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Chapter 5 - Chapter 4

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The roar of the engine bounced off the stone walls as if a metallic beast had entered the capital dragging the echo of another world behind it.

Link had no time to think about the number of stares he was attracting. Nor did he have the patience to stop and explain what a van was, why it did not need ground dragons to move, or why its wheels were not some kind of cursed artifact. Every face that turned toward him became just another blur among the noise, the stone, the food stalls, the colored fabrics hanging over the streets, and the chaos of a city that looked like something out of medieval fantasy, but with too many smells, too many voices, and too many possibilities of dying in absurd ways.

His hands gripped the steering wheel with controlled force, though his fingers trembled every time the leather creaked under the pressure. He had learned the hard way that if he squeezed too hard, he could break things that should not break. The steering wheel was still intact through sheer discipline. The driver's side door, on the other hand, creaked every time the van jumped over an irregularity in the cobblestones; the vehicle had not been designed for stone streets, narrow turns, or pedestrians with animal ears who moved aside screaming when the headlights fell over them.

"Move, move, move..." Link muttered through clenched teeth, the metallic taste of his bitten lip still spread across his tongue.

He had entered the city without knowing exactly what he was looking for. That was the worst part. He had no plan, no map, no money from this world, and not the slightest idea why the universe seemed determined to split him in half, return him to the same point, and demand that he understand the rules of a game where no one had even taught him how to move the first piece. The only things he had were a misplaced van, a body that did not obey logic, memories too real of having been torn apart, and a familiar face in the middle of all that madness.

Subaru Natsuki.

The Japanese boy. The otaku in tracksuit clothes. The only other idiot who seemed to come from Earth. The same one who had been there when everything went to shit in that warehouse. The same one who had seen Rom, Felt, and Elsa. The same one who, for some reason, had ended up crossing paths with him right before the world decided to turn his life into a roulette wheel of slaughter.

Link did not know what the hell was happening. He did not know whether Subaru had answers. He did not know whether he was guilty, a victim, or simply another poor bastard dragged by the same current. And that enraged him even more, because ignorance had burrowed under his skin like an infected splinter.

The van advanced onto a wider main street. Stalls lined both sides like a fair of impossible colors: red fruits shaped like apples but with a sweeter smell, flatbreads covered in spices, meat skewers sizzling over coals, embroidered fabrics, amulets, ceramics, tools, and jars filled with liquids far too bright to inspire trust. The capital was alive, overwhelmingly alive, and that made everything more grotesque. People bought, argued, haggled, laughed. Children ran between adults' legs. A man with dog ears carried sacks of grain. A green-haired woman argued with a merchant over the price of some herbs. Everything kept functioning as if there were not an assassin dressed in black waiting on some corner to open bellies as if she were admiring flowers.

Link stepped on the brake when he reached a crowded intersection. The van shook with a sharp screech, and several people stepped back abruptly, some bringing their hands to small weapons or amulets. Link ignored them. His eyes swept over the crowd with fierce anxiety. Black and orange. Tracksuit. Black hair. Eyes that always seemed caught somewhere between bragging and panic.

Nothing.

"Shit..." he whispered, striking the steering wheel with the heel of his palm, not hard enough to damage it, but enough to sound the horn.

The sound burst into the street like the squawk of an agonizing animal. Half the market jumped in fright. A vendor dropped a basket of fruit. Two children screamed excitedly. A guard on a corner became so stiff that his spear struck his companion's helmet.

Link closed his eyes for a second and breathed through his nose.

"I don't know where I am, I don't know how I got here, I don't know who killed me the second time, I don't know why my body is weird, I don't know where the Japanese guy is, and on top of that, I just scared half the city with a horn," he murmured with a calm so forced it sounded dangerous. "Perfect. Excellent. Spectacular day. Five stars. Fuck everything."

Then he saw him.

It was not epic. There was no divine light or music of destiny. He did not appear in the middle of the crowd like an answer sent by some benevolent god. He was simply there, near a fruit stall, with a plastic convenience-store bag hanging from one hand, messy black hair, and an orange-and-black tracksuit as out of place as an LED screen in an ancient cathedral.

