I stood in front of the mirror, sweating a little. 'This is it,' I told myself, and my lips crooked at the thought. My eyes swiftly scanned my figure in the mirror from head to toe. The blue outfit matched my personality and figure; my hair was done; the watch suited perfectly with the outfit; the bracelet went well with my features and shone as the diamonds were in the middle. The facial was done, the nails too, and my skin looks radiant. My shoes were shining, and still, I looked a nervous wreck. I don't know why.
My heart was thudding louder, which I could only hear and feel. I feel cold feet, not in a bad way, and my breath shudders once in a while. I waited and craved for this day, but I am still damn anxious. Personally, I made sure everything was perfect according to Ezra's taste, but there's still this feeling I can't get rid of. This must be anxiety, I concluded at that.
'I am getting married.' I hummed and hawed at the thought; once again, my lips crooked at that, to the man of my dream.
Our beginning was disastrous; we wanted to kill each other, and as we were in the mafia, our egos always clashed. I was the boss, and things needed to get worse.
Ezra was a hot-headed guy at the beginning; he never listened to anyone. Dealing with him always took a toll on me and on my calm personality. He would always test the water every second and was always burning with anger. He had anger issues, and I calmed as the days passed. I don't know exactly when things started to take a turn, which neither of us predicted. Oh god, we never expected this to happen, even in our dreams. But things happened.
It was just a hook-up at the beginning, and much more as time passed. Possessiveness began to develop in both of us, and before long, we were in a relationship. The journey was challenging. There was an aftermath of our dating, straightening up everything in him. Ezra is a damn hard guy to deal with. Always carrying a hurricane in him, one wrong button and he would snap, and everything around him would be destroyed.
Dealing with him was exhausting, and taming him was hard. His age of only 25 wasn't very helpful, but I know he loves me wholeheartedly. Sometimes, he doesn't know how to express it, and I completely understand him, thick and thin. We are of the same age, and there is a huge difference between us in every aspect. I still pondered how things clicked between us.
There was a knock on the door, followed by a groan. I knew it was my annoying sister, Olivia Okaley. "I swear, Issac, open the damn door right now." The word "peace" and I never get along for more than a few minutes. Always someone to drag back to the damn reality.
I opened the door, and her eyes immediately were on my face, checking for any second thoughts. When she confirmed, and I don't know how, she started observing me head to toe. Typical. She hummed in satisfaction and hugged me tightly.
"Panicking or any second thought." I rolled my eyes at that; never was I this confident in my life. "Nope," I replied with full boost energy. "Of course, why would you be? Well, best of luck, and it's time." I nodded at that and couldn't help but ask. "Have you checked on Ezra?" I wanted to ask how he was looking and everything, but I held back, because I want my breath to be hitched, and it should go haywire when I see him in that purple outfit. She rolled her eyes at that. "He is with his best man, Ronnie, and they are not letting anyone in." I hummed at that. I hope they are not up to something. When they are together, they are worse. With no one holding back, they are a disastrous combination.
My dad, Henry Okaley, entered the room with a grumpy expression, and I was annoyed as I saw him. The guy couldn't be happy for me, or at least pretend. We didn't get along since childhood, but that doesn't mean the world should witness it. Olivia, by facing me, started giving me a last-minute touch-up while brushing my clothes in case of tiny wrinkles. Once she was satisfied, by giving a broad smile, she stood on my right side and my dad on his left.
We started to walk toward the aisle; on the way, my eyes fell on everything, making sure everything was in its place according to Ezra's taste. I hummed in satisfaction, and a broad smile formed on my lips when I thought of Ezra's reaction to everything.
The crowd was huge, too huge. I made sure to call everyone: underworld kings, businesspersons, and other mafias. I want everyone to witness this auspicious moment, and I want to show the world who I am going to marry. It was a pure selfish action; I wanted to show that Ezra belonged to me, only me. He was mine; I wanted to yell at everyone this way.
I stood at the centre, my sister beside me, and my dad occupied the chair in the front row, still grumpy. The guy should suck this up; the sooner the better. I am getting married, and any moment I will be taken from my man.
I waited patiently for Ezra's entry, which was taking forever. Please don't tell me he is chickening out at the last moment, but that guy knew my wrath, so I don't think he can afford it. It's a big day; everyone gets cold feet, so I told myself to calm down.
Ronnie, his best man, had already sat in the front row, clutching his phone. He was supposed to walk along with Ezra; that was the bloody deal? What the hell was he doing here? The look he was giving was pushing me to the edge.
I observed Ronnie, his occasional glance at the back side of the venue, typing repeatedly. There was a slight panic on his face, fear, and he was doing his best to act normal, miserably failing. That smile is fake as hell. We had a momentary eye contact, which he dodged in time by giving me a hint that something was fucking not right.
Twenty minutes passed, and I stood in the place, waiting, praying to every unknown entity. I was still positive because Ezra was giving the same vibe till the last moment. Granted, he was nervous, but still, he was happy. I can feel it; he didn't participate much in preparation. Actually, I didn't let him, but I was updating everything, and he was giving me suggestions. That counts as he was interested, right?
