"Hello there," said the femgay.
"Get away before I shape-shift your face with my fist... Dan," I replied disgustingly as I looked behind to see that feminine dude.
*Bam!*
Tsunade suddenly punched my chest softly. "Don't be like this, it's rude!" she said with a tick mark on her forehead.
"You be quiet and go back to sleep, this fucker has been eyeing our asses for sometime now." I replied to her with a frown on my face, which made her grit her teeth.
Then I stared at this guy who had pale-blue hair that reached his back and dark green eyes, wearing the standard Konoha shinobi outfit of that time, complete with a forehead protector and the pocket-less flak jacket.
'My senses tell me to cripple him beyond recognition right here, right now, before he becomes trouble later,' I thought with a dangerous glint in my eyes as I observed the awkward dude.
"Ahha haha... ha, I just saw you from afar and wanted to greet you, that's all!" he said and laughed awkwardly while scratching the back of his head in embarrassment, which made me cringe.
I stared at him in silence for some moments, which made him feel even more embarrassed, before I suddenly said without much expression, "You look like a girl."
*Bam.*
"Be nice!" Tsunade yelled as she punched my chest this time lightly and then she jumped out of my arms and stood beside me with an angry face.
"Just pure truth." I replied nonchalantly while glaring at Dan.
"Still, that's not how someone should speak. He is just greeting us. Why are you like this?!" she cried with her arms crossed.
"Correction: he is greeting us... suspiciously!" I replied as I looked at the confused and embarrassed Dan with narrowed eyes.
"He just wants to be friends!" she said.
"Suspiciously so!" I replied.
"He has always been nice, and you call him by names all the time!" she said.
"Not my fault. His sissy ass simply asks for it!" I replied with a shrug.
"Now you are doing it again!" she yelled.
"But I am right." I retorted.
"Even if you were right, you shouldn't just say things!" she yelled.
"Aha! So you agree!" I smirked.
"No I don't!"
"You sure?"
"... yes!"
"Don't lie to yourself."
"..."
Seeing Tsunade going silent, I turned my attention back to Dan who had an awkward smile and a few veins twitching on his forehead.
"Hey you." I called.
"Yes?" Dan replied.
"Are you sent by Hiruzen and Danzo?" I asked with my eyes narrowed.
"..." Dan went silent for a second, surprised and didn't expect the straightforward question.
"See? He went quite for exactly 1.4 seconds, his lips tightened by a millimeter, and his eyes narrowed by a 0.5 millimeter. If I had doubts previously, now I am sure he is sent by that cyclops and monkey!" I said to Tsunade with a smirk.
"Hey at least let me reply before jumping into conclusio–"
"Hmmm you might actually be onto something Garou." Tsunade interrupted Dan and said with narrowed eyes suddenly.
"Wait! No–"
"I am telling you girl! This wannabe woman has been tailing us for a month now and desperately wants to be our friend or some shit. If not for you, I would have sent his gay ass to the shadow realm long ago."
"Ahh..." Dan at this point was just opening his mouth and closing it like a fish.
"Why would sensei send him to befriend us though?" Tsunade with confusion.
"Why else? So when a time comes I or you go outside, they will kill the dude in front of us to give us trauma." I replied and Tsunade raised an eyebrow.
"But why though?" She asked.
"Why else? Danzo wants to be a Hokage, and Hiruzen wants the Senjus to become weaker so he could have more freedom to choose his own designated puppet Hokage when he retires. A weaker Tsunade and Senjus, a better control." I said everything in front of Dan which made both of their eyes go wide.
"Please Garou-san, don't accuse the Hokage and elder Danzo like that, it's a crime–"
"Shut your trap Dan! Your voice is annoying!" I gave a disgusted look at the guy who was internally fuming right now.
"That's impossible! Sensei isn't that kind of man!" Tsunade denied immediately.
He is, and far worse.
Honestly, I just wanted to give a scare to those two fuckers through Dan.