Subaru Natsuki had gone completely still.

His eyes were fixed on the van.

Not on Link at first. On the van.

It was a strange expression. It was not only the surprise of seeing a modern vehicle in a medieval world. It was more specific, more unsettling. As if he were seeing something that should not be there. As if there were a list of expected things in his head for that exact moment, and the van had just shattered it with the roar of its engine.

Link felt something tighten in his chest.

Subaru took one step back, his mouth half open.

"That..." the Japanese boy murmured, though the distance and noise did not allow Link to hear more.

Link did not need more.

He slammed the brake. The van stopped dead a few meters from the fruit stall, close enough for the scar-faced vendor to raise a hand as if he were going to defend his merchandise from the metal beast. Link shut off the engine with a sharp turn of the key and opened the door with too much force. The hinge protested. He got out of the vehicle before Subaru could decide whether to run, speak, or strike one of those stupid poses that seemed to come factory-installed in him.

Subaru took another step back.

"Li... Link..." he said in a tense voice. "You..."

Link crossed the distance between them like a storm.

Subaru barely had time to raise his hands in a gesture of peace before Link grabbed him by the collar of his tracksuit jacket and shoved him against the side of the van. The impact was not strong enough to truly injure him, but it was enough to knock the air out of him and make the plastic bag fall to the ground with a crinkle of wrappers and instant food. The fruit vendor let out an exclamation. Several curious onlookers stepped back. Someone murmured something about calling the guards.

Link did not take his eyes off Subaru.

The Japanese boy's neck was between his fingers, not quite choking him, but trapping him with pressure that made it clear one wrong move could turn that conversation into something worse. Link could feel the accelerated pulse beneath Subaru's skin. Fast. Alive. Just like his own.

"Talk," Link said.

Subaru tried to swallow, but the hand on his neck made it difficult.

"W-wait, wait, wait... I understand this looks like a very intense emotional reunion between dimensional compatriots, but I think you're skipping the part where we greet each other civilly and—"

Link lifted him a few centimeters against the van.

It was not much. Enough for the tips of Subaru's shoes to brush the cobblestones insecurely. Enough for the Japanese boy to stop joking instantly. Link felt the movement, the ease with which he could hold him up, and for a second the horror peeked out again from the bottom of his stomach. His body was doing things that should not be possible, but he was not going to think about that now. He could not. If he thought too much, he would fall apart.

"I'm not in the mood, Subaru Natsuki," he growled, pronouncing the name as if it were an accusation. "I saw you in the warehouse. I saw you with the blonde. I saw you with the old giant. I saw that damn woman dressed in black open people up like she was slicing bread. They cut off my hand. They pulled out my guts. They cut off my head. Then I woke up in my van, alive. After that, I died again without anyone touching me, as if something had turned me off from the inside, and I woke up again in the same damn seat. Now you are here, looking at me as if my van should not exist. So I'm going to repeat it once: talk."

Subaru had lost all color in his face.

The mask of the loud clown shattered at once. For an instant, Link saw something raw in his eyes. Not simple confusion, not fear because his neck was being squeezed, but a kind of horrified recognition. Subaru looked at Link as if someone had just opened a door he thought was locked from the other side of the world.

"You... remember," Subaru whispered.

Link pulled him a little closer, gritting his teeth.

"I remember dying, idiot. I don't know what it means. I don't know why. I don't know who threw me in here. I don't know what the fuck this place is. I don't know why I can do things I couldn't do before. I don't know why my hand is in place when I saw it fall to the ground. I don't know anything. And that is exactly why I'm holding you by the neck instead of inviting you for coffee, because you are the only familiar face in this shitty city."

Subaru opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. His eyes moved to the sides, toward the people watching, toward the vendor, toward the van, toward the streets. Link understood what he was thinking before he said anything: too many witnesses. Too many ears.

The fruit vendor, a broad man with a scar splitting his face and the expression of someone who had already decided not to get too involved with either the metal beast or the furious young man, crossed his arms behind his stall.

"Hey, I don't know what kind of poor people's fight you're having, but if you're going to destroy my shop, pay first."