Now, my heart was beating faster for a whole different reason, and I was getting scared as the time was ticking. Once again, my eyes fell on Ronnie, and I motioned for him to come. He heaved heavily, slowly stood, and each step was slower and heavier. The fear was more than before, and I could conclude that they were up to something. "Ronnie." That's all it required when he started babbling things. "I swear I said to that idiot, this is not the right time, but he didn't listen." I was obviously confused, so I arched an eyebrow in return. "He wants to surprise you with something. I swear he didn't escape from this; he was equally excited as you." I sighed at that, a little relieved by his answer, but was this the right time? "I told him this was not the right time, but he said that you would be damn happy and he couldn't miss this chance. He didn't explain anything else other than that, as you know, I would reveal everything with one look that you give me." I don't know how to react anymore. What possible thing could make me happy other than tying a knot with the guy? I was excited, but the timing was not letting me enjoy anything.
Once again, my eyes fell on the watch, and a slow murmur started around the venue. My sister Olivia, after hearing everything, announced the same thing on the microphone and told everyone to be patient and sorry. After saying sorry one more time, she was beside me, clearly displeased. "I told him, trust me, but his confidence made me shut my mouth. He was overjoyed when he saw some text, and he was gone by informing to manage everything. While he was at the door, he once again informed me that you were going to love him more once you saw the gift. I couldn't stop him, because he wanted to do something for you for a long time. Nothing satisfied him, and today, he took this risk, and I think you are going to love this gift. Please don't hate him; I know how you are feeling right now." Easy to fucking say. I am annoyed as hell, clearly agitated but also curious. "He said that he would be back in time." By saying that, he was more annoyed than I and his eyes were fixed on the entrance.
What possibly could it be?
Is it worth risking this day?
********************
I walked where Olivia sat and occupied a chair beside her. She was not getting how to react to everything. Annoyed for obvious reasons, agitated as the minute passed, and frustrated. Clearly not the time, but I wanted to chuckle by watching her. When I saw my dad, he smirked in return, and the crowd was desperately waiting for the ending. I can't blame them; who wants to miss the live show? Even I would never miss it if someone else were in my situation.
I loosened my tie a little as things started to suffocate me a little. Ronnie dragged a chair and, by placing it in front of me, occupied it. "He said he will be in time." He grumbled the statement, and a few curses left his mouth. "When he left?" I wondered. "Early morning." "Oh", that's all left from my mouth, while rubbing my forehead. "He also cautioned me and you not to go after him, in any case." I chuckled at that. "Yeah, right.""He is alive, I can affirm that much." As if that makes any difference in the present situation. "If I had any idea, I swear I would have tagged along with him. Finish the deed, and I would have dragged him back in time." Nothing is sufficing this nerve-wracking situation. I want his presence at the moment; nothing else mattered.
Yes, we are in the mafia; these things are not for us, and we don't give a damn. Even though my dad never married, he kept my mom with him because she gave birth to us. Ezra was against the idea at the beginning because we were raised that way. No cliché things, no materialistic and binding things. Survive till you are alive and rule. My sister is married to the person who has no connection to the mafia and leads a decent lifestyle. I always wanted to tie a knot with someone I love, always. Now I'm in the middle, not getting an ending to the situation.
My sister gently started soothingly rubbing my back, and I exhaled a long breath in return. It was 3 pm when Ezra returned with a broad smile on his face. Only half of the guests were still there, and the other half left one by one. "I have caught Albie Roman, and I tied him in our cell." He answered my unasked question. I was confused for a moment, and realization hit me.
He is the biggest rival of ours and the biggest threat. He had managed to kidnap me and torture me too, but nothing went too long; by the end of the day, I managed to escape. From that day, he went missing with no clue. Silently, he was destroying us, snatching the deals and stopping us from gaining control of everything. By this time, we would be leading the entire mafia, but Albie is holding us back, doing every shitty thing. He is persistent, holds a strong grudge, wants to finish us, and wants to lead everything. He wants to take our place, and that's not happening any time soon.
At present, nothing mattered to me to the slightest, only the wedding that I was anticipating. Yes, I was relieved because we needed to be more cautious because of the guy, and he could do anything at any time. We were in control of the situation, using the latest technologies, and with training our men, we were good for now. He couldn't hide forever; he had to come out. He would slip, and we definitely would catch him. Our team was working 24*7; there were high chances, but was it necessary to jeopardize our wedding?