Whatever they are planning, they should know that I am aware of their little schemes, which in the process will make them cautious and take some steps back.
"How many times do I need to tell you not to trust even your own grandmother Tsunade? This world is fucked up, and this village is the center of all the fuckery that's going on." I said.
"..." ×2
Now that I think about it, I really should create my very own faction in this world. I can't just depend on outside support like this. I only have Gintoki trustable enough to not betray me if shit hits the fan.
My clan is as good as gone, but that doesn't mean I can't just build a new one.
There are ways...
Maybe I will ask Gintoki to become a sperm donor and hire hundreds of women to get pregnant with Hatake children?
Will Gintoki agree though?
If he doesn't agree, I will throw in some cash at him. And if he still doesn't agree for his balls to be used for the greater community, I will just throw more cash at the problem until he agrees.
As Karl Max says: From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.
Gintoki's sperm is a national treasure for Hatakes right now, and he doesn't have the right to keep it to himself.
My mom may have problems with this solution to rebuild our clan, but... she ain't exactly right in the mind right now because of her dementia.
Thoughts for later.
"Wanna make a bet?" I laughed ominously as I watched Dan on the sidelines sweat as he observed our interaction.
"Bet?!" Tsunade exclaimed with her eyes widened, and a glint appeared in her eyes instantly.
"Yes, a bet," I replied.
"About what?!" Her expression shifted, and she excitedly asked about the details, completely forgetting about the previous matter instantly.
I grabbed her hand and slowly walked away from Dan. "Dan is gay. Even if he isn't gay, he will become one either willingly or by force. If I come out right, then I win. If I come out wrong then you win and I will become your butler for one month and do whatever you say." I said with a wide grin that sent chills down the spine of Dan and made the blood completely drain from his face.
"W...wa...wait, I... didn't accept to any of th–"
"DEAL!!! Prepare to lose!!" she yelled excitedly, which made me even more excited, and Dan became white as a sheet and wore an expression of disbelief, as if regretting ever crossing our path.
As we walked away, I turned around and stared at the stupid figure of Dan, who was trembling uncontrollably from fear, with my grin still plastered on, and raised my middle finger at him.
"You can never un-fuck yourself from this one... Dan! Tell Danzo that he is a sissy bitch also." I said menacingly.
"W...w...wait, p...please no!" we heard Dan stutter, but we just ignored it and continued on our way.
Now that the bet is already on, there's no way Tsunade won't lose.
That means Dan will become gae soon one way or another!
Bets with Tsunade in this world is like vowing or some shit with fate like those cultivation novels. It's a sacred process, and very rarely the world let's Tsunade win for some reason, which for some reason the wins feel like prophecies that something bad will happen.
'Besides, he is already on my slaughter list, so him becoming inevitably gay soon will raise his head to my top three biggest targets to slice open! One less gay is one less possibility for HIV and STDS to spread in this world.' I thought again with a content smile as I couldn't help but imagine that day coming soon.
The dude was becoming more clingy, trying so hard to get close to us for some time now, and I clearly knew for a fact that his intentions were not good. So I didn't let Tsunade get close to him that much, even though he sometimes got the chance to be around her when I wasn't around, and that's what pissed me off the most.
He needed to be crippled beyond recognition. Stephen Hawking style.
"By the way, what do you want if you win the bet?" Tsunade asked eagerly as she wrapped her arm in mine.
"If I win, then you will have to become my personal maid for a month!" I said, clearly excited to see Tsunade in a maid outfit.
'So he loves maids. Noted!' Unbeknownst to me, Katsuyu was listening and noting down anything about me for who knows why.
After some time, we reached and stopped in front of a traditional Japanese house I had bought a long time ago for us to spend time in private if we wanted.
We went inside and opened the door to the house, then lit the lamps to be greeted by the aroma of tatami mats, shoji screens that were ethereal and delicate, fusuma doors, low-slung furniture, and modest yet artfully designed décor that graced the tatami-covered floor.