Link slowly turned his head toward him.

"I'm not in the mood, old man."

The vendor held his gaze for a few seconds, looked at the van, looked at Subaru hanging from Link's hand, and decided with admirable wisdom that commercial pride was not worth that much.

"As long as you don't touch my abblas, it's not my problem."

Subaru let out a nervous laugh that quickly died when Link looked back at him.

"We can talk," Subaru said, carefully raising both hands. "But not here. If you say you remember... if you really remember, then we need to talk somewhere the whole market won't think we're insane."

"Too late," Link replied. "I already think I'm insane."

Even so, he released him.

Subaru landed on his feet, coughing and bringing a hand to his neck. Link did not apologize. He only took half a step back, enough to give him air, not enough to let him escape. Subaru picked up his plastic bag from the ground with trembling fingers. For a moment, it seemed like he was going to say something absurd, perhaps a complaint about his ramen or potato chips, but he swallowed it down.

Link pointed at the van with his thumb.

"Get in."

"Into that?" Subaru asked, with an impossible mixture of fear and fascination.

"Would you rather keep talking here, in front of Mr. Abblas and half the medieval zoo?"

"Don't say medieval zoo out loud. There are demi-humans and, well, although I understand what you mean, it sounds very bad."

"Get in, Subaru."

The Japanese boy raised his hands again.

"Alright, alright. I'm just saying we should maybe avoid generating an interdimensional diplomatic incident. You know, out of basic respect for intelligent species and all that."

"I swear on my mother that if you make another joke before explaining what the fuck is going on, I'm going to find out whether you can come back from being run over."

Subaru went completely still.

Link did too.

The phrase had come out of anger, without thinking, but the effect was immediate. Subaru looked at him as if he had heard the exact word he did not want to hear. Link did not understand why. He did not allow himself to understand. He did not want to build theories. He did not want to play detective with corpses still warm in his memory. He only wanted answers.

Subaru climbed into the passenger seat with almost reverent caution, as if entering the stomach of a sleeping animal. His eyes scanned the dashboard, the gearshift, the windshield, the glove compartment, the silent radio, the vents, the remnants of dust and leaves from the forest clinging to the interior. For him, all of that must have been as familiar as it was impossible. Link sat behind the wheel, closed the door, and left his hands on his legs, away from the key. He did not want the engine to cover their voices.

For a few seconds, neither of them spoke.

Outside, people were still staring. Some children came close enough to touch the back of the van until one look from Link made them run away. The fruit vendor tried to pretend he was not listening, but his ear was clearly tilted toward them.

Link struck the dashboard with two knuckles.

"Talk."

Subaru hugged the plastic bag against his chest as if it were a life preserver.

"Before that... that thing was with you from the beginning, right? I mean, when we met the other time, you were walking, with your clothes in tatters. You didn't have this. There was no car. No van. Nothing. Now you show up driving a van as if you'd decided to break this world's production budget."

"The first time, I crashed into a tree and it exploded."

"It exploded?"

"There were weapons in the back."

Subaru looked at him.

"That sounds like a sentence that needs twenty explanations, and probably none of them are reassuring."

"It's not important now."

"I'm pretty sure a van full of weapons exploding in a fantasy forest is important to any reasonable person."

Link barely turned his head.

Subaru shrank into his seat.

"Not important now. Understood. Very well. Filed in the mental folder of things that are going to give me nightmares later."

Link took a deep breath. Rage wanted to come out in punches, but beneath it there was something worse: fear. Pure, sticky, humiliating fear. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Elsa leaning over him, cheeks flushed, talking about his intestines as if they were a work of art. He felt again the cold of his severed hand. He felt the world spinning when his head stopped being connected to his neck.

"Subaru," he said, this time lower. "I'm about to lose my mind. I don't know if you understand what that means. I'm not exaggerating to sound dramatic. I'm serious. I need you to tell me what you know. Now."

Subaru lowered his gaze.

His expression changed. The unease was still there, but something else crossed through it. Exhaustion. Guilt. A kind of weariness that did not belong on the face of a seventeen-year-old boy. Link realized, for the first time since grabbing him, that Subaru was trembling too. Not because of the physical threat. Not only because of that.