I got up from the seat; we stood face to face. "We can get married, any day, any time in the future, but we can't let him slip. As you know, he was on our neck, Isaac." He had a point, but it felt like a slap on my face. He took this so lightly, so so lightly. It was my damn dream, and he knew it. "I thought I would capture him and be back in time, but that bastard had a whole army behind him. I was successful in capturing him, just for you." This was our goal, but not at the cost of our wedding, which I had been waiting for more than two years. It took months to convince him. "Isaac, I am sorry for letting you down on this special day, but I had to do this, and you know it." I nodded at that, not showing any morbid emotions on my face. Henry, my father, trained me damn hard; I couldn't express anything on the surface, but inside I was boiling. "We can always get married; it's not a big deal, but this was." That was the last dose of words I needed to get a reality check. "We would be fools if we let this chance slip. Do you agree with me?" I was lost,not knowing anything anymore.
I need to prove that I was ok. I need to mask my humiliation, and I need to face the crowd with the little dignity that is left in me. I felt betrayal and cheated, not actually cheating, and shame. I lost my value without actually losing it. He did a huge favor. He made me proud, and in the coming days, no one can stop us from being number one. Nothing can beat what I am feeling right now. I couldn't stop feeling hollow.
Ezra was watching me keenly for any slip of any emotion on my face, but he should have known by now that I had mastered the skill. To prove to the world that I was happy and to answer every unasked question. I did one thing that felt right and would stabilize me for the moment. I grabbed Ezra roughly and kissed him. I kissed him hard, passionately, and in fury and tried to remove pent-up frustration. I kissed him till I lost my breath; we played with our tongues, dripping in saliva, and I bit him at last. "Ouch." By saying that, he chuckled. Once I regained my breath, I spoke. "Where is he?" His smile was wide at my statement. "I knew it; you will love it. I knew it." He yelled. "Trust me, Isaac, this day is not a big deal, but Albhie was." It was my turn to chuckle in return. Indeed, right? It was never a big deal, and I was stupid all the way, eagerly waiting for this day.
There is a sigh on everyone's face but not on my sister's, who is annoyed as hell. "Today, I approve your relationship. You chose a wise partner, boy. He risked his relationship for our well-being and for our future. Now, no one can stop us. I am damn proud today." I faked a smile at my father's words to satisfy the crowd.
The crowd had a mixed reaction to the news, clearly forgetting the main event. I wanted this. I don't want any focus on me for the time being. "You could have chosen any other day. Today was an important day, Ezra." My sister said in a displeased and a little sad tone. "And risk your lives. Not happening. Now, after seeing Isaac's reaction, I didn't regret it a bit. I would have done the same thing without hesitation if I had any choice." He slowly walked toward my sister and spoke. "You are family, Olivia, and our world. I can't risk anything; let a chance go if it costs your life. I didn't regret what I did today, and I mean it." Each word was stabbing me at the same place and at my foolishness.
My dad kept saying that marriage and other emotions were not for our kind of people. Ezra did his best to postpone the day and always said that this is not for people dealing with the mafia. We are good as we are; no need for a tag or anything. Today, he made me give up on the only thing I have always craved and yearned for. I give up.
"My man." Ronnie patted Ezra's back when the situation turned normal. I don't know how things turned so normal. He skipped the wedding like it was nothing to capture someone. They sucked up the news and his reasons behind it. "I was damn worried, and I am proud of you. You risked your life for us." I almost pulled myself from the situation, just one more thing left. I needed to release the emotions that I am going through right now before my mask falls from my face. "Take me to him." I smiled, the usual one, and Ezra nodded his head by giving his usual signature smile. The smile had the same effect on me, married or not, and my stomach fluttered at seeing him.
We were in the cellar, and as I saw Albie, all my suppressed anger erupted. I stood in front of me, who smirked in return, and it fueled my anger. I started hitting him with full force. I didn't use any equipment; instead, I used my hand. Back-to-back, I hit him until his face was covered in blood and my hand was all bruised. I didn't care, and I didn't feel any pain; I wanted to let go of the situation and overcome everything through this.
After a few minutes, Ezra held my waist and dragged me back along with him. In my ear, he spoke slowly. "Enough, you are going to kill him." That was my intention, but not until we get valuable information from him. I steadied my breath and slowly nodded my head. The situation was in my control, for now. One last time, I saw Albie, who was unconscious. 'Poor guy,' I muttered, and started walking along with Ezra.
It was night when we reached the mansion, and I straight away walked to my room to clean myself. Ezra stayed in the hall, talking with everyone. I removed my clothes and threw them into the dustbin, and was under the shower. Usually, I would never lock, but this time I made sure to lock the room. The water started running, and I scrubbed my body more than usual. My mind drifted to everything that had happened from morning. My excitement, giddiness, making sure of everything in the right place, and anticipation of Ezra's reaction to everything. I chuckled at the irony of my wedding day. I couldn't sleep last night, eagerly waiting for morning to arrive, tossing around with happiness. I was looking for this wedding and started to cross out the dates on the calendar from 15 days ago. I shivered a little as the water turned cold. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't, not here when everyone's eyes were on me.
