I'm Not A Master, I'm A Director
Chapter 401: The Reviews Are More Exciting Than the Movie
As the ending song echoed through the theater and the credits slowly rolled down the screen, Robert Iger turned slightly in his seat when the lights came back on, his eyes filled with anticipation.
He wanted to see applause.
He wanted the audience to acknowledge the film—to praise it, to celebrate it.
At every one of Shinji Matou's premieres, the audience would erupt into thunderous applause on their own, often lasting for several full minutes.
Robert Iger wanted that too.
Because applause meant recognition from the first viewers.
And right now, Disney desperately needed a successful film.
However, until the very last credit disappeared, the only sounds in the theater were low murmurs and scattered claps.
And even those claps were perfunctory—two quick taps and done, purely out of politeness.
"…This…"
Robert Iger's heart sank.
The loudest applause came from the front rows—the VIP section.
How could those distinguished guests possibly lose their manners in public?
As for the ordinary audience in the back rows…
Heh.
"This is bad."
Robert Iger shook his head and turned back again to look toward the rear of the theater.
This time, he wasn't trying to read the audience.
He was searching for Shinji.
"…He's already gone?"
His gaze swept across the back rows several times, but he couldn't find the young director anywhere.
His mood instantly became complicated.
When had he left?
Did he walk out early?
Or did he stay until the end and leave afterward?
What did his departure mean?
Was it disdain for Cinderella?
Or…
Countless possibilities flooded Robert Iger's mind, and for a moment he didn't even know how to describe what he was feeling.
'It's fine. This is only the premiere. It hasn't opened wide yet.'
Just as he was desperately planting flags of self-comfort in his heart—
"Robert, it was a wonderful film."
"Robert, your movie is fantastic."
"I'm sure it'll be a huge box office hit."
Guests who stood on the same side as Disney walked over, wearing bright smiles as they offered their congratulations.
"Thank you."
With his thoughts still in disarray, Robert Iger forced himself to smile and respond.
These sincere-sounding words did make him feel slightly better.
The audience response hadn't been enthusiastic, but at least no one had openly called it bad.
That meant Cinderella must have its strengths…
Right?
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"Master, what do you think?"
In the cinema lobby, Jeanne walked out while holding Shinji's arm and asked,
"Will it be a threat to Apocrypha?"
"What do you think?" Shinji countered.
Jeanne thought for a moment.
"The visual effects were done very well. But turning a fairy tale into live action still feels pretty awkward. The audience might not buy it."
She hadn't felt it so strongly during the screening, but now that it was over, the "artificial" nature of Cinderella's story became obvious to her.
However, with her limited viewing experience, she wasn't sure whether that counted as a flaw.
After all, it was a fairy tale.
Taking the plot too seriously would be missing the point.
As for the reused songs, Jeanne could only give a dry laugh.
When she first realized the film had directly reused the original songs, she had been furious.
Cutting corners isn't supposed to be this blatant!
But after thinking it through—
Unless the live-action version could produce songs that surpassed the classics, the audience would never accept them.
They might even mock any new originals.
In that case, simply reusing the classics at least allowed them to play the "nostalgia" card without being criticized for having bad new songs.
Is this homage or laziness? This is practically cheating…
Jeanne stared at Shinji, hoping for a professional evaluation.
Shinji smiled.
"From my personal perspective, this film barely passes."
"A passing grade?"
Jeanne tilted her head, unconsciously pulling his arm closer into her chest.
"For such a thoroughly remade film, Master, that sounds like praise."
"Just an objective evaluation," Shinji replied.
If he had the power for his words to become reality, Shinji would have trashed Cinderella to nothing and cursed it as pure garbage.
But since bad-mouthing the film wouldn't reduce the other party's box office, he might as well be honest.
After all, Cinderella definitely wasn't a bad movie. Its box office would most likely not make Disney lose money—there was even a good chance it would turn a profit.
In Shinji's view, the film didn't give audiences a completely negative experience. Aside from relying on the classic animated original as its foundation, the movie's own production quality was actually not bad.
Calling it an assembly-line product of the film industry was a criticism, but it also meant the basic quality was solid and the presentation looked good.
Simply put, it was well packaged.
As for how successful Cinderella would ultimately be, that would depend on audience and market acceptance.
Of course, regardless of whether audiences accepted it or not, Shinji would definitely not hold back on throwing mud.
If Cinderella's box office soared, that would be normal business competition; if it flopped, that would be kicking it while it was down.
