the moon to find out that he managed to get a girlfriend.
"You there, stop!" A shrill voice sounded out, causing Ocean Song to stop in his tracks.
He was admittedly not paying attention, a fault on his own. If it had been the nefarious Hermes, he would have been in quite the pickle. However, the one who shouted at him was not Hermes, it was a god of some caliber, but not one Ocean Song was familiar with.
"Greetings, Senior. Who might you be?" Ocean Song was polite because it was important to be polite to someone. If you were polite beforehand, if you came to blows, then you could acquire the moral high ground.
And with the moral high ground, you would style even further on your opponent.
"I was right! Haha, I was right. I knew you would be coming this way eventually, so I was waiting!" The god laughed.
"Do you want an autograph, Senior?" Ocean Song tilted his head; he didn't know why someone else was waiting for him.
"Are you stupid? Why would I want your autograph? I would sooner as a donkey for their hoofprint. Now, shut up; I have some questions I need to ask you."
Ocean Song blinked. "Alright."
"Tell me how you ascended to godhood, or I'll beat you up." He held a jester-like scepter in his hand.
"....."
"...well?"
"You question confuses me, Senior! I'm not a god." Ocean Song responded.
"What in the blazes do you mean you're not a god? I'm standing right here, I can tell…sort of. Anyways, just tell me how you did it. I need to know your secret."
"My Secret?" Ocean Song's eyes widened. "My Dao is not for you to steal. If you want to be a Jade Beauty, then you must go through the same rigorous trials that I did."
"What in the pits are you talking about? Did your mom drop you on the head as a child?"
"My mother abandoned me on an island after giving birth! So Maybe!" Ocean Song shouted back defiantly. "The Dao of the Jade Beauty is not for you to covet! You're far too ugly."
"What!?" He had no idea what Ocean Song was going on about, except until he got insulted.
"A Toad wanting to eat a Swan's Meat!"
"Are you insulting me!?"
"Yes!"
The God was incredulous; it had been a while since he'd been insulted to his face so openly. Other than gods that were above him, that is. This newborn god was insulting him right to his face, so it was hard to hold back his anger.
Maybe he just didn't know who he was?
The thought crossed God's mind.
"I'm Momus." He declared, waiting for recognition.
"That's a made up word!"
"It's my name." Momus intoned. "I am the God of Mockery! How dare you insult me!"
"I see…"
Momus's attitude slightly changed; seeing Ocean Song's expression shift, it made him feel proud that his name and title could have that profound effect on time. As a god, why wouldn't he want people to cower before his name?
"So, you know who you're dealing with now." He said arrogantly. "Now, hurry up and tell me what I want to know, or else."
What he thought was recognition and difference, it was actually pity from Ocean Song. "Senior has Eyes, but fails to see Mt. Tai." He shook his head. "A god of mockery, before a proper cultivator such as myself, it is like an ant trying to shake a tree."
Momus blinked. "What the Tartarus are you talking about?"
Ocean Song clasped his hands behind his back. "Senior, be on your way. You have no power here." His robes billowed heroically.
His eye twitched.
Then his lips curled upwards. He had never been so openly challenged before. It flared up his pride in a way he wasn't accustomed to. Rather than pure anger, it was the sheer audacity of the brat before him that had him answering his challenge.
"Oh, is that so?" Momus laughed. "You misshapen, overgrown lump of sea-soaked stupidity. You have three eyes, and somehow not one of them has managed to notice how ridiculous you look."
Ocean Song remained silent.
Momus stepped forward.
"You're flying around on a sword dressed like you robbed a particularly tasteless curtain shop, you speak like a senile philosopher who got kicked in the head by a mule, and I've heard dying goats make more sense than whatever garbage has been dribbling out of your mouth since you arrived."
Ocean Song remained passive.
"Your hair looks like you cut it with a garden rake. Your face looks like someone tried to sculpt Poseidon from memory and gave up halfway through. You have all the grace of a drunken cow falling down a staircase, and somehow, despite having an extra eye, you still possess less awareness than the average brick."
He took a breath and continued. "Standing there like you're impressive!" Momus snapped. "You're not! You look like an idiot posing for a statue nobody would ever commission!"
"Look at you! Whoever dressed you should be dragged into the street and publicly flogged for crimes against eyesight. And if it was you, then congratulations, you've accomplished something remarkable—you've offended me without even opening your mouth!"
He threw out insults in quick succession, then he waited, studying Ocean Song's face. He wanted a reaction; that was his divine nature. He criticized, he mocked, and he ridiculed to see the reaction of those people.
Because even if they were stronger than him, even if they sat on higher thrones, the moment they got angry, when they would hurl insults back or throw a tantrum, that means he won.
"Senior, allow me to retort." Ocean Song was cool and collected. "Your mother."
Momus's eyes twitched.