Wrapping a towel, I walked out of the bathroom, and straight away I walked toward the balcony and stood there. I had arranged everything in our backyard, and one by one, everything was getting removed. I lit a cigarette and exhaled the smoke sharply. I didn't get a wedding planner for a reason; I chose and selected things personally. I didn't compromise, and I even imported a few things to give a luxurious look to our wedding. It ached to watch. The wedding is cancelled; along with it, I gave up on my only dream. It hurts like hell. I need to face the curious gazes, unasked questions, and pitiful looks, but I think I am capable of masking and can handle everything. Albie Roman is a great mask; everyone knew how big a threat he was to us, and they knew we were searching for him badly. So, I could use him gladly for a few days as a cover-up.
As they discarded the final piece of the aisle, something broke in me, leaving a permanent scar inside me. I lit one more cigarette and watched the sky to clear my head. Beating Albie is only a few minutes' distraction; I need a strong one for the day, and it's Ezra.
There was a knock on the door, and I knew who it could be. Perfect timings. I opened the door, and he stood at the door, giving a nervous smile. I don't know why. I walked back to the bed to wear the clothes. "I was worried." He nervously spoke, and I chuckled at that. "Why?" I was clearly perplexed because nothing affected him the way it affected me. "With everything, you know..." I cut in the middle; I don't want to hear any further. "We should go." "Han," he watched my face with confusion. "I had booked a hotel for our wedding night. Let's go. You are making sure that you are rocking my world." I said to him in determination, and he looked relieved, and a goofy smile appeared on his face. "Of course, that's assured."
"Go harder, harder, harder." With each thrust, moans and grunts filled the room. He kept his promise, and my mind was going blank with each forceful thrust. My breath would hitch; my moan was louder when he was removing and thrusting his member. I wrapped him tightly, like my second skin, and many scratches on his back went deeper. The night was intense, filled with moans, and like every time, he rocked my world.
We were exhausted and lay beside each other panting heavily. Three rounds and I was stable for now. "You were too horny today, and loud." Ezra said with a chuckle. "Is it a complaint?" While still panting, I questioned. "You know I would never complain in terms of sex, and I liked it so much." It was my time to chuckle.
I got up from the bed and walked to the alcohol cabinet naked. I carried two glasses of whiskey, along with fruits, and gave one to Ezra. He was exhausted, I guess, and he gulped in one go and asked for more. I gladly poured him more. The room went silent just the way I needed, and Ezra had fallen asleep just the way I wanted. He would not wake up till morning, and I need that time to gather as much courage as possible to face tomorrow.
I cleaned him; changed the sheet and covered him. I was in the shower. I sat and curled up under the shower and cried and cried and cried. I didn't check the time, and I want to lock up in this place for a while. Until I felt exhausted, I cried; my eyes were red, and the pain was at the same level. The pain will not get reduced, only intensify and give a constant reminder throughout my life.
Slowly, I got up, and once again, I thoroughly scrubbed and joined Ezra. I tried to sleep, but sleep never came. My eyes were open, staring at the ceiling, and my mind was rampaging.
Ezra blinked his eyes open slowly; he looked around, and his eyes fell on me. He was taken aback when he saw me. "Your eyes are bloodshot." I showed him the glass, and he rolled his eyes. "It's barely morning." He complained. "And I need energy for the day. We have a lot of things to do and get ready. I have ordered food too." He nodded his head.
We were back in the mansion; I called Ronnie and a few others. Gave them instructions to dig everything from Albie and also further to seize their base and their businesses too. I was good at computers and hacking. I started to drill on Albie's phone.
Ezra and I were in the study when I spoke. "We are going on our honeymoon." The guys need time to fulfill my orders, and I think this is a perfect break at present, and I don't know about the future. We will be busy like hell. Ezra was taken aback at the statement. "I had booked everything before, and I don't think it should go to waste. In the coming days, we will be busy; let's utilize this." I further justified my statement. I am deeply involved in acting like everything was perfect, and I am ok. They should believe me; for now, they should. I am not breaking in front of them, but I can break in between four walls when no one is around. I gave him an encouraging, little pleading smile. He nodded at that with a smile.
The bags were packed. It was a week-long trip, and Ezra likes wild animals exactly like him, so I had booked a trip to a well-known wild sanctuary and safari. While returning, we will visit an island.
We traveled in our private plane, and I made sure everything was organized and ended in a special, memorable way. I had planned everything according to Ezra's liking. I wanted to impress him more, make everything memorable for him, so he wouldn't regret anything in the future. I had planned perfectly and thoroughly.
Ezra was thrilled when we landed. I had booked a five-star hotel; as we got refreshed, the guide was at the door. He instructed us on everything, especially where and at what time we could find animals. The way we should behave: he was tagging along, but he made sure we were aware of everything. Ezra stood beside the guide, taking his camera, and I chuckled when I saw him. I know he will be like a schoolboy eager when it comes to wild animals and things related to them. Ezra kept asking questions, and patiently, the guide John answered everything.
