Hearing Hu Tao and Ye Xi razzing Zhongli, Ningguang, Keqing, and Ganyu could no longer hold it together.
The man had been the Rex Lapis, the Geo Archon — did a Demon God not deserve a shred of dignity?
Dehya and Lumine, on the other hand, were laughing without the slightest remorse.
Seeing Zhongli standing there in petrified embarrassment, Ningguang offered him a way out. "Hall Master Hu, we had no intention of detaining Mr. Zhongli. We merely sought his counsel, as his knowledge is extraordinarily vast."
"Huh?"
"Oh, so that's all it was! You gave this Hall Master quite the scare!" Hu Tao crossed her arms and let out a helpless sigh. "It's all that Xingqiu's fault — the moment he walked into Wangsheng Funeral Parlor he was hollering 'Oh no! Oh no!' and got me all worked up. Next time, I'm not reading him any of my limericks!"
Muttering under her breath, she quickly looked up. "So, Lady Ningguang, have you finished your business?"
"The whole neighborhood is talking about Zhongli getting arrested, and it's doing terrible things to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's reputation!"
Ningguang nodded and had been about to let Hu Tao take Zhongli away, when something the girl had just said stopped her.
She couldn't help but ask, "The business is concluded, yes, but... Hall Master Hu, this matter of defaulting on debts — what exactly is that about...?"
As she spoke, she glanced toward Zhongli.
Zhongli: ...
Faced with Ningguang's uncanny talent for poking at precisely the sorest spot, he had no choice but to maintain a forced air of composure.
In any case, his dignity was completely unsalvageable today. The mighty Rex Lapis had managed to thoroughly humiliate himself in front of the entire Liyue Qixing. All he could do now was pray that Hu Tao would leave him a scrap of face.
The moment Ningguang asked, Hu Tao launched into a string of sighs. "Zhongli is great in every way — except he never carries money when he goes out!"
"You'd think with his salary he'd be fine, but his spending is absolutely outrageous!"
"Today a vase, tomorrow a piece of Cor Lapis — every purchase is hundreds of thousands of Mora at a time!"
"He enjoys his refined lifestyle and then sends the bill straight to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor for me to foot!"
"Business has been getting worse and worse lately. If this keeps up, I really am going to have to shut my doors!"
"Oh, honestly..."
Strictly speaking, she shouldn't be airing this to outsiders. But the people in front of her were the Liyue Qixing — the Tianquan and the Yuheng, both absolute heavyweights.
Saying it now was at least like filing a record with the General Affairs Office. If there was ever any trouble down the road, it might earn her a little leniency.
Hearing Hu Tao's account, both Ningguang and Keqing fell silent.
When you thought about it, this man used to be Rex Lapis — the Demon God who literally created Mora. When everything you need is something you made yourself, why would you ever carry it? Over millennia, it had simply become habit.
Neither woman could quite fathom how he had ended up broke, but Ningguang had already decided to step in.
After a brief moment of thought, she found her solution. Smiling, she said, "Hall Master Hu, Mr. Zhongli's counsel was in fact of considerable help to us just now."
"Therefore, the Qixing has decided to present Mr. Zhongli with a bonus as a token of our appreciation!"
"Isn't that right, Keqing?"
"Huh!?" Keqing caught Ningguang's look and immediately nodded along. "Ah — yes! Absolutely!"
"A tremendous help, truly!"
"A bonus!!!" Hu Tao's eyes lit up with excitement. "How much Mora~? Wonderful! That means I can wipe out every last bill Zhongli's racked up this month!"
"How much... uh." Keqing looked to Ningguang.
Ningguang considered for a moment, then answered, "Fifty million Mora. You may collect it from the General Affairs Office."
"Fifty million!"
Hu Tao broke into an enormous grin and marched over to Zhongli, giving him a hearty slap on the shoulder. "My dear Consultant, you really are something, aren't you! Fifty million Mora! That ought to cover about two months of your expenses!"
Watching Hu Tao pat Zhongli on the shoulder with the air of a superior praising a subordinate, both Ningguang and Keqing turned their heads away.
They couldn't bear to look.
That was Rex Lapis! How was this girl so utterly fearless!?
But there was nothing to be done about it. Hu Tao simply didn't know who Zhongli really was.
For his part, Zhongli managed a smile and said, "My thanks to Lady Ningguang and Lady Keqing for the generous reward."
Dignity aside, at least he had Mora again. Fifty million Mora — enough to stroll around, keep a pet bird, and enjoy some tea. Not bad at all.
"Please think nothing of it, Mr. Zhongli," said Ningguang. "Though... there will perhaps be other matters requiring your expertise in the future. I hope you will not decline when the time comes."
Before Zhongli could reply, Hu Tao was already nodding enthusiastically. "Ask away, ask away anytime!"
"Zhongli, who knew you were this well-learned! This is perfect!"
"If you come by regularly, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor might just survive without taking on a single new client! This Hall Master hereby declares: starting today, you are officially our Funeral Parlor's lucky mascot!"