Subaru had seen things.

Subaru had died.

The Japanese boy took a breath, as if he were about to jump from a high place without knowing whether there was water below.

"I think I can return from death."

Link did not react at first.

The sentence hung inside the van, absurd and terrible. Outside, the capital remained alive. A woman haggled. A beast of burden snorted. A child laughed. The world did not stop to give solemnity to the revelation. That made it worse.

"Repeat that," Link said.

Subaru squeezed his eyes shut.

"Every time I die, I return to a previous point. I don't know who did it. I don't know why. I don't know how long it lasts. I don't know if there's a limit. I don't know if one day it simply won't work and I'll stay dead for real. I called it Return by Death because... well, because my naming sense is horrible under pressure, I guess."

Link did not smile.

Subaru rubbed his face with both hands.

"The first time, I appeared in this city. Some guys attacked me, a silver-haired girl saved me, then I ended up helping her search for a stolen insignia. We went to the Loot House. There was blood. A lot of blood. My stomach was cut open. She died too. I woke up again in front of the fruit stall as if nothing had happened."

Link remained motionless. He did not interrupt. His fingers slowly closed over his knees.

"The second time, I tried to go straight to the Loot House to get the insignia before her. That was when you appeared. Well, first we met in the street. You said you came from South America, that you were from a country with the best food, and you nearly declared me your mortal enemy for trying to guess. Then we went to the warehouse. Rom was alive. Felt arrived. Elsa arrived. We negotiated. Everything went to shit. Rom died. Felt..." Subaru swallowed. "I don't know exactly how much you saw, but I remember blood, screams, and that woman attacking as if she weren't human. After that, I died too."

Link noticed his breathing had become irregular. The van seemed smaller. The air inside felt hot and heavy.

"The third time," Subaru continued, "I tried to do something different. I didn't find you. There was no van. There was no Latino with a face like he wanted to kill someone. I went another way, tried to search for the silver-haired girl, but ended up getting into trouble with the same thugs in the alley. I died in a stupid way. Pathetic. Not even Elsa. Just... some miserable guys with miserable weapons. And I woke up again in front of the fruit stall."

Link looked through the windshield. The street was full of people who knew nothing. No one knew that time had bent. No one knew that Subaru carried three deaths. No one knew Link had felt the cold of a death without executioner in the middle of the forest. And the worst part was that Subaru's explanation sounded impossible, but it fit with the only thing Link could not deny: he had come back too.

"So this isn't a dream," Link said.

Subaru slowly shook his head.

"I don't think it is."

"And I'm not crazy."

"Well..." Subaru tried to lift a finger and lowered it when he saw Link's stare. "No, you're not crazy because of that."

Link let out a dry laugh, without humor. He covered his mouth with one hand and stared at a fixed point on the dashboard. He wanted to feel relief. Not being insane should have been good news. But it was not. Because if he was not insane, then the warehouse was real. Elsa was real. Rom dying was real. Felt running with blood in her hair was real. His own head rolling under the moon was real.

"Fuck me..." he whispered.

Subaru hugged the convenience-store bag against his chest.

"Yeah. That was more or less my internal reaction, just with less Latin flavor."

Link slowly looked at him.

"Don't make me laugh, damn it."

"That wasn't my intention. Well, it was a little my intention, but as psychological defense, not out of disrespect."

Link closed his eyes and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the steering wheel. The leather creaked, and when Subaru saw it, he made an instinctive movement as if afraid the steering wheel was going to split. Link noticed.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just that... before, you didn't seem so... you know."

"So what?"

Subaru searched for a word that would not end with him crushed against the dashboard.

"Capable of lifting me by the neck as if I were a sack of rice."

Link moved his hands away from the steering wheel.

"I don't know what's happening to me."

Subaru observed him more carefully. Link felt that gaze and hated it. He did not want to be examined. He did not want Subaru, with his otaku logic, to start saying fantasy words like stats, blessings, curses, hidden classes, or any similar stupidity. He did not want his strangeness to have a name. Giving it a name would make it more real.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Sorry."