Five days went by in bliss and with lots of sex. The island was memorable. We returned with full energy, and my battery was full. I regained my energy; my nervous system was at the right level, and now, I can make everyone believe, and I can assure them that I was ok for this lifetime. I never let this mask slip, which I wore from childhood. I am back, and nothing matters anymore. Things are good how they are, and it should be that way. I learned that the hard way, and this time, I am making sure that I store these words somewhere safer, lock it and throw the key away.
*****************
"Well, look at you, damn glowing," I chuckled at Ronnie's words. "Shut up," I retort while sipping drinks. "So, everything is ok between you two." I was about to ask what he was talking about, and then it hit me. "Of course, look at us; we are more attached than before. No one can separate us." He rolled his eyes at that. "Did you guys talk and sort out everything?" I kept the glass on the table while pondering the question. "Not really, but trust me, he is ok." He nodded at that. "He looks like he is ok and excited, that's for sure. I told you he was going to like my present." He chuckled at that. "Yeah, but whatever happened is kind of humiliating; don't take it lightly." It was, but I don't know, it was kind of worth it, right? "Yeah, but you know I needed to act fast or else that jerk would have slipped." "Yes, and you can erase the old memories and replace them with new ones." I knitted my brow at that, and he rolled his eyes. "Fix another date and get married. You are still interested, right?" Seriously! "Of course, I wasn't interested before, but now I want to get married to him. Fulfil his dream and also mine." "Wow, what made you change your mind?" "Everything, and it's high time I know I can't leave without him if he wants to show it to the world. I am all in. I also want to show him proudly to everyone." He smiled at that. "That's what Isaac always wanted, but you were stubborn." I sighed at that. "This whole mafia thing will fuck up our minds. I always believed that for people like us, marriage and labeling weren't necessary. Don't know when or what will happen, right?" He hummed at that. "Yeah, maybe, but you have been together for years." I chuckled at that, refreshing memories of Isaac and me. "Yeah, damn, it's years." "Talk to Isaac; decide this earliest." "Yeah, I should and I will." He nodded, and we continued sipping while talking about random things.
It took a month to uncover everything, get rid of Albie's minions, and take over his businesses. We were on top, as I always wanted to be, and it was the time. Ezra and I were equally busy, really busy, only speaking on the bed with moans and grunts.
I was getting ready to attend a meeting when Ezra entered. I gave him a small smile. He sat on the bed and watched me closely, and I raised an eyebrow in return. He cleared his throat a few times, making me perplexed. "I was just pondering that; it's been a month." I looked at him in confusion. "Albie and everything." As if that answered everything. "Yup, look at us now, number one, but we need to make our hold stronger to stay that way." He hummed, clearly displeased. I walked toward the desk and collected my laptop and file, bidding goodbye to Ezra. I exited the room.
I am not getting why it was hard to talk about the marriage topic. I mustered my courage, and the word didn't come out. I had rehearsed the words, but they were stuck in my throat. Isaac was confident when he proposed to me and constantly poured more effort into making me agree to the marriage. Things have changed at present, and I am a little afraid to speak with him. I don't regret my action on that day, but I am so hesitant to speak with him. Better luck next time for me. With a sigh, I got up and walked out.
A huge amount of money started flowing into the mafia; our hold got stronger on weapons dealing and drugs, too. We carved out the fear in another mafia group and made sure they are not messing with us in any deal. We built strong connections with the top dealers, and things were going at their best. My father, Henry, was damn happy and praised me for the first time. He also made sure to remind me why guys like us do not require any labeling or marriage shit. I don't know why Ezra went stiff at the comment. He was always on my dad's side, especially on this matter. Whatever things were good.
I was changing my clothes when I saw two jewelry boxes. Curiosity caught me, so I opened them. There was a ring on each box, different from the others. Slowly, I took the ring and studied it, and at one glance, I could make out which one belonged to Isaac and which one was mine. My breath hitched, and my throat went dry. I went pale at the sight. An unpleasant feeling started to root in me.
I stared at the rings, like the precious things then they actually were. So many things started running through my head. There was a sudden urge to wear the ring and find out how it looks on my finger. My eyes fell on my ring finger, which was empty. If things were ok, it would be shining at this moment, right? By now, I would be officially his husband, and also, I would have shone along with the ring.
"Husband," I tasted the word on my tongue, and it felt bitter. I would have been Isaac's husband by now if things had turned out as planned. Was I wrong in choosing a person who was a threat to us over my wedding? I did it for everyone's safety; that's not a crime, right? But why do I feel like being his husband was a worthy choice over anything else? Why do I feel like I didn't choose him? But that day, I didn't do anything purposefully, and it was for him. I thought I would return on time, and everything turned out to be ok. It's not too late, right? After seeing these rings, I feel like a jerk; guilt started dominating, and there is this ghastly feeling in me. When my eyes fell on the empty ring finger, anxiety started engulfing me, and the dread feeling carved its way into me. I did for us, and to our gang, I repeated just to ease whatever I felt at the moment, but it's not contradicting, and it repulsed. Pointing a finger and poking at me.