"We're home." ×2
"Ahhh, finally! I am so tired!" Tsunade tiredly said and slumped on the couch.
"I will go wash myself. Can you cook something until I finish?" I said and removed my tattered clothes slowly until I was in my underwear.
"Yeah," she replied while ogling my body with her intense stare, which made me shake my head as I started heading toward the bathroom.
After some time in the bathroom, with the hot water ready to use, I went inside the wooden tub and found solace in the water's warmth. Eyes closed, I let the steaming water wash away the day's stress.
*Creeek.*
*SWOOOSHHHHHHH!!*
But it seemed I couldn't fucking relax, because I didn't even have time to turn around and look at the door as a fucking literal naked ass was sitting on my dic– in the water with me the next moment.
"Got you!!" the devil said.
"I am going home!" I replied as I tried to stand up calmly.
*Bam, splashhh!*
I was immediately bulldozed under two pairs of heavenly boobs, arms, and legs that hugged me tightly like a snake with chakra covering them, not letting me move. "You are not going anywhere. You will fuck me right here, right now!" she yelled.
I stared at her with my jaw jutted forward unpleasantly. "I'mma go home. My mom has dementia, and she needs help!" I said nervously with some sweat coming down my head as I looked at her lustful gaze intensifying by the second.
"I don't give a shit!" she replied furiously.
*Bite!*
"Aghh, shit!"
She bit my muscular neck and started to suck it hard, which made me wince and a shiver go down my body.
*Splash, splash!*
She moved like a snake around my body, making the hot water splash around. "T...this is wrong on so many levels. I need to go!" I shyly said, which made Tsunade grin evilly and made me feel more nervous, my hands trembling as I tried hard to stand up, which was futile.
"Hooo, this is new! Are you shy, little Garou?" she whispered in my ear and then kissed my eyes.
"..."
"Didn't know you had this side of you. Should have tried this sooner, I guess!" she added, then kissed and licked every inch of my face, which made me freak out as I was very sensitive to touch, and her sexy touches couldn't help my situation either, other than elevate my weird feelings further.
I stared at her amber eyes with shadows hiding my own. "I need to–" I tried to get out again, but I didn't have time to finish what I was about to say because...
The world for the first time in my life felt as if I was on the clouds. Blood flowed to my mind in gallons, and my body started to break through its bottleneck at last.
The world began to spin and move as I felt what was in the universe and beyond the cosmos in a fraction of a second. Everything else didn't matter anymore at this point... my will, my nonexistent dreams, my everything didn't matter anymore.
All because I was ascending to a higher plane of existence at this moment.
I looked down at Tsunade who grabbed my little junior with my eyes about to come out of their sockets in shock.
Even my Indomitable Will couldn't handle the pressure and threw itself out the window.
"Es esto real?" I even forgot Japanese.
"Hehe~" She giggled as she looked at my pathetic reactions.
I immediately came out of my enlightenment, composed myself and reverse-attacked.
I didn't care anymore about morals and ethics anymore, so I got ready to breed her senseless.
*Splash, splash, bam!*
I went on offense and got on top with her legs in a W in a second without giving her time to react!
My eyes turning bloodshot, my body twitching and getting ready to make baby monsters.
So without mercy, I started the process.
Water Stream Tsunade Smashing Hips: Pleasure Shigans.
"KYAHHHHHHH!! HELP, HELP!! GET AWAY, YOU MONSTER! THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS!!" she started to cry for help the next moment as I didn't give her a chance to get ready and claimed her virginity immediately.
*Paw, paw, paw, paw ×1000!!*
"NOOOOOOOO!!"
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
The End.
[Porn is a goyslope. Whoever watches that shit is a 24-karat goy. So there won't be Segs beyond this shit. Why would I even bother writing about the dih of another dude going at it? Gay asf!]
[Btw, unlike Miller, Garou is lgbtq and shit 'phobic' as you already know. Hate him or love him, idc, but bro is just built like that.]