I knew this was coming. It wasn't really a surprise. I was brought to the principal's office after getting into another fight.
This would be my third and final warning. As I was walking towards the principal's office, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that today might be the day I finally got expelled, but I didn't have a choice in the matter.
The walk to the office felt like walking through water. Everything seemed slow and heavy. My hands wouldn't stop trembling, and I kept thinking about Mom's face when she'd get the call. The disappointment. The exhaustion. The way she'd look at me like she didn't even know who I was anymore.
I knew what was coming. Suspension. Maybe even expulsion. But knowing didn't make it any easier to breathe.
"The principal is waiting for you," Amelia said, her voice dripping with attitude.
I didn't respond. What was the point?
"What have you done this time, Gabriana?!" Mr. Bolton asked with that disappointed look.
"I tried to keep it together. It wasn't my fault this time. Monica, Tonya Malone's identical twin sister, started the fight, and I only finished it." My voice wavered, but that wasn't enough to convince the principal.
"I'm sorry, Gabriana, but you leave me with no other option. I'm afraid I'll have to suspend you for an entire week."
I barely understood what he said. It was as if the world suddenly muffled. My head was spinning as I walked out.
"I'll just take my time walking home today," I muttered.
I don't want to face my mother right away, not after what happened.
As I took my sweet time walking home. When I finally arrived, I could already tell that my mother had spoken with the principal. Her face was red, and her jaw clenched tight.
"Get your sorry little butt upstairs right now!" she demanded, her voice cold.
"I'll be up there shortly to have a talk with you," she explained.
I ran upstairs to my room, and buried my face in my pillow as I cried myself to sleep. Only gazing up to read the poem on my night stand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Raining Down Upon Us,
O Lord, how Your love hits me
as it's raining down from above,
washing away the sins of the world
and the deep pain I hold.
O Lord, how it flows inside me,
becoming a river of living water
flowing from the heart of all who believe,
giving new life.
It is a love that never passes away,
here today and tomorrow.
A fountain never running dry,
falling freely from the sky.
Ever flowing, flowing, flowing
like a river without end,
endless and deep,
just like You.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's so easy to be positive when life is going perfectly but at this time I can't find anything positive.
Unlike the other times, I really was innocent this time. Monica had started it when she spat on me. And she threw the first punch. Yet somehow, I was the one being punished. Yet again.
I waited, my heart pounding, as I imagined what would happen next. I could already hear my mom walking up the stairs. Slow. Deliberate. I quickly wiped my face, trying to compose myself, as I sat up in bed. My hands were already shaking.
The door opened. And there she was, my mom, her face a storm of emotions: anger, disappointment, exhaustion, and something else I couldn't quite name. Fear, maybe?
"Gabriana Marie Teagarden," she started, her voice low and controlled, which was somehow worse than if she'd been yelling.
"Do you have any idea what it's like to get that call? To hear that my daughter has been suspended for an entire week for fighting in the cafeteria?!"
I replied, "Mother, this time it wasn't my fault if you would only listen..."
"It's never your fault now, is it?!" She cut me off, her voice rising now.
"It's never your fault when you get into trouble at school. It's never your fault when I get called by the principal's office. Do you know how many times I've had to apologize for your behavior this semester alone?!"
Tears sprang to my eyes once again.
"But Mom, Monica started it!" I stated.
"I don't care who started it!" Mom shouted, and I flinched. She never shouted, not like this.
"I raised you better than this! I raised you to walk away, to be the bigger person, and handle conflict with grace and dignity. Not to brawl in the cafeteria like some common street fighter!"
"You don't understand!" I cried out.
"You don't understand what it's been like at that school! The way they treat me, the way they look at me!"
"Then talk to me, sweetheart!" Mom's voice cracked, filled with genuine concern and frustration.
"Talk to me instead of getting into fights! I'm your mother, Gabriana. I'm supposed to help, and protect you, but I can't do that if you keep shutting me out and making these horrible choices!"
She sat down on my bed, her anger seeming to deflate into something sadder.
"Listen to me," she said, her voice softer but no less serious.
"I have tried to be patient with you. God knows I have tried. But this can't continue. You have forced my hands, and now I have no choice but to send you away to Saint Catherine's Catholic boarding school. Do you understand what I'm saying!?"
My heart dropped. "What!? No, Mom, please don't do that! I'll change and be better next time! I promise, just don't send me away!" I declared.
"I don't want to send you away," she continued, and tears filled her eyes too.
"You are my baby girl, Gabriana. You are all I have left in this world. But I can't watch you destroy yourself like this. I can't watch you throw away your future because you're angry at the world."
"I'm not angry at the world!" I protested, even though we both knew it was a lie.
Mom held me close and looked so deeply at me, and I saw the exhaustion in her eyes. The weight of everything she'd been carrying since Dad had died. The loneliness, the financial stress, the worry about me. And that's when I realized, I wasn't making it any easier for her to bear.