Isaac yawned and got up from the bed, looking exhausted from last night. I was in a daze, my mind clouded. I cleared my throat a few times. I don't know why words always felt heavy when they were related to our wedding. "These rings," I couldn't continue. I showed Isaac the ring, and he chuckled in return. "That's our wedding ring." He replied with a light smile. I don't know what I was expecting. "It looks expensive." I mean, they are well sculpted. "I got those through bidding. I saw those rings in a magazine, and I instantly fell in love with them; through some digging, I found the bidding place and venue. It's worth a billion, I mean, together." I was taken aback at the cost; damn, he spent that much on the ring itself. My eyes were stuck on the ring. "It's damn beautiful." "Yup, I wanted to surprise you on the wedding day." I couldn't face him, so I averted my eyes from him. This time, the ache was stronger. He went through so much just for the wedding, and there was no effort from my side. He only expected my presence, and I clearly failed in that, too. "They are too good for me." It is damn good for an asshole like me. "You are worth it, and it's your loss." By saying that, he started to walk to the bathroom.
'My loss.' Of course, it was my damn loss. I was impulsive to make him happy and proud, but jeopardized something valuable. 'Worthy' was I, really? I don't think I am any more. I feel like a total asshole.
"We should get ready. Today is Anath's wedding." Ezra spoke as he came out of the bathroom while drying his hair with a towel. That had slipped my mind, and attending someone's wedding was the last thing I needed right now. I don't know where we stood in the prospect of marriage. I was confident on our wedding day; when I carelessly spoke, we could get married any time, any day, and it's not that simple anymore. The word 'marriage' is stuck in my throat, and I am afraid to even discuss it with him. In a flick, we can destroy anything with the same level; we can't redo or rearrange the same. It's hard, and I never thought this deeply about a wedding.
"Are you hearing me?" Ezra poked me to get my attention, and I was startled. "Yeah, yeah, wedding. I will get ready." Ezra stared at me intently, searching for something. "Are you ok?" I am not sure the sentence was on the tip of my tongue, but I held back. I thought I was ok; no, not anymore. The rings made me realize what I missed in my life. No, I am not ok. "Yeah, it's just that something was on my mind." He chuckled at that. "Care to share?" Ezra spoke as he walked to the wardrobe. "Not that important, don't worry." By saying that, I walked to the bathroom.
We were at the Anath wedding, who is Olivia's best friend. We three grew up together. When Ezra and I got together, she got close to him, too.
I sat in a chair in the front row. I was overwhelmed. My sister sat beside me with concern. "Are you ok?" I thought I was over with these concerns, but clearly not, not anytime soon. With a neutral, faceless expression, I spoke. "Why wouldn't I be? Look at me leading the top mafia and see where it has reached in a short span of time." She chuckled at that and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. You guys talked, I mean, you know." I know where this was going. "We always talk on the bed, especially while making out." She hit me harder on my hand. "Shut up, you know what I mean." "Enlight me." "Isaac." She dragged my name, clearly annoyed. "We are busy; this is not the right time for anything. Let's be done with this one, first, ok?" Reluctantly, she nodded her head. The first wedding turned into humiliation; the second one would turn into a damn joke. There are high chances because let's accept the damn fact: I am not lucky in that department. It happened only one time, and the damage was done for this lifetime.
"Well, you are sulking." We were at the wedding of Victoria's friend. I have met her so many times; she is a good and decent girl. "I heard a conversation between Isaac and Victoria." "And." "He is happy the way he is and where we are." "What do you mean?" I sighed. "He is enjoying being number one and forgetting everything else." He chuckled at that. "Come on, he is not enjoying it alone; we too. I already purchased a damn flat; can you believe that?" I rolled my eyes at that. "We are practically rich, thanks to you." A long sigh left me. "I don't know anything anymore." "What happened?""He had purchased wedding rings for our wedding, which are damn expressive and worth a billion. He kept that in the cupboard, and I saw it. From the time I saw those rings, something has not been sitting well with me. I feel like I made a huge mistake in my life." Ronnie slowly nodded in understanding and went silent. I don't know, but the fear started to creep into me. "You guys never discussed after that?" I was annoyed. "We are always busy with something or other, and when we find time, we will be busy having sex. It's not that I didn't try; I did, but the word 'marriage' never leaves my mouth. I don't know why." I felt dejection without even trying. "It's been months." He pointed out the matter of fact as if I didn't know that. I am bloody counting the days. "I know. Did I fuck up?" He chuckled at that. "I don't think so. Take him on a date or something, spend time together, and pop the question when it's the right time." I slowly nodded at that. That's perfect. "Isaac is always the one who would initiate everything before now; it's your turn. Do something for him?" I should have thought this before. Damn, I am an idiot. "You are a lifesaver. I should take him. We were going on so many dates before, but these days we hardly go anywhere. Of course, he stopped, and I didn't care. You know it feels like everything is good like before; at the same time, it's not. Isaac is like before; there are no changes, but at the same time, he isn't. Do I make sense?" With a perplexed expression, I questioned Ronnie. "Because he has stopped taking initiative like before, because he is too busy working this out, and it's your time. Work it out, give more time to him, surprise him, and do every couple thing. Everything will work out in no time." I hummed at that. "Do you think so?" "Of course, you love each other, and the bond between you two is stronger." I hummed in satisfaction, and I was positive this time. Yes, things will work out through pouring in more effort.