"I don't know what's happening to me," Link repeated. "I don't know why I'm stronger. I don't know why I jumped out of a van at that speed and didn't break anything. I don't know why I could punch a tree and split it. I don't know why I died in the forest without anyone touching me. And I don't know why I'm here with you talking about returning from death as if we were comparing phone plans."

Subaru stayed silent for a few seconds.

"You died in the forest without anyone touching you?"

Link clenched his jaw.

"Yes."

"How?"

"Cold. In my chest. As if something had drained me from the inside. There was no one. There was no weapon. Just... everything turned off."

Subaru lowered his gaze, clearly disturbed. Link saw the thought cross his face, but did not allow him to turn it into a theory.

"Don't say anything if you don't know."

Subaru closed his mouth.

"I don't know," he admitted.

"Good."

Silence fell again. Link breathed slowly, trying to regain control. He had the sensation of sitting on top of a bomb. The van, the market, Subaru, the city, the warehouse, Elsa, everything seemed like part of a chain that could close around his neck at any moment.

"What time is it?" Link asked.

Subaru blinked.

"I don't have a watch, but judging by the sun... there's still time before sunset. In this loop, the insignia theft has already happened, I think. Or it's happening now. I'm not sure of the exact minute, but I know the blonde girl, Felt, will end up taking it to the Loot House. Elsa will also arrive there. Rom is there. If things go like before, everyone dies."

Link felt Felt's name pierce his chest with an uncomfortable pang. He saw her again, leaping across the rooftops, small and quick, moving away while he bled out on the ground. He had seen her with blood in her hair. He had heard her scream when Rom fell. He had felt a stupid, absurd rage for a girl he barely knew.

He gritted his teeth.

"And what do you plan to do?"

Subaru lifted his head.

There it was. That irritating expression. Not the ridiculous pose, not the fake smile, not the bragging. It was something more stubborn. More dangerous. The kind of face idiots wore before voluntarily throwing themselves into a grinder because they had decided someone had to do it.

"I'm going to stop it."

Link looked at him as if he had just confessed he was going to try to bite lightning.

"No."

Subaru frowned.

"I haven't even explained the plan."

"No."

"Listen, Link. This time I can move earlier. I have information. I know Felt wants to sell the insignia. I know Rom can appraise my phone as a Metia. I know Elsa is going to appear. I know the silver-haired girl can also arrive if no one delays her. Puck should still be active before dusk. If we get everyone in the same place before Elsa gains the advantage, we can—"

"Go fuck yourself with your plan."

Subaru froze.

Link opened the van door. He got out with a brusque movement, walked around the vehicle, and opened the rear compartment. Subaru got out after him, alarmed.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving."

"What?"

"I'm not going back to that warehouse," Link said, every word pushed through his teeth. "I'm not getting into that hell again."

Subaru got out of the van on the other side and circled around the front, desperate.

"Link, wait. I know you're scared. I'm scared too. Believe me, I know exactly what it feels like for that woman to open your stomach! But that's exactly why—"

"No, Subaru. You don't understand shit."

"Yes, I do!"

Link turned so quickly that Subaru stepped back.

"You understand? Are you telling me you understand? Did they cut off your hand while you tried to grab your only weapon? Did they kick you through a wall? Did they leave you watching your guts fall over your legs while a sick woman got excited about the color? Did you see your own headless body before everything went dark? Did you see it from outside, Subaru?"

Subaru did not answer.

The street around them had grown quieter. Some curious onlookers pretended not to stare. Others stared openly. Link paid attention to no one. Fury held him upright because, if he let go of it, only fear would remain.

"I'm not a hero," he continued. "I'm not a knight, I'm not an adventurer, I'm not the protagonist of your fucking mental anime. A few hours ago, my boss betrayed me, they put weapons in a van, threatened my family, dragged me into this world, erased half my head, and killed me like an animal. Twice. I have no obligation to save anyone. I have no reason to go back to that woman."

Subaru clenched his fists.

"I'm not a hero either."

"Then stop acting like one."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"I can't, because if I do nothing, they'll die."

Link let out a bitter laugh.