Hearing Hu Tao's proclamation, Ye Xi grinned and chimed in. "Hall Master Hu, in that case, I think it's only fitting that Wangsheng Funeral Parlor display a portrait of Mr. Zhongli!"
"Think about it — a man so distinguished that the Liyue Qixing themselves come to seek his counsel! Wouldn't having his portrait on the wall draw in customers?"
Hu Tao blinked, then began nodding vigorously. "You're absolutely right!"
"My goodness, young man, you really know your marketing!"
She had been on edge the entire time because of the Zhongli business. Now that she had calmed down, she took a proper look at Ye Xi for the first time.
She was surprised to find that the young man in front of her was remarkably handsome — a rare sight even in all of Liyue Harbor.
And this was Yuehai Pavilion, of all places. If Zhongli had just been consulted by the Liyue Qixing, then surely Ye Xi — who was sitting right here alongside him — must be someone extraordinary as well.
The gears in her head began to turn.
She beamed at him. "Come to think of it, you're quite the dashing figure! I'm sorry for not noticing sooner!"
"This Hall Master is the seventy-seventh generation Hall Master of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor — Hu Tao!"
"The 'Hu' in Hu Tao is the 'Hu' for eating and drinking to one's heart's content, and the 'Tao' is the 'Tao' of peaches!"
"Hehe~ And might I ask your honorable name~?"
Seeing this, Ningguang's mind immediately leapt to what Keqing had said earlier: to deepen Ye Xi's bonds with Liyue, they needed to find him more Liyue wives.
Hu Tao not only wielded a Vision, she had the makings of a fine beauty as well.
If this could be arranged, so much the better.
She quickly spoke up. "Hall Master Hu, this is Master Ye Xi — a distinguished guest we of the Qixing personally invited from Sumeru."
"A distinguished guest?"
Hu Tao looked intrigued. Someone the Liyue Qixing called a distinguished guest was clearly no ordinary person. If she could get Ye Xi to become a Consultant for Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, wouldn't that be quite the coup as well?
The thought planted, she picked up the thread Ye Xi had dangled. "Master Ye Xi, this Hall Master thinks your idea is very sound!"
"But a portrait is rather difficult to come by — you'd normally need a Fontaine Kamera for that!"
Ye Xi waved a hand. "No need for any of that. I can make one for you right now."
"Huh!? Really!?"
"Of course. I just need to settle on the color scheme."
Seeing Hu Tao's look of eager interest, Ye Xi suddenly hit upon a delightfully wicked idea.
"Hall Master Hu, allow me to offer a suggestion," he said pleasantly. "White represents purity and elegance. Black represents nobility and sophistication."
"As the saying goes — black and white never go out of style."
"I believe a black-and-white color scheme would be perfect. What do you think?"
Zhongli: ???
Every woman in the room went rigid.
What black-and-white meant in this context — everyone present understood perfectly.
Hu Tao, blissfully unaware, nodded with complete satisfaction. "Master Ye Xi is absolutely right! Let's do exactly that!"
"As you wish."
Ye Xi summoned the Abyss Core. Channeling just the faintest trace of Abyss Power, dark light wove itself into shape, forming the outline of a portrait frame.
In moments, a black-and-white portrait of Zhongli was complete.
And it was enormous — nearly the size of Xiao himself.
"Oh wow~!"
"What an incredible technique!"
Hu Tao clapped her hands together, her face alight with amazement. She looked at the portrait, then back at Zhongli, and exclaimed admiringly, "My, my~ A perfect likeness — lifelike as ever!"
Zhongli: !!!
Dehya scratched her head and leaned close to Lumine's ear. "Traveler," she whispered, "if I remember correctly... that's not quite how you use that phrase, is it?"
She was a woman of the desert who hadn't read all that many books — she and Collei had actually been studying together lately.
Lumine pressed a hand over her mouth to contain her laughter. "You're right... pfft, hehehe..."
"That phrase... is only used for the deceased."
Ganyu, Ningguang, and Keqing all fell silent.
Only Zhongli stood there with a vein visibly twitching on his forehead.
And the black-and-white portrait, too, was just...
The worst part was, when he imagined it hanging inside Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, it felt disturbingly, precisely on-theme.
"Ah... Hall Master, in terms of universal reason, this particular honor may be a touch excessive for my humble self."
Hu Tao waved off his protest cheerfully. "Nonsense, not at all!"
"Your contribution to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is well worth it!"
She turned to Ye Xi. "Master Ye Xi, how much Mora do I owe you~?"
"Come now, let's not let money come between friends."
Ye Xi made a generous, dismissive gesture. "It was nothing. Consider it a gift from me."
"I'll have a couple of Millelith soldiers bring it over shortly so you can get it properly framed."
"Huh!?"
Hu Tao burst out laughing. "This is too much! Master, you are far too generous!"
The girls standing nearby were utterly speechless.