I was giddy; this is the first time I felt this way. I mean, I never felt this giddy at the time of my wedding because my mind was full of capturing Albie. I had arranged a dinner night in a high-end restaurant and made a reservation too. It's a surprise, and I really hope he likes it. I sighed in anticipation. I knocked on the Isaacs' door. When I entered, I saw that he was surrounded by files, and Isaac was typing something rapidly on his laptop. He didn't take his eyes from the laptop when I entered, deeply immersed in work. Just great, I grumbled underneath. I want to go on a date with him so badly; I never thought I would miss things this much. Now, seeing him like this, a few curses left me.
I cleared my throat as I sat in front of him. He momentarily took his eyes from the system and smiled at me. I returned the smile, but the panic was eating me inside. "You are busy," I stated, the obvious fact. Before entering, I had planned to surprise him with the date thing, but now I don't know how to make him shut everything down and make him tag along with him. Isaac hummed in return, eyes glued to the laptop. Once again, I cleared my throat. "I was thinking..." Slowly, I started while drawing the word. I didn't get any attention, which was pissing me off. "Isaac," that came louder. "Yeah, yeah, go on, I am listening. I was satisfied for now; he was listening, not completely treating me like air. "We are too busy these days; we need our time." I rumbled in one go. He chuckled in return at that. "We are having a good time on the bed, and trust me, I am satisfied for the time being." That's true, we were making that time most valuable, but that wasn't enough. Oh god, what's happening to me? I am behaving as Isaac. He used to plan and drag me along to do all the random things. With lots of complaints and his pleading, I would join him; now the coin has flipped. "Isaac, you very well know what I am trying to say?" He chuckled at that. "Trust me, you took me by surprise, and you know how things are at present." I was frustrated with the answer. I know things are damn tight, things are overloaded, and it's new for us. We need some time to sort things out so that they run smoothly without much effort. "Isaac..." By that time, his cell started ringing. He picked up the call, and after a few minutes, he disconnected. "You are required on the north side; something happened." In this type of situation, I would jump in without wasting a second, but today, strangely, my legs were glued, not budging from the seat. Isaac stared at me; I guess he was surprised. "If you don't want to go..." I abruptly got up from the seat. "No, no, I will go." He nodded his head, and his eyes were back on the laptop. Well, my first date plan turned into a disaster; congratulations to me. Things are ok between us, really ok, but at the same time, it feels like they're not.
Isaac was getting ready to travel to Europe to close a deal, and it was a 25-day trip. I thought of tagging along with him, but someone needed to be here to take care of things, so I had to back down. I approached the closet to get ready to give a send-off at the airport. Whenever I open the closet, the first thing that greets me were the rings, which are not in their place. I don't know why I felt a little panic, so I started searching. After a few minutes, I shuffled everything, but I couldn't find them. I turned toward Isaac, who was buttoning his shirt while typing rapidly. "Rings, they are missing," I told him in a panic. He was confused for a moment. "Oh, that, I sold them." He said casually. I felt like someone threw a bucket of hot water on my face, and I was in shock. I was stunned at the spot, opening and closing my mouth, not knowing what to say at that. 'Sold'? He's got to be kidding me. He sold just like that, not even informing me. 'He didn't inform while he bought,' my subconscious mocked me. "Why?" The word barely left my mouth; I was too shocked to speak. It's too hard to digest something like this, 'sold.' "Because I got a good price on those rings, so." He replied, too proud of the profit he gained. My breathing felt heavy, and things really are not how they look at present.
It's been seven months, but we haven't taken any steps on the marriage matter. Oh god, we didn't even speak about the matter till now. I am done chickening out, and he is barely caring about marriage anymore. I need to speak to him; things are fucking not right. He can't just do things so casually, as if it didn't matter. They were our wedding rings, our wedding rings. Yeah, we didn't get married as we were supposed to, but that doesn't mean we won't, right? That was the bloody plan. That's what I told him on that day.
"Isaac," I called him in a most firm voice that I never used on him, especially recently. This needs to be done; things are going out of hand. "We need to talk, and it's important." I made sure to stress every word so that he gets my implication of importance. Sure, he got up as he kept his cell aside and, by crossing his hands over his chest, gave full attention to me. "About marriage," I spoke slowly, and he was confused. God knows why. "What about marriage?" Like seriously. "What do you mean? Our marriage: we never spoke about that after that day. It's been seven months." Still, he was confused. "What's there to talk about?" Please, someone, tell me that he is kidding at the moment. "About marriage, what else?" He is really getting to me. "Ok, talk." I don't know why I went silent at the sentence. I pondered for a while, shaping the words. This is my chance; I can't lose it like before. "Isaac, we should decide on a date and get married. As we had planned before, it's high time." He stared at me without blinking, like really stared. I don't know why I felt nervous seeing that.