"People die, Subaru. Welcome to real life."

The phrase struck harder than he expected. Subaru went still, eyes open. Link felt a pang of guilt immediately, but he did not take it back. He needed to be cruel. If he was cruel, he could leave. If he sounded reasonable, Subaru would find a way to put his hand into his conscience and drag him back.

Subaru lowered his gaze.

"I thought that too," he said in a lower voice. "At some point, I thought it. Felt is a thief. Rom buys stolen things. They're not saints. I could say it's not my problem. I could say the silver-haired girl no longer knows me, that the favor I wanted to repay her disappeared when the world turned back. I could say the smartest thing is to sell my phone, get money, and walk away from everything. But when you know someone is going to die... when you've seen it... it isn't that easy."

Link ran a hand through his hair.

"Don't come at me with speeches."

"It's not a speech. I'm terrified. I don't want to see her again. I don't want to feel that knife in my stomach ever again. I don't want to trust that this will work again if I die. I don't even know if I have a limited number of attempts. But if I leave, if I look away, then Rom dies. Felt dies. The silver-haired girl may die too. And I'll know it. I'll live with that."

"I can live with that."

The lie came out faster than Link expected.

Subaru looked at him silently.

Link held his gaze.

"I can live with that," he repeated, louder, as if raising the volume could make it true.

He climbed back into the van and started the engine. The roar made several curious onlookers step back. Subaru approached the driver's window, placing his hands on the frame.

"Link, please. You're strong. Much stronger than normal. And you have this thing. I'm not saying you have to fight Elsa head-on, but you can help me move fast, find Felt earlier, get Rom out of there, and—"

"No."

"You don't even have to go in! Just take me. Just help me get there earlier."

"I said no."

Subaru struck the window frame with his palm.

"Then at least let me get in!"

Link looked at him.

For a second, he almost agreed.

Almost.

Subaru was not guilty of all this. Not entirely. He was another lost boy, another condemned soul with a broken smile and more deaths on his shoulders than any person should have to bear. Link knew that. He saw it in his eyes. And maybe, if the world had been a little less cruel, if Elsa had not turned his final memories into a gallery of pain, if Felt had not mattered to him even a little, if Rom had not thrown him that final look, he would have grabbed Subaru by the neck again and forced him to get in so they could flee together.

But precisely because they mattered, he had to leave.

If he went back to that warehouse, he did not know if he would be able to get out.

"Subaru," Link said, his voice drier than he wanted, "I'm not your partner. I'm not your plan B. I'm not your secret weapon. I'm a guy who wants to survive."

Subaru removed his hands from the window frame as if he had been burned.

Link shifted gears.

The van began to move.

"Link!"

He did not stop.

Subaru ran alongside the vehicle for a few meters, dodging people, his face red with desperation.

"Link, if you leave, Rom dies!"

The van continued advancing.

"Felt dies too!"

Link's foot trembled on the accelerator.

For an instant, the image of the blonde girl appeared with unbearable clarity: Felt grabbing the candies with suspicion, pretending she was not excited; Felt barely smiling when she tasted them; Felt covered in blood, screaming for Rom; Felt leaping across the rooftops, alive thanks to a few seconds bought with pain.

The engine roared.

Link looked forward with eyes wet from rage.

"Are you going to let them die?!" Subaru shouted behind him, his voice breaking. "Are you going to let them die knowing what's going to happen?!"

Link gripped the steering wheel until the leather creaked.

He did not answer.

The van accelerated down the cobblestone street, leaving behind the fruit stall, the shouts of the curious, the smell of the capital, and Subaru's voice fading into the noise of the engine.

For several seconds, Link could not breathe properly. The city opened before him in unknown streets, and his eyes burned so much that he had to blink several times to keep the road in sight. His chest hurt, not because of a wound, not because of supernatural cold, but because of something older and more human.

Guilt.

"I'm not a hero," he murmured, as if Subaru could still hear him. "I'm not a hero, damn it."

But Felt's face did not disappear. Neither did Rom's gaze. Neither did the sound of Subaru shouting in the middle of the street.

The van kept moving. 

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