"I've had it up to here with you! This was your last and final chance to change your nasty behavior!" she explained before quietly standing up.
"Pack up your belongings, darling, you're going to Saint Catherine's Boarding School! It's not because I don't love you, but because I love you too much and sometimes love means making these hard choices."
She walked out the door, then paused.
"I love you, baby. But this behavior of yours has to stop, and it will stop right now!"
The door closed behind her with a soft click as I recalled this bible verse.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
"For your sake, we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35-39, NIV)
After my mother's lecture, I packed up my belongings. I wanted to get away from this house as soon as possible, so I called up my two closest friends from school, Amanda and Braxten.
"I can't take it any longer, I'm running away tonight. Meet me at Brandell West Park so we can hang out one last time," I typed, then deleted it, then typed it again. My thumb hovered over send.
Then I pressed it before I could change my mind.
I decided to sneak out of the house later that night after my mother went to bed. I left through my bedroom window.
That night, the air was cold, colder than it should have been for this time of year. I pulled my jacket tighter around me as I walked, my breath forming small clouds in the darkness. The street lights seemed dimmer than usual, casting long, eerie shadows that stretched across the pavement like grasping fingers.
I'd snuck out about twenty minutes ago after climbing down from my bedroom window like some character in a movie. Part of me felt ridiculous. Part of me felt liberated. And part of me just felt scared; of Mom discovering I was gone, of what would happen if she did it, felt like everything was falling apart in my world.
The park was still a few blocks away. The streets were mostly empty; a few cars passed by, and an occasional person patrolled the neighborhood. Everything seemed normal, but there was something in the air that made my skin prickle. Maybe it was just my nerves. Maybe it was guilt. Or maybe it was something else entirely.
That's when I felt it; the sensation of being watched. I glanced over my shoulder, but saw nothing; just the empty street behind me, the dim lights, the shadows. I kept walking, but faster this time as my heart started to race.
There I spotted it momentarily within my peripheral vision. A shadow that didn't quite match the others, darker somehow, more solid. It was following me, matching my pace, staying just out of clear view. Every time I looked directly at it, it seemed to melt into the darkness between the buildings.
My breath became faster. This was stupid. I should never have snuck out. What was I thinking? As I recalled the news reports that talked about Legion as they flashed through my mind, the destroyed lives, people running in terror, and the warnings that advised us to stay indoors. And here I was, walking alone at night like some idiot.
I looked back again, and this time I saw it clearly: a tall figure dressed in dark clothing, hood pulled up, dark fox face moving with an unnatural smoothness that made my blood run cold. It was closer now, much closer, closing the distance between me with impossible speed.
I ran. Not jogging, not walking fast; full-on sprinting filled with terror. My bag bounced against my back, my shoes slapping the pavement. I could see the park entrance up ahead. I could make out Amanda and Braxton standing under a streetlight near the swings, talking and laughing, completely unaware.
Behind me, I could hear footsteps now; heavy, deliberate, getting closer. My lungs burned, my legs ached, but I didn't dare to slow down.
"Amanda! Braxton!" I screamed, my voice high and panicked.
They both whipped around, their expressions shifting from surprise to alarm as they saw me running toward them. As I skidded to a stop beside them, gasping for air, my hands on my knees.
"Dark fox-girl... dark hooded figure... she has been following me!" I managed to get out between breaths.
"There was a dark hooded figure in the shadows that looked like a fox-girl, and she was chasing after me."
Amanda seemed puzzled but immediately moved to stand in front of me, her fists raised, her body tense. Braxton stepped beside her, scanning the darkness behind us with narrowed eyes.
"You sure it was a fox-girl? Where is she at now?!" he demanded.
I pointed back the way I'd come, but the street was empty now. No figure, no shadow, nothing. Just the dim lights and the quiet night. But I knew what I'd seen. Maybe not a fox-girl, but I knew what I'd felt.
"There was someone," I insisted, my voice still shaking. "I know what I saw. Or... I think I know. It was dark, and I was scared, but she was real. The way she moved... it wasn't normal."
As we stood there, alert and ready, eyes searching the shadows. The wind picked up, rustling the leaves in the nearby trees, and I could feel goosebumps rising on my arms that had nothing to do with the cold.
Then, from the darkness beyond the park entrance, a voice called out. Not threatening, but somehow that made it worse.
"Sorry about that, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm the director at a runaway house for teenagers like yourself who feel life has been unfair to them. I would be more than happy to give you and your friends a flyer that explains everything we offer," said Kendrix in a soft and carrying voice.
"That's all right. I don't have anywhere else to stay tonight," I said, still trying to shake off what I'd seen, or thought I'd seen; chasing me through the dark.
But part of me wondered if maybe I'd wanted to see something. I needed to see something. Because the alternative; that I was just running away from my problems like a coward, was too hard to face.
"I'm glad to hear that I appeared to have misplaced those flyers I told you about," said Kendrix as she led us away from the park entrance towards the Runaway House.