We were silent for a few minutes, and he slowly opened his mouth. "We both know at present it's not possible, and I don't think we should pull something like that at present." My throat clogged at that. "What's that supposed to mean? We wanted to get married, right?" He chuckled at that. "You mean, I wanted to get married. Yes, I always wanted to get married, but now things are damn busy, and marriage is not as simple as you are saying. It will be a distraction for the gang, and we can't afford any distraction at present." There was a pit in my stomach. Yeah, he wanted, but I gave in for him. I agreed to it for him, but why is he accusing me right now? "Why are we caring about the gang over our happiness? Besides, we can marry in secret, a simple one, no grand thing needed." I tried to be calm; I need to be calm. I don't have the right to shout or strike him. "Because I am a member and run the gang. Born and brought up as a leader, that's what I was taught from my childhood. I thought I could change that, and emotional support would be bliss in my life. Tying a knot was always the last and ultimate agenda of my life, but I was foolish. People like us should never be involved in those things; it's a nightmare, a barricade, and I learned it the hard way. Look at us; we are happy with how we are. What more do you need? Besides, it's just a label, nothing else. Either way, you are mine, and I am yours. Why shout that to the world, right?" Each word felt like a hard slap to me. Those were my exact words when he kept proposing to me, and I kept rejecting, saying the same thing. I never pondered how he felt about my rejection, not even once. We would make out everything on the bed, and that's it.
How did he react when I rejected him every time? Only once, he rejected, and I felt like dying. And he had proposed to me at least five to six times on random occasions, and without giving a thought, I had rejected him. Only once did he manage to take me off guard and propose to me in front of everyone. I never give a damn about the crowd, and I literally shouted and left the venue fuming. We had discussed, but I never thought he would propose to me in front of everyone. I felt so angry, I blasted him. He was the one who kept saying sorry multiple times, and then things settled between us. After that, he made sure we were the only two of us and kept proposing. I kept rejecting, and the fifth time, I couldn't take it anymore. I just said yes, and on our marriage day, things went south because of me.
I love Isaac so much; I never loved anyone the way I love him, and by closing my eyes, I could die for him. I don't know why I couldn't make up my mind about marriage. I've always had a distaste for life since childhood. I grew up around chaos, and everything sufficed for my thinking about marriage. As I joined Henry at that time, he didn't do a good job; he only poured more. 'You are a good kid; don't get involved in any emotional shit, especially marriage.' 'It will bind and blind you.' 'You are stronger at present and can fight against anyone. You are good this way.' 'Don't listen to my son; he is an emotional fool, like his mother. "You can save Isaac from everything, but binding makes you weak.' I believed each word because he was a living example and strongly led his gang. I didn't ponder; I didn't question, just believed him. Growing up didn't have any good examples, and I was blind.
"I guess you don't want to adopt a kid anymore." He loved kids, and by now, as you know, I loathed the idea. For him, I agreed to adopt only one kid, with the condition that I would not be involved in anything. Douche, right? Guess what? He happily agreed to that condition. Isaac started laughing at that. "In this environment, no way. I gave up on that idea long before." That was my exact reaction when he first told me how much he likes the kid and tried to convince me about adoption. The world around me feels like crumbling at every word coming from Isaac. He has become my reflection, throwing everything back to me.
"I'd better get going; I am getting late." By pecking me, he bid goodbye. Finally, I collapsed on the ground. My leg had given up a few minutes before, but I maintained my posture to save some dignity, that is, if it's left in me.
For the first time, I felt like crying, but I didn't. The repetitive slaps of words were making me dizzy, and I fell back on the ground. Wow, I never knew I was this jerk with him all the damn time. I don't deserve him, but he still chose me and left with me. I don't know what's more heartbreaking than that. I feel nauseous all over; the words were taunting, picking on me, and poking me harder. A tear fell from my eyes. I guess I had worn out too much and couldn't hold myself anymore. I felt drained, words were killing me, and I gave up for the day.
From the next day, I became stoic, replied to everyone with a curt nod, and passed without expressing too many emotions. My behavior was spread among the gang, but no one dared to speak to me, other than Ronnie, but he was not successful. He tried his best, but I shoved him off. I need to be in this misery as much as possible. I couldn't be this way around Isaac; no, I can't, and I would never do that. I would be his Ezra when I am with him, only his. To others, I can be anyone I want; vent it out, let it out. I can't pent up these emotions, as I know the consequences.
Everything went in the same flow that Isaac had set before going to Europe. He was calling and messaging, making sure of everything. I was the same in every way, replying, flirting, and in phone sex too. And deep down, I felt hollow. I guess that this is how it's going to be throughout my life, and I need to embrace it with open arms. That's for my Isaac we are talking about, of course. I am going to endure anything in this life for him.
THE END.