I don't own DC
"Alright bitches listen up!" Ashley O'Hagan, aka Silver Banshee on Duty, stepped into her living room, glaring at her couch. "…I… Need… MMMGH." She frowned, mumbling the last words, hands in her pockets as she sheepishly scowled, fingerless gloves clenching into fists.
"Come on, you can do it," Rebecca said encouragingly from her kitchen as Ashley replied.
"Shut up, big bitch!" In her usual Hot Ash Ashley ways. Rebecca replied, naturally, by flipping the Irish Bitch off as Ashley ignored her. "…I need help." She said with stubborn dejection as a hand was raised. "Yeah, what?"
"I was told there would be beer." Said Jae-Hwa calmly, sitting next to Isabella, who was sitting next to Melissa… all three of whom were off duty at the moment. Hence, using their real names instead of their monikers.
"I was told there would be snacks." Said Mel.
"I was told Ashley was finally going to return that Manga about cute Horse girls she borrowed from me." Izzy said, "…I really need that back. Mike's starting to get suspicious, and Joy can only distract him for so long."
Ashley turned her attention back to Rebecca, who was enjoying all three of those things. Drinking beer, eating snacks, and reading said horse girl manga. "…You asked me to get them here; you were vague on the details of how." She said casually as Ashley scowled again and turned her pretty face back to the trio of off-duty Superbabes.
"…Fine, whatever, listen up bitches." Izzy raised her hand, "Fecking WHAT?"
"If there's a fight involved, you might as well just count me out, I can't fight to save my life."
"There's no fight-" Ashley growled, "Just shut up and let me talk." She sighed, "…I need you three to sing with me." They stared at her, and Jae-Hwa frowned.
"…Well, I guess we know where the beer went. Ash drank it all." Ashley rubbed her head tiredly.
"I need you to sing with me." She repeated as Izzy nodded.
"She keeps drunkenly saying that, but she won't provide context."
"I'm not DRUNK, you big titty bimbo, I just need you to sing with me!"
"Like… Right now? Are you under some voodoo curse?" asked Mel as Rebecca grinned broadly, sitting next to Jae-Hwa and holding out her snack plates that Izzy happily took from. "Are you going to die violently if we don't satisfy the Loa?"
"This is great, keep going." Becca chuckled
"Feck off, big bitch." Ashley sighed, as Rebecca shrugged.
"It would just be easier if you showed them."
"Feck off."
"It would save tiiiime."
"I'm not FECKING showing them!"
"Okay, this comedy routine is great and all, but I'm not interested in the improv so-" Jae-Hwa started to stand up, but Ashley shot her a look.
"Sit your PHAT smackable arse down before I smack it with a bat." Jae-Hwa stared at her, then slowly sat her phat smackable arse back down… jokes or not. Ashley was still a firecracker… Even with Rebecca here to protect her, if Jae-Hwa pissed Ashley off enough to actually attack her and she tried running for it… she wouldn't be able to run from Ashley indefinitely. Ashley then glared at Becca. "…I fecking HATE you."
"You should've known this was going to happen," Rebecca replied as a vein popped on Ashley's forehead from suppressed rage.
"…FECK." Ashley scowled before stomping away into her bedroom and leaving the other four babes sitting on her couch.
"…Are you going to explain this?" asked Mel curiously as Becca passed Jae-Hwa her beer, and Mel snatched a snack from the plate.
"No way, this is hilarious." She said, smiling prettily, as Ashley had a tantrum in her bedroom, before walking out with a DVD in her left hand and a black bat in the other. She glared at the gathered girls and said, her voice low and FURIOUS.
"…If you bitches speak a WORD to anyone about what you see here. I will kill you." She said, seriously, without yelling, speaking calmly and clearly. "Not hyperbole. Not a joke. I will hunt you all down and bloody fecking MURDER all of you." She pointed at them with the bat, like she was already calling the shots to their heads.
…And they all believed it because Ashley was Ashley, and they didn't want to risk it. She was also holding a weapon that was extra convincing. Ashley then knelt down and opened her DVD player. Took out the My Small Horsie DVD for season 2, part 1. And put it carefully in the case with the rest… she put the DVD in, and closed the player. Standing aside and scowling with her arms under her chest.