"Now, if you will excuse me. I have a girlfriend I wish to go annoy! Good day!" He went to fly past Momus in his stupor, but Momus opened his mouth again.
"A girlfriend?" His lips curled up. "I bet she's a real prize." He sneered. "Probably some nasty old hag with a face like a horse's ass and a personality to match. The sort of woman men take one look at and decide the donkey in the stables would be a better lay."
Ocean Song stopped.
Momus saw it, and his eyes lit up.
"Oh?" Momus's grin widened. "That got you, didn't it?"
Ocean Song slowly turned his head.
"What's wrong? Hit a little too close?" Momus laughed. "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe the donkey was for her own use. Because even if she's that ugly, I would still pity her for being your girlfriend."
"Ah…" Ocean Song let out a breath. "I had thought my Dao Heart was unmovable, but I was mistaken. How odd…how odd indeed."
"What's wrong? No comebacks now?" Momus looked incredibly smug.
"Senior, please allow me to offer you some advice. You can eat whatever you want, but you can't say whatever you want."
"I don't need to hear a dumb brat that's not even a tenth of my age tell me what I can and cannot do!" He spat back. "If I want to insult your girlfriend, I'll do so! Whore! Slut! Bit—"
Ocean Song moved through the air, appearing in front of him. His third eye opened, and a malevolent aure enveloped him as he threw a punch at the god.
Momus didn't expect it, but even if he did, he certainly wasn't expecting that amount of power.
The god of mockery went flying into the ground below, shattering the earth and creating a new crater that was well over a hundred feet wide.
"Refusing a toast to drink a forfeit." Ocean Song shook his head as he descended downwards. "I do not mind if you insult me, Fellow Daoist. I have very few scruples, and my Dao heart is unwavering. However, even a dragon has a reverse scale, and mine has been touched. I will give you a chance to Apolo—"
Momus shot forward, his jester scepter in hand, swinging it at Ocean Song's face, his own expression twisted back in fury.
He could take being beaten up by others; he had been beaten up by nearly every Olympian and even banished from Olympus.
But he would not take being beaten up by some newly ascended brat!
"-ologize." Ocean Song caught the scepter before it could reach his face, a mere inch away as the air from the force of the swing went past him, blowing his hair.
"W-what?" He was confused, bewildered. His scepter wouldn't budge. No matter how much he pulled or tried to break free from Ocean Song's grasp, it was entirely unmoving.
"I'm not particularly sure what you were after." Ocean Song was unusually calm and serious. "However, it is known that I fought Ares. Yet, this is the meagre strength that you bring before me after speaking things you shouldn't. "I should mention that since that time, I have been significantly stronger."
Momus used his other hand to try and throw a punch, but Ocean Song used his free hand to catch it in his palm. It let out a resounding clap, indicative of a god attacking, but Ocean Song remained utterly unmoving.
Ocean Song twisted his arm, forcing the god to crumple to the ground.
"I would like to make something clear. No, one, and I mean no one, is allowed to insult my Hecate. Do you understand?" Ocean Song leaned in, and he saw Momus's eyes widened, as if he didn't even know who he was insulting previously. "Even if Zeus himself insulted her, I would draw my sword."
Just as he said that, the Mists around them swirled aggressively.
A familiar silhouette appeared, looking not too pleased herself.
Ocean Song released the god, brightening up immediately. "Hecate!"
Hecate glanced at him but ignored him just for the moment. "I too would like to give my opinion." She stepped to the lesser god, who was now looking very fearful. "What gave you the courage?"
"I didn't –"
She knew what he was going to say but didn't care.
Ocean saw her give him a swift and resounding kick that broke the sound barrier multiple times over.
The God of Mockery sailed across the sky, smashing into a mountain.
"Hmph." She then looked towards Ocean Song. "...Did you mean what you said?"
"You were watching?"
Hecate huffed lightly. "I was watching just in case. But clearly it was unneeded, as that annoying thing is one of the weakest gods around."
Ocean Song smiled. "I meant every word I said."
Hecate didn't usually get flustered; she doesn't normally show a bashful side of herself. But sometimes, it rears its head against one's wishes.
"Why were you coming to the Underworld?" She changed the subject.
"I was going to tell Hades the good news that I finally have a girlfriend!" He spoke with no shortage of pride.
Normally, she may have scolded him or called him an idiot for his reaction, but she found herself unable to deny him. "I may as well come with you. Come on then, let's go see Hades. I'm sure Persephone is going to want to say a lot of things as well." She grumbled.
"Umm…" Ocean Song hesitated, but Hecate clearly noted he wanted to say something.
"What? Spit it out."
"...can we hold hands?" He asked with his own shyness showing.
"...very well." She took his hand, leading him into the entrance of the Underworld. "Let's go."
[***]
A/N
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