Since I arrived in this world, dreams were a mystery to me. This body was very imaginative, but I couldn't remember a single dream.
I didn't think it was completely bad, first because sleep was merely an energy-saving tool for me, and gems didn't actually need sleep.
Besides, if I had a nightmare and it affected my subconscious, I could lose control of my emotions and end up making fatal mistakes, such as revealing my identity or destabilizing my gem.
So things like dreams were, from a pragmatic and rational point of view, dispensable in my circumstances.
Or that's what I thought.
But what was this situation that I found myself in now?
When I opened my eyes, a large, endless green field stretched to where my eyes could no longer see. Above, a kind of sun could be seen; I could feel "heat" on my skin and also the sensation of the grass itching my bare feet.
I could smell the damp earth that, when I contracted my toes, left light marks there.
I looked at my hand illuminated in the sunlight. I observed the knuckles of my fingers, the lines of my palms, the pink nails, and the shadow it cast, almost as if someone who had never seen it before had suddenly begun to see it and was fascinated by every tiny detail.
I crouched down and touched the grass with my fingers. I felt its smooth, slightly sticky texture. When tearing off a piece, a stronger smell of plants filled my nose.
I stared in a daze at the patch of grass.
Somehow, my senses had returned.
Vision came to me effortlessly. I didn't need to calculate frames per second in my mind or use dark energy to sense my surroundings.
I could smell scents, even if just the typical smell of grass and damp earth. I could feel the heat, the texture of the grass, my tongue touching my palate, my teeth touching each other, the air coming out of my nostrils and filling my lungs.
I felt my heart beating faster than normal. I could hear the wind hitting my ears and the discomfort of my knees rubbing against the grass.
Everything happened naturally and effortlessly. But at the same time, something inside me said that none of it was real.
As if this grass were something I had walked on before, as if the warmth on my skin were a distant memory. Nothing was very clear, but it was within what I would expect it to look like.
A mental world, something created from memories but fundamentally formless, was the origin of this place.
"What are the principles of this...?"
My thoughts came without me noticing, making me widen my eyes in surprise, as if I weren't used to hearing the soft, soprano voice that came from my own throat.
I touched my throat in discomfort. For the first time in a while, I was experiencing this body properly. But without the distraction of having to create some means of escape, it made me even more aware of my current appearance.
And naturally, this discomfort started to grow.
The alienation of my voice, in contrast to my mental image, made me feel nauseous, as if the memories of my past life were, for a moment, in conflict.
I tried to get up, but due to the strange sense of gravity and my lack of habit in walking, I fell to the ground.
Seeing the grass getting closer and closer to my face, I quickly narrowed my eyes and tried to protect my head with my arms.
But the fall was inevitable. I felt small rocks scratch my arms, the dirt rubbing against my knee and opening wounds, and the dirt collecting in my hair after I rolled into an awkward posture.
My lips and eyes twitched like a baby about to be born, and the serious expression I maintained turned into one of extreme pain, the greatest pain I had ever felt, or so it seemed.
"That hurts!"
Tears fell from my eyes unreservedly as I covered my knees with my arms. Streaks of blood leaked out in small drops as I shielded them from the strange feeling of air touching the wounds.
The smell of iron on my hands and the uncomfortable earth in my hair were extremely unpleasant, as if I had gone from heaven to hell in a minute.
"Sniff... Ugh... It hurts... grandma..."
I held my knees, crying, trying to contain the pain. I didn't know how much time passed like this, but at some point, the pain disappeared.
When I looked at my knee again, there was no wound; the dirt was gone from my hair, and my clothes were clean as if nothing had happened.
It was then that I learned a tendency of this mental world: the tendency to return to its natural state. It was like a force, like gravity, trying to enforce a certain pattern.
"..."
I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood up carefully, using both hands on the ground for support.
After standing, I touched my damp cheeks and felt the salty taste of my own tears. At the same time, a feeling of heat appeared on my face.
Shame and humiliation at my own behavior made my fists clench tightly, and my face contort.
I felt like blowing up this place like Super Drill after being betrayed by Little Drill and declaring revenge. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to fly or blow up buildings; all I could do was curse helplessly.
"Stupid garden..."
Even though I knew the garden in question wasn't to blame, I couldn't help but curse.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves, which had become overly sensitive due to the prolonged deprivation.
My expression returned to normal, and I began analyzing this place in detail.
An endless expanse of grass stretched out before me, constantly swaying north in a perfect loop. It felt like a looping GIF, lacking any real originality. If you looked closely, the artificial nature of this simulated environment became obvious.