Personally, Shinji hoped for the second outcome, though he didn't think it was very likely.
After all, how many films in this world are commercially successful but critically panned?
Especially for movies targeting young girls, there would always be a group of Mary-Sue-type viewers rushing to watch them.
"If only there weren't so many little princesses in this world… hehehehe~"
Seeing Shinji starting to lose control, Jeanne smacked his back to bring him back to his senses.
"Master, come back to life," she complained. "You're smiling so deviously, what evil scheme are you plotting now?"
Shinji wasn't about to admit he was thinking about how to change those Mary-Sue girls' preferences. He gave Jeanne a slight smile.
"I was thinking of having evil thoughts about you."
Jeanne froze for a moment, then narrowed her eyes and smiled shyly.
"Oh, Master~ you're being too honest. Now I feel like kissing you."
"Then go ahead and—"
Shinji stopped halfway through his sentence.
Jeanne's reaction was completely unlike her usual self—she hadn't snapped back or teased him!
With his quick mind spinning rapidly, Shinji ruled out the extremely unlikely possibilities—someone impersonating her, or Jeanne suddenly malfunctioning because of a damaged spiritual core—and only one option remained…
"Hey, Jeanne…"
Cold sweat covered Shinji's face.
"What is it, Master?"
Shinji asked in a trembling voice, "Lissy… she's here, right?"
Jeanne nodded vigorously. "She is. She's been standing behind us since you started talking to yourself."
Shinji laughed awkwardly. "Wow, Jeanne, you've become naughty. I don't remember ever raising you to be such a black-hearted girl."
"Master," Jeanne said with utmost seriousness, looking at him, "have a good trip."
"A good trip? I'll trip you—wahhh!"
Attacked from behind, Shinji let out a scream in the cinema lobby.
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Shinji's trip to New York did not end on a pleasant note. After being thoroughly "disciplined" by Cloris, for more than half a week afterward he felt as if his waist was on the verge of breaking, extremely uncomfortable.
The only thing that comforted him was that he had left early that day, running off before the end credits finished.
At that time the reporters were still inside the screening hall, so none of them knew about the "tragedy" that had happened in the cinema lobby.
However, Shinji guessed that Lissy had only dared to strike so heavily because there were no reporters around. If there had been, she wouldn't have been so ruthless in public.
"Those paparazzi, seriously—when you don't need them they're everywhere like ghosts, but when you actually need them, there's not even a shadow of one."
Of course, Shinji wasn't about to let the "chief culprit," Jeanne, off the hook either. Who knew who she had learned it from—she had actually picked up the habit of enjoying the drama and making things bigger.
"Obviously from you, Master!"
Jeanne sipped her black tea as she answered Shinji's question.
"It was you who made me realize how fun it is to eat popcorn and watch the show. That's why I couldn't resist bullying you a little from the standpoint of an older sister."
"You French country bumpkin, go back to the countryside and farm!" (╯°Д°)╯︵┻━┻
Facing this saint who had turned dark on the inside, Shinji swore that one day he would make her kneel in front of him and sing Conquest—and on the bed!
That weekend ended in constant bickering between Shinji and Jeanne.
Compared to Shinji, who merely got beaten up for running his mouth, Disney and Robert Iger had a far worse weekend.
Their desire for life dropped sharply, their spirits were depressed, and they developed a strong interest in turning firearms on themselves.
In short: they wanted to die.
The first thing that broke Robert Iger's defenses wasn't any data report, it was the negative reviews from ordinary netizens.
〔This live-action film is ridiculous to the extreme. Completely unnecessary to watch. The animated version is your real choice.〕
〔Not even passable. A film with zero highlights.〕
〔"Average" is the most fitting description for this movie.〕
If those simple complaints still allowed Disney's executives to deceive themselves a little, then a review posted on Saturday by a well-known film self-media account was a soul-crushing strike.
〔Everyone, first I must apologize. The reason I only posted my review today after watching the midnight premiere is because this movie was so sleep-inducing that I only just woke up. So I highly recommend it to viewers with insomnia—I slept for an entire day and night!〕
〔There's nothing in the whole film worth savoring or remembering, except for an action scene where the prince pilots a Unicorn Gundam to fight a fire dragon. However, that part was from a dream I had after falling asleep.〕
This devastating review instantly became a hot topic. Countless newspapers and magazines placed it at the very top of their front pages when commenting on Cinderella.
Many people said that this review was actually more entertaining than the film itself—truly a rare spectacle.
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