Ningguang could never have imagined that all she'd wanted was to give the Archon a bit of Mora, and somehow things had ended up here. The two of them were now exchanging pleasantries like old friends!
Was this appropriate!? At all!?
Not treating the Archon like a person!
And now sending the portrait over!? What was it going to look like, parading that thing through the streets!?
Hu Tao, paying Zhongli no further mind whatsoever, seized the moment to pitch her idea. "Master Ye Xi, how about this!"
"This Hall Master would like to hire you as a Consultant for Wangsheng Funeral Parlor!"
"All you'd need to do is help me brainstorm little marketing ideas from time to time!"
"The pay will absolutely be worth your while!"
Faced with Hu Tao's infectious enthusiasm, Ye Xi nodded and agreed.
Not for anything practical — it simply sounded like it would be fun.
Hu Tao was overjoyed. "Wonderful! Today really is a lucky day! So many good things happening at once!"
"Well then, Master Ye Xi — I'll take Mr. Zhongli and head back first!"
"There are quite a few eyes on Wangsheng Funeral Parlor out in the streets right now!"
She turned to Zhongli with a brisk look. "My dear Consultant, we still have work to do today!"
Zhongli let out a quiet sigh.
There was a time when he had thought Hu Tao was already more than enough to deal with.
Now it seemed the roster of people he couldn't deal with had grown by one.
Was this Ye Xi's revenge?
Ye Xi turned back with a grin. "Keqing, quick — have a couple of soldiers help our Hall Master carry it back."
"Huh——!?"
"C-Can we actually do that?"
Keqing looked at Ye Xi, then looked at Ningguang, thoroughly at a loss.
Ningguang leaned close to Keqing's ear and murmured, "The Archon just said Ye Xi is even more capable than he is and that we should rely on him more."
"So — follow Ye Xi's lead."
Keqing gave a small nod. "That's... fair. I'll go arrange it."
Zhongli: ...
At that moment, he very much wanted to say: when I told you to rely on Ye Xi, I didn't mean for this——!
Shortly after, two Millelith soldiers came in, lifted the portrait, and carried it away.
---
Out in the streets.
Secretaries, Millelith soldiers, staff from Yuehai Pavilion — every last one of them froze in absolute bewilderment.
"Isn't that Mr. Zhongli from Wangsheng Funeral Parlor!?"
"What's going on? What happened?"
"He just went in — and now he's... gone?"
"How did this happen? It's so sudden!"
"....."
The crowd erupted into frantic whispers.
The two Millelith soldiers were equally baffled.
But their orders were to deliver the portrait to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, and they weren't about to ask questions they had no business asking. So the two of them silently hefted the portrait and walked out of Yuehai Pavilion.
Madame Ping, watching from Yujing Terrace, caught sight of the enormous frame and nearly blacked out on the spot.
"The Archon... has passed away... again...?"
And below Yujing Terrace, the streets filled with the chatter of countless onlookers.
"Are you all here because of Mr. Zhongli too?"
"Indeed. Word is the Millelith took him away — and he still owes me over a hundred thousand Mora!"
"Ah, what a good man, now that he's been arrested he'll surely be locked up for a good while."
"His knowledge of jade was really something else. What a shame."
"Hopefully he'll reflect on his ways in there and be more restrained when he gets out."
"I heard Lady Tianquan herself interrogated him. It's been an hour now — still no news?"
"....."
Zhongli was quite well-known in Liyue Harbor, and many people had a great respect for him. But his habit of never carrying Mora had long since driven everyone to despair.
It was the most maddening of contradictions — a man who made people love him and want to strangle him in equal measure.
And yet, when something actually seemed to have happened to him, there was no shortage of people who genuinely worried.
As the crowd waited, two figures emerged at the top of Yujing Terrace's broad steps, hauling a portrait between them.
The moment people's eyes landed on that black-and-white portrait, the entire street exploded.
"Wh-What— Mr. Zhongli——!"
"He's... passed on!?"
"No — how could this be! Just a moment ago he was drinking tea at Three Bowls Drunk, perfectly fine!"
"Did the Millelith use torture during interrogation!?"
"Everyone take note! Take note! This is what happens when you skip out on your debts! Lives are at stake!"
"Cherish your life — pay your bills on time!"
"Neighbors, that Mora Mr. Zhongli owed me — I don't want it back anymore. The man is gone; let's all be a little more forgiving."
"Mr. Zhongli's face will live on in our memories. May his next life be free of debts——!"
"We mourn the passing of Mr. Zhongli!"
"How could this be... such a fine person, just gone like that... alas!"
In an instant, the entire street was awash in lament.
The two Millelith soldiers carried the portrait onward.
Everyone who recognized Zhongli — or had simply heard of him — bowed their heads in solemn silence.
Any one of them, had they bothered to look up, would have seen Hu Tao and Zhongli himself walking along behind the portrait.
But every single person had their head down in mourning.
Witness to this scene, Zhongli's composure finally shattered.
...
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