My body still carried the effects of Transmutation. My skin was pale, and my hair remained dark. There was no sign of a gem on my forehead. However, I didn't seem to have access to my abilities here, as if something were blocking them.
It felt strange, yet at the same time completely logical. If my powers were active in this space, I would be suffering from overload. Instead of complaining about a scraped knee, I would be on the verge of a mental breakdown.
"But how does it work?"
If this space could reproduce my senses, how could I make use of it? Perhaps the key to my recovery lay within this simulated environment.
If I could block these abilities, I would do so without hesitation. What was the point of having incredible skills in analyzing and manipulating matter if, in the end, they forced me to sacrifice everything that brought me pleasure and mental stability?
Given the chance, I would gladly abandon these powers I never asked for. Still, I doubted such an opportunity would come without complications.
I let out a tired sigh and lay down on the grass. My white dress and hair lifted slightly in the gentle breeze. Everything seemed peaceful, yet my eyes did not reflect the satisfaction I expected.
Maybe it was because I knew this calm wouldn't last. Or maybe it was the artificial nature of this place. Either way, something in my mind refused to relax, no matter how serene everything appeared.
I raised my right hand toward the blue sky and stared at it blankly.
That same sensation from the amusement park returned. A larger, less delicate hand seemed to overlap my own. During the first few days, I had simply accepted it, as if it were too absurd to fully process.
There had always been more important things to worry about. I pushed the thought aside, focusing on recovery, laughing at my failed experiments, behavior that often bordered on insanity.
But now, after finally achieving those goals at such a high cost, after gaining some stability with the Maheswarans and partially controlling those impulsive thoughts, this space had resolved my biggest concern: recovering my senses. And in doing so, it forced me to confront parts of myself I could no longer ignore.
Without worries about my body, the plot, misunderstandings, or anything else, I felt strangely empty.
"When did I become like this?"
I stared at my hands. I didn't want to admit it, but they were becoming more and more familiar.
"And what am I so afraid of?"
My inability to accept my situation felt completely irrational. Why worry about things beyond my control? There was no point in regretting what had already happened.
My family, my friends, my job, everything had disappeared so suddenly. I hadn't even had time to process it.
"I wonder if my grandmother is still alive. When I left, she was already heavily dependent on the hospital and showing signs of Alzheimer's. I'm afraid she may have already followed the same path as me."
"My online friends probably have no idea that I died. In a couple of years, they'll have forgotten me."
"School friends... I was never a great student, and I don't even remember their names."
My hands finally fell, surrendering to gravity. The sunlight touched my eyes as they slowly closed in quiet contemplation.
"Was this really the life I missed so much?"
I felt a certain attachment to those memories, but how much of it was real?
"It's a shame I can't see those memories in a tangible form."
If I could, maybe I would finally understand how much they truly meant to me, instead of being stuck with these conflicting feelings.
With that small thought, something in this world suddenly changed.
Everything froze, as if time itself had stopped. The gentle wind turned cold. The bright sun in the sky cracked and shattered like a broken mirror, and with it, all the light in this world vanished.
There was no warmth left, only a hollow, oppressive silence.
"What?"
My senses snapped into alertness at the sudden shift, but it still felt too early to react.
In the distance, a small hill began to form, and atop it, a tiny tree sprouted. At first, it was no bigger than my hand, but it quickly began to grow.
Soon, it was several times taller than my body. Branches of different colors spread outward, and as the tree grew, the life drained from the surrounding grass. It was as if the tree was consuming all the energy in this place just to exist.
As if this space were trying to fulfill my wishes.
My eyes froze as the realization hit me.
And there was no way to ignore it.
A certain episode began to replay in my mind.
The Crystal Gems had a habit of leaving Steven alone for long periods, which led him to spend hours playing a single game, even skipping sleep just to reach the end. But at the final moment, the Gems returned with a strange artifact capable of emitting powerful sound waves. They accidentally activated it and ended up breaking the TV that was playing the final cutscene.
Already frustrated, Steven wished for a place of his own, somewhere he could be at peace. His desire was so strong that it opened his mother's room. Tired of everything, he ran inside.
That room could fulfill any of his wishes, limited only by his own experiences. It couldn't create anything truly new and often repeated itself.
A room that was opened only a handful of times in the entire show.
My body trembled as a terrible possibility formed in my mind.
"Where the hell am I...?"
The origin of this place was far more complicated than I had thought.
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Author's note
Please help with stones and comments. I love to read them heheh. This chapter follows a shorter model; the chapters became more compact and concise. This is good for me because I can plan shorter and more impactful arcs and use the evil cliffhangers! Just kidding.
I hope you liked it 🍪
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