The screen fizzled for a second, and it showed what appeared to be an outdoor stage. People were clapping as a grizzled, bearded, red-haired man with a strong, STRONG Gaelic accent spoke. The crowd laughed, apparently he told a joke, and Ashley even chuckled despite still being a combination of embarrassed and pissed the fuck off. Then, with a strong cheer, he held his hand to the left, "THE O'HAGANS!"
"Noooo." The girls said together as 5 people, two adult men, one woman, two kids, a boy, and a familiar-looking girl, jogged on stage, waving to the crowd, carrying instruments. One adult man looked like a lumberjack with a thick red beard, or a young Irish Santa Claus (these girls haven't seen the real Santa), and he carried a guitar. The other man was also a redhead with a thick mustache and a mop of curly red hair. He carried a bodhran: an Irish drum. The woman, with practically white platinum blonde hair, waved her fiddle, resting it under the chin of her ridiculously pretty face. The kids, maybe 12-14-ish, were a redhead and a platinum blonde…
The boy had a mop of red hair and a rose-cheeked face; he carried a guitar similar to the Irish Santa. The girl, however, a very, VERY pretty and familiar girl, carried an accordion-looking thing. "Oh, my god." Breathed Mel softly… all three girls slowly turned their heads to look at Ashley in shock as she sighed, Becca had a MASSIVE smile on her face, and tried very, VERY hard not to laugh. Only managed a small chuckle.
"…You were in a family band?!" replied Izzy giddily.
"…You played the accordion?!"
"…It's a concertina," Ashley replied, sounding very, VERY ashamed. "…And yes. I was in a band with my Ma Maeve, my Da Ronnie, my Da's brother Roger, and my brother Stan…" she looked up to the ceiling and added. "…The O'Hagans."
"Used to be The O'Hagan Lads," said Rebecca excitedly, like a dam had BURST. "Ashley's Grandfather was in the band with her dad and brother, but he retired when her mother married into it-" she seemed to be trying to speedrun the backstory… probably because Ashley almost IMMEDIATELY tried to shut her up."
"Shut Up, Big Bitch! They don't need my entire fecking family backstory!"
"Wait, hang on. Ashley comes from a family band?!" Mel replied as Becca nodded with a massive, GIDDY smile on her face.
"OH yeah! They're really big in Ireland."
"The fuck happened then?" Jae-Hwa replied as Ashley growled at her.
"That doesn't fecking matter. What matters is I need you bitches to help me out with something."
"Okay, but why the US?" Jae-Hwa asked as Ashley growled.
"Because you three are the best singers I know… except me. And Orders apparently. But I'll give a blowjob to Pinchy Joe before I'm going to ask her to help me with singing on stage."
"Hold up now. What about Becca?" Jae-Hwa asked skeptically as Becca chuckled.
"I'm a singing in the shower sorta girl, not singing on stage," Becca replied as Mel raised a hand.
"Hold on. Why are we singing on stage now? Where? What is going on? Can Ashley stop being cryptic and bitchy for five minutes?"
"Oh, good, so I can fecking explain now?" Ashley replied sarcastically. "So my brother Stan and his band were going to play for my niece, Little Fi's, school." Ashley said, "And Little Fi went bragging about how her Da is going to play music and sing at the school show." She sighed. "…The problem is the show had to change the date due to a slight case of Scarecrow gas." She said, "And it was moved to a day Stan and his band couldn't go because they got booked in another city, and to cancel it would severely damage his career."
"Well, that sucks, but what does that have anything to do with you and US?" asked Jae-Hwa.
"Because I'm going to sing and you're going to back me up." Said Ashely coolly as the trio of girls stared at her like she said something completely fucking crazy.
"Say what now?" Mel asked, finally recovering her amazing voice.
"I don't know about Jae-hwa, but I don't play an instrument." Said Izzy.
"I don't really PLAY an instrument, I play music on a turntable," Jae-Hwa said, before frowning. "…Also, I don't sing." She said, but Ashley waved her off.
"Feck off, I've heard you sing." She said as Jae-Hwa blinked in surprise.
"What? When?"
"That's not important." Ashley replied, "What is important is that you are going to help me make sure those little ankle biters don't tease Little Fi because her Da couldn't show up. I don't need you to play music, I need you to sing it."
"…Is she trying to guilt-trip us?" asked Izzy as Rebecca shrugged.
"Actually, I think she's trying to strong-arm you into helping her. But the guilt tripping might work."
"Okay, well, you can't just get us all in a room, slap us together and expect us to sing and dance for a bunch of little kids," Izzy said skeptically.
