"Incidentally, Sakura-kun," Orochimaru said nonchalantly, "I'm dying."
Sakura shot him a look filled with suspicion.
"Are you really, now?" she said. "Are you sure you're not saying that just to get out of going to war?"
"Monkey's disciple is telling the truth, he's suffering from severe cellular degeneration," Tobirama said nonchalantly. "If it wasn't for his life force being particularly tenacious, I suspect he would already be a corpse."
So, that was why they wanted to analyse her blood, Sakura realised. Since Orochimaru was possessing her clone, they suspected she might also be suffering from the same condition that was killing all his cells.
"You didn't listen to my advice at all, did you?" Sakura sighed. "I told you not to steal any more breasts because my body was nearing its limit."
Orochimaru grinned. "Well, when you asked me to gather people specifically from the Kaguya and Hagoromo clans, I couldn't help but think you had something in mind concerning our little dilemma, so I went ahead and implanted my subordinate, Kabuto, with both of their Kekkei Genkai using the Chimera Jutsu, which I improved. When that proved successful, I repeated the procedure on myself…"
Sakura frowned.
Stealing Kekkei Genkai through the Chimera Jutsu was only one part of Hiruko's ritual ascension to a higher level of existence, but for most people simply obtaining a Kekkei Genkai would be more than enough, never mind chasing immortality.
After Team 7 defeated Hiruko and Sasuke had his little temper tantrum, Kakashi had carefully inspected every square centimetre of Hiruko's lair to seal away every trace of his research concerning ascension. The finished work had then been transcribed into the Scroll of Secrets for posterity, and all other records of the Chimera Jutsu had been expunged. Now that she was Hokage, no one other than Sakura ought to have had access to this jutsu, and yet…
"Well, that'll teach you to go poking around where you're not supposed to," Sakura said, annoyed by Orochimaru's obsequious smile. "Oh, and about the Hagoromo clan's Kekkei Genkai," she added. "How exactly did you get your hands on it?"
"Why, I've had it all along, Milady," Orochimaru said silkily. "I believe you've met my Sound Four?"
Sakura actually had no idea what members of the Hagoromo clan were supposed to look like. Even in the original source material, they had appeared only once, in the form of a dead man from a century ago, lazily drifting face down along a river.
Not very helpful.
All that to say, of all the Ōtsutsuki lineages, the Hagoromo were by far the most mysterious.
The Senju clan had inherited the Ōtsutsuki clan's unyielding physique, the Uzumaki clan their seemingly limitless chakra, the Hyūga clan their eyes, the Kaguya clan their bones, and the Uchiha clan the power born from the chakra fruit's condensation of this star's various bloodlines, but the Hagoromo had inherited... what, exactly?
"It's Sakon and Ukon," Orochimaru explained, seeing that Sakura was drawing a blank. "Unfortunately, absorbing their Kekkei Genkai greatly destabilised my DNA."
"Those fellows remind me of the men who murdered me," Tobirama said distastefully. "The twins, Ginkaku and Kinkaku, of Kumogakure… they were also members of the Hagoromo clan."
The gold and silver bros. could trace their lineage directly to the Sage of Six Paths, whose name had been forgotten by history. Ōtsutsuki blood ran thick in their veins, as could be seen from the horns jutting out of their heads. Sakon and Ukon did not have horns in their normal states, but when influenced by their cursed seals' nature energy, they would undergo atavism and regain their ancestors' telltale physical markers.
"Oh, so it's like that!" Sakura said in surprise. "I had no idea… their family names were never mentioned…"
"Just what did they teach you at the academy?" Tobirama said frostily. "Were you not taught of my brave sacrifice after the twins launched a coup in Kumogakure when I went there to sign a peace treaty?"
"Er…" Sakura said, scratching her head. "We learned that the Lord Third bravely offered to hold back the enemies back then, which is why you nominated him on the spot to be your replacement… and then the textbooks go on to say he bravely led your other disciples back to Konoha while you unfortunately fell to the enemies' blades."
Tobirama's eyes turned cold. No wonder the office of Hokage had become such a cult of personality after his death. That damned monkey had taken all the glory for himself and left him a mere footnote in history; that story made him look like a complete chump who'd been done in by a bunch of nobodies rather than the Sage of Six Paths' own bloody descendants!
"I think Monkey and I are going to have a little talk after this," Tobirama said coldly.
DING!
The supercomputer's analysis was complete, so Tobirama went back to fetch the results, a long, unending sheet of paper continuously spat out by its inbuilt printer. Before long, so much paper had accumulated that it could have been rolled into an enormous scroll the size of Sakura herself…
"It's as I thought," Tobirama muttered as he combed through the results. "The ability to steal breasts is not natural to the Manyū… that Kekkei Genkai belongs to the Munamori clan of the forest, whose blood also runs in your veins… but the sword technique that cleaves breast from body is definitely Manyū in origin…"
As expected of an old monster from the Warring States period, Tobirama had been alive during the peak of the Manyū and Munamori clans, and although the Senju were leagues above them in terms of strength, he had still heard of them before they vanished from the face of this star…
"Well?" Sakura said.
She knew all of this already, even though the current Manyū clan she had brought back to Konoha were desperately trying to keep the secret that she was a descendant of a clan they had annihilated under wraps. It was funny to watch them squirm whenever she asked for pointers about Breast Flow.
"Well, the good news is that you're not dying," Tobirama said, sounding oddly disappointed. "Now, for the bad… I mean, other news… your blood carries the unique markers of two different Uchiha familial lines that are not in the database, which means…"
Even though they were all supposed to be comrades, Tobirama had secretly used Aburame-raised mosquitoes to steal their blood and catalogue the Uchiha clan's various bloodlines before his death. Know thine enemy, and all that.
"...I'm actually descended from the Uchiha clan," Sakura said dizzily. "The Manyū patriarch wasn't lying, back then…"
Munenori had told her that Manyū Chifusa had eloped with an Uchiha clan member just before Tanimagakure was sealed away by the Munamori remnants and the Uzumaki clan, but now Sakura had proof that his story was true!
"Wait, hang on…"
Although Sakura was relieved that her lie had turned into truth, meaning she no longer had to step lightly around Sasuke, that was not as important as what she had just realised: now that she had the Hyūga clan's eyes, Orochimaru's cloned (and dying) body contained everything she needed to ascend!
Of course, since Tsubaki had been a clone, she would not have Tsunade's spiritual imprint (that was lost for ever), but if Sakura could just obtain her breast chakra, she would collect not only the Uzumaki and Senju bloodlines she had lost, but also the Shikotsumyaku, as well as Sakon and Ukon's Hagoromo clan Kekkei Genkai!
[Beep! This course of action is not recommended! Although the Host would technically have assembled all the required bloodlines in order to reverse derive the Ōtsutsuki clan's bloodline, the Host's genetic sequence would collapse long before the change could take hold. Should the Host proceed in their current state, the odds of survival are less than one percent.]
"Then, what should I do?" Sakura whispered, turning her back to the two scientists.
[Beep. The Host should first solve the problem of genetic instability by increasing the Host's human factor to give the System ample time to integrate the alien bloodlines seamlessly. In other words… stabilise baseline physiology before attempting further optimisation.]
Ironically, to ascend to the life level of a celestial being, Sakura would first have to head in the opposite direction, and steal the breasts of as many ordinary women as she could…
[Beep. To guarantee success with a 99.999% chance of survival, the weight of the Host's breasts must equal the rest of the Host's body weight.]