"Oh, don't worry. I'll set you all into shape." Ashley said as Mel laughed uncertainly.
"…You're not serious, are you? You want us to be your backup singers for a… pre-school event?"
"For Little Fi's credibility, I am willing to do a LOT of Shite." Ashley declared coldly. "There is no giant I won't slay. No depth of depravity I won't sink to!" She put her hands on the table, glaring the trio down. "…Don't think I won't."
"Okay… well… I'm pretty sure you can't take three girls who, no offense to you two." Jae-Hwa said, gesturing to Izzy and Mel. "Have ANY relationship with I assume Irish Folk songs, and turn them into a band overnight."
"I mean, I like the Rocky Road to Dublin." Said Mel, "But yeah, no offense taken."
"There is a LOT of folk music at Renaissance fairs," Izzy noted. "…So some offense."
"Look, it's not happening," Jae-Hwa said, and she tried to wiggle her big Korean backside off the couch and stay out of range from Ashley's bat. "It'll take way too much time for us to cohesively become a band, even a fake one."
"Oh come on, it ain't that hard." Said Ashley stubbornly, "If I could do it with my family, I can do it with you bitches. And I've fucked other people with you bitches we can sing a few songs."
"Yeah, no-" said Jae-Hwa; however, there was a loud, rattling knock at the front door.
"Superbabes." Everyone but Jae-Hwa said together as she frowned at them.
"Don't do that." She mumbled as Ashley walked ahead of her, going to the front door and opening it up.
"AUNTIE ASH!" A little blonde girl slammed into Ashley's leg and squeezed. Ashley, the pretty Irish bitch, grinned down at her niece Fiona O'Hagan and lifted her up and gave her a playful bear hug that made her squeal with delight.
"Thanks for watching her, Ash…" said the deep baritone of Stan O'Hagan, Ashley's brother.
"Anytime." She said as Fiona spotted the group of girls behind her, including 'Auntie Becca,' Little Fi waved at her, and all the girls waved back. Stan glanced over Ashley's shoulders at the odd group of girls.
"…Are you having a little party?" he asked as Ashley smiled at her brother.
"Girls only!" she then slammed the door in his face as Little Fi frowned at Ashley.
"Auntie Ash…" she said, "You shouldn't be mean to Da!"
"Nah, it's not being MEAN." Said Ashley sweetly, "He likes it." She turned to face Jae-Hwa. "Now, let me introduce you to the girls who are going to sing at your show with me." She then grinned maliciously at Jae-Hwa, whom Little Fi seemed fascinated with. "…Ain't ya?"
"I…" Jae-Hwa began, biting her pierced lip, before sighing… she couldn't say no to that face… Fiona's face, not Ashley's. She'd punch Ashley's fucking gorgeous face at the first opportunity. "Yeah." Ashley put Fi down and pushed her along as she ran immediately to Auntie Becca, as Jae-Hwa scowled at her. "…You are EVIL."
"I told you. No depth I won't sink to." Ashley replied, winked, and walked after Fiona, who was already trying to put the My Small Horsie DVD back in the DVD player. "Practice starts once Little Fi gets picked up by Stan in a few hours."
"…This might be cheating," Izzy noted quietly as Mel grinned.
"Well, that's what you say when I use Joy's boobs as my good luck dice rolls." She joked.
"I do…" Izzy replied, watching My Small Horsie with Little Fi. "Because it is."
"So what's the band's name then?" asked Jae-Hwa as Little Fi was completely engrossed with the cute ponies. "Can't be a band without a name.
"Ashley and the Ponies." Becca supplied as they stared at her. "…What?" she replied with a shrug. "…Like, there aren't WEIRDER band names out there?"
"We'll work on it later after we practice," Ashley said, before sitting with her niece and ruffling her blonde hair. "After this episode, it's my favorite."
Izzy and Mel watched quietly as Jae-Hwa blinked, "…Is it me, or is this weirder than being a Superbabe?"
"SHUUUSH!" hissed Little Fi as Jae-Hwa blushed. "It's Auntie Ashley's favorite episode!" Jae-Hwa sighed and watched the show as Ashley ruffled Little Fi's hair again.
"That's my girl."
End
Just something fun I felt like writing, also I'm taking the opportunity that Britney is NOT next. I'm going to do a catered party, and I'm not telling you who's invited :D
Let it be a surprise